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xp_logsMarie's homecoming, set Sunday afternoon. Much has changed, but the important things seem to have remained the same.
Marie woke up at the outskirts of Meridian and they rented a hotel room. She showered and changed and then Logan showered while she curled up on the bed and drank strong, bitter coffee from the cafe across the street, staring out the window at the wind-tossed trees.
"Y'need t'do anything more t'get ready?" Logan leaned in the doorway to the bathroom towelling off his hair. "Y'need t'eat."
"I couldn't."
"Y'can drink that stuff and y'can't eat?" He raised an eyebrow, looking at the cup in her hand.
"Never said I made sense." She drained the cup and threw it in the garbage.
"No, no y'didn't," he admitted. He bent to kiss her when he came to get his clothes out of the suitcase beside her on the bed. "Are y'okay?"
"I don't know yet." Marie got up and grabbed her toothbrush out of the suitcase. "I'll be ready to go in a minute."
They drove to her parents house in silence, Logan refering to the map she'd drawn him on a sticky note and stuck to the dashboard of the rental car instead of asking her which streets to take. Marie tried not to fidget and instead counted the changes she could recognize in her old neighborhood since she'd left. More than once she wondered if she should have put on something nicer but the truth was she didn't want to be anything other than herself going home. Jeans and blouse would have to do.
She straightened the seams of her pale pink gloves automatically, a nervous gesture, then looked out the window again. The street was so familiar it brought tears to her eyes and she was struck, not for the first time, by what a priviledged life she'd had in the past. Logan parked a block away and when they got out of the car, he took her hand in his.
"You don't have to come with me," she said, almost automatically. He didn't, no matter how much she might want him to. He gave her that look that said "stop bein' ridiculous" better than words could.
"Stop bein' like that. I wanna be here." With you.
She'd been close in her translation and it made her smile. "Sorry." Logan shook his head at her and without thinking she apologized again. "Sorry..."
Logan sighed and pulled her close, wrapping one arm around her. "'M not goin' anywhere." He pointed at a pale yellow house with white trim set behind a white picket fence and guarded by a green lawn and gardens just starting to bloom. "That it?" He recognized it from her description of it in the past. It was, as she'd said, almost perfect.
Marie nodded. "That's it." She checked her watch and looked for the cars in the drive, seeing only one. "They're still at church. We can wait on the porch." They sat on the porch swing and Marie put her head on Logan's shoulder and closed her eyes, trying not to let nervousness overwhelm her.
Logan looked down at her with a frown, his senses picking up the fear that she hid so well from everyone else. He didn't like not being able to do more than help her up after she'd been hurt, didn't like being stuck with the damage control when he'd rather get between her and what hurt, but he didn't have a choice. He kissed the top of her head, smelling the familiar scents of her hair and shampoo over the blooming shrubs and trees around the house.
The car pulled into the drive about ten minutes later, a new car that Marie didn't recognize, sleek and silver. The silhouettes in the front seat were familiar, though; Daddy behind the wheel and Mama in the passenger seat. They got out, looking so neat and tidy in their church clothes, and were walking up the path to the porch, Mama's hand tucked in the crook of Daddy's arm, talking, when Daddy saw her.
They were shocked, yes, but Marie was barely to the last step of the porch when Daddy's arms were around her and she was swung through the air in a tight hug that left her breathless.
"You came home, baby girl," he said in her ear, careless of her mutation.
"Careful, Daddy." Marie hugged him back and he let her down again but didn't let her go. He'd gotten older since she'd left, the silver shone in his hair and there were lines around his eyes and mouth that she didn't remember, and they weren't lines that deepened when he smiled.
"Child..." Mama sounded almost exasperated. "Tore, let her go," she ordered Daddy. "In the house, both of you, and your friend too, Marie." Mama tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear, smoothing them back into the neat twist she wore her hair in on Sundays. "Don't make a scene out here." Her voice was firm and practical but there were tears in her eyes and she put her arm around Marie's shoulders as Tore ushered them all into the house.
"Mamaw's going to be here in a half hour," Mama warned once they were all in the kitchen, letting go of Marie to put the coffee pot on. "Sit down, child. You too," she said briskly, looking over her shoulder at Logan. "Marie, introduce your friend."
It was so familiar, so home, that it made Marie's head spin. "Logan, this is my mama, Sharon, and my daddy, Tore. Mama, Daddy, this is Logan."
"Good to meet you," Tore shook Logan's hand firmly. He was a well-groomed older man who looked comfortable in the well-tailored suit he wore though his hands were callussed from manual labour. "Thanks for bringing our little girl home. Have a seat," he pointed to the chairs around the kitchen table. "Sharon'll get you a coffee in a minute."
"Nice t'meet you too." Logan looked over at Marie to see how she was and aside from being a little pale, she seemed to be holding up. "But I didn't bring'er home. She did that herself. I just drove where she told me t'drive." He took a seat in the corner, getting comfortable, and gave Marie a reassuring smile.
"Where have you been?" Sharon said, putting a stack of plates out on the island in the kitchen for setting the table for lunch. "Marie, where did you go?" She looked so much like Marie it was a little eerie. Her hair was a more subdued shade of auburn and she was smaller and softer, at least externally, but the similarities were all there, including her tendancy to get to the point as soon as possible. Tore sat down and patted his knee and Marie sat down in his lap so he could put an arm around her as though he were afraid she'd flee if given a chance.
Marie bit her lip and looked over at Logan, who gave her a sympathetic look and nodded. She couldn't tell them the whole story, but she could tell them most of it. She started to talk, interrupted occasionally by her parents' questions, making no effort to disguise her omissions. They didn't press about the things she didn't say but it was obvious that Sharon didn't miss anything and one could see her cataloguing things away in her mind for later investigation. It was nerve-wracking at points, trying to be honest without telling them too much, and there were times Marie wanted to blurt things out and cry on her daddy's shoulder, but she retained her composure and kept going, telling them what she could.
Almost a half hour later, when Sharon was refilling coffee cups and Marie was scolding her father mildly for putting too much sugar in his, Sharon said, "Y'all are staying for lunch." It wasn't a question or a request, it was a statement, just short of being an order.
