Rogue and Adrienne: Just another Wednesday Night

[x-traction.livejournal.com]

In which our two heroines brave the wonder that is mutant speed dating.

Hilarity and shenanigans ensue.


"Remind me again how I let you talk me into this?‎" Rogue felt uncomfortable almost immediately upon walking into the room. She tugged on her gloves ‎and smoothed her dress. "I can't even believe this is a thing. Mutant speed dating. Can we go? I've changed my mind -- I wanna be a cat lady someday. Don't ruin my chances..."

"Of course we can go," Adrienne cooed sympathetically. "C'mon. I even have a cat you can take to get you started on your fabulous life as a spinster who will never have sex, and collects cat after cat until finally it's been so long since she's had sex she starts to wonder what it would be like if she rubbed some Fancy Feast into her- hi there, we're here for the speed dating," she smiled, interrupted by reaching the front of the line to sign up for the event. She wrote the name Daisy down on a sticker and put it on her chest proudly, handing the pen to Rogue.

If looks could kill, Rogue thought as she signed her name Anna. At Adri's look, she just shrugged.‎ Rogue wanted a fake name too.

The room was surprisingly filled with all sorts of people, some with visible mutations, and others not. A man with large horns passed in front of her, and she couldn't help but sigh. Even in a sea of mutants, she always felt alone. "Can we have a code word? If something goes wrong, I’ll stand up 'n' scream Jambalaya."

Adrienne signed Daisy's name on a couple waivers and looked around the room. "Of course we can," she repeated in the same tone. "You stand up and scream that, and let everyone know you're completely freaking insane, and then they'll all stay away from you for the rest of the night! So technically you'd be fixing your own problem!" It seemed like sound logic to her. "What do you think is gonna go wrong?" She asked the question more out of nerves than idle curiosity or to needle Rogue about her insecurities. She'd distributed flyers out of eVolution for this thing, damnit! If something was going to go wrong, there would be guilt, and that was Adrienne's most hated of all the three new emotions she'd developed since moving to the mansion.

"Nothing's gonna go wrong," she reluctantly admitted. "I'm jus' nervous, is all. ‎There's a lot more people than I thought there'd be."

Before she could more, the organizer of the event started to call everyone to attention. "Hi everyone! I'm Sherry, and I can't wait for you to meet each other." The enthusiasm was palatable, and Rogue couldn't help but smile. "So the rules are simple: ten minutes with a person, go through the pre-made questions if you don't know what to say. When the bell dings, ladies, move on to your right‎. Gentlemen, you stay in your seats. Make sure you mark down who attracts your fancy and if at the end there's compatibility, we'll send out an email, mmmkay?"

"Guess that's our cue," Rogue whispered to Adrienne. She moved into the group of women and swallowed thickly. She could do this.

Adrienne raised her hand. "What happens if you're a lady but you're here to meet other ladies?" she asked Sherry curiously.

Sherry didn't bat an eye. "Oh honey, that event happens after this one. We are all about equal opportunities here. Would you like to sign up for that one instead?"

"Oh, no," Adrienne shook her head strongly, switching tactics on the fly. "Quite the contrary, actually. I just wanted to make sure there wouldn't be any of... those people... here tonight."

Rogue elbowed Adrienne, but it was clear Sherry had already tuned her out.

"Right, so let's all sit down and remember: have fun and be nice to one another." From the glare that accompanied that statement, it was clear who it was aimed at.

Rogue shot Adrienne a smile and sat ‎down in front of a well-dressed man. A resulting squelching noise happened as he shifted, and the man looked embarrassed. "Sorry," he said, looking sad."I'm mostly water, and when I get nervous, I melt a little."

A little? His hair was quickly plastered to his face, and the chair ‎was dripping. Rogue reached in her purse and pulled out a handkerchief. "I think ya might need this more than me."

This was going to be a long ten minutes.

*DING*

"Really? Super strength and durability?" Adrienne responded to her would-be suitor, trying to sound as if she thought that was unique. "That's awesome!"

