![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
x-cable.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
xp_logsTuesday night. Sitting at Amanda's bedside, Nathan falls asleep and into her mind, making a couple of important discoveries along the way. (OOC: Okay, so it's a few hours early, but hey, too good not to share at the earliest opportunity if Rossi and I do say so ourselves...;)
He hated this place, Nathan thought dully, his eyes roaming around the medlab room. The smell of it, the feel of it... "Shy'vayan haia," he muttered to himself, his gaze shifting back to the still, slight form in the bed. Mass-wise, there was more medical equipment around the bed than there was girl in it, he thought, a stab of bleak anguish making him shift in his chair.
Slouching, his eyes still locked on Amanda's pale, slack face, he tried to close out the noise of the respirator, at least. "I wish you'd wake up," he murmured. "Not right, any of this..." He thought of Manuel, in the next room, but pushed the boy out of his mind. Couldn't risk projecting anything that could upset her, if she was aware of him at all. "Your iguana is lonely," he said, and then could have laughed at himself. It might have been funny, if it wasn't all so sad.
Sinking farther in his chair, he closed his eyes, just to rest them for a moment. One of the doctors would be along to kick him out anytime now, he figured. But he would stay there until then, so she wouldn't be alone. Even setting everything else aside, she had done the same for him...
Pebbles crunched under his feet. A beach, he realised, but not the one he'd dreamt of before, when Amanda had unexpectedly appeared. This was a stretch of English beach, grey and cold under a winter sky. Two piers reached out into the slate-grey sea, vaguely familiar. Then he remembered Amanda talking of Brighton as a kind of home, and he knew where he was.
She would be here somewhere, he realised. But there was no sign of life on the empty beach, nothing but stones and sea and overcast sky, the chill and desolation reflecting the damage that had been done. He was on the brink of calling her name, when a small figure appeared on the shore, close by the water's edge.
"Amanda!" he called, but that was wrong, this girl was very young, just a child, and her hair was honey-blonde, brushing her shoulders. She was wearing a plain cotton shift, her skin almost as white as the material. "Amanda?" he said again, approaching her. The girl turned large blue eyes on him.
"Not yet", she replied.
Oh, wonderful. Fun with dreamscapes. But he was suddenly so overwhelmingly glad to see her, in this form or in any form. "Then what do I call you?" he asked gently, coming over and crouching down a few steps away. "I don't think 'hey you' is particularly polite."
"Names have power," she told him seriously. "That's what Daddy taught me." She smiled suddenly. "But Daddy's gone, so I can say what I like. I'm Gemile."
Gemile? Nathan smiled at the little girl. "It's a beautiful name," he said. "I won't tell anyone else." He looked around at the beach, sighing to himself. "Why are you here, Gemile?" he asked softly, looking back at her. "Do you know why?"
"Daddy called me out. He was angry, she wouldn't do what he wanted, so he called me. Names have power," she repeated. Faint traces of red were beginning to appear on the shift she was wearing. Lines of arcane writing and symbols that were briefly legible before the cloth absorbed them, spread them into wider stains. "Daddy's a bad man."
"Yes," Nathan said softly, stretching out a hand, hoping she would come closer and take it. This was a remarkably complex mindscape. The 'physical' contact could possibly tell him something. "He was a very bad man, Gemile, but he's gone now."
"He went down there," Gemile said, pointing at what had been water lapping on the beach only moments before. His perception shifted crazily as he realised it was now a void, a bottomless abyss. "Daddy went down there and he wants me to go there too. But I don't want to." Gemile looked up at him. "Do I have to?"
"No," Nathan said, more sharply than he'd intended, but the abyss terrified him. He knew what it was, knew it in his gut, and it took everything he had not to stand up and grab the child, get her as far away from the edge as possible. "Daddy belongs there, Gemile. You don't. Take my hand, mi'savra... please?"
"You don't have t' worry, I ain't goin' nowhere." Amanda's voice sounded vaguely amused behind him, and she grinned as he turned to look at her. She was sitting on the edge of an empty boardwalk that had appeared from nowhere, a cigarette in her hand. "Least, not this part of me." She held up her wrist, and a fine silver chain jangled slightly - one end was wrapped around her wrist, the other stretched out into the surrounding greyness of her mindscape. "Guess the link was good for somethin' after all."
"Amanda," Nathan said slowly, keeping one eye on Gemile. "Do you know where you are?"
"Well, since there ain't no way I can be in Brighton, an' last I saw, Brighton didn't have a bottomless pit, I'd have t' say I was in me own head, right?" Amanda swung her feet almost jauntily. "An' that would be what the shrinks call me inner child." Gemile looked up from her contemplation of the void.
"You made Daddy angry," she said, frowning. "Daddy hurts us when he's angry."