"Yes, Mama," Marie said almost automatically, moving the sugar bowl out of her father's reach and taking away his spoon. Once she'd spoken, she realized that she'd been agreeing for both of them and she looked over to see Logan shrug.
"Guess we're stayin' then," he said quietly and nodded at her. Sharon gave them both a sharp look and then, coming to some conclusion, turned back to preparing lunch.
"Mamaw's here," Tore said at the sound of cars in the drive. The engines turned off and a moment later there was thumping and then a huge slam as the screen door at the front of the house flew open. The thunder of small feet filled the house as six children, ranging in age from eleven to two came thundering in at full tilt. Sharon snagged the two-year old by the back of the overalls as he shot into the kitchen, before he crashed into anything, and swung him out of the way to sit by Logan's feet, balancing a tray of preserves easily in the other hand.
"Y'all slow down," she ordered.
There was the usual chirping of juvenile disclaimers and adult voices joined the clamour as Mamaw and two women who could only be Sharon's sisters made their way back to the kitchen. A slouching, slightly sullen teenaged boy and a girl who looked like a younger version of Marie set to sorting out the younger cousins. The noise only increased as Marie's aunts, one with a burbling baby on her hip, spotted her and descended on her immediately with tears and hugs, and Mamaw demanded to know what was going on, scolding Tore for not telling people anything.
Logan looked down at the two year old who was getting to his feet, hampered by the fact that he had a toy car clutched in each hand. For the moment he seemed the quietest of the lot; a serious, sturdy little brown-eyed man in overalls and t-shirt and sandals, with his blonde hair cut like Christopher Robin's. "Car?" he offered generously, holding one out to Logan.
"Thanks." Logan held his hand out and the little boy put the car in it and then began driving the other on Logan's leg. There was evidently some subterfuge involved in the sharing because having one hand free made it easier to climb into Logan's lap when the car ran out of leg to drive on. He leaned back and let the boy get up, and then the car continued up his chest.
"That's Lexy." The oldest girl was watching them, the baby on her hip now. "You want me to take him?"
"Nah," Logan handed Lexy the other car when the boy made a grab for it. "We're good."
"Okay." She sounded a little skeptical. "If he hits, he's gotta go down. He's having a Stage."
Logan looked up at the girl, amused. "I'll keep it in mind." His amusement didn't go over well, apparently. She flipped her braids back with a toss of her head and turned her back on him, calling for some of the other children to come set the table.
"They start 'em young here, don't they?" Logan said to Lexy, who was making himself comfortable in Logan's lap and shoving the cars across the table. One of them crashed into Logan's coffee cup and overturned while the other zipped on, unimpeded.
"Oh no!" Lexy said without a hint of actual concern. "A 'tastafee." He looked up at Logan for approval.
One hand on his cup to keep it steady, Logan nodded. "Just about. Y'spill that on Sharon's nice, clean table an' I think it will be."
"Yah." Lexy pointed to the other car, which had gone beyond his reach. "M'car!"
"Don't let it go then," Logan chided, but retrieved it.
Lexy repeated the shoving process, sending it further this time, then gave Logan an utterly guileless look. "M'car?"
"Do it again, y'aint gettin' it back." Logan handed the car back to Lexy and the two of them locked gazes for a long moment. The little boy's jaw was set stubbornly and he scowled fiercely. Logan, unable to resist, scowled back. Lexy's eyes widened and he sighed deeply, defeated.
"'Kay." Lexy pointed his cars toward each other and staged a head-on collision, then nodded. "Not 'gain."
Lunch was organized chaos, served in the dining room at a table that easily seated all sixteen of them. Mama had done the usual big Sunday lunch that included homemade macaroni and cheese and ham and tons of other food. The leftovers would go home with people and be eaten out of the fridge by husbands or teenagers later that night. Only the fact that she'd spent over a year at the school kept Marie from feeling overwhelmed by it all. When she'd been home, it had felt so natural. Now she realized what a huge family she had and how incredible busy and noisy they all were, and this was just two of the sisters on Mama's side here today, with two of the kids from one of her uncles. Indy, the baby, sat in his highchair, smacking pieces of macaroni into the tray and licking the scraps off of his fingers. Sibyl, who was thirteen now and who remembered Marie well, was sitting beside her, chattering about choir and church and absently putting fresh scoops of food on Indy's tray while she talked.
Lexy had insisted on sitting next to Logan, with Mamaw on the other side, and was presently involved in avoiding Mamaw's attempts to make him eat a slice of pickled beet. With typical two year old logic, he wouldn't eat a piece from her plate on her fork, nor would he eat a piece from his plate on his fork, but he would grab a piece from Logan's fork with his fingers and stuff it in his mouth. Lexy made an awful face and gave Logan a look of utter betrayal as he chewed. Marie giggled at that and Logan looked across the table at her and gave her a smile. He was holding up remarkably well in the face of the noisy domesticity of her family, Marie thought. That he was here was reassuring and she realized that she'd been checking to see where he was since she'd arrived, calming herself with the knowledge that she wasn't alone.
It was after four by the time people were headed home and Marie found herself sitting in the living room with Logan and Mama and Daddy. She was surprised at the number of pictures of herself in the room, ranging from baby photos to the professional portrait that had been done for her sixteenth birthday.
"You're not going to stay in a hotel tonight," Sharon said firmly.
Marie looked over at Logan. He was sitting on the sofa near her, his arms crossed over his chest, looking unperturbed. "Whatever y'want," he said simply.
A phone rang and Tore patted the pocket of his suit, looking apologetic. "Big project," he explained, pulling out the phone and checking the number that was calling. "I'll be a while. Sorry, y'all." He opened the phone as he left the room, beginning to speak to the caller.
Sharon shook her head. "He never stops working," she said, her irritation failing to mask her obvious affection for her husband. Marie heard Logan's soft snort and shot him a sharp look. "Your room's still waiting for you, you know." Sharon gestured to the stairs across the hall. "You could go up and have a look around."
"Okay." Marie felt cold all of a sudden but got to her feet anyway, driven by her mother's expectant gaze. "Thanks, Mama."
"I'm going to go call Mamaw," Sharon said. "Make sure she got in okay." She got to her feet as well, looking like she were about to give Marie a hug, but hesitated, and backed away. "Take your time."