"Oui," the man responded in a heavy French accent, grinning broadly. "I call myself Captain France."

"And people call me arrogant," Adrienne muttered under her breath. "That's a fantastic name," she smiled politely. "It's because you're from Italy, right?"

The man looked at her blankly, not understanding that she was teasing.

"Oh...kay," she carried on with a smile plastered on her face, determined not to kill anyone tonight, for Rogue's sake.

*DING*

The man in front of her was big. Really big. And green. She didn't know what to do or say. "So....Bulk...why did you come here tonight?"

The man blinked a few times before looking down. "Bulk lonely. Bulk not find it easy being green. Women like pink."

"I hear it's a tough colour to be, green" she said, not knowing how to respond. "But think of it this way -- you have options others don't.". She leaned forward, whispering loudly. "No one else could pull off purple pants like you do."

It looked like he smiled. It was kind of hard to tell.

*DING*

"So... can I ask you a question?" Adrienne asked the guy dressed up as an Egyptian prince, who had introduced himself to her as 'Horusian.' "First I met Captain France, then a guy who calls himself King James I of England, and now you? Are you guys a club or something? Do you call yourselves The Super Stereotypes? Is this a hazing ritual of some sort? Are you all pledging a frat or something?"

*DING*

"My name is Mr. Lin."

That was all he said. No follow up questions, no smile, nothing. He oozed neutrality.

Rogue gave a forced smile which after a few minutes felt exhausting. She tried asking open ended questions like "How are you? What did you do today? If you were a burger, what kind would you be and why?" but at most, all she received was a blank stare.

Finally, 30 seconds before the timer went off, he spoke. ‎ "I enjoy your breasts in that shirt."

The ding couldn't come fast enough.

*DING*

Adrienne was doing some silence of her own as she stared across the table at what appeared to be a human-sized bat. To say she was freaked the fuck out would be an understatement. It- well, he, she had to assume- was speaking to her, but she was having a tough time making out what it- he was saying. The mouth full of fangs were obviously a detriment to speech. "Hey," she asked finally, thinking of a really random bit of trivia Garrison's sister had once told her. "Is it true that bats have the longest tongues of all mammals? You should really start opening with that line."

*DING*

‎"You're not a mutant," Rogue exclaimed. "You're a robot!"

The robot shushed her loudly, his sunglasses and hat jiggling as he shook his head. "No, my mutation is metal like. My name is‎ Steelbow."

She raised an eyebrow and folded her arms.‎ Her stare down was perfected by this point in the night.

The robot slumped dejectedly. "I have all the right parts," he mumbled.

*DING*

"I know women like to tell men that size isn't everything," the guy across the table from Adrienne opened with, "but I can reduce or add to my size. Anywhere," he stressed, waggling an eyebrow at her. "So I can be any size you want, baby."

"Charming," Adrienne muttered, rolling her eyes.

As a demonstration, the man's fingers began growing at a rapid rate, and before she knew it they'd grazed her boob. He quickly shrunk them again and muttered "sorry", though he winked at her when he said it.

The psychometrist put a hand on the table and confirmed that this guy had tried a similar move with most of the women who'd sat across from him tonight. Hands brushed breasts, legs grew so big the knees 'accidentally' brushed women’s' thighs. At one point she could swear she heard him honk as he touched a breast. She made a mental calculation, adjusted her chair a little and kicked him in the balls under the table. "Hey, can you can reduce the swelling there, then?" she asked sweetly, getting up from the table before the bell rang.

Rogue watched in fascination as Shelly stormed over to Adri. It was clear from the anger on the man's face that something happened. She excused herself from the only normal guy of the night (Todd, bioluminescence, barista at Starbucks) and walked towards them, eavesdropping, as it were.

"Alright miss," Sherry said, smile still plastered on her face. ‎ "I think that you might be a little over stimulated here. Come with me." The offered hand looked more mandatory than voluntary. "I have a nice set up in the corner, where you can take some time to reflect on your choices. Then, when you're ready, you can join the group again, okay?"

