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xp_logsThe party settles down for a second night. While Miles sets up for first watch, Gabriel keeps him company and helps him process what happened last week with Bobby.
Miles sat a bit away from the rest of the group, ostensibly to keep first watch. Not that anything was likely to find and invade their cave in this snowstorm. But that was the problem with the random encounter model that Limbo seemed to follow; the appearance of vicious monsters was unpredictable. And Miles considered himself the best option, with his spider-sense to alert him before his other sense could detect any danger.
He wished Bobby were here. Not that he wanted him stuck in this hell, but the cold would not have bothered him, and maybe he could have closed up the entrance foe extra security. And maybe, stuck here in this unforgiving wasteland, fearing for their survival and not knowing if they would ever return home, they would be forced to confront the truth and . . .
He flicked a pebble across the cave before he could finish that warming thought.
The pebble — or a pebble, anyway — came flying back. Gabriel followed, striding toward Miles and taking a seat on a patch of ground some feet anyway. He sat quietly, half looking at Miles and half staring at the ground. He was finding it hard to focus. The amount he'd been using his powers was part of it, but combined with the interdimensional magical travel, he was feeling overly taxed.
These, of course, were not thoughts he could share without a fairly intimate discussion of both physics and metaphysics, which hardly seemed appropriate given the circumstances. And it wasn't his wont to complain, especially given the makeshift group they'd assembled.
So instead, he sat on the ground for a minute before finally turning to Miles and truly focusing on the younger guy. "You're quieter than usual. Even for the situation."
"Think everyone's tired of listening to me," Miles responded, shrugging. "I'm tired, too. And hungry. And I've got swamp ass from all this hiking and not showering, and I'm gonna have to burn pretty much all my clothes if we every get home. But I can't complain. Literally. Gotta be Spider-Man while we're here, not plain old Miles."
The wind picked up, the gust filling the silence that Gabriel left as he stared into space and considered Miles's words. "Well." A beat as he lifted his eyebrows. "That's fucking stupid. I mean, hijole, cabrón," he kicked his legs out in front of him, "Spider-Man is plain old Miles, for one thing. They don't separate out like that. You don't put on a mask and lose part of yourself. And for another thing, everyone else is over there," he waved vaguely, "and it's just us over here, so fuck Spider-Man for a minute."
Miles shifted, pulling one knee to his chest while extending the other leg. "Yeah, but see, when I'm Spider-Man, I fight bad guys and help people. That's what we need. Not regular Miles, who's struggling in comp sci and getting drunk at parties and accidentally-but-not make out with my best friend." He looked up at Gabriel, catching his eyes for just a second before looking away again. "I need good decision Spider-Man, not bad life choices Miles."
Gabriel might have missed it had it not been for the eye contact, but he did his best to remain as placid as he'd been since they'd arrived in Limbo. The exhaustion certainly helped. "None of that sounds like bad choices," he said, his tone shifting from tough love and disbelief to something a bit more gentle and encouraging. "That sounds like being 18 or 19 or whatever the fuck. And figuring out how to be an adult and grow into yourself. You've spent so much time in that spider costume, trying to be some kind of... I dunno, like, ideal hero or whatever." He shrugged. "You don't need to be that way all the time. You sure as shit don't need to be that way here. Just because you haven't totally figured out who Miles is doesn't mean that it's better to be the other guy."
A gust of wind blew, howling past the mouth of the cave like some predator hunting for a meal. Miles whipped his head around to look out but did not see any beast out there. His spider-sense similarly remained quiet. He was never going to sleep if he kept being so on edge.
"We're not going to even have the chance to find out what I am if we get stuck here forever. We gotta get Illyana to that magic fairy garden."
Gabriel said nothing, a slightly dubious look on his face. "Yeah," he said, "sure." He looked as if he were about to say more, but instead, he reached into one of his pockets and pulled out the protein bar he'd swiped from Miles's hands just before his adventure began. The wrapper was folded over to protect the half of it he hadn't eaten, and he eyed it a second before tossing it to Miles. "Here. I'd been holding onto it."
"Wow, thanks, pocket snack." Still, Miles smiled at the gesture, flicking off an invisible speck of lint before unwrapping the rest of the bar and taking a bite. "Can . . . can I ask you something personal? I mean, you probably know what it is, given what I just told you. Or you can tell me to screw off, that's fine."
Gabriel shrugged, not even bothering to look like he wasn't expecting the question he was obviously expecting. Which didn't mean he wasn't going to make Miles ask. "Shoot."
Miles went straight to the point. "Kissing guys. When did you know that's a thing you wanted to do?"
"When I kissed a guy," Gabriel said equally bluntly. "My first kiss, actually." He smiled a little. "I mean, it wasn't, like — by that point, I think a small part of me kind of wondered. Checked out guys in the locker room and stuff like that, but I didn't really know that's what I was doing then, you know? And then he and I kissed, and it... I just felt something." He shrugged, and wind filled the silence. "But that's just me, you know? Everyone's a little different. And when you know, you know. You know?"
But Miles was not sure he knew. He thought back to the party, how his heart started beating fast when the bottle stopped spinning and landed on Bobby and did not slow down until he had pulled the mortified Bobby out from his hiding place in the bathroom. Was it nerves, embarrassment, or something more personal, more profound? He bit the inside of his cheek, trying to come up with the words to verbalize the mysterious feelings he felt.
"I liked it," Miles confessed so softly the wind almost drowned him out. "You wouldn't know looking at him, but Bobby's a good kisser."
Gabriel said nothing, instead shifting a bit so he was facing Miles. "Can't say I'd thought about it, since he's a child, but, you know, okay. You liked it" he repeated, more as an acknowledgment. "Was it — you don't have to answer this, but would you want to do it again?"
Miles had been thinking about little else since then. "Yeah." A beat. "Hell yes," he added more emphatically. "It was, I dunno, it was really good. He wouldn't, though. He was so freaked out. We haven't talked since then."
"Hmmm." Gabriel crossed his legs. "That'll come. But you have to figure if you've been thinking that much about this — or consciously avoiding thinking about it, I guess — he's been doing the same. So..." Another shrug. "You'll talk. And you'll go from there."
"But what would I even say? And, I mean, I still don't know . . . what this makes me. Like, am I gay? I don't think I am, you know?"
"Okay, well, labels are stupid, and your generation is supposed to be post-labels anyway," Gabriel sat up a little straighter. "But let's do this, if you want to do this. Was kissing Bobby like kissing Good Hair Becky?"
Miles mirrored Gabriel's posture; this was too important to talk about with backpain. He thought about Gabriel's question, imagining both Bobby's and Becky's lips on his, the tingle of electricity Becky that sparked with her, the shivers down his spine from him. "They do it different, I guess. Pero like, I don't not like either. Becky and I dated for almost two years so it was all, you know, normal. But with Bobby it's new, and that's kinda fun."
"Yeah, new is always more fun," Gabriel replied as if this were the most obvious thing in the world, until he remembered that Miles hadn't been around the block nearly as many times as he did. "That's why people cheat or break up or whatever, until one day they don't. Which is a different conversation. The point is," he changed tone, "it doesn't sound like any of it felt wrong. Bae or BFF. Becky or Bobby." He paused, unable to stop a small smirk. "Honestly, the two whitest names we could be using here. You really do have a type."
"First of all," Miles called a point of order, "Rude. And second, no, it never felt wrong. I mean, except for that part where Bobby stopped and ran away, that made me feel like garbage 'cuz I must've done something wrong. But the rest of it was right, I guess is the word."