"Shh," Nathan said to the little girl, very gently, and then looked back at Amanda. "You're lying in a medlab bed mostly-dead at the moment," he said, unable to disguise the pain in his voice. "I was keeping an eye on you. Must have dozed off."
"'Daddy' can kiss my--" Amanda began, and then winced. "'M sorry," she said. "I keep doin' this to you, don't I?" She pushed herself off the board walk and came across to him, boots crunching on the stony beach. The chain allowed her to reach his side, but not much further. "Fucker found me," she said, shivering. "He wanted me back an' wasn't gunna take no for an answer. I thought I could take him." She looked across at Gemile. "I wanted t' be free of him, an' instead he takes me with him."
"He hasn't taken you yet," Nathan said, the words low but fierce. He reached out to touch the chain - and yanked his hand back with a cry, toppling over onto the rough pebble-strewn sand as emotions flooded through him like a wave of fire. Overwhelming grief and killing rage and utter desolation... the part of his mind where Aliya had been started to hurt, alive with a thousand fiery needles as if it was a limb that had fallen asleep. But he could feel the shattered, open end of the link, and out there was the same yawning abyss as the one here on the beach... no, just an echo, he told himself feverishly, walling it all back up and focusing on the beach, on her. "Oh, fuck," he breathed shakily. "Fuck, Amanda... he's holding you here without knowing, he thinks you're dead..."
"He thinks--? Christ, that's what that is. I thought it was somethin' Rack had done." Amanda knelt beside him, helped him sit up. On his other side, Gemile took a step towards them, worry creasing her small, pointed face. "I tried... t' feel him, an' I couldn't. There was just too much pain." Amanda leaned her forehead against his shoulder. "'M tired, Nate. Tired of bein' hurt and hurtin' other people."
His hands shaking - this really was one hell of a mindscape for a non-psi, he thought dizzily - Nathan took her hands in his, and he could feel the warmth of her skin, the pulse beating at her wrists. "I know," he said hoarsely. "I know, Amanda, but damn it, that's not all there is. It's not." He squeezed her hands, stopping just short of hard-enough-to-hurt. "You're still here," he said fiercely, his voice shaking. "Despite what Rack did to you, you're still here. And I am not letting you go -- you or that idiot boy."
Amanda didn't say anything, but he could feel her drawing on his strength, gathering her own. There was a soft touch on his other shoulder, and Gemile was there. "We believe you," she said, solemnly. The blue of her eyes, the blonde of her hair, the redness of the blood on her shift were vivid against the starkness of their surroundings. "We won't let Daddy take us, not if you don't want us to."
"Both of you have to fight," Nathan said, reaching up with one hand to take Gemile's. Her hand was as cool as Amanda's were warm. "No matter what happens, what you see. Stay on this beach." It was a stable point, maybe the only one left in her mind. He gave a shaky laugh. "Fuck, I hope someone comes along and wakes me up soon. I have to get Charles."
Thunder rumbled ominously along the skyline and Amanda looked up as lightning flickered above them. "Looks like visitin' hours is over," she said wryly. "You don't wanna be here for this part, Nate. Best you get goin'." She pulled her hand from his, and nodded at Gemile. "Take her with you."
"You missed the part where I said I fell asleep, didn't you?" Nathan said with a certain bleak humor, getting up but not letting go of Gemile's hand. "I may have been getting the odd lesson from Charles, Amanda, but not enough to tell me how to get out of here. Not that I would leave you, anyway."
"Hey, I just live here. I don't know all the rules." Amanda climbed to her feet with a sigh. "I ain't been doin' that psionics class long, but one thing it did teach me was how t' evict unwanted visitors. An' I don't want you seein' this - withdrawin's bad enough without havin' an audience." She gave him a small push away from her, not hard at all. "You've got me name, dunno what use it'll be t' someone who ain't a magic user, but keep it safe. Keep her safe."
"Amanda, no," Nathan said sharply. He might not be able to get himself out of here, not asleep, but she might indeed be able to push him out -- or at least wake him up. "Don't, I could help you--"
"Time to go," Gemile said, tugging on his hand urgently. Around them the thunder rumbled louder, a rising wind whipping the water - it was water again - into frothy waves.
"She's right. Time's up. I'll be fine, Nate," Amanda said, with a sad smile. "Things heal at their own pace, or that's what Rom told me once. See you in a bit." And with that she pushed at him again, more firmly this time.
He started to reach out, to try and hold onto the mindscape - but hesitated, suddenly afraid to risk it. If this was the only stable place left in her mind, too much interference could be dangerous, and he didn't want to chance hurting her any more than she had already been hurt...
His hesitation cost him the chance to do anything but be pushed, quite efficiently, back out of her mind. Coming awake, he sat bolt upright in his chair, his heart thundering in his ears.
