Topaz & Clint | Tuesday Morning (slightly backdated)

[x-hawkeye.livejournal.com]

Clint tracks Topaz down to the library, they talk.


Clint slipped into the library, having sent a sort of apologetic text to KGibz for skipping his class, and silenced his phone before slipping it into his pocket. He could guess where Topaz might be hiding - they tended to occupy the same general areas when they sought solitude. Padding toward the back, he took one turn, then another, that led him to the classics - which was where he knew she'd be. "Hey," he said, propping his shoulder against one of the bookshelves.

Topaz had considered relocating when Clint had declared he was going to find her, but there was really no point - her hiding places were hardly secret, and she needed to face the music eventually anyways.

So she stayed, and she continued staring at the page of the book she was attempting to read - she didn't even know what it was, she'd just grabbed something at random in an attempt to distract herself. It wasn't working. At Clint's voice she looked up, face a perfect mask - texting him had gone quite a ways in reminding her that staying calm and collected was the key. She was, at the moment, her old, emotionless self. "Hey."

"God, you do that just like Hope," Clint said, head tilting to the side. "I don't get why either of you do it - I mean, no, I do. Protection mechanisms are ingrained bone deep, I get that. Just - I wish you guys wouldn't." Reaching over, he pulled a copy of Catcher in the Rye off the shelf and gestured toward Topaz with it. "Your essay topic for skipping English, by the way, is alienation as a form of self-protection and you're not allowed to use this as a source. Mine's the value of friendship versus responsibility to myself and I have to find literary sources."

She could already think of three other books to use for her own topic - and a couple for Clint's actually. "Was Mr. Gibney mad?" That was all she said - no response to anything Clint had said before - mostly because he was right and she really didn't want to acknowledge it.

"Nah, I think Mister Haller let him know something happened last night," Clint said. Not that it would've been hard to tell. When he'd looked out into the hallway from his suite, it'd been full of adults so he'd ducked back inside, figuring he'd get the scoop on everything later. "And he said no detention cause that'd suck for him, too." Still leaning against the shelf, he turned the book over in his hands. "That 'freaked out, insecure, neurotic, emotional' thing is from a movie. I dunno if it's in the original or not, but it's in the newer version of The Italian Job."

"You know you're talking to the wrong person if you want movie references to be understood. The names do both start with T though, so points there." Her voice was dry, but not as cruel as the words would've made her sound. "Good to give credit where credit is due though. That's important when you're writing papers."

Clint tipped his head to the side and just sort of stared at Topaz for a moment. Then he said, "You know, you don't have to be afraid. Of whatever you're afraid of."

Her shoulders hunching the slightest bit was the only indication she gave that the words affected her at all. "I'm not afraid." That was a lie. She was absolutely terrified of what would happen when word got around about what had happened. But Clint didn't need to know that.

"Yeah, you are," Clint said, frowning a little. "You wear this mask, like Hope, but you've both got tells. You get these little lines at the corners of your eyes, like you're squinting but not really, and I'm pretty sure you can't help the way your lips go all thin. And you're a terrible liar. Why are you afraid?"

Topaz had never realized before how annoying it was to have a friend with super eyes. "I skipped class for a reason," she said as she turned away. Completely avoiding now.

"Yeah, I know," Clint said, setting his backpack on the floor and walking around so he could see Topaz again. "Look, we don't actually have to talk, but I figured you shouldn't be alone at least. Something's got you freaked out, got you running and hiding in familiar territory. Might be good if I knew what it was so I could, y'know. Help."

She made a face at Clint, finally dropping the mask for the first time since he'd walked in. "I had a bad night." It was the simplest, most non-descriptive way she could explain any of it.

"Well, yeah," Clint said, nodding. That much was obvious. "Maddie says you're moving in with her. Your Valentine present's on your bed, it got here yesterday, I guess. And she also said all the tea's yours in the suite. And she's taking awesome notes for us in English."

"She's a good friend." A pause. "Don't tell her I said that. It'll go straight to her head." She focused on the table as she spoke.

"Yeah it would," Clint said, grinning despite himself. "I try to keep the praise to a minimum with her, but it's kind of hard. She's pretty awesome most of the time." Pulling himself up to sit on the table despite knowing he'd get the evil eye from Miss Smith if she saw him, he said, "You're pretty awesome, too. Don't get so down on yourself."

She made a noise at that. "I screwed up." She'd screwed up bad. All she could could think about was how last night would have been so different if her roommate had been Sue.

"How?" Clint asked, swinging his feet a little, bouncing the heel of one shoe against the leg of the table.

A shrug. "Same way I always do. By being me." Topaz swore she had some subconscious desire to just ruin good things in her life. It would make so much sense.

"Hey," Clint said, reaching over to touch Topaz's shoulder briefly. "You're talking around in circles. What happened? Something like with Tandy?"

That had a brief flash of panic going through Topaz's expression. "No," she said firmly. She hadn't drained anyone for any reason at all - minus Haller in a controlled setting during lessons - since the mess last June.