"Okay." It struck Gabriel that this was the first time he'd ever shepherded someone into the LGBT flock before, and he wondered if he was fucking it up. As if there were a playbook for this kind of thing. And even if there were, he doubted it covered having these kinds of conversations in a cave in a magical other-world. "So you have — let's say you feel some kind of way about Bobby." He shrugged. "You don't need to know what that is, necessarily. I mean, it doesn't mean you're gay, obviously."
So far so good. Miles nodded. "'Some kind of way.' Yeah, that pretty much covers it. Okay, but I gotta be something, even if labels are pointless or whatever."
Gabriel sighed. "They're not pointless. They're just counterproductive." He closed his eyes and tilted his head to his right. A joint in his neck cracked as he flopped it over to the left. "You like boys? You like girls? You do the math, buddy."
High school sex ed had only taught Miles so much, and the nuances of the lingo definitely were not part of that lesson plan. "Yeah but isn't bisexual just what gay guys tell themselves they are before they realize they actually are gay?"
"That's a dumb media stereotype from like 2008 or some shit, and it's only sometimes true. And honestly, I personally think that has more to do with how much easier men find it to have sex with other men than anything else. But I digress. Point is, people are definitely bisexual, whether you happen to be or not."
"Well it's a thing I still hear people say." Miles blushed, though. At least he had the good sense to feel shame for verbalizing that kind of insensitivity. "But, I mean, maybe I am? Or at least Bobbysexual. Maybe that's a thing, too."
"Did you really just?" Gabriel's smirk reappeared, because he just couldn't help himself. "That's almost adorable. But here's a thing, honestly." His expression changed, his voice becoming less playful. "Spend less time worrying about what you are, and more time embracing however it is you feel. That'll lead you somewhere way more important and interesting."
Miles nodded and smirked, too, even kept that expression when Gabriel's fell somber. "I really like him. You know?"
"Yeah," Gabriel nodded back, a sympathetic look on his face. "But you'll figure that out too. Enjoy the ride."
~*~
Later, Gabriel lets Topaz vent.
Gabriel's cigarettes had made it to Limbo. His lighter had not.
Were he more poetic or introspective, he might have considered his a powerful metaphor for something. Were he more egocentric, he'd think it were yet another one of the universe's stupid jokes at his expense. Instead, he found it to be a nuisance.
He'd tried using his powers to generate some kind of friction with two sticks, but his efforts had failed, and his tenuous grasp on physics meant he wasn't entirely sure how to adjust them. But he wasn't willing to abandon his need for a smoke, especially after that heady conversation with Miles. So now he hovered toward the entrance of their shelter, squatting on the ground with a cigarette in his left hand as he tried to ignite sparks by striking a rock against the walls of the cave.
"Didn't man already invent fire?"
The voice was low, British, and deeply sarcastic. Topaz hadn't wandered far from their cave, but after two days with everyone, she had needed a break. Miles could hand out orders all he wanted, but she didn't need that. She could take care of herself.
"He did," Gabriel conceded without looking up at her. He flicked the rock against the ground one more time to no avail. Then he dropped it, stood and dusted himself off. "And then he invented machines that would re-invent fire for him. Man is clever like that." He sighed. The wind continued to howl outside, and he stared blankly off into the horizon. "Of all the times not to have Pyro around."
Topaz resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Were you even paying attention when we fought the zombies?" She held up her hand, and after a bit of flickering, a small ball of flame appeared, hovering over her palm. Damn it, she was lower on energy than she thought if this was all she could manage. "Magic can pretty much do anything. Except, you know, prevent us from dying in this hellhole."
"Thanks." Gabriel shrugged, not the least bit sheepish as he took the proffered light. He took a long drag, careful to exhale in a direction that would carry the smoke with the wind and away from the pair of them. "I made a calculation, undead and all. Decided that seconds off my life was worth whatever mild buzz this gives me." He shrugged again. "The tiniest part of me was probably hoping it'd be weed," he admitted. "Can you imagine? Hotbox the cave. Mellow everyone the fuck out."
"Start with our friendly Limbo Spiderman." Topaz rolled her eyes, leaning against the outside of the cave wall. "I swear if he tries to give out one more order I'm just going to put a bubble around his head." She paused, not looking particularly sheepish as she said, "Sorry, you guys are friends, aren't you?"
"We are," Gabriel said after another puff. "But he's also..." He looked at Topaz for a second, considering her. "It's too much," he admitted after a bit of silence. It was almost a relief to say out loud. "I know he means well. I really do, and it's coming from a place of—" He was about to mention Miles's deep insecurities, but it didn't seem worth getting into. "Well, a place, anyway. But he's driving me a little nuts."
"The leather types always mean well." Topaz kept her gaze ahead. "So do the PIs and the spies. Everyone means well." There was a surprising amount of venom in those last two words. "Doesn't mean they're actually doing anything good."
Gabriel made a vague noise of assent, even though it sounded to him like a line she'd used before. It was too convenient, too generic. Even if there was something particularly pointed in her delivery. "You're not blowing up at him, though," he pointed out. "Which I appreciate."
“I’m not a complete monster,” Topaz said. “And if we’re really going to die here, it might as well be because some horrible monster killed us, not because the group self destructed.”
He nodded somewhat idly, studying her as he took another drag. There was something so specific he wanted to say, and yet he wasn't sure whether it was safe. Their existence and the universe around them already seemed precarious at best.
Gabriel decided to take the risk. "We're not going to die here," he finally said. It was a statement of fact rather than a trite reassurance. "Lord knows," he lowered his voice, glancing back toward the others before raising his eyebrow and giving her what he hoped was a meaningful look. "We've survived worse."
Topaz looked up, considering the sky for a long moment, then smiled humorlessly. "That's true. The universe seems weirdly determined to keep us alive."
"I'm not taking it for granted," Gabriel added quickly. He flicked ash onto the ground. "It's just — you end up in another world, you see zombies, you start to feel deja vu, you know? It's so fucking weird, and they have no idea."
That was they differed, Topaz supposed. If the universe gave her a real chance to die, she wasn't sure she would turn it down. "Yeah," she said dryly. "I'd say lucky them, but we all have our baggage. Even if the backage is a little different." Like a possibly world-ending secret. "You ever want to just scream?"
"Uh, yeah," Gabriel snorted. "Frequently." He took a particularly long drag on his cigarette as he considered that. "I guess less so lately, though? And not here, which is shocking, because this is literal hell."
"Literal hell makes more sense than a lot of other things," Topaz pointed out. "At least it's easy to figure out what to do here. Kill all the monsters. Don't die. No drama, which is nice. Take Miles out of the equation and this could be a vacation."
Gabriel eyed her apprehensively. He decided to let the Miles comment go. "I guess that's true," he said carefully. "No shades of gray here. A refreshing change." He paused. "Hell as a getaway. You've got an edge."
"Well, I could do without the demons, so maybe it isn't perfect." She didn't mean to feel Gabriel's apprehension. She really diddn't. But she was on high alert, wanting to feel something approaching before it could ambush them, if that was possible. Did demons have feelings? Could they picked up by empaths? Would Topaz be able to drain them? She had no idea. She had picked up feelings from the Mindless Ones and Slendermen, but they had been humans once. And the Slendermen emotions were bare basics. "Anyways, didn't mean to interrupt your alone time. Sorry about that."
"No, please, don't be ridiculous." He waved away the notion, as if doing so could dispel whatever awkwardness he'd inadvertently caused. "Honestly, if you hadn't showed up, I'd be playing caveman still, and by now I probably would have broken my hand or something." Gabriel smiled at her, even though he was fairly sure she'd find it disarming. "Besides, you being over here makes it seem less like either one of us are brooding."