Amanda was still motionless in the bed, but the bleeping of the monitor had become more agitated and he could sense that something was wrong. Withdrawal, she'd said? Swallowing, he levered himself up out of the chair and went to find Henry or Madelyn.
He hated this place, Nathan thought dully, his eyes roaming around the medlab room. The smell of it, the feel of it... "Shy'vayan haia," he muttered to himself, his gaze shifting back to the still, slight form in the bed. Mass-wise, there was more medical equipment around the bed than there was girl in it, he thought, a stab of bleak anguish making him shift in his chair.
Slouching, his eyes still locked on Amanda's pale, slack face, he tried to close out the noise of the respirator, at least. "I wish you'd wake up," he murmured. "Not right, any of this..." He thought of Manuel, in the next room, but pushed the boy out of his mind. Couldn't risk projecting anything that could upset her, if she was aware of him at all. "Your iguana is lonely," he said, and then could have laughed at himself. It might have been funny, if it wasn't all so sad.
Sinking farther in his chair, he closed his eyes, just to rest them for a moment. One of the doctors would be along to kick him out anytime now, he figured. But he would stay there until then, so she wouldn't be alone. Even setting everything else aside, she had done the same for him...
Pebbles crunched under his feet. A beach, he realised, but not the one he'd dreamt of before, when Amanda had unexpectedly appeared. This was a stretch of English beach, grey and cold under a winter sky. Two piers reached out into the slate-grey sea, vaguely familiar. Then he remembered Amanda talking of Brighton as a kind of home, and he knew where he was.
She would be here somewhere, he realised. But there was no sign of life on the empty beach, nothing but stones and sea and overcast sky, the chill and desolation reflecting the damage that had been done. He was on the brink of calling her name, when a small figure appeared on the shore, close by the water's edge.
"Amanda!" he called, but that was wrong, this girl was very young, just a child, and her hair was honey-blonde, brushing her shoulders. She was wearing a plain cotton shift, her skin almost as white as the material. "Amanda?" he said again, approaching her. The girl turned large blue eyes on him.
"Not yet", she replied.
Oh, wonderful. Fun with dreamscapes. But he was suddenly so overwhelmingly glad to see her, in this form or in any form. "Then what do I call you?" he asked gently, coming over and crouching down a few steps away. "I don't think 'hey you' is particularly polite."
"Names have power," she told him seriously. "That's what Daddy taught me." She smiled suddenly. "But Daddy's gone, so I can say what I like. I'm Gemile."
Gemile? Nathan smiled at the little girl. "It's a beautiful name," he said. "I won't tell anyone else." He looked around at the beach, sighing to himself. "Why are you here, Gemile?" he asked softly, looking back at her. "Do you know why?"
"Daddy called me out. He was angry, she wouldn't do what he wanted, so he called me. Names have power," she repeated. Faint traces of red were beginning to appear on the shift she was wearing. Lines of arcane writing and symbols that were briefly legible before the cloth absorbed them, spread them into wider stains. "Daddy's a bad man."
"Yes," Nathan said softly, stretching out a hand, hoping she would come closer and take it. This was a remarkably complex mindscape. The 'physical' contact could possibly tell him something. "He was a very bad man, Gemile, but he's gone now."
"He went down there," Gemile said, pointing at what had been water lapping on the beach only moments before. His perception shifted crazily as he realised it was now a void, a bottomless abyss. "Daddy went down there and he wants me to go there too. But I don't want to." Gemile looked up at him. "Do I have to?"
"No," Nathan said, more sharply than he'd intended, but the abyss terrified him. He knew what it was, knew it in his gut, and it took everything he had not to stand up and grab the child, get her as far away from the edge as possible. "Daddy belongs there, Gemile. You don't. Take my hand, mi'savra... please?"
"You don't have t' worry, I ain't goin' nowhere." Amanda's voice sounded vaguely amused behind him, and she grinned as he turned to look at her. She was sitting on the edge of an empty boardwalk that had appeared from nowhere, a cigarette in her hand. "Least, not this part of me." She held up her wrist, and a fine silver chain jangled slightly - one end was wrapped around her wrist, the other stretched out into the surrounding greyness of her mindscape. "Guess the link was good for somethin' after all."
"Amanda," Nathan said slowly, keeping one eye on Gemile. "Do you know where you are?"
"Well, since there ain't no way I can be in Brighton, an' last I saw, Brighton didn't have a bottomless pit, I'd have t' say I was in me own head, right?" Amanda swung her feet almost jauntily. "An' that would be what the shrinks call me inner child." Gemile looked up from her contemplation of the void.
"You made Daddy angry," she said, frowning. "Daddy hurts us when he's angry."
"Shh," Nathan said to the little girl, very gently, and then looked back at Amanda. "You're lying in a medlab bed mostly-dead at the moment," he said, unable to disguise the pain in his voice. "I was keeping an eye on you. Must have dozed off."