Logan was already just a step behind Marie by the time she went to look to see if he would go with her. His hand on her shoulder was a gentle reassurance and gave her the impetus to she needed to get up the stairs and down the familiar hall to her room.
It was all a little too much like in her dream, she thought, setting her hand on the doorknob to open it, only the door wasn't locked and the room inside was empty except for her memories.
Her room was just as Marie remembered it, if a little tidier. There was nothing to suggest that it had been uninhabited for more than two years. The curtains were pulled back, showing the yard and from here she could see the swing that her father had hung for her when she was Lexy's age. It felt eerie to step inside the room, it felt like going back in time. Her corkboard was the same, with the photographs from summer camp and postcards and map just as she had left them.
She picked up Ann, her doll from Mamaw, from her place of honour on the pillows at the head of the bed, and straightened her dress. Ann was Queen of the Toys, or so Marie had said long ago. She sat down on the bed with Ann in her lap, staring at the doll for a long time almost without seeing before looking up at Logan. He stood at the threshold of the room as though he couldn't follow her in, leaning on the doorframe.
"God, Logan," she said softly. "I was so young."
It was something of a revelation for Logan, seeing who she was before she'd manifested. She /had/ been young, was still young, in some ways, but she hadn't been as young as this room implied when he'd met her. "It was a long time ago."
Marie turned Ann around to face Logan. "This is Ann, Queen of the Toys. Queen Ann, this is Logan," she said in a very proper voice, and then she laughed, but it was a laugh with an edge to it. She set the doll back in her place on the pillows. "I was happy, too. I didn't even know it. Even when it felt like the world was over, I was happy under it. And then the world did end, in its way, and all this feels like a storybook now." Part of her kept expecting to cry, but she couldn't remember how. It would come back to her. It always did.
He stayed in the doorway, nodding his head toward Queen Ann at the introduction. The perfection of the room kept him out and he glanced behind him. "They seem like nice people," he offered.
"They are," Marie said, looking past him down the hall. "They didn't deserve for this to happen to them. They weren't ready for it. I don't think they could have been."
"You weren't ready either," he reminded her. "No one ever is, I think."
"No. I guess not." She bit her lip, looking around her. Her favourite dramatic dark green scarf hung over the closet doorknob. -Was this ever me? Do I have the right house?- "It feels like I'm dreaming," she said in a very small voice. She didn't look up at him, dropped her eyes to watch her fingers tracing the stitches in her quilt. Mamaw and Meemaw had made it, their hands tucking the needle back and forth over and over to make the traditional pattern of flowers and scrolls.
"You're here," he said quietly. "Sounds like they're glad you are, too." The room smelled old and unused, but clean. It smelled like Marie, but not quite right. It smelled like a Marie he'd never gotten the chance to meet.
"Stay?" She looked up at him and there were tears in her eyes now at the idea of leaving or being left alone. -Please don't go. I need you.-
Logan shook his head reassuringly, meeting her eyes. "I'm not goin' anywhere."
Marie met him at the threshold, burying her face in his shoulder and wrapping her arms around his waist. "I'm so lucky," she whispered.
He held her close, turning his head to kiss her hair, just above her ear. "Mebbe. I kinda think we're the lucky ones, though, the people y'care about."
"Flatterer," Marie said in a half-hearted attempt at teasing. She leaned against Logan for a long time, eyes closed as though that would stop her from remembering things that were clamouring at her for attention. Sleepovers. Christmases. Birthdays. Cody. Herself. "This is hard," she said at last. "I didn't think of what would happen if they were happy to see me."
Logan had. He'd thought of it on the drive down, while she'd been sleeping, wondered if she'd ask him to leave her behind, leave her with her family. That she didn't seem to want that prompted a feeling of relief that he couldn't help, but felt guilty about nonetheless. "If I c'n do anythin' t'make it easier..." He dipped his head to press a kiss to her forehead. "They love you," he murmured against her skin. "Of course they're happy t'see you."
Marie's mother came up the stairs then, and stopped in the hall when she saw them together. "Will you at least be staying for dinner?" she asked. Marie looked past Logan to her mother, seeing her for the first time as not just Mama but as Sharon, a sad, worried woman, a woman probably Moira's age, who was looking back at her mutant, runaway child and seemed unsure still as to what to do with her.
"Yes, mama," Marie said, tears coming back again. She let go of Logan and went to put her arms around her mother, who hugged her back fiercely. -God,- Marie thought. -She's so ...small. And so young.- "And I'll stay tonight."
Marie's mother kissed her hair and hugged her a little longer before stepping back and wiping a few tears from her own face with the back of her hand. "I'll go get that started then," she said, her voice wavering a little, "and leave the two of you to yourselves a little longer."
Logan watched Marie's mother walk back down the stairs, then looked at Marie. She had tears on her cheeks and he stepped forward to brush them away. "'ser anythin' I c'n do...?"
-I feel /so/ old. I feel older than Mama, older than Daddy, I feel as old as Mamaw and more. When did I get so old?- "Just be here." Marie gave him a sad smile, reached out, and drew him to her to kiss him. He tasted familiar, felt familiar against her, felt real and solid and right. "And keep being older than me," she added, when she'd pulled away.
He glanced over at the stairs, at where her mother had gone, then back to Marie. "I c'n do that," he murmured, something not quite humour colouring his voice.
"I love you." She stood on her toes to rub her cheek against his the way he did to her so often. "I'm going to miss you tonight."
That's right. He'd be sleeping in the guest room. That would be interesting. He rubbed against her cheek. "'m gonna miss you, too. You'll be okay in there?" He'd gone without sleep before and it was better that than waking everyone with one of his nightmares, but he was more worried about how Marie would feel, sleeping in her old bedroom, a memorial to the person she used to be.
"I don't know." The idea scared her no end, actually. She'd never slept well after her manifestation, bed had become more of a place to cry than sleep. "If I'm not, I'll just come be with you," she said simply. "It's where I want to be anyway, and they'll have to get used to it some time. I just thought one thing at a time for now, that's all."