“True,” Topaz said after a moment. She hesitated, then looked back to make sure no one had come to eavesdrop. “And it’s not the worst thing... being around someone who understands the weirdness.”
Gabriel tried not to register his surprise, forgetting that Topaz would probably be able to sense it. "Yeah," he agreed after blowing more smoke into the wind. "I've always wanted to share a look that nobody else understood."
Topaz snorted quietly. It was almost a sound of amusement. "And here I thought those cliches were only something movies did."
"Yeah, well," Gabriel did his best to approximate a meaningful look. He gave her a kind of salute with his cigarette and winked. "Here's looking at you, kid."
Topaz rolled her eyes and gave her a two-fingered salute in return.
~*~
Lastly on Gabriel's whirlwind tour of the cave, he helps Rahne process.
Exhaustion and hunger were competing for Rahne's attention as she tried to get some sleep. The relief of being back as her after talking to Illyana had been short lived - she was literally in a place called Limbo, surrounded by demons and critters that she had no idea if she could eat or not, even if she could actually hunt something. She sighed and dropped her face into her hands. "I'm a terrible wolf," she muttered, dropping her face into her hands.
"What's that?" Gabriel, who had been pacing and speeding around their cave in the hopes of burning off some nervous energy, appeared near her. The past however-many-hours felt like a kind of a morale tour. The USO had gone to Limbo, and Gabriel was Bob Hope. He sat close to Rahne, flashing her a weary smile.
She thought about lying but she was never good at it on a good day and Gabriel made her a little...hand flail-y so between that and being in Limbo, she didn't even try. "I'm a terrible wolf. I know 'Yana said not to hunt anything but I don't think I could even if they weren't demon hellspawn, aye? I'm a terrible wolf."
"Well," Gabriel said with a shrug, "I wouldn't put too much pressure on yourself. We're in a literal hell dimension. Don't know that most wolves would fare too well here."
"I should...probably ask her if there are Limbo versions of wolves," she said, frowning. Wolves ran in packs which meant the idea that there were demon wolf packs out there...Rahne blinked and looked back at Gabriel, trying to squash her nightmare vision of packs of demon wolves hunting them in the night. "We never get to spontaneously go anywhere nice. Are there no nice alternate dimensions?" It was weak but she was trying to push past the fear.
Gabriel chuckled a little. "I like to think there are," he admitted. "I mean, I can't imagine one where nothing bad ever happens. But that might say more about me than the universe." He sat up a little straighter and twisted his spine, hoping to stretch out some of the kinks their journey had caused. Then he clasped his hands over his head for a few seconds before tilting his head and looking over at her. "You feeling more like yourself?"
To be fair, Rahne couldn't imagine a nice alternate dimension, either, at the moment but the fact that it meant that Earth was the happy one...for a brief moment, Rahne suddenly understood why people might decide to drink.
She blinked and focused on Gabriel, trying to shake off that lovely thought. "I think so, if like an exhausted version of me. I know that it's still me when I'm like ..." Rahne flapped her hands around her, trying to show the scale of other her, though badly. "That but I just...it's too different. Too not human. So I'm glad I'm back to squishy version me."
"Yeah, I bet." Gabriel nodded. "It must have been, like, an out-of-body experience, seeing yourself like that?" He shrugged. "Has its uses, though."
"So Miles has been telling me. Or at least trying. I mostly feel like I flail around, biting things and some of the things here are gross!" Rahne sighed and fidgeted, fingers twisting the hem of her shirt until it strained before she released it. "I've been thinking. When we get, ye know, of asking someone to show me how to fight. For real, not the defensive stuff GenX does. But how to be actually useful without hurting anyone. Do ye think that's a dumb idea?"
"No." Gabriel didn't need to give it much thought. As much as he conceptually hated how the mansion trained kids into soldiers, their current predicament proved how useful those lessons could be. "Sometimes offense is the best defense." He shifted slightly, looking away from her. "It's smart to be prepared, you know?"
"This is my second hostile alternate dimension," Rahne signed. "At this point, I have to assume there's going to be a third one and we've already decided there are no nice alternate dimensions out there." She glanced at him and took a breath, "How're ye holding up? Ye seem ... to be handling this better than me. Though I think even that rock is handling it better than ... wait, never mind, that rock in the distance just ate something. I don't think it's a rock."
Gabriel, who had followed her gaze, couldn't help but laugh. It was definitely not a rock. "I'm good," he shrugged, then realized what an absurd statement that was and smiled a little. "Well, okay, not good, but I feel like I'm doing okay, considering the circumstances, you know?"
He looked down at his hands and started idly picking at his cuticles. Actually, Gabriel was surprised he hadn't panicked more. Even if waking up in a world that wasn't his own felt familiar enough for him to deal, the demons and hell-scape was something new. But he didn't feel like he could be emotional or vulnerable in this group. Not around Miles, who seemed to be channeling his nervous energy into machismo. Definitely not around Warren, who would find a way to exploit any sign of weakness. And certainly not around Rahne, who was young and innocent enough that he felt like he owed it to her to at least seem strong.
But only a little strong, he decided. "I guess I'm pretty beat, though," he finally said, looking up at her. "My powers can take a lot out of me."
Rahne could only imagine. Transitioning from wolf to human to ... whatever ... could be pretty exhausting, especially if pressed to do it over and over again, but once she was in a form, it was fine. Gabriel's powers had no real 'rest' unless he wasn't using them. She shifted and drew her legs up to her chest so she could lean her chin on top of her knees. "How do ye normally recharge?" she asked, opting for curiosity instead of morbidly obsessing over their impending doom. "I feel whatever it is, ye aren't getting enough of it here, aye?"
"Nope," Gabriel shook his head, "not really. I need food and sleep, mostly. It's kinda like — I don't know, I'm running around a lot, you know? And I don't have a ton of control over that, so I burn a lot of extra energy fighting and stuff. You put a lot of strain on your muscles. A lot of cardio in. And it takes time to rebuild that." He scratched behind his right ear. "At least, that's what I think?" He smiled a little sheepishly. "Science isn't really my thing, but everything I've googled about muscle recovery and cardio burn has led me there."
"It doesn't seem fair that we get all these really weird powers and they don't come with, like, an instruction book, aye?" A few lucky mutants might have been able to figure out their powers and all the intricate things that went with them but most of them just seemed to be figuring it out as they went along. "I hope ye get a chance to recharge soon. By, ye know, us not being here."
"God, let's hope. I mean, none of this is ideal, to say the least." Obvious statement was obvious, but he was tired, so Gabriel let it go without a self-deprecating remark. "It's not even just the sleep. I think it really messes with your worldview to be in, like, literal Hell, but through no fault of your own. The Pope got so much wrong."
"Ugh, don't remind me," she moaned, dropping her face onto her knees so she could hide from the world. "I'm too tired to freak out about the whole Limbo thing. Maybe it's just called that. Maybe it's not actually The Limbo. I'm too tired and young for a crisis of religious faith." Rahne continued, words slightly muffled, "Is this why so many back home drink?"
Gabriel laughed. "That's a complicated question, but I'm sure it's part of it. Anyway, I didn't mean to put you in a tailspin or anything." Unsure of exactly how to best comfort her, he put his arm around her shoulders. "The universe is full of weird dimensions, apparently, and the odds are this one has nothing to do with anything." He shrugged. "Except Illyana, I guess."
At another time, in a normal, far more safe dimension, Rahne would have had an internal fit over the fact that Gabriel was hugging her. Maybe she'd have one later when they were home. Instead of internally flapping her hands around, she just leaned against him, grateful for the contact. "I hope she's going to be okay. Ye know, after we get home."