"'Daddy' can kiss my--" Amanda began, and then winced. "'M sorry," she said. "I keep doin' this to you, don't I?" She pushed herself off the board walk and came across to him, boots crunching on the stony beach. The chain allowed her to reach his side, but not much further. "Fucker found me," she said, shivering. "He wanted me back an' wasn't gunna take no for an answer. I thought I could take him." She looked across at Gemile. "I wanted t' be free of him, an' instead he takes me with him."
"He hasn't taken you yet," Nathan said, the words low but fierce. He reached out to touch the chain - and yanked his hand back with a cry, toppling over onto the rough pebble-strewn sand as emotions flooded through him like a wave of fire. Overwhelming grief and killing rage and utter desolation... the part of his mind where Aliya had been started to hurt, alive with a thousand fiery needles as if it was a limb that had fallen asleep. But he could feel the shattered, open end of the link, and out there was the same yawning abyss as the one here on the beach... no, just an echo, he told himself feverishly, walling it all back up and focusing on the beach, on her. "Oh, fuck," he breathed shakily. "Fuck, Amanda... he's holding you here without knowing, he thinks you're dead..."
"He thinks--? Christ, that's what that is. I thought it was somethin' Rack had done." Amanda knelt beside him, helped him sit up. On his other side, Gemile took a step towards them, worry creasing her small, pointed face. "I tried... t' feel him, an' I couldn't. There was just too much pain." Amanda leaned her forehead against his shoulder. "'M tired, Nate. Tired of bein' hurt and hurtin' other people."
His hands shaking - this really was one hell of a mindscape for a non-psi, he thought dizzily - Nathan took her hands in his, and he could feel the warmth of her skin, the pulse beating at her wrists. "I know," he said hoarsely. "I know, Amanda, but damn it, that's not all there is. It's not." He squeezed her hands, stopping just short of hard-enough-to-hurt. "You're still here," he said fiercely, his voice shaking. "Despite what Rack did to you, you're still here. And I am not letting you go -- you or that idiot boy."
Amanda didn't say anything, but he could feel her drawing on his strength, gathering her own. There was a soft touch on his other shoulder, and Gemile was there. "We believe you," she said, solemnly. The blue of her eyes, the blonde of her hair, the redness of the blood on her shift were vivid against the starkness of their surroundings. "We won't let Daddy take us, not if you don't want us to."
"Both of you have to fight," Nathan said, reaching up with one hand to take Gemile's. Her hand was as cool as Amanda's were warm. "No matter what happens, what you see. Stay on this beach." It was a stable point, maybe the only one left in her mind. He gave a shaky laugh. "Fuck, I hope someone comes along and wakes me up soon. I have to get Charles."
Thunder rumbled ominously along the skyline and Amanda looked up as lightning flickered above them. "Looks like visitin' hours is over," she said wryly. "You don't wanna be here for this part, Nate. Best you get goin'." She pulled her hand from his, and nodded at Gemile. "Take her with you."
"You missed the part where I said I fell asleep, didn't you?" Nathan said with a certain bleak humor, getting up but not letting go of Gemile's hand. "I may have been getting the odd lesson from Charles, Amanda, but not enough to tell me how to get out of here. Not that I would leave you, anyway."
"Hey, I just live here. I don't know all the rules." Amanda climbed to her feet with a sigh. "I ain't been doin' that psionics class long, but one thing it did teach me was how t' evict unwanted visitors. An' I don't want you seein' this - withdrawin's bad enough without havin' an audience." She gave him a small push away from her, not hard at all. "You've got me name, dunno what use it'll be t' someone who ain't a magic user, but keep it safe. Keep her safe."
"Amanda, no," Nathan said sharply. He might not be able to get himself out of here, not asleep, but she might indeed be able to push him out -- or at least wake him up. "Don't, I could help you--"
"Time to go," Gemile said, tugging on his hand urgently. Around them the thunder rumbled louder, a rising wind whipping the water - it was water again - into frothy waves.
"She's right. Time's up. I'll be fine, Nate," Amanda said, with a sad smile. "Things heal at their own pace, or that's what Rom told me once. See you in a bit." And with that she pushed at him again, more firmly this time.
He started to reach out, to try and hold onto the mindscape - but hesitated, suddenly afraid to risk it. If this was the only stable place left in her mind, too much interference could be dangerous, and he didn't want to chance hurting her any more than she had already been hurt...
His hesitation cost him the chance to do anything but be pushed, quite efficiently, back out of her mind. Coming awake, he sat bolt upright in his chair, his heart thundering in his ears.
Amanda was still motionless in the bed, but the bleeping of the monitor had become more agitated and he could sense that something was wrong. Withdrawal, she'd said? Swallowing, he levered himself up out of the chair and went to find Henry or Madelyn.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}