Log: Doug and Sue: Dark World (Backdated)

[x-invisiblegirl.livejournal.com]

Doug helps Sue work through some issues she had after the run in with the Dweller and Spite.

Sue twisted a lock of her hair between her fingers staring straight through the computer screen in front of her her fingers tapping at the edge of her desk as she worked through the data Doug had given her. The blonde would normally have barely been able to contain herself from the opportunity to work through and learn something new but today, as indeed Sue's demeanor was best described as listless.

The teenager knew that she was going through the motions but didn't seem to be able to throw off the malaise affecting her, she could mask it but at time like this in the quiet of the server room with only the whir of fans and the tapping of fingers on the keyboard it was far to easy to slip back into her thoughts, as much as she tried running from them. She had thought about talking to Doug, and had even opened her mouth at times, but could never seem to quite find the right words to start the conversation and so was left perfecting her impression of a goldfish.

It didn't take someone with Doug's ability to read people to guess that something was weighing heavily on Sue. Her goldfish impression was a dead giveaway. Doug knew that feeling too well - like words couldn't even begin to encompass his thoughts and feelings. And so he gave Sue her space to parse through things, providing at least a low-level distraction in the form of computers and data.

Sooner or later she would tell him what had brought her to the door of his server room looking exhausted.

"How do you do it?" the blonde finally asked not turning away from the screen infront of her, "Do what you do here and not go insane, or end up terrified of yourself?" Ever since the airport the image of fighting Tandy had been running round and round the younger girls head, as had her own reaction to that and the following events.

Doug couldn't help the quiet, self-mocking snort of laughter at Sue's question. It wasn't entirely unsuspected, given the nature of his mentoring her. He suspected something had happened to bring this on, and remembered all too well how he had been prepared to kill Farouk because he'd thought it was the only option, and how it had changed his view of the world and his place in it. "Therapy, and lots of it," he said wryly. "I hide it some, but I'm kind of a hot mess."

Against her will the edges of the blonde's mouth quirked up into the ghost of a smile, "Therapy huh?" the teenager mused before allowing her face to return Doug's wry smile, "I might need the number of your therapist," she admitted, "He must be doing something right, you can barely tell from the outside."

Doug shook his head. "Ask Amanda. Or Wanda." Some of his coworkers had gotten a front row seat to his nervous breakdown. "My therapist...tends to see people in my line of work, but I could see if I could get you a session to talk through stuff if you need."

"I'm not sure I could talk to a normal therapist about this," Sue noted, "What would I say, 'Hi there Dr, I tried to kill someone, I'm glad she's dead and wish I'd been the one to actually do it?" the teenager shook her head, "I'm pretty sure he'd freak out on me."

"Ah." Doug had been wondering what in particular had happened to Sue that had brought on this bit of self-reflection and desire to be away from the mansion. "I know that feel," he told her with a shake of his head. In fact, he knew that exact feeling, remembering all too well the deal that he'd been part of brokering to take Selene out, and the personal cost of it.

"Is there something wrong with me, us?" the teenager asked, her shoulders slumping as she glanced down at the floor and bit her lip. "I don't think normal people are supposed to feel that way," she continued hesitantly.

Yow. That was a tough question indeed. Some days Doug wasn't sure there wasn't something wrong with him. But that was why he was in therapy. "Normal doesn't mean perfect," he said slowly, thinking his way through his reply. "People have those kind of feelings, as much as they might like to think they've advanced past it." He shrugged. "And sometimes...sometimes bad things need to be done to prevent worse things from happening."

"Normal means not actually wanting to act on them," Sue countered waving her hand in the direction of the street, "All the people out there, they may have those feelings, none of them act on them, or want to. The people who do are criminals, and society deals with them. I don't want to be lumped in with them but," Sue bit her lip but looked up at Doug defiantly, "I'm not sorry for feeling that way," she nodded her head at him, "You're right, bad things have to be done, but what does it mean about the people who make that choice?"

"There's a difference between people who make that choice because they -want- to, and people who make that choice because they -have- to." Doug's voice was gentle and reassuring as he could make it, as this was clearly something Sue was struggling with, for all that she said she wasn't sorry for feeling that way. "The first type, yeah, we call those criminals, the ones just looking for an excuse to indulge those impulses." He thought for a moment, then chuckled. "The second type...well, I call those coworkers and friends."

The ghost of a smiles played around Sue's lips, "You know, in case I haven't said it before, you guys are really not normal, in the best way possible." she assured Doug. "So the best you can hope for, if you're forced to, is to be one of the second group. Only making the choice when you have to." the blonde looked hesitantly at Doug, "Have you ever? You don't have to say if you don't want to" she continued hurriedly suddenly aware of how personal a question it was, "I mean forget I even asked."

Doug waved a hand in front of Skippy's face. "C'mon, stay with me, man, I'm trying to taunt you, you could at least have the decency to stay alive long enough for me to get to the really good imprecations..."
*
He took a long time to finally die.

Doug took no chances, carefully feeling for a pulse at the man's neck and watching him closely before coming to the conclusion that the 'kill or be killed' situation had ended in his favor.
*
As the shocked man sank to his knees, Doug yanked the pistol from the weakening soldier's holster, and shifted to pull the trigger twice in rapid succession to put a bullet through the face of each.

Doug blinked, several faces blending quickly in his memory. "A couple times. My world...isn't always very forgiving." And he wasn't sure whether he should help Sue acclimate to it or do whatever it took to shove her back out of the shadows he and his team lived in.

Sue bit her lip and looked down at the ground, it look like her question had inadvertently struck a nerve with her mentor. "More and more, I don't think anybody's worlds are really that forgiving. Or at least no-one we know, look at everything that people around here go through." she said before looking up at Doug with a resigned look in her eyes. "You just have to play the cards you're dealt and try to make the best choice you can in every situation."

Doug nodded. "Anyone who tells you different, or second guesses the decisions you have to make, is an asshole."