It would probably only confuse her parents, he thought, the idea of her sleeping with him, since they knew she couldn't touch people. "Whatever y'need, baby." That she would come to him if she needed it, despite her mother giving them separate rooms, made him feel better.
"Come here, then." Marie grabbed Logan's hand and led him back to her room. She brought him across the threshold with a sudden tug, pulling him against her as she backed into the room. "Kiss me," she said seriously.
Logan felt /wrong/, being in the room, but he trusted Marie to know what she was doing. He brushed his lips over hers, then wrapped his arms around her waist and licked at her lips until they parted. His tongue slid inside and he pressed his mouth to hers, his tongue curling against hers. He drew back, then, breaking contact, and started again, his teeth slipping over her lower lip as he nipped at it gently.
Marie slid her arms around Logan's neck, the fingers of one hand tangling in his hair. She yielded to his kisses, pressing against him so close that she was warmed by his skin even through their clothing. Something in her melted and broke and let go of its grip around her chest and she kissed him back, fierce and hungry, fingers tightening in his hair to bring him closer to her still.
He made a low, pleased noise and pressed against her, his arms holding her close. Her mouth was open to him, demanding, and he gave in to her demands, making a few of his own. Harder, now, don't stop yet.
She smiled a little when she pulled away for a breath, feeling slightly giddy. The next moment, she bit him on the lip without warning, deep enough to draw blood, then kissed him hard, lingering until she could feel her power tugging at him.
He moaned quietly, his hands sliding up to bury themselves in her hair. The metallic scent and taste of his own blood filled his nose and mouth, but her scent, her taste was stronger and a soft rumbling purr announced his pleasure as her power began to pull him in.
She wanted to pull him in further, to keep him with her against the memories and dreams, but she let go as his emotions and thoughts began to colour hers. "...it wasn't my fault," she whispered, sharing her epiphany with him.
He hadn't realised she still thought it was. He should've known, though, given her tendency to take things on herself. "No, it wasn't," he said quietly, agreeing with her. "It wasn't your fault any more'n what Erik did was your fault."
Marie shook her head. "...even that. Even that I look at sometimes and think it never would have happened if I wasn't what I am." She closed her eyes and kissed him again, softly. "But we don't get to choose that, do we? Just what we do with it."
Logan brushed his lips over hers. "'s not easy, figurin' that out. 's even harder t'remember it when things get rough." His fingers threaded through her hair, over and over, soothing. "I think you'll manage, though. You're pretty good at not forgettin' the important stuff."
"Wish I could say the same about you sometimes," she said cryptically, sighing contentedly at his touch and opening her eyes slowly to look at him. "How could you think I'd send you away?" She gave him a small half-smile.
He frowned. That's what he got for inviting her to let her power touch him. "I didn't know what you'd find here," he said quietly, the frown fading in favour of a sad smile.
"I could find everything else I ever wanted and it wouldn't mean anything without you." Marie shook her head, wondering how she was ever going to make him see. "You're my family. You weren't some stop-gap measure because I didn't have my real family. I was born to these people, but you, I chose you. Four years, ten years, it doesn't matter, we'll still be you and me, remember? You said it yourself. No matter how long I live or who else comes along, Logan, I want you to be home to me."
His smile changed, coloured by the realisation that the bond they shared wouldn't be over-written by these people she'd left behind. He hadn't thought she'd suddenly stop loving him, but he hadn't been sure if being welcomed home would give her what she needed and, if it did, would she want to stay and be young again. And he'd known he couldn't stay. "I'm yours," he offered, simply and quietly.
"I'll try and take good care of you then." Marie smiled back at him, still sad and worried because she didn't know how to make him see that he wasn't going to lose her, not by her own choice at least. Not by her choice. The memory of leaving him under the influence of the potion wrenched at her so hard the pain was almost physical.
Logan opened his mouth to respond, but stopped when Marie's expression changed. A thread of residual fear tickled at his senses and he brushed his hand over her cheek. "Y'okay, baby?"
"Don't let me go." Fear hit her almost out of nowhere, fear she hadn't been prepared to encounter here. They wouldn't. They wouldn't keep him from her, wouldn't take her from him, they wouldn't... but then she didn't know them anymore, did she?
"Shh, baby, it's okay, I'm not lettin' y'go" He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. Her fear clouded his mind. "What's wrong, baby?"
"They could..." She shook her head, not wanting to finish the sentence, not wanting to say it or think it. "...I'm still only eighteen. Just don't let me go, Logan."
He could only tighten his arms around her and murmur, "I won't, baby, I won't."
"I'm sorry." She leaned into his solidity, closing her eyes. "I just... I don't ever want anyone to take me away from you. And I'm still considered a child here in a lot of ways and I just got scared for a minute that they might try and keep me somehow." The thought made her dizzy. "It... they wouldn't. They wouldn't do that to me."
"No, baby, I don't think they would." And, he thought but didn't say, he didn't think Chuck'd let them keep her if he knew she didn't want to stay. The man had connections. "It's okay. You're safe." He brushed his lips over her forehead.
Marie breathed slowly, forcing herself to calm down. "I'm sorry," she said again. "I'm being silly. I'm okay."
"You're not bein' silly," he assured her. "There's nothin' t'pologise for. It's been a long time an' you got a right t'be scared.
"I just... it didn't go well last time I was here." That was a massive understatement. "But I think it'll be okay now. I'm just going to have to get my head sorted about that." Her hands were shaking still when she straightened and stepped back to see him clearly. "I couldn't be here without you."
Logan brushed her hair back from her face. "I'm not goin' anywhere," he said again. "Not 'til you're ready t'leave."
"We can't stay long, not with all the military business. Just tonight, I think." Marie looked around her, slightly disbelieving. "Let's get our stuff from the car before dinner," she said after a pause.
"Okay," Logan murmured, nodding. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, only to watch it fall forward again, then gestured toward the door with one hand. "Y'want me t'get it an' you c'n spend some time with your folks?"
Marie bit her lip and then nodded. "I'd better." -I really shouldn't have boys in my room.- The thought jumped into her head unexpectedly, and then laughed at herself. "Come on." She grabbed his hand in hers and led him out.
