xp_logs | Nathan and Marie, Tuesday morning (Reply)

The two of them run into each other at the coffeemaker first thing Tuesday morning. Nathan talks about weighing his options, and Marie tells him about some of the choices she's recently made.

Coffee was a necessity, Nathan thought, yawning a little as he headed to the kitchen. But Moira had taken her coffeemaker down to the lab with her - settling in for the long haul, he knew - and since he didn't want to disturb her just yet he would have to settle for the pale imitation that everyone else around here drank.

Coming through the kitchen door, he saw that someone else had the same idea, and smiled faintly. "Hey, Marie," he said quietly, getting himself a mug from the cupboard.

"Nathan!" Marie finished pouring her coffee and leaned over to fill his mug as well. "How was your visit with your friends?"

Nathan smiled a bit wistfully. "Wonderful," he said, meaning it. "I'm sorry you couldn't meet them, but maybe another time. Dom, at least, will probably be back every so often." He nodded at her gratefully as she finished filling his mug, and then leaned back against the counter, sipping at his coffee and watching her. "Moira and I have a theory," he said, keeping his voice deliberately light. "The better a day is, around here, the more chance of something going boom the next day. When there are a few good days in a row, the boom gets bigger."

"Very observant." Marie poured some cream in her coffee and hopped up on the counter to sit, watching Nathan in return. "The place has quite the rhythm to it. I knew that the good couldn't last after McKenna said he'd shut down those testing facitilies." She shook her head. "I've come to the conclusion that I need to go back to being a hermit."

"There are both pros and cons to that, though," Nathan said, and deliberately shifted over a little, into the warm sunlight coming through the kitchen window. "I'm really happy for you, by the way," he said after a moment. "The pardon, I mean. I know it's still in the works, but... well, I'm just glad McKenna is willing to be reasonable about that, too."

"Getting off the list what was mattered to me." Marie sipped at her coffee. "The pardon, well... what are they going to do? Arrest me for killing somone in self-defense while stopping a known mutant terrorist from making off with military resources and then getting held against my will, denied my rights, and subjected to experimentation in an illicit military testing facility?" She grinned at Nathan and shrugged. "I'm sure they'll be reasonable about that part."

"Apparently Charles brought me up during that conversation, too." Nathan snorted. "Nothing like shooting for the moon... unlike you, I did pretty much everything the US government wants me for. Generally with premeditation and very little remorse."

Marie shrugged again. "It'll get worked out. It's not like we'll let them have you back and I'm sure we can give them a hand in some places. I'm sure they'd rather not revisit the whole issue if they can avoid it, especially in any public sense. I know that's probably blithe of me, but what other option is there? It's that or doom and gloom and I'd rathe focus on the positive possibilities." She thumped her bare heels lightly against the lower cupboard doors and gave Nathan a smile.

"Positive possibilities," Nathan mused, and then laughed softly, shaking his head. "Optimism, what a concept." He took another sip of his coffee. "I'm not worried," he said after a moment. "I'd be... grateful, if the pardon worked out for me, too. Charles did tell the President about Mistra, too. Should be interesting to see if anything comes of that." He took a deep breath, relaxing. "I think I maybe have a little optimism left in my soul after all," he confessed, smiling wistfully again. "It's had me thinking about... options. Well, it and Moira, I mean. Moira is very determined I'm going to start thinking farther ahead than just the next day, and I have such a hard time saying no to her."

"We've noticed that," Marie said wryly. "The part about saying no to Moira. So, how far ahead are you looking, then?"

Nathan shrugged. "I need to get my head straightened out first, obviously," he said. "Before I can do anything else. But I did tell G.W. and Dom this weekend that I'm not coming back to the Pack." He took another sip of his coffee, knowing he was doing it to buy himself a moment and knowing that she'd probably realize that, too. "I think, whatever happens, my mercenary days are done. This business with the pardon, it's had me thinking... my 'career', for the last seven years, has been really been just an extended temper-tantrum against the world on my part."

"I'm sorry, sort of," Marie said quietly. "You not going back. But I'm glad too. You had a right to be angry but you deserve more than that. What do you want to do when it's all straightened out?"

"I..." Nathan paused, trying to put it into words. He and Moira had talked a little about this last night, once he had finally pried her out of the medlab to come to bed, but it was different, trying to explain it to someone else. "You know, when it comes to specifics, I'm not really sure? I feel a little odd these days, Marie. I'm not sure how much of it is me and how much is the visions, but I keep..." He stopped, biting his lip for a moment. "When I was emailing around trying to dig up information on what's going at Muir, I got back in touch with a... friend, another former Mistra operative. Early last year, I extracted her, got her an alternate identity and into a relatively safe new life." He shook his head. "Ever since I emailed her I can't stop asking myself why that was the first time I did something like that. For all that I hate them and what they do to people, helping Ani is the only thing I ever did about it." Nathan shook his head. "I'm not happy with what that says about me," he said frankly. "I've been doing more than one type of running, really."

"Maybe you just didn't think it could be done, didn't believe it?" Marie suggested. Her expression was nonjudgemental and she bit her lip, thinking. "You know, I keep thinking about the people I never saw, the ones who were at the facility they were moving to when I escaped. I wonder who they are and where they're going to go and what kind of lives they'll have. I think when you're in it, though, it's hard to see beyond that place, to see that there is a place to go when you're out. Are you thinking you'd like to get people out, or help them after or something?"

