xp_logs | Sooraya and Scott (Reply)

Sooraya and Scott talk about Sooraya going back on active duty.

"Mr. Summers?" Sooraya gave a hesitant knock on the gaping door. "Are you there?"

Scott looked up from the desk where he had been working on some more paperwork, for a secret paramilitary organization that was basically a big family the X-men seemed to generate a prodigious amount of bureaucracy which all seemed to end up on his desk. "Last time I checked Miss Qadir. Please come in," he replied gesturing to one of the seats in front of his desk.

"Thank you." Sooraya gave give a polite nod as she took a seat, fiddling a little with the hem of the long tunic that she was wearing. "I was wondering if you had a moment to talk about something..."

Scott quirked an eyebrow as he nodded, "Sure, what's on your mind?"

"I think I am ready to get of the bench." Sooraya decided to be direct after just a few seconds pause. "I think you received a message I was cleared medically."

Scott didn't answer immediately but instead pulled a folder from a drawer in his desk and laid it out in front of Sooraya. "You have been medically cleared," he conformed. "But that doesn't necessarily mean that you're really ready to come back."

"You have some concerns, Mr. Summers?" Sooraya tilted her head questioningly. She had expected he would not just say yes to her coming back. Not after why she had gotten benched.

"You had a breakdown," Scott pointed out, "That's not something you can just bounce back from. You've had time to collect yourself, but are you sure you're ready for this?"

"Yes, I think I am." Sooraya nodded. "I have worked hard to heal the last few months, Mr. Summers, and I have learned much why happened what happened and how to prevent it from happening again." "And what have you learned then?" Scott asked curiously. If Sooraya thought that she was capable of being an X-man again then that was a promising turn of events, but he was interested in how she saw things now.

Sooraya hesitated a little before replying. It was not that she did not know how to word it, but it was quite personal to her. "I had burdened myself too heavily, Mr. Summers. That is where it went wrong. I learned that I can share the burden with other and that I don't have to burden myself that heavily."

"A good lesson for any of us," Scott agreed, "But I think you're missing the point of the question. Taking too much on yourself was a symptom of something deeper you were working through right?" he asked without malice, just concern for a former student and present team member in his voice.

"There are a few deeper things I am working through, Mr. Summers." Sooraya nodded. "I did not only learn that I can share my burden, but that I also don't have to take that much of a burden on me in the first place. Allah does not ask for perfection before you can ask for forgiveness."

Scott shook his head, "I'm glad you realize you don't have to be perfect Miss Qadir, but that's not what I'm asking you. What about the guilt that drove you to seek forgiveness in the first place? Have you resolved that?"

"I killed a man, Mr. Summers. I think the guilt is never going to disappear completely. But I have been working on making peace with that and I believe I have resolved it far enough that I can be in the field."

"And what happens if you're in that situation again?" Scott asked in concern. "If one of your teammates was in peril would you act even though it meant another man could get hurt, or even die?" He leaned back in his chair and looked at her compassionately, "I know how hard the guilt can be to work through. Are you sure you're ready to be out in the field, to face it again."

"I realize it is very likely I will face that situation again, Mr. Summers. At least with the potential of having to hurt people. But I believe I am ready. I cannot give 100% guarantees, but I am as ready as I am going to be without facing that fear and guilt." Sooraya explained. "Also, I will continue working with the Professor on both my guilt and fear. We talked about this quite a bit. If it does turn out I have a serious problem, I will step back. I will not put my teammates at risk knowingly."

"I would never think you would knowingly put your team at risk, but it's the situations you don't expect that are the dangerous ones." he shook his head and leaned forward slightly. "If you get a feeling that something is going to overwhelm you on a mission, or you start to feel panicked If for whatever reason it gets to much for you I want you to tell me, or whoever your team leader is, immediately. Perhaps having that support there might make it easier for you to deal with any issues that crop up." The older man sighed, "I'd promise not to put you in any situations where you might have to make this kind of choice again, but we both know that no plan survives contact with the enemy. The best I can do is promise that we'll be here for you, if you still want to do this?"

"I still wish to do this, Mr. Summers. And I will tell people when I am getting overwhelmed or panicked. That I can do." Sooraya stated firmly.

"I'll hold you to that then," Scott replied with a small smile. Not telling people when she was getting overwhelmed was what had landed Sooraya here in the first place, hopefully she had learned her lesson now. "Welcome back to the team Miss Qadir." His eyes suddenly revealed the trademark Summer's glint, "As a newly reestablished member of the team I'm sure you'll want to catch up on all the training that you've missed," he perfectly seriously, you'd have to rally know Scott to see the signs of humor in his face, "it just so happens that I have a slot on the Danger Room schedule open right now."

"Well, I have been doing some light training... Let's see how full out goes." Sooraya stood up and paused at the door. "Are you also coming, Mr. Summers? Or I should say Cyclops?"

"Someone has to run the Danger Room while you're training," Scott pointed out as he signed the last piece of paper on his desk and shoving it into a folder. It struck him that Sooraya really didn't have the proper attitude when facing one of his training scenarios, he was obviously slipping; something he'd obviously have to rectify. "I have been working on one or two new training scenarios."

Angel and Yvette had warned her of the look that was now on Cyclops' his face. "I am in for it now... " She muttered to herself as she headed in the direction of the Danger Room.