xp_logs | Sooraya and Angelo: "Why didn't you tell me?" (backdated) (Reply)

Sooraya and Angelo have difficult, but necessary talk.

Sooraya put her Xavier phone down next to her after she had texted Angelo

she was in her suite. Normally she would have made some tea, knowing he was coming, but this time she just remained seated, waiting...

He pushed the door open and looked around it almost warily, relaxing only slightly when he saw she was alone. "Hey."

"Hey." She returned warily. After that Sooraya fell silent, just staring at him for a few long moments with her eyes gleaming wetly. "Why?" She finally managed to get out.

"Because I knew how you'd feel about it", he said simply, not sitting down. "Before this, there was no reason to tell you, my last few partners were women, no sense muddying the waters, but then there was Jean-Phillipe and... I didn't know how."

"You never even gave me the chance." Sooraya stared at him. "You sat there while and joked with me while I tried to figure out who was the lucky girl."

"Most of those guesses could have been right", he said helplessly. "It's just that... they weren't. And the fact it never even occurred to you it might not be a girl told me something on its own."

"Because I had no idea you... leaned that way. You were with Amanda and Alejandra for several years each! How could I have known?" Sooraya shot out.

"And I loved Amanda and Alejandra", he said quietly. "And Sarah and Samie and Paige before them, in my way. I was with them 'cause I wanted to be with them, but it was because of who they were. Not male or female, and now I want to be with Jean-Phillipe because of who he is. Also, 'Raya, I've only told one person and that was Amanda. Marie-Ange figured it out for herself, Angel saw whatever she saw, so you're the fourth person in the world who even knows."

"Not telling me is one thing. But you practically lied to me!" Sooraya stood up, her eyes flashing sharply. "That it is a lie of omission doesn't make it a lesser lie."

"And for that I'm sorry. I was going to tell you."

"You are my big brother and I am your little sister. I thought you trusted me." It was if she had not heard his words and if she did, they didn't penetrate. The first tear slowly trickled down Sooraya's cheek.

"Sooraya - " There was real pain in his voice. "I do trust you. I was just trying to figure out a way to tell you that wouldn't cause you conflict."

"Conflict?" She latched on to that word.

His mouth twisted into a sourly wry smile. "Knowing your big brother is an unrepentant sinner."

Sooraya fell back into her seat, staring at her hands. "You sound like you know it's... not right. Why do it then?"

"I was raised Catholic", he reminded her. "I know the teachings of the books... but it's a part of me like being a mutant is part of me, and I'm not hurting anyone. Why should I stop?"

"But you are hurting someone. You are hurting yourself, your own soul by doing this." Sooraya gaze slid to the book lying nearby as she replied: "Allah would not have punished the people of Lot if it was not wrong, Angelo."

"The people of Lot?" he echoed with a touch of bitter amusement. "The people of Lot wanted to take his guests - who happened to be angels disguised as men - and have them against their will. There's no rape here, or any breaking of sacred hospitality if that's how you read the story. And Lot who was such a virtuous man, offered the mob his daughters to do what they liked with them. Read the story again, it's all there."

"That was wrong, yes. I don't deny that. But Allah sent Lot specifically to warn against the sin of homosexuality." Finally she met Angelo's eyes. "Angelo, is it not possible you know deep down it's wrong? And that telling me would mean you have to face knowing that?"

"I don't worship Allah, Sooraya", he said flatly, but he did meet her gaze. "I follow a loving God, and if there's any god who could look at everything I've done, all the lives I've saved and sometimes nearly given my own doing it, and turn his back on me for having consensual sex with an adult man... then I want nothing to do with him. So no. I don't think it's wrong."

"I just don't want you to..." Her last few words were lost in a sniffle.

"Come here." He walked over in two long strides and wrapped his arms around her. "It's going to be fine. Even the church is changing its views on this, slowly."

"I just don't want you to be punished, Angelo." She explained amidst the soft sobs.

"And I don't believe I will be. I know some hardline Catholics would say so, but... if God is love, then He's all love. And it's not love with Jean-Phillipe, not yet, but we are committed."

"But what if you are wrong?" Sooraya tried to quiet herself a little, but another sob escaped. "What if I am right?"

"Sooraya... I can't change who I am. And honestly I don't want to. This, he, makes me happy. Isn't that good enough?"

"You are my big brother, but I don't know... I don't know if I can accept this." Those words brought out a new sob. They hurt to say, but she'd rather be honest.

He paused, looking down at her, and said heavily, "If you can't, you can't and that's how it is. But if you can, I'll be here."

"I can try... but..." How did she explain she truly had no idea on where to start doing that.

"Take some time. Think about it. Talk to people, maybe your friends in that discussion group. Then come find me if you want to."

Sooraya drew in a deep breath and nodded: "I can do that. I am really sorry, Angelo. I wish... I wish I could be happy for you."

"Hey, it wouldn't be fair to ask you to change on the spot when I won't", he pointed out. "I'll be around."

She just nodded again. "I'll see you." She cringed a little a the coolness of the words, but she couldn't say anything else.