"Okay, so you already know it's not that bad," Clint said, genuinely puzzled. There was a link, obviously, between Topaz and what'd happened with Molly and given Topaz's empathy... but Clint didn't want to make assumptions, that's where people got in trouble. "Or at least, not as bad as it could be."

A hand came up to tug at a lock of dark hair as Topaz turned everything around in her head. She looped the hair around her finger, eyes still on the table. "If Molly wasn't indestructible it'd be worse."

Eyes narrowing slightly, Clint said, "You're sticking other people in Molly's position in your head, aren't you? But no two situations are identical - even if it'd been someone else, there's nothing to say that the same exact thing would've happened. Besides, whether it was luck or fate or something, Molly's the one it was and she is indestructible."

"Even the happiest person has a monster in their closet." Topaz's voice was distant. "What happens when there's an empath egging that monster on?" Maybe someone else wouldn't have gone out the window the way Molly had, but that didn't mean there weren't plenty of other ways for someone less unsquishable to get hurt.

Clint shrugged. "Something unpleasant. But that doesn't meant you have to isolate yourself all the time. And it's not like you meant to egg on whatever was happening in Molly's head. You just need like. Better shields or whatever it is you psi people use to keep things in and out. That's what you're here for, right? To learn that stuff?"

"If we don't kill our roommates in the process." God, why couldn't she just be like Billy and make potatoes appear uncontrollably? She sighed as she dropped her head on the table. "It was an accident." The same thing she'd been saying since last night, long after anyone had stopped asking.

"Yeah," Clint said. "I know it was. I believe you." He reached over with his foot and nudged Topaz's chair. "Do you believe yourself, or is that part of the problem?"

It was part of the problem. It was an accident, but it would have been completely preventable if she'd just told someone she couldn't shield in her sleep. But she'd been at the mansion six months before she'd figured it out (it had never been a problem at home), and it had never hurt anyone. What was the point in bothering Haller or the professor about it? "I should have told someone."

"Told someone what?" Man, Topaz could win Olympic gold at answer questions without really answering them. She was like, the champ at it.

Well she should be good at it, it was how she'd gotten through her entire life. "That I can't shield in my sleep. I knew I couldn't, but as long as it wasn't bothering anyone else I didn't think it mattered. I didn't think it could hurt anyone else."

Emotions could always hurt - that was something Clint had learned early in life. It was why he'd kept himself so distanced from almost everyone until the mansion. It wouldn't hurt when people left you or rejected you if you didn't care about them. "My powers are pretty bland compared to yours," he said, shrugging. "But that doesn't mean I tell everyone everything about them. That doesn't mean all the teachers or doctors know everything. The only time not telling them would be a bad thing, an irresponsible thing, would be after realizing it could hurt someone. You told them, right? So they're helping. And Maddie's shields are like. Airtight. Rock solid. And various other metaphors for really strong."

Topaz shook her head, still not looking up. She knew she couldn't keep beating herself up over what ifs and maybes and hypothetical pasts and situations, but the logical part of her mind had been shoved off for the moment in favor of the part that was responsible for self deprecation and chastising. "I know," she admitted nonetheless. She had to bow to logic after all, even if she wasn't totally capable of it herself at the moment.

If Maddie'd looked like that, Clint would've given her a hug. Hell, he'd've given Billy a hug, too. That was just how they were. Topaz didn't strike him as the hugging type, though. Maybe he was wrong, maybe that was one of those assumptions he shouldn't be making, but he'd rather make it an find out he was wrong later than disregard it and make things worse for her. "Hey," he said, nudging her chair again with the toe of his shoe. "What do you need?"

It was actually a fairly safe assumption. "A time machine," Topaz mumbled. So she could go back and slap herself. After a moment her head snapped up. "Don't make a Doctor Who joke." She knew next to nothing about the show, other than it was about time travel and it was British, but she figured it was best to head that off before Clint got any ideas.

"Is that the show with the telephone box that's not actually a telephone box?" Clint asked, tipping his head to the side.

"I think so. I don't know, but it's British and Americans always seem to assume if you have a British accent you love Doctor Who." One of the many reasons she hated going to go the public school for anything.

"I don't watch a lot of TV," Clint said, shrugging. "Not color TV, anyway. Kind of loses some of the charm when you can't tell that something's important because it's a certain color. I just know about the phone box thing cause somebody in art class last year drew one."

"Don't watch a lot of TV at all myself," Topaz admitted. The only reason she knew about Doctor Who at all was because it had been quite popular back home.

"Since I can't get you a time machine - though I'll totally work on that once I'm a famous scientist and everything - is there anything else I can do?"

Topaz shrugged, momentary almost good mood gone as she sank back in her seat. "Not really." She just needed to get over it on her own. "Thank you, though." She was surprised to find that she meant that.

"No problem," Clint said, shrugging a little again even as his feet continued to swing. "If you think of anything, let me know. It's what friends are for."

A faint smile pulled at Topaz's lips. Friends. Right. She had those. "I will." Again, surprisingly, she meant it.