"She will be," Gabriel reassured her, and not without conviction. Whatever thing it was he saw of himself in Illyana led him to believe she'd turn out fine. Or as fine as she could turn out given the background she had. "She's a fighter, that one. Not gonna be easy though. Can't imagine this is the kind of thing you'd want other people knowing about you, you know?"
Something tight unwound a little in Rahne's chest at that. Because whatever emotions she was going through, she could only begin to imagine what 'Yana was going through. "Aye, I can't even be upset she hid this because this is insane, ye know? I think she'll be okay, too, once we get home and have access to all the Poptarts again." She knew her joke fell a little flat but she was too tired to be embarrassed.
Turning a little, Rahne glanced up at Gabriel. "Thank ye. I know it's been the 'Comfort the scared Scottish lass' hour these last few days but I appreciate it."
"Oh, please," Gabriel waved her off. "I think we're all pretty freaked out. Least you're honest about it. And you're handling things as well as can be expected. Better, even."
If she was going to be honest with herself, there was a weird little sense of pride at that. "Maybe one day I'll get used to all this," Rahne sighed. "Ye know, being zapped to another dimension, fighting zombies. But I'm kind of glad I can still get freaked out about all this."
~*~
Topaz demonstrates to Rahne that behind all her snark is something genuine.
"Um, do ye want half of this?" Rahne asked, holding out a package to Topaz. It was one of those breakfast biscuit sandwich things that had a layer of peanut butter in them. She was still super bummed that the largest amount of food brought to the middle of a foreign dimension was something she was allergic to thanks to her powers but she had brought some food with her by accident that she could eat.
Topaz just looked ... tired, though, and Rahne was concerned she wasn't feeling good.
Magic hangovers were hell. Topaz had balled up against the wall of the cave, legs drawn up and forehead resting against her knee. Stupid, stupid, stupid. But what was one more mistake to the growing pile?
She frowned when she realized the words were directed at her, looking up to see Rahne offering her the sandwich. "Oh. Uh, no, thanks," she said awkwardly, realizing her current position was probably a concerning one. Really, other than the pounding headache, she was fine. As long as no one made her do any big magic again any time soon. "I've got some chocolate. You should keep what you can eat for yourself."
"Does chocolate actually have any nutritional value?" she asked, sinking down to sit across from Topaz. "I know what Illyana would say. Though I'm pretty sure this doesn't have much, either." Rahne's brain suddenly wanted her to read the label but her stomach told her brain to stop being an idiot. There wasn't time to read and worry about labels. As she opened it she looked back up at Topaz. "Considering where we are it's a stupid question but are ye okay? I haven't seen much of yer, ah..."
Rahne wiggled her fingers in a spooky fashion.
Topaz pulled in a deep breath, trying to make it look natural. She hadn't done much talking to other people since London, and she felt weirdly out of practice. "Yeah, I'm alright," she still managed to lie convincingly. "Too much magic takes a toll, is all. I'l be fine after some sleep." Mostly true. She was still limited. She didn't like being limited. "Are you? I'm... guessing you don't get off Earth much." It was a weak attempt at a joke.
She gave Topaz a weak smile at the joke. "If anyone is counting - and by that I mean I am absolutely counting - this is my second ... dimension thing? Jury's still out on which one is worse but at least this one has smells to it." Rahne's nose wrinkled. "Though sometimes I really wish I couldn't smell." Rahne frowned as she glanced around the cave they were staying in. "I have to ask. Is the getting kidnapped/accidentally going to another dimension thing normal for us?"
The effort was there to be brave and strong but there was a thread of fear that she couldn't quite hide from her voice.
"Ah..." Topaz wasn't sure if honesty was the best policy here. "The mansion is... a bit of a magnet for trouble," was what she finally settled on. Done with everything though she might be, she wasn't going to take it on a kid. Rahne didn't deserve that. It wasn't her fault this universe was fucked up. "I guess you can't really avoid it when you put a bunch of mutants in one place, then drop a bunch of magic people on top of them. But... ya know... there's always someone who knows what they're doing and can help."
Rahne's shoulders sagged slightly. "I love it there," she said quietly. "I mean, I'm still a wee bit freaked out that I live in a mansion and I turn into a wolf and I can't have chocolate anymore, but it's pretty awesome. But then there's..." She gestured around them. "This. And not just this right now but the Slendermen and everything else." Sighing, she finally opened the package and took a small bite. "I just worry that one day, someone won't know what they're doing. Or that I'm the one with the most experience and I have to figure something like this out!"
Topaz bit down a snort. "Yeah. I've been in the position where I have to be the smartest one in the room and I didn't have a bloody clue. You figure out how to think real fast when you've got someone looking at you like you can do something." She sighed, shifting to cross her legs under herself and resting her elbows on her knees. "Look... I'm not gonna bullshit you. I've been at the mansion for six years and there hasn't been one year I haven't gotten in trouble somehow. If it makes you feel better, half of it was probably my own doing, because I apparently have a death wish. I left the mansion for a few months and somehow managed to almost get myself burned alive - don't ask, long story. And sometimes you can't ask for help. Or you have to wait for help. And if that happens... just stay alive."
Her eyes did get slightly wide at the nearly being burned alive thing but she didn't think she really wanted to know (though a small part of her did want to know if it was because someone got mad that Topaz was a witch but that just felt rude to ask). "Thanks," she said instead. "I appreciate the, um, no bullshit." Even in the shadows of the cave, it was clear that Rahne was blushing at having even whispered the curse worse. "Is it worth it? Being at the mansion, knowing that the next day might be another crazy town day filled with dog sized spiders or evil dimensions?"
Is it worth it? Topaz looked out toward the cave entrance for a moment. Exactly the question she had been hoping Rahne wouldn't ask. None of it felt worth it. Topaz couldn't deny that she had caused a lot of her own trouble over the years. But a lot had also been thrown at her, and a lot had been because of where she lived or who she was associated with. "I don't always know," she said finally, looking back at Rahne. She had promised honesty. "But it's safe. And I know that's absolutely mad considering where we are and how we ended up here, or considering the spiders, or the Slendermen, but - it's still as safe as any place can be, especially for mutants. And someone got you lot out of... Slender World, or whatever the hell it's called. Someone stopped the spiders. And we're gonna get ourselves out of this-" she waved a hand around them, "somehow. We're gonna get back. And tomorrow we could end up with an invasion of... I dunno, giant butterflies, but at least we won't be alone while we're - you know what, I can't go with that analogy, I don't think I could kill a butterfly. The point is, you're not alone. Someone always has your back." At least until you lose your mind and throw her out of your life because you're tired of being second best.
Topaz' words and Rahne's own question of it was worth it kept bouncing around her mind. This was the definition of insanity - the fact that she hadn't bolted after the first or second or third incident. She had told herself she was staying after the Slendermen because she needed help with her powers, again, but what would be her excuse this time? Or the next? "Ye'd think I'd be sensible and leave - the Reverend would welcome me back gladly, I know. But yer right, I know ye are. It's a madhouse but it's our madhouse, at least."
It would be lying to say she hadn't thought a lot about going home after Slenderman or other times. And there was a small amount of guilt she felt when she called back to Scotland and had to lie - one word about any of it and she'd be taken back to Scotland. And, even in the middle of Limbo, surrounded by demons and terrible things (again), Rahne realized that she didn't want to go back to Scotland. Not now and maybe not for a while. "We're all mad as hatters," she sighed, shuffling around to lean against the cave wall new Topaz.
"Yeah," Topaz had to agree, shifting to draw her knees loosely back to her chest. "But let's be real, we'd have to be a little mad to agree in the first place. It's a mansion full of mutants. I had the option to go somewhere else and I still agreed to go to the mansion."