The door is open you can't close your shelter
You try the handle of the road
It opens do not be afraid
It's you my love, you who are the stranger
~ the Stranger Song, by Leonard Cohen
Marie woke up at the outskirts of Meridian and they rented a hotel room. She showered and changed and then Logan showered while she curled up on the bed and drank strong, bitter coffee from the cafe across the street, staring out the window at the wind-tossed trees.
"Y'need t'do anything more t'get ready?" Logan leaned in the doorway to the bathroom towelling off his hair. "Y'need t'eat."
"I couldn't."
"Y'can drink that stuff and y'can't eat?" He raised an eyebrow, looking at the cup in her hand.
"Never said I made sense." She drained the cup and threw it in the garbage.
"No, no y'didn't," he admitted. He bent to kiss her when he came to get his clothes out of the suitcase beside her on the bed. "Are y'okay?"
"I don't know yet." Marie got up and grabbed her toothbrush out of the suitcase. "I'll be ready to go in a minute."
They drove to her parents house in silence, Logan refering to the map she'd drawn him on a sticky note and stuck to the dashboard of the rental car instead of asking her which streets to take. Marie tried not to fidget and instead counted the changes she could recognize in her old neighborhood since she'd left. More than once she wondered if she should have put on something nicer but the truth was she didn't want to be anything other than herself going home. Jeans and blouse would have to do.
She straightened the seams of her pale pink gloves automatically, a nervous gesture, then looked out the window again. The street was so familiar it brought tears to her eyes and she was struck, not for the first time, by what a priviledged life she'd had in the past. Logan parked a block away and when they got out of the car, he took her hand in his.
"You don't have to come with me," she said, almost automatically. He didn't, no matter how much she might want him to. He gave her that look that said "stop bein' ridiculous" better than words could.
"Stop bein' like that. I wanna be here." With you.
She'd been close in her translation and it made her smile. "Sorry." Logan shook his head at her and without thinking she apologized again. "Sorry..."
Logan sighed and pulled her close, wrapping one arm around her. "'M not goin' anywhere." He pointed at a pale yellow house with white trim set behind a white picket fence and guarded by a green lawn and gardens just starting to bloom. "That it?" He recognized it from her description of it in the past. It was, as she'd said, almost perfect.
Marie nodded. "That's it." She checked her watch and looked for the cars in the drive, seeing only one. "They're still at church. We can wait on the porch." They sat on the porch swing and Marie put her head on Logan's shoulder and closed her eyes, trying not to let nervousness overwhelm her.
Logan looked down at her with a frown, his senses picking up the fear that she hid so well from everyone else. He didn't like not being able to do more than help her up after she'd been hurt, didn't like being stuck with the damage control when he'd rather get between her and what hurt, but he didn't have a choice. He kissed the top of her head, smelling the familiar scents of her hair and shampoo over the blooming shrubs and trees around the house.
The car pulled into the drive about ten minutes later, a new car that Marie didn't recognize, sleek and silver. The silhouettes in the front seat were familiar, though; Daddy behind the wheel and Mama in the passenger seat. They got out, looking so neat and tidy in their church clothes, and were walking up the path to the porch, Mama's hand tucked in the crook of Daddy's arm, talking, when Daddy saw her.
They were shocked, yes, but Marie was barely to the last step of the porch when Daddy's arms were around her and she was swung through the air in a tight hug that left her breathless.
"You came home, baby girl," he said in her ear, careless of her mutation.
"Careful, Daddy." Marie hugged him back and he let her down again but didn't let her go. He'd gotten older since she'd left, the silver shone in his hair and there were lines around his eyes and mouth that she didn't remember, and they weren't lines that deepened when he smiled.
"Child..." Mama sounded almost exasperated. "Tore, let her go," she ordered Daddy. "In the house, both of you, and your friend too, Marie." Mama tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear, smoothing them back into the neat twist she wore her hair in on Sundays. "Don't make a scene out here." Her voice was firm and practical but there were tears in her eyes and she put her arm around Marie's shoulders as Tore ushered them all into the house.
"Mamaw's going to be here in a half hour," Mama warned once they were all in the kitchen, letting go of Marie to put the coffee pot on. "Sit down, child. You too," she said briskly, looking over her shoulder at Logan. "Marie, introduce your friend."
It was so familiar, so home, that it made Marie's head spin. "Logan, this is my mama, Sharon, and my daddy, Tore. Mama, Daddy, this is Logan."
"Good to meet you," Tore shook Logan's hand firmly. He was a well-groomed older man who looked comfortable in the well-tailored suit he wore though his hands were callussed from manual labour. "Thanks for bringing our little girl home. Have a seat," he pointed to the chairs around the kitchen table. "Sharon'll get you a coffee in a minute."
"Nice t'meet you too." Logan looked over at Marie to see how she was and aside from being a little pale, she seemed to be holding up. "But I didn't bring'er home. She did that herself. I just drove where she told me t'drive." He took a seat in the corner, getting comfortable, and gave Marie a reassuring smile.
"Where have you been?" Sharon said, putting a stack of plates out on the island in the kitchen for setting the table for lunch. "Marie, where did you go?" She looked so much like Marie it was a little eerie. Her hair was a more subdued shade of auburn and she was smaller and softer, at least externally, but the similarities were all there, including her tendancy to get to the point as soon as possible. Tore sat down and patted his knee and Marie sat down in his lap so he could put an arm around her as though he were afraid she'd flee if given a chance.
Marie bit her lip and looked over at Logan, who gave her a sympathetic look and nodded. She couldn't tell them the whole story, but she could tell them most of it. She started to talk, interrupted occasionally by her parents' questions, making no effort to disguise her omissions. They didn't press about the things she didn't say but it was obvious that Sharon didn't miss anything and one could see her cataloguing things away in her mind for later investigation. It was nerve-wracking at points, trying to be honest without telling them too much, and there were times Marie wanted to blurt things out and cry on her daddy's shoulder, but she retained her composure and kept going, telling them what she could.
Almost a half hour later, when Sharon was refilling coffee cups and Marie was scolding her father mildly for putting too much sugar in his, Sharon said, "Y'all are staying for lunch." It wasn't a question or a request, it was a statement, just short of being an order.
