xp_logs | Topaz and Amanda: Tuesday Afternoon (Reply)

On the ski trip, Topaz and Amanda hide from the crowds and talk magic and the past.

Topaz, per Amanda's order, had accompanied the group going on the ski trip. But being present didn't mean she necessarily had to do the social thing she knew her teacher was trying to force her into. She had every intention of spending the next three days curled up in front of the fire with a cup of tea and a copy of 1984 that she had temporarily liberated from the library for the duration of this ridiculous trip.

There was movement at the doorway and the signature emotional signature - strangely muted to Topaz' senses - that signalled said teacher, as Amanda came in. She had a dark-red woollen sweater on over jeans and matching woolly socks, and in her hands were two mugs. "Mind if I join you?" she asked.

Topaz's eyes flickered sideways to look at the woman. She was basically used to Amanda's emotional shielding, but it still caught her off guard when she wasn't paying attention. "Sure," she replied, budging up a bit to make room on the couch - not that her tiny form took up much space to begin with. "Thought everyone would be outside by now."

"They are - we obviously had the same thought of getting away from the crowd." Amanda came over and sat, holding out a mug to Topaz. "And speaking of thinking alike... tea?"

Topaz sat up a little straighter as she took the offered mug, setting her book aside and cradling the warm ceramic in both hands. "Thanks," she said, taking a careful sip, staring at the fireplace over the rim of the cup. "Too cold out anyways."

"Yep, that was my thought." Amanda curled her legs up under her, studying her student with a slight smile. "I'm glad you came, tho'. I know it's hard, but there was a point."

"Yeah?" Topaz raised an eyebrow. "And what might that be, if you don't mind me askin'?" The words weren't as challenging as they might have seemed. She really just wanted to know. "Not that this place isn't lovely and all..."

"You need to see people as people. Not as walking batteries for your magic." Amanda took a long sip of her tea, remembering only a few nights ago the lives she'd snuffed out to Heal Artie. "You need to make connections with them as individuals."

"I know they're not just batteries." But even as Topaz said that, she thought about Tandy, who she was basically using as a guinea pig...she shook her head quickly of the thought. Didn't matter. "M'not good at connecting with people," she finally admitted in a mutter, looking away to avoid having to meet Amanda's gaze. This wasn't really a discussion she wanted to have.

"I might have noticed." Amanda's tone was teasing, but held a note of sympathy. "Weirdly enough, empaths as a rule aren't really good with people. I've known a couple of others, before you turned up. Neither was really good at the connecting." Well, not the emotional sort, any way - there might have been a flash of something that could only be described as "naughtiness" through her emotional aura.

If Topaz noticed anything amiss in Amanda's emotional state (and she really didn't want to think too hard about it), she didn't let it show. "Yeah, ironic, that." A hint of sarcasm slipped into her voice. Not that she was bitter - she'd never really cared about making connections with anyone. But she'd never expected to be forced into social situations, either. "Did you make them go on ski trips too?"

"One I didn't bother with - we were really just classmates, nothing more," Amanda replied with a shrug. "The other... well, that one was complicated. And messy. I wound up really fucking him over."

That was something Topaz hadn't been expecting. She was tempted to ask - but it was none of her business, and even she knew she couldn't ask about personal information without expecting to give something in return. But Amanda had said it... "How so?" Topaz finally asked, natural curiosity getting the best of her.

Amanda didn't seem to mind - she made a policy of being open with her students, especially about her own mistakes. "We had an empathic link. I got in over my head with a black magic user and in the process of making a big dramatic exit from the school, I ripped it out. It took him years to recover, and even now, he's still not completely right." Amanda sighed, looking down at her tea mug. "I got hooked on my powers, see. Which is why I want to make sure you three don't wind up where I did. It's so fucking easy to slip into something you can't get out of."

Topaz couldn't quite keep the shock out of her expression. There were a lot of things about that story she had questions about, but she couldn't quite figure out how to put it into words. "I'm sorry," she finally said, turning her attention to her own mug.

"Thanks." Amanda felt sympathy for the younger girl, knowing it was a hell of a lot to dump on her. "But that's the point of all this, really. To make sure you three don't screw up the way I did. And for you and Nico 'specially, that means not forgetting where your power comes from. The minute you forget that it's those around you, you're on the path to becoming something horrible."

She didn't have much of an answer to that. Topaz curled her knees up to her chest, her gaze flickering back to Amanda. The woman's final words had stirred something in a dark corner of Topaz's mind - the place where she'd pushed Taboo. "Somethin' horrible," she repeated in a murmur, running a finger around the rim of her mug. "Yeah."

"That's the part the others don't get," Amanda continued, her voice soft. "Yeah, magic's fun to have and all, but there's a dark side to it as well, that we all have to keep in mind." She smiled a little wryly. "That's why it's important for us to stick together. So we can keep an eye on each other and be there when things get hard. And all that other Hallmark shite." The last was said with a chuckle.

"Always good to have someone to fall back on when things go to hell." Topaz paused for a moment before adding, "One big happy, magical family, that's us," in a dry tone, though with a faint, somewhat sarcastic smile pulling at her lips.

"Something like that," Amanda said, with a similar smile.

Topaz sipped her tea for a moment, narrowing her eyes a bit at the fire. "S'it possible to come back from it?" She asked after a moment. "Ya know...if you go down that dark path?"

"If you want to come back, yes, 's possible," Amanda said gravely. "It's not easy and you have to work at it, but you can." She paused, then added, almost slyly. "Especially if you have people around you willing to help you through. That's the part I had trouble remembering, until I nearly went too far."

"Probably another good reason to know people as people instead of magical fuel," Topaz murmured, more to herself. Not that she had any intentions of going too far...but then again, Amanda probably hadn't either.

"Pretty much," Amanda agreed, pleased that Topaz was understanding the whys and wherefores of what Amanda was trying to do. "Sometimes, I think that's the main difference between dark magic and the other. Dark magic uses people, chews them up and spits them out."

"That's a frighteningly thin line to walk." It seemed almost too easy to tip over to the wrong side.

"Yeah, it is. Unfortunately, magic isn't all Harry Potter - and I think you know that better than most. There's a price for being able to do what we do, and that is being aware all the time of that line." Amanda's tone had turned solemn, and perhaps a little sad. "There's so much magic can do.. and sometimes the safest thing is to avoid using it as much as we can."

Topaz heard the change in Amanda's tone. "Makes you want to laugh at everyone who wishes magic was real." God knew she'd always had a good time laughing at her classmates when she'd still been attending school in England.

"What's the saying? 'Be careful what you wish for...'" Amanda shook her head with a sigh. "Any way, 's not all doom and gloom, I promise." She grinned suddenly. "Not with Billy making snowstorms in classrooms, any way."

Topaz laughed before she could stop herself. Well, it was more of a giggle, really. She'd seen the classroom after that little incident. "Speaking of be careful what you wish for..."