"Wait... you're putting me in a time-out?!" Adrienne asked incredulously. "Guess what, lady! This isn't fucking day-care! We're adults. And when a man acts like a fucking pig, he gets a fucking kick to the fucking balls," she exclaimed. "I can't believe you're penalizing me and the man over there acts like a dick and gets off scot-free! This is female oppression! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!"

Rogue's eyes widened. This was not going to end well. "Daisy!," she exlaimed, rushing towards the two women. "Mama just called, and well, it's the cancer. It's back. We need to leave right now." This was said quickly and in a breathless voice, in order to lend credence to it. "I just can't believe it, it's so sudden, it's like one day she's here, and then the next she's here but with no boobs, and now she's back in the hospital and we need to go." Forcing a tear, she turned to Sherry. "I'm so sorry for my sister. She hasn't been right in the head since that terrible donkey accident. We have to go. Thank you for the lovely time, and for the crackers. It was great."

She took a hold of Adrienne's upper arm and raised an eyebrow. "Let's go sis, you know Mama needs us to help her look pretty for the doctors. Third marriages always work."

Stupefied by Rogue's responses, Adrienne could only stare at the other woman for what felt like an eternity. "Donkey accident," she repeated, trying incredibly hard to keep a straight face. "Third marriage..." Snapping back to action, she turned towards the door, crossing the table Rogue had just risen from, and spilled her handbag. In crouching to gather up the contents, she brushed a fingertip against the sole of the shoe of the man Rogue had been talking to. "That donkey had more charm than the whole lot of ya!" she called out loudly as she followed Rogue out, pausing in the doorway and giving the room a 'peace out' gesture before departing.

Around the corner from the venue, she doubled over laughing. "'The next she's here but with no boobs?'" she repeated to Rogue when she had regained her breath. "Seriously?! I know I should tell you that's super mean, and I guess laughing about cancer is just as bad, but damn. So funny. We're totally going to hell. I'm sorry I took you away from that guy, though. He looked like the diamond in the rough, tool-filled desert that was tonight."

Rogue shrugged it off, laughing too hard to really say anything in response. "I panicked! I didn't want you to go to the naughty chair! That man looked too happy to spank you, and yeah." She tried to fan her face with her hands. ‎"Oh my gawd, I can't believe I did that either, but yah, I guess now we have another quest: find the only glow in the dark barista in town. That can’t be hard, right? Jus' gotta wait for the next blackout, and then fly 'til I see light."

It was hard to talk between giggles.

Still chuckling, Adrienne wrote an address down on her notepad, tore off the page, and gave it to Rogue. "I Read his shoe. Here's the Starbucks he works at. Although, I gotta say, I'm a huge fan of causing a blackout and watching you fly around like you're on a scavenger hunt," she teased. "Thanks for saving me from the naughty chair," she added with a nod. "Though I still don't understand why he gets to go around groping women and I get sent to the naughty chair for reacting to it. Maybe he and Shelly are in cahoots, trying to find meek, pliable women they can take home and lock in their basements."

An evil grin crossed Rogue's face. "I think I saw what car she drove. Wanna go read it and then we can egg her house?"

"Is telepathy a secondary mutation you just developed tonight?" Adrienne asked Rogue with a grin. "I absolutely want to do this. But I also want to Read the cars around here to see which one's his, and do the same to him. And possibly slash his tires, too. What say you?"

"I say that this is cementing a beautiful friendship." She gave Adri a little bow, and motioned towards the parking lot. "After you, sugar."


"Oh, no, after you, sis," Adrienne countered, beaming at Rogue's mention of them being friends. "I wouldn't want to block your path in case I fall over, twitching and spasming, which I sometimes do because of the terrible donkey accident."

That set Rogue off again, her stomach starting to hurt from the laughter. "The best part of that is your mind goes to the worst places‎. At least I didn't say it happened in Mexico!" She hooked her elbow into Adrienne’s. “Now I believe we have a date with a dozen eggs. Lead the way!”