Broken (backdated)

[x-trance.livejournal.com]

Goose is reaching his goal...

It was easy to lose track of days. The flu like fatigue had been replaced with an unwillingness to sleep, as it brought on that same nightmare over and over. Goose occasionally dropped off books or magazines, but she had no ability to concentrate. In the times that he stayed for a time, he would bring up fairly harmless questions about the school and the Institute. But he never pressed when she refused, changing the subject easily. He was open about his employers; a group that sought mutant/human integration, abet through other means.

"Will you let me see Hope today?"

It had been her refrain through the increasingly torturous days, not that she could tell any longer with the days seeming to pass in almost an instant. It was exhaustion that let her know that time was passing, it had been awhile since she could get more then a minute of sleep before the nightmares closed in. She was beginning to understand why so many of the mansions more traumatized residents were eternal insomniacs, although she couldn't understand why any of them were functional.

She'd tried to hide a knife a few days ago, she wasn't even sure exactly why as it wasn't as if she'd ever been taught how to pick a lock but it had seemed like a good idea at the time. It had gone missing though when she looked for it, and she couldn't say if it had been taken, or if she'd simply dreamt that she'd taken it. She'd try again today when they brought her the next meal.

"I will ask, but unfortunately the decision isn't up to me. I can assure you that she's in good health, mostly focused on her studies." Goose said pleasantly, watching her finish of the tray he'd brought her. He could tell from the dark lines under her eyes and halting pauses in her sleep that sleep deprivation was working its magic. "Tell me, what did Hope study at the school? She mentioned receiving special training."

"Powers, we attempt to train our powers to better fit into society"

Laurie didn't feel that this was important information, and giving it up might mean they'd give her permission to see Hope.

"A worthy goal." That was all Goose said, changing the topic. Laurie was wavering. That much was obvious. "How are the nightmares?"

"Frustrating, I feel like every time I close my eyes they're waiting for me. I've run on little sleep before but this is different, I'm exhausted."
She felt not need to lie about this, she'd figured they could tell by how slow she'd been getting that she wasn't sleeping well. She couldn't tell one hundred percent but she had begun to wonder if she was missing time. There was no real way to tell time where she was, and inquiries about gaining access to a time keeping device, or even a calendar had been ignored. She'd have started leaving scratches on the walls if she thought they wouldn't simply remove them. It was maddening, having no reference to anything outside of the four walls she existed in day in and day out.

"I can get you some sleeping pills if you'd like. Perhaps they'd help with some dreamless sleep?" He offered.

"I can't accept that, I'm sorry."

She wanted to, desperately but she couldn't trust that any pills they might feed her weren't laced with something else. She supposed it wouldn't matter in a few more days but right now she just couldn't.

"I understand. If you change your mind, let me know." Goose said, although both were well aware that if they wanted to drug her, Laurie had no real way of resisting. Instead, he got to his feet. "I'm going to be away for a short time. I have some duties abroad. When I get back, I'll talk about arranging some time with Hope, if only so you can be sure she's not being mistreated."

He left quietly and waved forward the technicians once he reached the monitors. "Time to get serious. I want an hourly cycle of Red Room treatments and sedation. She's think every time she closes her eyes she ends up in hell."

"It could compromise her health."

"She's a little young for a stroke. Besides, once she cracks, we can do whatever we want to heal her up, if they still have any use for her." Goose said, all traces of the amicable nature gone from his voice.

***

Laurie  sat jammed into a corner of the small room, a fine tremor running constantly through her body as she scratched at her knees with the only thing she had to cause herself pain, her nails.

The nightmare was constant now, every time she closed her eyes for even a second, and it felt like it had followed her out.

Food they'd dropped off lay abandoned by her bed, a full stomach made her feel sleepy and she couldn't have that - cramps from hunger would give her one more weapon to fight the beast.

She hadn't seen Goose or anyone save the person who delivered her meals in what felt like days. Maybe they'd forgotten about her, even the thought of Doug could no longer keep the Beast at bay.

She was alone, and found wanting. She just wanted to go home.

"Laurie?" The door opened slowly. "Are you awake?" Goose let himself in only to pause at the look of her.

"Oh my. Laurie, what is going on? They said you won't eat, won't sleep. You're barely drinking enough water."

"I can't take this anymore. Please? I just want to go home."

Laurie curled tighter into herself, arms folded in an attempt to stop the shaking. She wasn't even sure if Goose was in the room, he could be just another dream.

Goose sat down, concern etched on his face. "I wish I could, Laurie. I really do. But Hope is thriving here and my employers don't know enough about your school to be sure they wouldn't come and take her back, regardless of her wishes."
"We don't do that, only you do that."

Anger flashed in the gaze Laurie turned on Goose, only to flicker and die as a full body shiver wracked her frame.

"We're trying to help, to make the world better for everyone."

"Are you? That's not what it looks like from the outside." Goose said, leaning forward. "Explain it to me."

"Professor Xavier believes human and mutant can learn to live together, that we can show them there's nothing to fear and that we can help build a better world."

Laurie leaned her head back, but jerked back upwards when her eyes grew heavier. She pressed against the wound in her leg, wincing at the pain but grateful for the pain that brought a small amount of clarity.

"I have gifts that can help people, it's why I'm training to be a doctor."

"Except you tend to spend time running around battling terrorists and wearing paramilitary gear." Goose spread his hands. "Why not volunteer for aid organizations that work directly with people?"

"That would be Red-X, actually."

It helped a little to talk, distracted her from the pain in her joints and back as well as the headache that had been with her for days. She blinked slowly at Goose, bringing him back into focus, and realised that her attention had wandered again. He was looking at her expectantly and she wondered how long it had been since she spoke. Had she spoken? She couldn't remember if her voice had been in her head, or audible.
"We're a school dedicated to equality and the promotion of cooperation, so we work with the Red Cross and charity groups under the Red-X banner in order to prompt peace and understanding between mutants and humans. Those of us wearing the black leather only get involved when there's a threat from things human authorities can't handle alone, or aren't equipped to even understand."

Over time, Goose slowly drew out more answers. It was halting at first, but he never pushed or was demanding. Instead, he followed the threads she brought up, making her comfortable to keep talking. It was better than trying to sleep and risking the nightmares. She had no idea how long they spoke. Goose simply got up at one point and brought in a tray of food before calling the session over. He stressed again that he'd try and get her a chance to see Hope soon and left her alone.

***

"Breakthrough, sir?"

"More like a breakdown. I want to run another weekly session over the next 24 hours. Make sure the last time in the Red Room is significant. She's already told us so much that one last push should be all it takes." Walsh stroked his chin, watching her through the monitors.

"There's a significant chance of long term mental damage."

"Once we've wrung every last drop of intel out of her, you can personally drive her to a state hospital where she can have all the heavy medication she needs. Just another unfortunate junkie Jane Doe lost in the system."

"I'll see to it."