Nathan and Moira

[x-mactaggart.livejournal.com]

Moira falls asleep waiting for Nathan to come back and he wakes her up. They talk about Manuel, what happened and facing certain stumbling blocks. Moira's bound and determined to beat some sense into his head.




With a small jerk, Moira woke up and blinked at the lamp. It was still on, why was it still...her gaze fell to the other half of the bed, empty and cold and she sighed. That's right, she was waiting for Nathan to come back from wherever he had headed off to. With a frown, she scooped up the book that fell when she'd woken herself up and decided she couldn't read it anyway.

A glance at the clock let her know it was rather late, or early depending on how you looked at it, and no sign of Nathan. She resisted the temptation to poke at the link, trying to give him some space. It seemed he needed it or he would have woken her up. With that worry on her mind, coupled with the weird sensation she'd gotten over the link earlier...her frown deepened.

A quick tug smoothed down the silk shirt she had been sleeping in and she rolled over after turning off the light. It had started to hurt her eyes and there was no harm in getting some real sleep, even if he did come in the next five minutes. As she drifted back to a light sleep again, she hoped it would be soon.

She was asleep when Nathan came back and found her. Moving slowly, uncertainly in the dimness, he saw that there was another note beneath the one he had left her earlier. He picked it up, squinting at it in the dimness.

She wanted him to wake her up? Swallowing, he got changed, his hands still trembling slightly, and then crawled into bed next to her. He just watched her for a while, her face peaceful in the faint moonlight coming from the windows.

"Moira," he said finally, his voice hoarse, and touched the link almost hesitantly.

The light brush in her mind normally wouldn't have roused her from her sleep, but the familiarity did. "Mmm?" she mumbled, raising her a head a little from the pillow. Her eyes opened, just a little, enough to take in things close to her. "Nathan?"

"Yeah," he whispered, unable to help the way his voice shook. "It's... raining out there."

She reached up and touched his hair lightly to feel the damp. "So it tis." Moira blinked more and rubbed the back of her hand over her eyes. "Wha's wron'? I was worried but dinnae want ta--push."

"I was... I was wrong about Manuel," he said after another long moment. "About being able to help him. I..." He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, concentrated on breathing. "I can't... I can't do it anymore," he confessed, his voice barely audible.

She considered reaching for the light but thought better of it. "Come 'ere," she murmured, reaching for him. "'Tis all right if'n ye cannae, Nathan, 'tis a job where there are others ta take th' lead. An' cannae do wha', 'elp 'im or somethin' else?" The sleep fog was slowly starting to lift from her mind as she talked.

Part of him hated himself for it, but the feel of her arms around him was too comforting, too right. "I can't help him," he whispered, his voice full of self-loathing. "He's too... he's got me pinned down, Moira, and I can't handle it. That was him, on our link..."

Moira froze, mouth suddenly dry. "Well, tha' explains th' stuff 'bout Amanda tha' leaked through." Her voice was a whisper as she tried to process this. "I'd figured it wasnae yer...thoughts...but...wha' 'appened?"

"I was trying to show him... what would happen, how she would be if he overlapped with her mind again and it stuck." Nathan swallowed past the tightness in his throat. "He didn't like it. My fault, he said, making the connection, letting him in... I didn't know the dampener let him use his powers like that, or I wouldn't have done it, Moira..."

"I dinnae think it should. But I dinnae know 'ow it works exactly, Emma, possibly 'enry would. Charles." With a sigh, she cupped his chin. "Are ye okay? I mean, really? Ye blocked it so quickly once it 'appened tha' all I got were flashes o' Amanda an' some weird feelin's. Dinnae know wha' everythin' meant, even when ye reached down th' link." It was clear she was more concered for his well being than what she'd felt along the link earlier.

He shook his head, unable to find the words, and pulled her close. "I'm just tired," he finally said, his voice wavering. "So tired of all of this..."

"I know, baby." Gently, she curled around him and ran a soothing hand up and down his back. "It'll be all right, eventually. I promise."

As Moira started to pillow her head against his chest, something flashed over the link. A frown crossed her face again and she concentrated on it. Talk with Rahne and...he asked her what? With a confused look, she pulled back and looked at him. "Wha' do ye mean if'n I'm 'appy when I'm nay puttin' on an act?" she demanded, eyes wide.

Nathan opened his mouth to answer, but the words didn't come for a moment. He took an unsteady breath and tried again, not looking away from her wide-eyed, slightly appalled gaze.