"Yes, Mama," Marie said almost automatically, moving the sugar bowl out of her father's reach and taking away his spoon. Once she'd spoken, she realized that she'd been agreeing for both of them and she looked over to see Logan shrug.
"Guess we're stayin' then," he said quietly and nodded at her. Sharon gave them both a sharp look and then, coming to some conclusion, turned back to preparing lunch.
"Mamaw's here," Tore said at the sound of cars in the drive. The engines turned off and a moment later there was thumping and then a huge slam as the screen door at the front of the house flew open. The thunder of small feet filled the house as six children, ranging in age from eleven to two came thundering in at full tilt. Sharon snagged the two-year old by the back of the overalls as he shot into the kitchen, before he crashed into anything, and swung him out of the way to sit by Logan's feet, balancing a tray of preserves easily in the other hand.
"Y'all slow down," she ordered.
There was the usual chirping of juvenile disclaimers and adult voices joined the clamour as Mamaw and two women who could only be Sharon's sisters made their way back to the kitchen. A slouching, slightly sullen teenaged boy and a girl who looked like a younger version of Marie set to sorting out the younger cousins. The noise only increased as Marie's aunts, one with a burbling baby on her hip, spotted her and descended on her immediately with tears and hugs, and Mamaw demanded to know what was going on, scolding Tore for not telling people anything.
Logan looked down at the two year old who was getting to his feet, hampered by the fact that he had a toy car clutched in each hand. For the moment he seemed the quietest of the lot; a serious, sturdy little brown-eyed man in overalls and t-shirt and sandals, with his blonde hair cut like Christopher Robin's. "Car?" he offered generously, holding one out to Logan.
"Thanks." Logan held his hand out and the little boy put the car in it and then began driving the other on Logan's leg. There was evidently some subterfuge involved in the sharing because having one hand free made it easier to climb into Logan's lap when the car ran out of leg to drive on. He leaned back and let the boy get up, and then the car continued up his chest.
"That's Lexy." The oldest girl was watching them, the baby on her hip now. "You want me to take him?"
"Nah," Logan handed Lexy the other car when the boy made a grab for it. "We're good."
"Okay." She sounded a little skeptical. "If he hits, he's gotta go down. He's having a Stage."
Logan looked up at the girl, amused. "I'll keep it in mind." His amusement didn't go over well, apparently. She flipped her braids back with a toss of her head and turned her back on him, calling for some of the other children to come set the table.
"They start 'em young here, don't they?" Logan said to Lexy, who was making himself comfortable in Logan's lap and shoving the cars across the table. One of them crashed into Logan's coffee cup and overturned while the other zipped on, unimpeded.
"Oh no!" Lexy said without a hint of actual concern. "A 'tastafee." He looked up at Logan for approval.
One hand on his cup to keep it steady, Logan nodded. "Just about. Y'spill that on Sharon's nice, clean table an' I think it will be."
"Yah." Lexy pointed to the other car, which had gone beyond his reach. "M'car!"
"Don't let it go then," Logan chided, but retrieved it.
Lexy repeated the shoving process, sending it further this time, then gave Logan an utterly guileless look. "M'car?"
"Do it again, y'aint gettin' it back." Logan handed the car back to Lexy and the two of them locked gazes for a long moment. The little boy's jaw was set stubbornly and he scowled fiercely. Logan, unable to resist, scowled back. Lexy's eyes widened and he sighed deeply, defeated.
"'Kay." Lexy pointed his cars toward each other and staged a head-on collision, then nodded. "Not 'gain."
Lunch was organized chaos, served in the dining room at a table that easily seated all sixteen of them. Mama had done the usual big Sunday lunch that included homemade macaroni and cheese and ham and tons of other food. The leftovers would go home with people and be eaten out of the fridge by husbands or teenagers later that night. Only the fact that she'd spent over a year at the school kept Marie from feeling overwhelmed by it all. When she'd been home, it had felt so natural. Now she realized what a huge family she had and how incredible busy and noisy they all were, and this was just two of the sisters on Mama's side here today, with two of the kids from one of her uncles. Indy, the baby, sat in his highchair, smacking pieces of macaroni into the tray and licking the scraps off of his fingers. Sibyl, who was thirteen now and who remembered Marie well, was sitting beside her, chattering about choir and church and absently putting fresh scoops of food on Indy's tray while she talked.
Lexy had insisted on sitting next to Logan, with Mamaw on the other side, and was presently involved in avoiding Mamaw's attempts to make him eat a slice of pickled beet. With typical two year old logic, he wouldn't eat a piece from her plate on her fork, nor would he eat a piece from his plate on his fork, but he would grab a piece from Logan's fork with his fingers and stuff it in his mouth. Lexy made an awful face and gave Logan a look of utter betrayal as he chewed. Marie giggled at that and Logan looked across the table at her and gave her a smile. He was holding up remarkably well in the face of the noisy domesticity of her family, Marie thought. That he was here was reassuring and she realized that she'd been checking to see where he was since she'd arrived, calming herself with the knowledge that she wasn't alone.
It was after four by the time people were headed home and Marie found herself sitting in the living room with Logan and Mama and Daddy. She was surprised at the number of pictures of herself in the room, ranging from baby photos to the professional portrait that had been done for her sixteenth birthday.
"You're not going to stay in a hotel tonight," Sharon said firmly.
Marie looked over at Logan. He was sitting on the sofa near her, his arms crossed over his chest, looking unperturbed. "Whatever y'want," he said simply.
A phone rang and Tore patted the pocket of his suit, looking apologetic. "Big project," he explained, pulling out the phone and checking the number that was calling. "I'll be a while. Sorry, y'all." He opened the phone as he left the room, beginning to speak to the caller.
Sharon shook her head. "He never stops working," she said, her irritation failing to mask her obvious affection for her husband. Marie heard Logan's soft snort and shot him a sharp look. "Your room's still waiting for you, you know." Sharon gestured to the stairs across the hall. "You could go up and have a look around."
"Okay." Marie felt cold all of a sudden but got to her feet anyway, driven by her mother's expectant gaze. "Thanks, Mama."
"I'm going to go call Mamaw," Sharon said. "Make sure she got in okay." She got to her feet as well, looking like she were about to give Marie a hug, but hesitated, and backed away. "Take your time."