"Well...at least it has a really nice pool?"
Miles sat a bit away from the rest of the group, ostensibly to keep first watch. Not that anything was likely to find and invade their cave in this snowstorm. But that was the problem with the random encounter model that Limbo seemed to follow; the appearance of vicious monsters was unpredictable. And Miles considered himself the best option, with his spider-sense to alert him before his other sense could detect any danger.
He wished Bobby were here. Not that he wanted him stuck in this hell, but the cold would not have bothered him, and maybe he could have closed up the entrance foe extra security. And maybe, stuck here in this unforgiving wasteland, fearing for their survival and not knowing if they would ever return home, they would be forced to confront the truth and . . .
He flicked a pebble across the cave before he could finish that warming thought.
The pebble — or a pebble, anyway — came flying back. Gabriel followed, striding toward Miles and taking a seat on a patch of ground some feet anyway. He sat quietly, half looking at Miles and half staring at the ground. He was finding it hard to focus. The amount he'd been using his powers was part of it, but combined with the interdimensional magical travel, he was feeling overly taxed.
These, of course, were not thoughts he could share without a fairly intimate discussion of both physics and metaphysics, which hardly seemed appropriate given the circumstances. And it wasn't his wont to complain, especially given the makeshift group they'd assembled.
So instead, he sat on the ground for a minute before finally turning to Miles and truly focusing on the younger guy. "You're quieter than usual. Even for the situation."
"Think everyone's tired of listening to me," Miles responded, shrugging. "I'm tired, too. And hungry. And I've got swamp ass from all this hiking and not showering, and I'm gonna have to burn pretty much all my clothes if we every get home. But I can't complain. Literally. Gotta be Spider-Man while we're here, not plain old Miles."
The wind picked up, the gust filling the silence that Gabriel left as he stared into space and considered Miles's words. "Well." A beat as he lifted his eyebrows. "That's fucking stupid. I mean, hijole, cabrón," he kicked his legs out in front of him, "Spider-Man is plain old Miles, for one thing. They don't separate out like that. You don't put on a mask and lose part of yourself. And for another thing, everyone else is over there," he waved vaguely, "and it's just us over here, so fuck Spider-Man for a minute."
Miles shifted, pulling one knee to his chest while extending the other leg. "Yeah, but see, when I'm Spider-Man, I fight bad guys and help people. That's what we need. Not regular Miles, who's struggling in comp sci and getting drunk at parties and accidentally-but-not make out with my best friend." He looked up at Gabriel, catching his eyes for just a second before looking away again. "I need good decision Spider-Man, not bad life choices Miles."
Gabriel might have missed it had it not been for the eye contact, but he did his best to remain as placid as he'd been since they'd arrived in Limbo. The exhaustion certainly helped. "None of that sounds like bad choices," he said, his tone shifting from tough love and disbelief to something a bit more gentle and encouraging. "That sounds like being 18 or 19 or whatever the fuck. And figuring out how to be an adult and grow into yourself. You've spent so much time in that spider costume, trying to be some kind of... I dunno, like, ideal hero or whatever." He shrugged. "You don't need to be that way all the time. You sure as shit don't need to be that way here. Just because you haven't totally figured out who Miles is doesn't mean that it's better to be the other guy."
A gust of wind blew, howling past the mouth of the cave like some predator hunting for a meal. Miles whipped his head around to look out but did not see any beast out there. His spider-sense similarly remained quiet. He was never going to sleep if he kept being so on edge.
"We're not going to even have the chance to find out what I am if we get stuck here forever. We gotta get Illyana to that magic fairy garden."
Gabriel said nothing, a slightly dubious look on his face. "Yeah," he said, "sure." He looked as if he were about to say more, but instead, he reached into one of his pockets and pulled out the protein bar he'd swiped from Miles's hands just before his adventure began. The wrapper was folded over to protect the half of it he hadn't eaten, and he eyed it a second before tossing it to Miles. "Here. I'd been holding onto it."
"Wow, thanks, pocket snack." Still, Miles smiled at the gesture, flicking off an invisible speck of lint before unwrapping the rest of the bar and taking a bite. "Can . . . can I ask you something personal? I mean, you probably know what it is, given what I just told you. Or you can tell me to screw off, that's fine."
Gabriel shrugged, not even bothering to look like he wasn't expecting the question he was obviously expecting. Which didn't mean he wasn't going to make Miles ask. "Shoot."
Miles went straight to the point. "Kissing guys. When did you know that's a thing you wanted to do?"
"When I kissed a guy," Gabriel said equally bluntly. "My first kiss, actually." He smiled a little. "I mean, it wasn't, like — by that point, I think a small part of me kind of wondered. Checked out guys in the locker room and stuff like that, but I didn't really know that's what I was doing then, you know? And then he and I kissed, and it... I just felt something." He shrugged, and wind filled the silence. "But that's just me, you know? Everyone's a little different. And when you know, you know. You know?"
But Miles was not sure he knew. He thought back to the party, how his heart started beating fast when the bottle stopped spinning and landed on Bobby and did not slow down until he had pulled the mortified Bobby out from his hiding place in the bathroom. Was it nerves, embarrassment, or something more personal, more profound? He bit the inside of his cheek, trying to come up with the words to verbalize the mysterious feelings he felt.
"I liked it," Miles confessed so softly the wind almost drowned him out. "You wouldn't know looking at him, but Bobby's a good kisser."
Gabriel said nothing, instead shifting a bit so he was facing Miles. "Can't say I'd thought about it, since he's a child, but, you know, okay. You liked it" he repeated, more as an acknowledgment. "Was it — you don't have to answer this, but would you want to do it again?"
Miles had been thinking about little else since then. "Yeah." A beat. "Hell yes," he added more emphatically. "It was, I dunno, it was really good. He wouldn't, though. He was so freaked out. We haven't talked since then."
"Hmmm." Gabriel crossed his legs. "That'll come. But you have to figure if you've been thinking that much about this — or consciously avoiding thinking about it, I guess — he's been doing the same. So..." Another shrug. "You'll talk. And you'll go from there."
"But what would I even say? And, I mean, I still don't know . . . what this makes me. Like, am I gay? I don't think I am, you know?"
"Okay, well, labels are stupid, and your generation is supposed to be post-labels anyway," Gabriel sat up a little straighter. "But let's do this, if you want to do this. Was kissing Bobby like kissing Good Hair Becky?"
Miles mirrored Gabriel's posture; this was too important to talk about with backpain. He thought about Gabriel's question, imagining both Bobby's and Becky's lips on his, the tingle of electricity Becky that sparked with her, the shivers down his spine from him. "They do it different, I guess. Pero like, I don't not like either. Becky and I dated for almost two years so it was all, you know, normal. But with Bobby it's new, and that's kinda fun."
"Yeah, new is always more fun," Gabriel replied as if this were the most obvious thing in the world, until he remembered that Miles hadn't been around the block nearly as many times as he did. "That's why people cheat or break up or whatever, until one day they don't. Which is a different conversation. The point is," he changed tone, "it doesn't sound like any of it felt wrong. Bae or BFF. Becky or Bobby." He paused, unable to stop a small smirk. "Honestly, the two whitest names we could be using here. You really do have a type."
"First of all," Miles called a point of order, "Rude. And second, no, it never felt wrong. I mean, except for that part where Bobby stopped and ran away, that made me feel like garbage 'cuz I must've done something wrong. But the rest of it was right, I guess is the word."
