Rogue & Wade | Sunday Afternoon (backdated)

[x-deadpool.livejournal.com]

Wade's setting up a Golden Girls marathon when the mansion's very own Southern belle walks into the rec room.


Wade was marathoning Golden Girls again. He'd commandeered the third floor rec room and set up shop, his collection of DVDs set out on the coffee table next to a stack of pizzas still in their Pizza Hut boxes. "It's just you and me today, Bea," he half-crooned, picking up the remote to start the first episode of season one, absently humming Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On."

The soothing sounds of Golden Girls perked Rogue's interest immediately. She'd heard rumours that there was a complete DVD collection but she thought it was an urban legend like Scott's Hallowe'en thong, or the Professor's bottle of Rogaine.

Peeking her head into the rec room, she saw someone on the couch, humming Marvin Gaye. "Now sugar, I'm not one to judge, but if you need private time with Bea Arthur, ‎jus' let me know and I'll skeddaddle, but if y'all have Miss Rue Mclanahan on your mind, I'd like to join in."

Pausing, Wade turned very slowly to look at the woman standing near the door. "Bea and I always need private time, but I suppose I could put that off until such a time as you're content with your McIanahan. It is a public common room, after all."

"True, but I don't wanna intrude. A lady is neither seen nor heard," she cooed, a teasing smile on her face as she sauntered in. "Lucky for us both, I'm no lady. Just me, which is probably more than enough for anyone."

Sitting down on the couch, she shook her head. "And tell me, how were you going to watch a show with no snacks?"

Reaching over the arm of the couch, Wade pulled an extra large bag of gummy bears into view. "You can't have too many of them at once, or you get gummy tummy and that's no good."

"I concur," she said, pulling her legs up and reaching for the candy. "I think you might be my new best friend, which isn't really hard because I love candy.‎". She extended a gloved hand, gummy bears already in her mouth. "I'm Rogue."

"Like a rogue wave?" Wade asked, grabbing a handful of gummies for himself. "I'm Wade. I used to kill people for money but now I'm more a 'whenever the Snow Valley people need some muscle or a meat shield' kinda guy. Nice to meet you."

"Wouldn't a rogue wave be like a tsunami or somethin'?" She wrinkled her nose. "And that's nice, you have a purpose. I don't. I just sit here and look pretty. No touching. Just looking." She flashed a big smile. "I can handle the pretty part though."

"No, a tsunami is a tsunami and it hits land," Wade said. "Rogue waves are just... monstrously huge waves that come out of nowhere and wreck ships - they're a real thing, the History Channel and Nat Geo and the Discover Channel all told me so." He grabbed another handful of gummy bears before continuing, "Well, you could always offer up your services to one of the teams. X-Force pays me with candy." He paused again. "Huh. Now I kill people for candy. I'm pretty sure that's not much better."

"At least you get a pretty sweet deal out of it," she teased, laughing before she could finish the sentence. "I'm hilarious...."

"That was so awful it was awesome," Wade said, grinning. "But for real, though, why don't you look at the X-Men or something if you want to, like, contribute or whatever."

She shrugged. "I'm slowly making my way there," she said, in a non-commital manner. "Jus' got back a few months ago anyways, and I'm in zero rush. Started offering drop in art lessons to the kids, so that's been going well. Have a few at a time, and that makes me happy. I like to paint, always have. Even have my art therapist designation," she added. "Course, it's Canadian, and I'm not sure if I can transfer it here. One day I'll look into that."

"They let people swap back and forth between Canada and the US all the time," Wade offered. "Probably shouldn't have any trouble with that."

"Maybe I should've said I'm enjoyin' being a worthless bum." She took another handful of gummy bears, methodically eating the feet, then the arms, then the head, and finally the body of each little bear. "But you're right -- there probably is little to no problem, and I could just get off my butt and start workin'. I've been working at the Danger Room lately, trying to get mah fitness on and all. I'm just no good at motivatin' myself sometimes."

"'Worthless bum' is a valid life choice," Wade said, nodding. "I mean, that's basically what I am when I'm not getting paid in peanut butter and chocolate." He did a fair bit of training with people at the mansion, true, but mostly... he was a jovial layabout whose greatest accomplishment most days was beating his best time from the city to the mansion and back again.