"Let's not mince words here. I'm falling right the fuck apart here, Moira," he said, managing something approaching a normal tone. "I'm lurching from crisis to crisis, pretty much screwing things up everywhere I step. You..." His voice broke. "I worry. That you're linked to me, that my problems are swallowing your life. And Manuel..." He stopped again, swallowing. "He just... pointed that out. Showed me what a hypocrite I'm being, trying to stand between him and Amanda." He laughed weakly. "And I'm probably more selfish than he is, Moira, because I know that, but I'd still rather swallow a bullet than let you go..."

"Good! Because I'm nay 'bout ta go anywhere," Moira snapped, pushing herself up on one elbow. "An' did ye ever think it was okay fer ye ta *be* selfish once in a while, aye? Ye've never asked 'ow I feel 'bout th' link. Maybe 'tis because ye jus' feel it over th' bloody thin'. But I'm *glad* it 'appened, Nathan. I'm glad I'm able ta 'elp ye in this way. I'm glad I can feel ye there when yer nay even in th' room. So 'tis yer turn ta fall apart, crisis after crisis. God only knows ye 'elped me wit' mine."

Nathan stared up at her, unable to either deny the sincerity, the ferocity of her words, or to let them quiet the conflict raging inside him. "I don't know what I'm doing," he said wearily, echoing his earlier words to Rahne. "I just... I don't know what I'm doing, Moira, I don't know how to do any of this..." He was stumbling through the dark and he kept falling on his face...

"Ye really think any o' us do?" Her voice quieted a little but the intensity was still there. "Nathan, th' day any o' us know wha' ta really do is when we're appointed God. Until then, we make do wit' wha' we 'ave an' we keep tryin'."

A few seconds passed before she continued. "Whatever ye believe, Nathan, believe this...ye deserve this. T' be 'appy." Those feelings and thoughts had been at the forefront of his mind the past few minutes and it had only taken her a light touch on the link to see that.

Nathan closed his eyes, words failing him again. He wanted that. He was utterly terrified of that. There had to be some way through the dilemma, something he could do...

"I love you." The words slipped out, as if of their own accord. "That's the only thing I know for sure."

Moira leaned forward and cupped his chin, making him look at her. "Then knowin' tha' an' th' fact tha' I love ye is all ye need, isnae it?"

A noise that was half-laugh, half-sigh escaped him, and he pulled her close. "I've got to get the hang of this sometime," he whispered. "Bear with me? Please?"

"As lon' as it takes, ye know tha'. Or ye should." Sighing, slightly, more tired than anything else, Moira nuzzled close. "Missed ye," she murmured. She knew he'd know she wasn't only talking earlier, but over the weekend as well. Wherever she'd managed to catch some sleep, it had always been disconcerting to wake up without him.

"I'll try not to check out on you like that again anytime soon," he said, knowing she would understand he meant both times, tonight and the weekend. "Think I'll... hide tomorrow, though. In here. Not sure I'm up to facing Manuel or Amanda..." Or hell, anyone at the moment...

"'s fine. Nay like I'm goin' ta say nay ta bein' able t' 'ave some quiet time wit' ye." No matter what the cause. Oh, she knew Nathan had probably overstepped the line but she knew it was because he cared about Amanda. A smile crossed her face. Reminded her of her father, she thought, burning that leather jacket that had been a gift to her from her 'boyfriend' at the time. A little too enthusiastic, perhaps.
(done)

"I don't know how I'm going to explain any of this to her," he muttered miserably.

"Mmm. Tell 'er ye were stupid, bull'eaded an' bein' overprotective because ye care? I can also talk ta 'er if'n ye like, later."

"Maybe," he said with another sigh. "I think I ought to stop thinking about this now. For a while."

"'bout time ye turned tha' brain o' yers off for a wee while," Moira murmured, tugging the blankets up higher around them. "Ye need ta relax an' sleep, Nathan."

"I was sleeping out in the gazebo for a while," Nathan muttered, not really aware of what he was saying. "And then Rahne licked me."

Moira blinked, tilted her head and then giggled softly. "Did she? Must mean she likes ye." With a humorous smile, she snuggled tightly against him. "I'd say somethin' 'bout ye bein' lickable but I'm sure yer gettin' tired o' me bein' a dirty ol' woman."

#Not really,# he sent softly as he drifted off.

With a yawn, Moira shifted onto her side, smiling a little as Nathan protested and wrapped his arms firmly around her. Sleepily, she sent reassurances down the link as she pulled the comforter up further and relaxed against him. Sleep was much easier, she thought as her mind drifted, when he was here.