"Okay." It struck Gabriel that this was the first time he'd ever shepherded someone into the LGBT flock before, and he wondered if he was fucking it up. As if there were a playbook for this kind of thing. And even if there were, he doubted it covered having these kinds of conversations in a cave in a magical other-world. "So you have — let's say you feel some kind of way about Bobby." He shrugged. "You don't need to know what that is, necessarily. I mean, it doesn't mean you're gay, obviously."
So far so good. Miles nodded. "'Some kind of way.' Yeah, that pretty much covers it. Okay, but I gotta be something, even if labels are pointless or whatever."
Gabriel sighed. "They're not pointless. They're just counterproductive." He closed his eyes and tilted his head to his right. A joint in his neck cracked as he flopped it over to the left. "You like boys? You like girls? You do the math, buddy."
High school sex ed had only taught Miles so much, and the nuances of the lingo definitely were not part of that lesson plan. "Yeah but isn't bisexual just what gay guys tell themselves they are before they realize they actually are gay?"
"That's a dumb media stereotype from like 2008 or some shit, and it's only sometimes true. And honestly, I personally think that has more to do with how much easier men find it to have sex with other men than anything else. But I digress. Point is, people are definitely bisexual, whether you happen to be or not."
"Well it's a thing I still hear people say." Miles blushed, though. At least he had the good sense to feel shame for verbalizing that kind of insensitivity. "But, I mean, maybe I am? Or at least Bobbysexual. Maybe that's a thing, too."
"Did you really just?" Gabriel's smirk reappeared, because he just couldn't help himself. "That's almost adorable. But here's a thing, honestly." His expression changed, his voice becoming less playful. "Spend less time worrying about what you are, and more time embracing however it is you feel. That'll lead you somewhere way more important and interesting."
Miles nodded and smirked, too, even kept that expression when Gabriel's fell somber. "I really like him. You know?"
"Yeah," Gabriel nodded back, a sympathetic look on his face. "But you'll figure that out too. Enjoy the ride."
~*~
Later, Gabriel lets Topaz vent.
Gabriel's cigarettes had made it to Limbo. His lighter had not.
Were he more poetic or introspective, he might have considered his a powerful metaphor for something. Were he more egocentric, he'd think it were yet another one of the universe's stupid jokes at his expense. Instead, he found it to be a nuisance.
He'd tried using his powers to generate some kind of friction with two sticks, but his efforts had failed, and his tenuous grasp on physics meant he wasn't entirely sure how to adjust them. But he wasn't willing to abandon his need for a smoke, especially after that heady conversation with Miles. So now he hovered toward the entrance of their shelter, squatting on the ground with a cigarette in his left hand as he tried to ignite sparks by striking a rock against the walls of the cave.
"Didn't man already invent fire?"
The voice was low, British, and deeply sarcastic. Topaz hadn't wandered far from their cave, but after two days with everyone, she had needed a break. Miles could hand out orders all he wanted, but she didn't need that. She could take care of herself.
"He did," Gabriel conceded without looking up at her. He flicked the rock against the ground one more time to no avail. Then he dropped it, stood and dusted himself off. "And then he invented machines that would re-invent fire for him. Man is clever like that." He sighed. The wind continued to howl outside, and he stared blankly off into the horizon. "Of all the times not to have Pyro around."
Topaz resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Were you even paying attention when we fought the zombies?" She held up her hand, and after a bit of flickering, a small ball of flame appeared, hovering over her palm. Damn it, she was lower on energy than she thought if this was all she could manage. "Magic can pretty much do anything. Except, you know, prevent us from dying in this hellhole."
"Thanks." Gabriel shrugged, not the least bit sheepish as he took the proffered light. He took a long drag, careful to exhale in a direction that would carry the smoke with the wind and away from the pair of them. "I made a calculation, undead and all. Decided that seconds off my life was worth whatever mild buzz this gives me." He shrugged again. "The tiniest part of me was probably hoping it'd be weed," he admitted. "Can you imagine? Hotbox the cave. Mellow everyone the fuck out."
"Start with our friendly Limbo Spiderman." Topaz rolled her eyes, leaning against the outside of the cave wall. "I swear if he tries to give out one more order I'm just going to put a bubble around his head." She paused, not looking particularly sheepish as she said, "Sorry, you guys are friends, aren't you?"
"We are," Gabriel said after another puff. "But he's also..." He looked at Topaz for a second, considering her. "It's too much," he admitted after a bit of silence. It was almost a relief to say out loud. "I know he means well. I really do, and it's coming from a place of—" He was about to mention Miles's deep insecurities, but it didn't seem worth getting into. "Well, a place, anyway. But he's driving me a little nuts."
"The leather types always mean well." Topaz kept her gaze ahead. "So do the PIs and the spies. Everyone means well." There was a surprising amount of venom in those last two words. "Doesn't mean they're actually doing anything good."
Gabriel made a vague noise of assent, even though it sounded to him like a line she'd used before. It was too convenient, too generic. Even if there was something particularly pointed in her delivery. "You're not blowing up at him, though," he pointed out. "Which I appreciate."
“I’m not a complete monster,” Topaz said. “And if we’re really going to die here, it might as well be because some horrible monster killed us, not because the group self destructed.”
He nodded somewhat idly, studying her as he took another drag. There was something so specific he wanted to say, and yet he wasn't sure whether it was safe. Their existence and the universe around them already seemed precarious at best.
Gabriel decided to take the risk. "We're not going to die here," he finally said. It was a statement of fact rather than a trite reassurance. "Lord knows," he lowered his voice, glancing back toward the others before raising his eyebrow and giving her what he hoped was a meaningful look. "We've survived worse."
Topaz looked up, considering the sky for a long moment, then smiled humorlessly. "That's true. The universe seems weirdly determined to keep us alive."
"I'm not taking it for granted," Gabriel added quickly. He flicked ash onto the ground. "It's just — you end up in another world, you see zombies, you start to feel deja vu, you know? It's so fucking weird, and they have no idea."
That was they differed, Topaz supposed. If the universe gave her a real chance to die, she wasn't sure she would turn it down. "Yeah," she said dryly. "I'd say lucky them, but we all have our baggage. Even if the backage is a little different." Like a possibly world-ending secret. "You ever want to just scream?"
"Uh, yeah," Gabriel snorted. "Frequently." He took a particularly long drag on his cigarette as he considered that. "I guess less so lately, though? And not here, which is shocking, because this is literal hell."
"Literal hell makes more sense than a lot of other things," Topaz pointed out. "At least it's easy to figure out what to do here. Kill all the monsters. Don't die. No drama, which is nice. Take Miles out of the equation and this could be a vacation."
Gabriel eyed her apprehensively. He decided to let the Miles comment go. "I guess that's true," he said carefully. "No shades of gray here. A refreshing change." He paused. "Hell as a getaway. You've got an edge."
"Well, I could do without the demons, so maybe it isn't perfect." She didn't mean to feel Gabriel's apprehension. She really diddn't. But she was on high alert, wanting to feel something approaching before it could ambush them, if that was possible. Did demons have feelings? Could they picked up by empaths? Would Topaz be able to drain them? She had no idea. She had picked up feelings from the Mindless Ones and Slendermen, but they had been humans once. And the Slendermen emotions were bare basics. "Anyways, didn't mean to interrupt your alone time. Sorry about that."
"No, please, don't be ridiculous." He waved away the notion, as if doing so could dispel whatever awkwardness he'd inadvertently caused. "Honestly, if you hadn't showed up, I'd be playing caveman still, and by now I probably would have broken my hand or something." Gabriel smiled at her, even though he was fairly sure she'd find it disarming. "Besides, you being over here makes it seem less like either one of us are brooding."
“True,” Topaz said after a moment. She hesitated, then looked back to make sure no one had come to eavesdrop. “And it’s not the worst thing... being around someone who understands the weirdness.”
