Amanda, Romany - Saturday morning
Mar. 27th, 2004 11:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xp_daytripper posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
xp_logsSet not long after this post, Amanda and Romany have a chat.
It was still cool, and the passing clouds dappled the small garden in patterns of light and shade. Amanda sat on the small wooden bench near Homily's herbs, enjoying the brief moments of sun and letting the nicotine soothe her jangling nerves. Reading what the others had said, their support, it helped, but she couldn't help but feel some trepidation. The last time she'd seen the mansion had been through a haze of medication and despair.
"It doesn't have to be the same this time." Amanda looked up as Romany sat beside her. The older woman smiled, a little apologetically. "Your aura's showing."
"Oops, an' here you were tellin' me t' always have a clean one on in case of that," replied Amanda, grinning slightly. She tapped ash into the tray she'd brought out with her, took another drag. "I'd be lyin' if I said I weren't worried. I made such a mess of things last time."
"Something of a mess, yes, but not as much as you think." Romany reached over and patted the hand that wasn't occupied by a cigarette. "You need to have more faith in yourself, dear."
"'M tryin', Rom. I really am. 'S hard."
"New things usually are. But you're a fast learner, Amanda. And even if you don't have faith in yourself, there are others who do. Your friends. Pete. Me." As Amanda looked up at her questioningly, Romany nodded. "You've had a bad start to life, but to have come so far, and not let yourself be beaten… you're strong, Amanda. And I believe you have the ability to make something good out of bad beginnings."
"When I was… when things were gettin' bad, people kept tellin' me stuff like that. I didn't want t' believe them, since it made it so much worse. Like I was lettin' everyone down as well as meself." Amanda looked over the small garden, at the clusters of scented plants, gathering her thoughts. Her voice, when she spoke again, was soft, but steady. "Seems like I spent me life runnin' away from responsibility, from what people expected of me. An' now someone's finally expectin' somethin' good of me, I can't run. An' I don't want to. Not this time."
"There always comes a time when you need to stop running," agreed Romany. "But that doesn't make it any easier to stop, does it?"
Amanda grinned wryly. "Nah, it don't. Inertia's a bastard. But as it's been pointed out, I'm stubborn." She met Romany's eyes again. "An' I had some help," she added with a smile.
"I'd say guidance. You did the hard work, dear." Romany smiled in return. "And you've done so well. I'm proud of you."
"You are?" It was hard for Amanda to not let the surprise show in her voice. When Romany nodded, she added, hesitatingly. "Rom, if things don't go well, if I need…"
"You'll always have a place with me, Amanda." Romany finished the unspoken question. "Any time you need me, you just have to call. "
There wasn't anything to say to that. So Amanda didn't say anything, she moved into Romany's opened arms. Neither moved for a time.
It was still cool, and the passing clouds dappled the small garden in patterns of light and shade. Amanda sat on the small wooden bench near Homily's herbs, enjoying the brief moments of sun and letting the nicotine soothe her jangling nerves. Reading what the others had said, their support, it helped, but she couldn't help but feel some trepidation. The last time she'd seen the mansion had been through a haze of medication and despair.
"It doesn't have to be the same this time." Amanda looked up as Romany sat beside her. The older woman smiled, a little apologetically. "Your aura's showing."
"Oops, an' here you were tellin' me t' always have a clean one on in case of that," replied Amanda, grinning slightly. She tapped ash into the tray she'd brought out with her, took another drag. "I'd be lyin' if I said I weren't worried. I made such a mess of things last time."
"Something of a mess, yes, but not as much as you think." Romany reached over and patted the hand that wasn't occupied by a cigarette. "You need to have more faith in yourself, dear."
"'M tryin', Rom. I really am. 'S hard."
"New things usually are. But you're a fast learner, Amanda. And even if you don't have faith in yourself, there are others who do. Your friends. Pete. Me." As Amanda looked up at her questioningly, Romany nodded. "You've had a bad start to life, but to have come so far, and not let yourself be beaten… you're strong, Amanda. And I believe you have the ability to make something good out of bad beginnings."
"When I was… when things were gettin' bad, people kept tellin' me stuff like that. I didn't want t' believe them, since it made it so much worse. Like I was lettin' everyone down as well as meself." Amanda looked over the small garden, at the clusters of scented plants, gathering her thoughts. Her voice, when she spoke again, was soft, but steady. "Seems like I spent me life runnin' away from responsibility, from what people expected of me. An' now someone's finally expectin' somethin' good of me, I can't run. An' I don't want to. Not this time."
"There always comes a time when you need to stop running," agreed Romany. "But that doesn't make it any easier to stop, does it?"
Amanda grinned wryly. "Nah, it don't. Inertia's a bastard. But as it's been pointed out, I'm stubborn." She met Romany's eyes again. "An' I had some help," she added with a smile.
"I'd say guidance. You did the hard work, dear." Romany smiled in return. "And you've done so well. I'm proud of you."
"You are?" It was hard for Amanda to not let the surprise show in her voice. When Romany nodded, she added, hesitatingly. "Rom, if things don't go well, if I need…"
"You'll always have a place with me, Amanda." Romany finished the unspoken question. "Any time you need me, you just have to call. "
There wasn't anything to say to that. So Amanda didn't say anything, she moved into Romany's opened arms. Neither moved for a time.