"Something..." Nathan said quietly, shifting a bit uneasily. "There are plenty of similar situations out there, I know. I wouldn't have to go knocking on Mistra's door..." He had been utterly terrified, start to finish, while extracting Anika. It was a miracle he hadn't gotten them both killed. "I ought to talk more to Pete, I suppose," he said, managing a slight smile. "Hell, I'm already tapping my contacts for him for something very similar."

"Then I suppose talking more to Pete is the plan." Marie put her coffee cup down and hugged her knees to her chest. "I'm glad you're not just looking at a dead end."

Shaking it off, Nathan smiled more naturally at her. "Options are good things," he said, and then grinned suddenly. "By the way, I think we owe each other a secret handshake or something."

"Oh?" She tilted her head curiously, smiling. "Do tell."

"I know we didn't coordinate this or anything, but between the two of us, we did manage to get a certain Kentucky farmboy to do something social for two whole nights in a row." Nathan shook his head, still smiling. "I think he's been waiting for someone to give him a nudge," he went on, a note of curiosity entering his voice. "Towards what, I'm not sure. But he's been bending my ear on a few interesting subjects."

"Sam's a sweetheart," Marie said warmly. "And a good guy to have on the team. He had been seeing Alison for a while, and they were awfully close, but things seemed to just kind of fall out from under them. I guess he's ready to get back into being social. It's not easy to be kind of teaching, kind of a student, kind of on teams... he's in the same boat I am and it's pretty hellish, honestly, getting stuck in the middle. I'm going nuts and he can't be doing much better."

"He reminds me a lot of G.W.," Nathan mused, and then peered at Marie. "He and I were talking about walking that particular middle ground," he said thoughtfully. "How it can be exhausting."

"It is. You have no administrative authority to make changes and yet all the responsibility for scraping kids off the floor with a butter knife when they crash, and then getting the stains out of the carpet. Which is why I quit," Marie said brightly. "I'm writing Charles this evening to tell him I won't be teaching again."

Nathan blinked, taking another sip of his coffee to buy himself another moment. "You're okay with that decision?" he asked finally, the question coming out gentle, rather than particularly inquisitive. Obviously she felt this was necessary, but the necessary things were usually the most difficult.

"Regretful, but completely okay with that," Marie replied. "I'm a wreck, Nathan. I wasn't in really good shape to begin with and I'm falling apart." She shrugged and looked into her half-empty cup with a sigh, looking very much older than eighteen. "I wasn't ready for the job or the consequences. It seems like the last line of defense against disaster when what I really wanted out of life was to be doing preventative work, after I had my MD and did my residency. Now that I can, I'm going to do part-time college work, stay with the teams and keep training, and put my family first."

Nathan set the coffee cup down on the counter, smiling. "I'm glad," he said simply. "If this is what you want, what you need, I'm glad you could take that step." He felt his smile grow, and he didn't bother to try and restrain the warmth in his voice as he went on. "This place is lucky to have you in whatever capacity you choose, you know."

Marie blushed and shook her head. "I don't know about that. But at least this way they get to put up with the saner version of me instead of the crazy one." She shrugged and gave Nathan a shy smile. "I'll miss my kids in the phys ed class, but I won't miss being on the second floor and I won't miss being on-call to the kids there, as much as I love them all."

"One of my instructors used to say that there were things you could do, and things you should do -- and that being able to tell the difference between the two determined how well you did anything." Nathan narrowed his eyes at the coffee pot and it came floating over to him. "That, along with most of the things my instructors said, is a tiny seed of truth wrapped in a load of crap, so take it for what it's worth." Snorting at himself, he refilled his mug. "Listen to me, trying to dole out advice. Or don't listen to me, actually. Probably the best idea."

"How about I listen to you and use what works?" she suggested, giving Nathan an impish grin. "For me, it's knowing what really has to be done with it comes down to it. Do I have to keep the kids from setting their hair on fire? Not really. Can I afford to make a mistake in a case like in Austin? Not a chance in hell. Is keeping up with the kids making it hard for me to be 'on'? Yes. And that's just the simple calculations."

"I'm a big advocate of clear priorities," Nathan said, grimacing a bit at the coffee. Oh, it was weak. "Um... have you really had kids trying to set their hair on fire? Or was that just a rhetorical example?"

"Hair, whatever," Marie said with a shrug. "Can't be a hypocrite, I used to have the nicest Celtic knotwork all over the place. You do what gets you through."

He gave her a bright look. "I blow shit up," he said innocently. "It's this bad habit, I have. Ask Moira."

"Mmm. I'm aware of your bad habits," Marie said mischeviously. "I like talking to Moira."

He smiled blithely at her. "Women have been talking about my bad habits for a very long time now," he said, his eyes dancing. "I've gotten used to it."

Marie laughed at him and put her cup in the dishwasher. "Well, be a good boy and keep them up. It eases my heart to know I'm not the only woman around with who's hopelessly in love with a terrible man." She blew Nathan a kiss. "I've got to go get ready for classes. I'll see you later?"

"Yeah," Nathan said, chuckling. "I somehow don't think I'm going anywhere."