Gabriel tried not to register his surprise, forgetting that Topaz would probably be able to sense it. "Yeah," he agreed after blowing more smoke into the wind. "I've always wanted to share a look that nobody else understood."
Topaz snorted quietly. It was almost a sound of amusement. "And here I thought those cliches were only something movies did."
"Yeah, well," Gabriel did his best to approximate a meaningful look. He gave her a kind of salute with his cigarette and winked. "Here's looking at you, kid."
Topaz rolled her eyes and gave her a two-fingered salute in return.
~*~
Lastly on Gabriel's whirlwind tour of the cave, he helps Rahne process.
Exhaustion and hunger were competing for Rahne's attention as she tried to get some sleep. The relief of being back as her after talking to Illyana had been short lived - she was literally in a place called Limbo, surrounded by demons and critters that she had no idea if she could eat or not, even if she could actually hunt something. She sighed and dropped her face into her hands. "I'm a terrible wolf," she muttered, dropping her face into her hands.
"What's that?" Gabriel, who had been pacing and speeding around their cave in the hopes of burning off some nervous energy, appeared near her. The past however-many-hours felt like a kind of a morale tour. The USO had gone to Limbo, and Gabriel was Bob Hope. He sat close to Rahne, flashing her a weary smile.
She thought about lying but she was never good at it on a good day and Gabriel made her a little...hand flail-y so between that and being in Limbo, she didn't even try. "I'm a terrible wolf. I know 'Yana said not to hunt anything but I don't think I could even if they weren't demon hellspawn, aye? I'm a terrible wolf."
"Well," Gabriel said with a shrug, "I wouldn't put too much pressure on yourself. We're in a literal hell dimension. Don't know that most wolves would fare too well here."
"I should...probably ask her if there are Limbo versions of wolves," she said, frowning. Wolves ran in packs which meant the idea that there were demon wolf packs out there...Rahne blinked and looked back at Gabriel, trying to squash her nightmare vision of packs of demon wolves hunting them in the night. "We never get to spontaneously go anywhere nice. Are there no nice alternate dimensions?" It was weak but she was trying to push past the fear.
Gabriel chuckled a little. "I like to think there are," he admitted. "I mean, I can't imagine one where nothing bad ever happens. But that might say more about me than the universe." He sat up a little straighter and twisted his spine, hoping to stretch out some of the kinks their journey had caused. Then he clasped his hands over his head for a few seconds before tilting his head and looking over at her. "You feeling more like yourself?"
To be fair, Rahne couldn't imagine a nice alternate dimension, either, at the moment but the fact that it meant that Earth was the happy one...for a brief moment, Rahne suddenly understood why people might decide to drink.
She blinked and focused on Gabriel, trying to shake off that lovely thought. "I think so, if like an exhausted version of me. I know that it's still me when I'm like ..." Rahne flapped her hands around her, trying to show the scale of other her, though badly. "That but I just...it's too different. Too not human. So I'm glad I'm back to squishy version me."
"Yeah, I bet." Gabriel nodded. "It must have been, like, an out-of-body experience, seeing yourself like that?" He shrugged. "Has its uses, though."
"So Miles has been telling me. Or at least trying. I mostly feel like I flail around, biting things and some of the things here are gross!" Rahne sighed and fidgeted, fingers twisting the hem of her shirt until it strained before she released it. "I've been thinking. When we get, ye know, of asking someone to show me how to fight. For real, not the defensive stuff GenX does. But how to be actually useful without hurting anyone. Do ye think that's a dumb idea?"
"No." Gabriel didn't need to give it much thought. As much as he conceptually hated how the mansion trained kids into soldiers, their current predicament proved how useful those lessons could be. "Sometimes offense is the best defense." He shifted slightly, looking away from her. "It's smart to be prepared, you know?"
"This is my second hostile alternate dimension," Rahne signed. "At this point, I have to assume there's going to be a third one and we've already decided there are no nice alternate dimensions out there." She glanced at him and took a breath, "How're ye holding up? Ye seem ... to be handling this better than me. Though I think even that rock is handling it better than ... wait, never mind, that rock in the distance just ate something. I don't think it's a rock."
Gabriel, who had followed her gaze, couldn't help but laugh. It was definitely not a rock. "I'm good," he shrugged, then realized what an absurd statement that was and smiled a little. "Well, okay, not good, but I feel like I'm doing okay, considering the circumstances, you know?"
He looked down at his hands and started idly picking at his cuticles. Actually, Gabriel was surprised he hadn't panicked more. Even if waking up in a world that wasn't his own felt familiar enough for him to deal, the demons and hell-scape was something new. But he didn't feel like he could be emotional or vulnerable in this group. Not around Miles, who seemed to be channeling his nervous energy into machismo. Definitely not around Warren, who would find a way to exploit any sign of weakness. And certainly not around Rahne, who was young and innocent enough that he felt like he owed it to her to at least seem strong.
But only a little strong, he decided. "I guess I'm pretty beat, though," he finally said, looking up at her. "My powers can take a lot out of me."
Rahne could only imagine. Transitioning from wolf to human to ... whatever ... could be pretty exhausting, especially if pressed to do it over and over again, but once she was in a form, it was fine. Gabriel's powers had no real 'rest' unless he wasn't using them. She shifted and drew her legs up to her chest so she could lean her chin on top of her knees. "How do ye normally recharge?" she asked, opting for curiosity instead of morbidly obsessing over their impending doom. "I feel whatever it is, ye aren't getting enough of it here, aye?"
"Nope," Gabriel shook his head, "not really. I need food and sleep, mostly. It's kinda like — I don't know, I'm running around a lot, you know? And I don't have a ton of control over that, so I burn a lot of extra energy fighting and stuff. You put a lot of strain on your muscles. A lot of cardio in. And it takes time to rebuild that." He scratched behind his right ear. "At least, that's what I think?" He smiled a little sheepishly. "Science isn't really my thing, but everything I've googled about muscle recovery and cardio burn has led me there."
"It doesn't seem fair that we get all these really weird powers and they don't come with, like, an instruction book, aye?" A few lucky mutants might have been able to figure out their powers and all the intricate things that went with them but most of them just seemed to be figuring it out as they went along. "I hope ye get a chance to recharge soon. By, ye know, us not being here."
"God, let's hope. I mean, none of this is ideal, to say the least." Obvious statement was obvious, but he was tired, so Gabriel let it go without a self-deprecating remark. "It's not even just the sleep. I think it really messes with your worldview to be in, like, literal Hell, but through no fault of your own. The Pope got so much wrong."
"Ugh, don't remind me," she moaned, dropping her face onto her knees so she could hide from the world. "I'm too tired to freak out about the whole Limbo thing. Maybe it's just called that. Maybe it's not actually The Limbo. I'm too tired and young for a crisis of religious faith." Rahne continued, words slightly muffled, "Is this why so many back home drink?"
Gabriel laughed. "That's a complicated question, but I'm sure it's part of it. Anyway, I didn't mean to put you in a tailspin or anything." Unsure of exactly how to best comfort her, he put his arm around her shoulders. "The universe is full of weird dimensions, apparently, and the odds are this one has nothing to do with anything." He shrugged. "Except Illyana, I guess."
At another time, in a normal, far more safe dimension, Rahne would have had an internal fit over the fact that Gabriel was hugging her. Maybe she'd have one later when they were home. Instead of internally flapping her hands around, she just leaned against him, grateful for the contact. "I hope she's going to be okay. Ye know, after we get home."