Logan was already just a step behind Marie by the time she went to look to see if he would go with her. His hand on her shoulder was a gentle reassurance and gave her the impetus to she needed to get up the stairs and down the familiar hall to her room.
It was all a little too much like in her dream, she thought, setting her hand on the doorknob to open it, only the door wasn't locked and the room inside was empty except for her memories.
Her room was just as Marie remembered it, if a little tidier. There was nothing to suggest that it had been uninhabited for more than two years. The curtains were pulled back, showing the yard and from here she could see the swing that her father had hung for her when she was Lexy's age. It felt eerie to step inside the room, it felt like going back in time. Her corkboard was the same, with the photographs from summer camp and postcards and map just as she had left them.
She picked up Ann, her doll from Mamaw, from her place of honour on the pillows at the head of the bed, and straightened her dress. Ann was Queen of the Toys, or so Marie had said long ago. She sat down on the bed with Ann in her lap, staring at the doll for a long time almost without seeing before looking up at Logan. He stood at the threshold of the room as though he couldn't follow her in, leaning on the doorframe.
"God, Logan," she said softly. "I was so young."
It was something of a revelation for Logan, seeing who she was before she'd manifested. She /had/ been young, was still young, in some ways, but she hadn't been as young as this room implied when he'd met her. "It was a long time ago."
Marie turned Ann around to face Logan. "This is Ann, Queen of the Toys. Queen Ann, this is Logan," she said in a very proper voice, and then she laughed, but it was a laugh with an edge to it. She set the doll back in her place on the pillows. "I was happy, too. I didn't even know it. Even when it felt like the world was over, I was happy under it. And then the world did end, in its way, and all this feels like a storybook now." Part of her kept expecting to cry, but she couldn't remember how. It would come back to her. It always did.
He stayed in the doorway, nodding his head toward Queen Ann at the introduction. The perfection of the room kept him out and he glanced behind him. "They seem like nice people," he offered.
"They are," Marie said, looking past him down the hall. "They didn't deserve for this to happen to them. They weren't ready for it. I don't think they could have been."
"You weren't ready either," he reminded her. "No one ever is, I think."
"No. I guess not." She bit her lip, looking around her. Her favourite dramatic dark green scarf hung over the closet doorknob. -Was this ever me? Do I have the right house?- "It feels like I'm dreaming," she said in a very small voice. She didn't look up at him, dropped her eyes to watch her fingers tracing the stitches in her quilt. Mamaw and Meemaw had made it, their hands tucking the needle back and forth over and over to make the traditional pattern of flowers and scrolls.
"You're here," he said quietly. "Sounds like they're glad you are, too." The room smelled old and unused, but clean. It smelled like Marie, but not quite right. It smelled like a Marie he'd never gotten the chance to meet.
"Stay?" She looked up at him and there were tears in her eyes now at the idea of leaving or being left alone. -Please don't go. I need you.-
Logan shook his head reassuringly, meeting her eyes. "I'm not goin' anywhere."
Marie met him at the threshold, burying her face in his shoulder and wrapping her arms around his waist. "I'm so lucky," she whispered.
He held her close, turning his head to kiss her hair, just above her ear. "Mebbe. I kinda think we're the lucky ones, though, the people y'care about."
"Flatterer," Marie said in a half-hearted attempt at teasing. She leaned against Logan for a long time, eyes closed as though that would stop her from remembering things that were clamouring at her for attention. Sleepovers. Christmases. Birthdays. Cody. Herself. "This is hard," she said at last. "I didn't think of what would happen if they were happy to see me."
Logan had. He'd thought of it on the drive down, while she'd been sleeping, wondered if she'd ask him to leave her behind, leave her with her family. That she didn't seem to want that prompted a feeling of relief that he couldn't help, but felt guilty about nonetheless. "If I c'n do anythin' t'make it easier..." He dipped his head to press a kiss to her forehead. "They love you," he murmured against her skin. "Of course they're happy t'see you."
Marie's mother came up the stairs then, and stopped in the hall when she saw them together. "Will you at least be staying for dinner?" she asked. Marie looked past Logan to her mother, seeing her for the first time as not just Mama but as Sharon, a sad, worried woman, a woman probably Moira's age, who was looking back at her mutant, runaway child and seemed unsure still as to what to do with her.
"Yes, mama," Marie said, tears coming back again. She let go of Logan and went to put her arms around her mother, who hugged her back fiercely. -God,- Marie thought. -She's so ...small. And so young.- "And I'll stay tonight."
Marie's mother kissed her hair and hugged her a little longer before stepping back and wiping a few tears from her own face with the back of her hand. "I'll go get that started then," she said, her voice wavering a little, "and leave the two of you to yourselves a little longer."
Logan watched Marie's mother walk back down the stairs, then looked at Marie. She had tears on her cheeks and he stepped forward to brush them away. "'ser anythin' I c'n do...?"
-I feel /so/ old. I feel older than Mama, older than Daddy, I feel as old as Mamaw and more. When did I get so old?- "Just be here." Marie gave him a sad smile, reached out, and drew him to her to kiss him. He tasted familiar, felt familiar against her, felt real and solid and right. "And keep being older than me," she added, when she'd pulled away.
He glanced over at the stairs, at where her mother had gone, then back to Marie. "I c'n do that," he murmured, something not quite humour colouring his voice.
"I love you." She stood on her toes to rub her cheek against his the way he did to her so often. "I'm going to miss you tonight."
That's right. He'd be sleeping in the guest room. That would be interesting. He rubbed against her cheek. "'m gonna miss you, too. You'll be okay in there?" He'd gone without sleep before and it was better that than waking everyone with one of his nightmares, but he was more worried about how Marie would feel, sleeping in her old bedroom, a memorial to the person she used to be.
"I don't know." The idea scared her no end, actually. She'd never slept well after her manifestation, bed had become more of a place to cry than sleep. "If I'm not, I'll just come be with you," she said simply. "It's where I want to be anyway, and they'll have to get used to it some time. I just thought one thing at a time for now, that's all."
It would probably only confuse her parents, he thought, the idea of her sleeping with him, since they knew she couldn't touch people. "Whatever y'need, baby." That she would come to him if she needed it, despite her mother giving them separate rooms, made him feel better.