‎"Well, clearly you do more than that, of you can afford such an amazing DVD collection," she pointed out. "Like, those are bequeathable items, for sure.". She paused and tilted her head. "Is that a word? Bequeathable?"

"It should be," Wade offered. Then he smiled. "It's cute, how you think I got most of my money recently."

"....wait, what?". She sat up straighter on the couch. ‎"Someone died?"

"Lots of people died, short stuff - I'm fifty-four and I was a mercenary for like thirty years. Ish. Give or take a couple here or there," Wade said. Then he offered her his hand, the one not full of gummy bears, and said, "Healing factor. Nice to meet you. Again."

Rogue shook his hand again, laughing. "Why couldn't have gotten that power? All I have is poison skin, invulnerability, flight and strength. Logan's got the same gift as you. Always was jealous."

"I dunno, invulnerability, strength, and flight sound pretty awesome - the skin thing maybe not so much but y'know." Wade shrugged. "The healing factor thing's alright, except mine's kinda gimpy. And we get targeted for black market organ harvesting operations a lot. Which sucks."

"Don't forget the unethical mad scientists," she pointed out. "Logan's run into those a time or two. No one's really wanted to experiment on me. Except Magneto that one time."

"Funny story," Wade said, tossing some more gummy bears in his mouth. "Me and Logan ran into the same mad scientists, only he did it like way before me."

"Really? It's a small mad world, after all. Course, that being said, there can't be too many mad scientists out there, right? They're bound to kick around for a while."‎

"Oh, there are tons of mad scientists," Wade said. "It's just that the Canadian and American governments decided to find most of them and stick them in the same program. Ta da! Instant professional connections and unethical behavior for all!"

"Like one big ol' Linkedin!"

"Only like the evil, sadistic Linkedin," Wade said, nodding earnestly. "I like the way you think."

"Aw, thanks sugar." ‎She tossed a gummy bear in his direction, aiming for his nose. "I like how I think too. Random is the way to go. I don't understand linear thinkers. Point A doesn't always go to point B. Sometimes a pyramid gets in the way."

Wade shifted so he could chomp the gummy bear out of the air, then grinned. "Exactly. And pyramids are distracting because there could be mummies or curses or compressed hydrochloric acid!"

"Those movies were on this weekend. I love them. I wonder who I was in a past life.". She sat up straighter on the couch. "I bet you were someone mysterious. ‎Like...Kaspar Hauser."

Squinting, Wade asked, "Wasn't he the dude who tried to fool everyone or something and might've been royalty but like. Got stabbed and died and maybe actually stabbed himself?"
"I don't remember details," she admitted. "Other than he claimed to have lived his entire life in a box, and was just let out recently, and had no idea why he was in the box or nothing. The doctors at the time did note that the bottoms of his feet were so smooth, it almost seemed unused. Sometime in the 1800s."

"Huh," Wade said, considering that for a little while. "Okay, I'll see your man of mystery and raise you a Scarlet O'Hara. Because if anybody's got the Southern belle thing going on, it's you."

She flipped her hair in an attempt to be an elegant Southern belle; however, it probably looked more like she was having a seizure. "Why Ah do declare, suh," she stated, turning her accent on to 11. "Kinder words have nevah been spoken. Ah am truly in th' presuhnce of a gentleman."

Wade cracked up - he couldn't help it. Mouth full of half-eaten gummy bears, he tried really hard not to choke himself because asphyxiation sucked even if it wouldn't permanently kill him. Marie-Ange would probably yell at him. "Jesus, that's amazing."

Rogue rolled her eyes, a smile on her face. "That's me after spending too long at home," she confessed. "Really, I've lived outside of the South almost longer than I actually lived there. I'll probably always have a lil accent, and I think it's noticeable enough that people recognize I ain't from around here, but I dunno." She shrugged. "It's fun to play with though, channel mah mutha and all."

"Your mama'd be proud," Wade said, still chuckling. "Very, very proud."

"Amen. Now let's see what these crazy ol' girls are going to get into, huh?" Time to get back to what was really important: the sarcastic tones of Bea Arthur.