"She will be," Gabriel reassured her, and not without conviction. Whatever thing it was he saw of himself in Illyana led him to believe she'd turn out fine. Or as fine as she could turn out given the background she had. "She's a fighter, that one. Not gonna be easy though. Can't imagine this is the kind of thing you'd want other people knowing about you, you know?"
Something tight unwound a little in Rahne's chest at that. Because whatever emotions she was going through, she could only begin to imagine what 'Yana was going through. "Aye, I can't even be upset she hid this because this is insane, ye know? I think she'll be okay, too, once we get home and have access to all the Poptarts again." She knew her joke fell a little flat but she was too tired to be embarrassed.
Turning a little, Rahne glanced up at Gabriel. "Thank ye. I know it's been the 'Comfort the scared Scottish lass' hour these last few days but I appreciate it."
"Oh, please," Gabriel waved her off. "I think we're all pretty freaked out. Least you're honest about it. And you're handling things as well as can be expected. Better, even."
If she was going to be honest with herself, there was a weird little sense of pride at that. "Maybe one day I'll get used to all this," Rahne sighed. "Ye know, being zapped to another dimension, fighting zombies. But I'm kind of glad I can still get freaked out about all this."
~*~
Topaz demonstrates to Rahne that behind all her snark is something genuine.
"Um, do ye want half of this?" Rahne asked, holding out a package to Topaz. It was one of those breakfast biscuit sandwich things that had a layer of peanut butter in them. She was still super bummed that the largest amount of food brought to the middle of a foreign dimension was something she was allergic to thanks to her powers but she had brought some food with her by accident that she could eat.
Topaz just looked ... tired, though, and Rahne was concerned she wasn't feeling good.
Magic hangovers were hell. Topaz had balled up against the wall of the cave, legs drawn up and forehead resting against her knee. Stupid, stupid, stupid. But what was one more mistake to the growing pile?
She frowned when she realized the words were directed at her, looking up to see Rahne offering her the sandwich. "Oh. Uh, no, thanks," she said awkwardly, realizing her current position was probably a concerning one. Really, other than the pounding headache, she was fine. As long as no one made her do any big magic again any time soon. "I've got some chocolate. You should keep what you can eat for yourself."
"Does chocolate actually have any nutritional value?" she asked, sinking down to sit across from Topaz. "I know what Illyana would say. Though I'm pretty sure this doesn't have much, either." Rahne's brain suddenly wanted her to read the label but her stomach told her brain to stop being an idiot. There wasn't time to read and worry about labels. As she opened it she looked back up at Topaz. "Considering where we are it's a stupid question but are ye okay? I haven't seen much of yer, ah..."
Rahne wiggled her fingers in a spooky fashion.
Topaz pulled in a deep breath, trying to make it look natural. She hadn't done much talking to other people since London, and she felt weirdly out of practice. "Yeah, I'm alright," she still managed to lie convincingly. "Too much magic takes a toll, is all. I'l be fine after some sleep." Mostly true. She was still limited. She didn't like being limited. "Are you? I'm... guessing you don't get off Earth much." It was a weak attempt at a joke.
She gave Topaz a weak smile at the joke. "If anyone is counting - and by that I mean I am absolutely counting - this is my second ... dimension thing? Jury's still out on which one is worse but at least this one has smells to it." Rahne's nose wrinkled. "Though sometimes I really wish I couldn't smell." Rahne frowned as she glanced around the cave they were staying in. "I have to ask. Is the getting kidnapped/accidentally going to another dimension thing normal for us?"
The effort was there to be brave and strong but there was a thread of fear that she couldn't quite hide from her voice.
"Ah..." Topaz wasn't sure if honesty was the best policy here. "The mansion is... a bit of a magnet for trouble," was what she finally settled on. Done with everything though she might be, she wasn't going to take it on a kid. Rahne didn't deserve that. It wasn't her fault this universe was fucked up. "I guess you can't really avoid it when you put a bunch of mutants in one place, then drop a bunch of magic people on top of them. But... ya know... there's always someone who knows what they're doing and can help."
Rahne's shoulders sagged slightly. "I love it there," she said quietly. "I mean, I'm still a wee bit freaked out that I live in a mansion and I turn into a wolf and I can't have chocolate anymore, but it's pretty awesome. But then there's..." She gestured around them. "This. And not just this right now but the Slendermen and everything else." Sighing, she finally opened the package and took a small bite. "I just worry that one day, someone won't know what they're doing. Or that I'm the one with the most experience and I have to figure something like this out!"
Topaz bit down a snort. "Yeah. I've been in the position where I have to be the smartest one in the room and I didn't have a bloody clue. You figure out how to think real fast when you've got someone looking at you like you can do something." She sighed, shifting to cross her legs under herself and resting her elbows on her knees. "Look... I'm not gonna bullshit you. I've been at the mansion for six years and there hasn't been one year I haven't gotten in trouble somehow. If it makes you feel better, half of it was probably my own doing, because I apparently have a death wish. I left the mansion for a few months and somehow managed to almost get myself burned alive - don't ask, long story. And sometimes you can't ask for help. Or you have to wait for help. And if that happens... just stay alive."
Her eyes did get slightly wide at the nearly being burned alive thing but she didn't think she really wanted to know (though a small part of her did want to know if it was because someone got mad that Topaz was a witch but that just felt rude to ask). "Thanks," she said instead. "I appreciate the, um, no bullshit." Even in the shadows of the cave, it was clear that Rahne was blushing at having even whispered the curse worse. "Is it worth it? Being at the mansion, knowing that the next day might be another crazy town day filled with dog sized spiders or evil dimensions?"
Is it worth it? Topaz looked out toward the cave entrance for a moment. Exactly the question she had been hoping Rahne wouldn't ask. None of it felt worth it. Topaz couldn't deny that she had caused a lot of her own trouble over the years. But a lot had also been thrown at her, and a lot had been because of where she lived or who she was associated with. "I don't always know," she said finally, looking back at Rahne. She had promised honesty. "But it's safe. And I know that's absolutely mad considering where we are and how we ended up here, or considering the spiders, or the Slendermen, but - it's still as safe as any place can be, especially for mutants. And someone got you lot out of... Slender World, or whatever the hell it's called. Someone stopped the spiders. And we're gonna get ourselves out of this-" she waved a hand around them, "somehow. We're gonna get back. And tomorrow we could end up with an invasion of... I dunno, giant butterflies, but at least we won't be alone while we're - you know what, I can't go with that analogy, I don't think I could kill a butterfly. The point is, you're not alone. Someone always has your back." At least until you lose your mind and throw her out of your life because you're tired of being second best.
Topaz' words and Rahne's own question of it was worth it kept bouncing around her mind. This was the definition of insanity - the fact that she hadn't bolted after the first or second or third incident. She had told herself she was staying after the Slendermen because she needed help with her powers, again, but what would be her excuse this time? Or the next? "Ye'd think I'd be sensible and leave - the Reverend would welcome me back gladly, I know. But yer right, I know ye are. It's a madhouse but it's our madhouse, at least."
It would be lying to say she hadn't thought a lot about going home after Slenderman or other times. And there was a small amount of guilt she felt when she called back to Scotland and had to lie - one word about any of it and she'd be taken back to Scotland. And, even in the middle of Limbo, surrounded by demons and terrible things (again), Rahne realized that she didn't want to go back to Scotland. Not now and maybe not for a while. "We're all mad as hatters," she sighed, shuffling around to lean against the cave wall new Topaz.
"Yeah," Topaz had to agree, shifting to draw her knees loosely back to her chest. "But let's be real, we'd have to be a little mad to agree in the first place. It's a mansion full of mutants. I had the option to go somewhere else and I still agreed to go to the mansion."
"Well...at least it has a really nice pool?"