"Come here, then." Marie grabbed Logan's hand and led him back to her room. She brought him across the threshold with a sudden tug, pulling him against her as she backed into the room. "Kiss me," she said seriously.
Logan felt /wrong/, being in the room, but he trusted Marie to know what she was doing. He brushed his lips over hers, then wrapped his arms around her waist and licked at her lips until they parted. His tongue slid inside and he pressed his mouth to hers, his tongue curling against hers. He drew back, then, breaking contact, and started again, his teeth slipping over her lower lip as he nipped at it gently.
Marie slid her arms around Logan's neck, the fingers of one hand tangling in his hair. She yielded to his kisses, pressing against him so close that she was warmed by his skin even through their clothing. Something in her melted and broke and let go of its grip around her chest and she kissed him back, fierce and hungry, fingers tightening in his hair to bring him closer to her still.
He made a low, pleased noise and pressed against her, his arms holding her close. Her mouth was open to him, demanding, and he gave in to her demands, making a few of his own. Harder, now, don't stop yet.
She smiled a little when she pulled away for a breath, feeling slightly giddy. The next moment, she bit him on the lip without warning, deep enough to draw blood, then kissed him hard, lingering until she could feel her power tugging at him.
He moaned quietly, his hands sliding up to bury themselves in her hair. The metallic scent and taste of his own blood filled his nose and mouth, but her scent, her taste was stronger and a soft rumbling purr announced his pleasure as her power began to pull him in.
She wanted to pull him in further, to keep him with her against the memories and dreams, but she let go as his emotions and thoughts began to colour hers. "...it wasn't my fault," she whispered, sharing her epiphany with him.
He hadn't realised she still thought it was. He should've known, though, given her tendency to take things on herself. "No, it wasn't," he said quietly, agreeing with her. "It wasn't your fault any more'n what Erik did was your fault."
Marie shook her head. "...even that. Even that I look at sometimes and think it never would have happened if I wasn't what I am." She closed her eyes and kissed him again, softly. "But we don't get to choose that, do we? Just what we do with it."
Logan brushed his lips over hers. "'s not easy, figurin' that out. 's even harder t'remember it when things get rough." His fingers threaded through her hair, over and over, soothing. "I think you'll manage, though. You're pretty good at not forgettin' the important stuff."
"Wish I could say the same about you sometimes," she said cryptically, sighing contentedly at his touch and opening her eyes slowly to look at him. "How could you think I'd send you away?" She gave him a small half-smile.
He frowned. That's what he got for inviting her to let her power touch him. "I didn't know what you'd find here," he said quietly, the frown fading in favour of a sad smile.
"I could find everything else I ever wanted and it wouldn't mean anything without you." Marie shook her head, wondering how she was ever going to make him see. "You're my family. You weren't some stop-gap measure because I didn't have my real family. I was born to these people, but you, I chose you. Four years, ten years, it doesn't matter, we'll still be you and me, remember? You said it yourself. No matter how long I live or who else comes along, Logan, I want you to be home to me."
His smile changed, coloured by the realisation that the bond they shared wouldn't be over-written by these people she'd left behind. He hadn't thought she'd suddenly stop loving him, but he hadn't been sure if being welcomed home would give her what she needed and, if it did, would she want to stay and be young again. And he'd known he couldn't stay. "I'm yours," he offered, simply and quietly.
"I'll try and take good care of you then." Marie smiled back at him, still sad and worried because she didn't know how to make him see that he wasn't going to lose her, not by her own choice at least. Not by her choice. The memory of leaving him under the influence of the potion wrenched at her so hard the pain was almost physical.
Logan opened his mouth to respond, but stopped when Marie's expression changed. A thread of residual fear tickled at his senses and he brushed his hand over her cheek. "Y'okay, baby?"
"Don't let me go." Fear hit her almost out of nowhere, fear she hadn't been prepared to encounter here. They wouldn't. They wouldn't keep him from her, wouldn't take her from him, they wouldn't... but then she didn't know them anymore, did she?
"Shh, baby, it's okay, I'm not lettin' y'go" He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. Her fear clouded his mind. "What's wrong, baby?"
"They could..." She shook her head, not wanting to finish the sentence, not wanting to say it or think it. "...I'm still only eighteen. Just don't let me go, Logan."
He could only tighten his arms around her and murmur, "I won't, baby, I won't."
"I'm sorry." She leaned into his solidity, closing her eyes. "I just... I don't ever want anyone to take me away from you. And I'm still considered a child here in a lot of ways and I just got scared for a minute that they might try and keep me somehow." The thought made her dizzy. "It... they wouldn't. They wouldn't do that to me."
"No, baby, I don't think they would." And, he thought but didn't say, he didn't think Chuck'd let them keep her if he knew she didn't want to stay. The man had connections. "It's okay. You're safe." He brushed his lips over her forehead.
Marie breathed slowly, forcing herself to calm down. "I'm sorry," she said again. "I'm being silly. I'm okay."
"You're not bein' silly," he assured her. "There's nothin' t'pologise for. It's been a long time an' you got a right t'be scared.
"I just... it didn't go well last time I was here." That was a massive understatement. "But I think it'll be okay now. I'm just going to have to get my head sorted about that." Her hands were shaking still when she straightened and stepped back to see him clearly. "I couldn't be here without you."
Logan brushed her hair back from her face. "I'm not goin' anywhere," he said again. "Not 'til you're ready t'leave."
"We can't stay long, not with all the military business. Just tonight, I think." Marie looked around her, slightly disbelieving. "Let's get our stuff from the car before dinner," she said after a pause.
"Okay," Logan murmured, nodding. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, only to watch it fall forward again, then gestured toward the door with one hand. "Y'want me t'get it an' you c'n spend some time with your folks?"
Marie bit her lip and then nodded. "I'd better." -I really shouldn't have boys in my room.- The thought jumped into her head unexpectedly, and then laughed at herself. "Come on." She grabbed his hand in hers and led him out.
The door is open you can't close your shelter
You try the handle of the road
It opens do not be afraid
It's you my love, you who are the stranger
~ the Stranger Song, by Leonard Cohen
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