Billy & Wade | Tuesday Afternoon (backdated)

[x-deadpool.livejournal.com]

Wade wants to look for something for Marie-Ange at the mall, Billy wants to find a gift for Maddie... so Wade gives Billy a ride.


Wade squinted a little, looking up and down the length of the mall for a long moment before shrugging and starting toward the middle. He figured there had to be a map or something that'd tell him where the Victoria's Secret was.

Billy followed along, not quite sure if or when it was appropriate to break away. His wasn't a long gift list, but...do you say "I'll meet you out front?" Or follow along at first? Finally deciding the latter was better for someone who'd drove him into the mall, he followed along in Wade's wake. "What are we looking for?" he finally ventured after catching up.

"Victoria's Secret," Wade answered, pausing to rub at the back of his neck. "You know where it is?"

"Uh," Billy's eyes widened, looking around them for an answer. "That way, I think," he pointed toward the main corridor to their left. Of course, with the mall being in a roughly circular pattern, any direction was a safe bet it would eventually get them there.

"Cool," Wade said, veering off toward the left. He waved for Billy to follow along after him. "Once I figure out this lingerie thing, we'll stop into the sports store or the theater store or... whatever it is you need. What did you need?"

"A birthday present," Billy answered. "Something that says...'Happy Birthday,' 'You are amazing,' and 'Thank you' without being so sappy it gets me smacked on the back of my head." Not that he was expecting miracles or anything. "Any ideas?" He asked sheepishly.

"Who's it for?" Wade asked. "That's key. I'm guessing it's for a girl, so that's one thing, but is she a girly-girl, or a sporty-girl?"

"Maddie," Billy answered. "So she would mock me forever if I got her a girly-girl gift."

"Ha," Wade said, grinning. "She totally would. You can't get her anything kitschy, either. What about a mini fainting, hopping goat or something? Didn't she want one of those for Christmas?"

"Do they sell goats here?" Billy perked up. "Or a toy goat. Or maybe I could magic one of those yappy toy dogs into looking like a goat. Maybe I should go look while you get your l-lingerie. I don't want to make you wait around for me."

"The principle of the buddy system says no," Wade said, quirking a smile. "Since there's nobody else here and you're a minor, you're definitely not hying off to parts unknown solo, spudboy. It'll take me like two shakes to check out Vicky's Secret. I'm pretty sure Marie-Ange doesn't even like stuff from there." He frowned. This was going to be interesting. And possibly challenging. He might have to go back to jewelry.

Billy sighed at the mention of spuds. "I'm never gonna live that down, am I?"

"Kid, I'm gonna be reminding you of that when you're 40," Wade said, laughing as they finally found the store he was there for. "C'mon, this'll be quick."

Billy followed in Wade's wake, hovering in the doorway, some nearly-vampiric force preventing entry. "Quick, okay," he muttered under his breath, forcing one foot after the other until he was inside the store. His eyes, though, remained fixated on his sneakers, rather than the scantily-clad mannequins.

Wade was halfway through attempting to tell the sales associate what he needed when he noticed that Billy hadn't actually walked into the store. He finished up with the woman and she went off to find him some samples, so Wade turned around and waved Billy forward. "C'mon, Billvy. In you get so I can keep an eye on you."

"I'm not four!" Billy rolled his eyes. Which then turned promptly back to the floor. Still, he made his way over to Wade. "Find anything good?"

"Dunno," Wade said, rocking back on his heels. "Like I said, I don't even know if she likes these. Pretty sure she might not. But it'll give me an idea. Maybe."

"Geez, I wouldn't even want to guess what she might like," Billy commented. "Uh, I mean, uh, any girl. Or mine. The hypothetical one. Not yours," he stammered, face flushing red.

Wade bit back a laugh and mostly managed to keep a straight expression on his face as Billy stammered through his reply. "Right," he said, nodding slowly. "This... isn't really your thing, is it?" Most guys Billy's age would've been ogling the mannequins... or at least glancing conspicuously at them a lot.

Billy's head jerked up, a brief moment of panic flashing across his eyes before he pushed it aside. "What do you mean?" He asked, his voice taking on an almost comical gruffness. "It's just kinda...like, dull. Y'know, been there, done that, got the panties."

Unable to stifle his laugh, Wade shook his head. "Got the panties?" Still chuckling, he glanced over at the sales associate as she browsed the selection, several items already in one hand, and then said, "Nah, kid. That's not something real people say."

"I'm a real boy--er, people. Person!" Billy protested.

"Uh huh," Wade said, still smiling. The woman approached and sat several pieces of lingerie on the counter, so he pointed almost randomly to a slinky black two-piece thing. While she packaged it, Wade tilted his head to the side. "You're not uncomfortable or anything, right?"

"No," Billy replied forcefully. "Why would I be uncomfortable?"

"Because you wanna go buy a goat for Mads and you're stuck in Victoria's Secret instead," Wade said, eyebrows rising.

"Goats are cool!" Billy insisted. "Just like...those," he head gestured toward the nearly wrapped lingerie.

"I'm not disagreeing," Wade said. "Goats are pretty awesome. Just I wouldn't say any of these scraps of fancy fabric are 'cool.' Unless you're talking specifically about temperatures the ladies are likely to feel while wearing them..."

"That's what I meant!" Billy said, looking for some way to dig himself out of this growing hole.

Wade just kept his eyebrows up, his mouth shut - seeing where Billy intended to take this was going to be interesting.

If there was one certainty in life, it was this. Whenever Billy Kaplan opened his mouth, interesting things were bound to happen. On very rare occasions, though, chaotic happenstance worked in his favor. He nodded toward the salesclerk. "Think yer gift wrap is done."

"Oh, Billiam," Wade said, half-laughing. "Saved by the sales lady." He handed over one of his credit cards, signed the receipt, and gestured toward the door. "To the tiny goats."