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Bobby explains enchanting weapons to Kyle, and Kyle does not turn himself into a parrot.



Crafting weapons is pretty fucking badass, Bobby thought to himself. Even if they were Minecraft weapons, and not, like, sharp looking or anything, it was still the height of awesomeness. Or so he kept telling himself.

They were made out of diamond, though, so that was really damn cool. He wouldn’t let anyone tell him otherwise on that front.

He kept checking his nearby chest to make sure he wasn’t running low on mats, placing the sword he’d just made in there for someone else to take, then went back to make some more.

“Man, this is the life,” he mused aloud.

"Oh yeah, just what I wanted, dig weird blue rocks until my weird pickaxe made of weird white rocks breaks, until my accounting intern says we have enough of them, while wearing a blue hat on my head." Kyle dumped a giant pile of all the random stuff he'd gotten into the chest next to Bobby's crafting table of awesome (which is exactly what the sign right in front of it said). "Also I need another pickaxe, I broke mine."

“I’m on it!” Bobby didn’t have to think too long about what the recipe was for a pickaxe, he was on fire, crafting-wise anyway. “Seriously though, dude, it’s a pretty chill thing to do. Or for me it is, anyway, I dunno.” He shrugged, as much as he could in his pixelated form, anyway, then finished making the pickaxe, dropping it on the ground in front of Kyle for him to pick up.

Kyle nudged forward until he heard the plook noise that the pickaxe made, and then it was somehow in his hand. "All you, my man. The second I can go back to stabbing zombies, I'm happier. I get it, I am right on the mining thing, this is your show, but yo, I kinda wanna get back to the real world." He looked carefully at his pickaxe and frowned. "Hey, yo, how come I don't get one that glows like yours?"

“Dude you gotta enchant it. I can’t do that for you, but here, you can do it using this blue shit.” Bobby found some of the blue rocks in his inventory and handed them over to Kyle. “There’s an enchanting table over yonder,” he pointed to it with a pixelated digit, “and it’ll take some luck and a buncha tries but have at it, my man.”

"Freaking seriously? Video games are dumb." Kyle busied himself looking at the blue … things. Lapis whatever. And then wandered over to the table and bookshelves. "Right when I end up turning myself into a parrot, I just am on the record as saying this game makes no sense."

“Totally stupid, yeah,” Bobby pretended to agree, “...stupid awesome!” He raised his hand for Kyle to give him a high five, but would probably be left hangin’.

“Anyway, no worries about turning into a parrot, unless there’s some new patch nonsense I don’t know about that can’t happen.”

"Right, so, walk me through this enchanting nonsense." Kyle took off his helmet, put it on the table Bobby pointed at, and then waved his hands at it. "Okay, what does Thorns mean because now it says that."

“It’s, like, if something hits you? It’s gonna hurt. Like that ancient song, every flower has its thorns or some such shit.” Bobby wasn’t that up on ‘old’ music, unfortunately.

"Drake, if we ever get back to reality, we are having a long talk about music."




It turns out some of their powers do work in this weird Minecraft world, they just have to be clever about it.



Kyle had crept up behind Bobby and for a second, considered trying to make the weird hissing noise that the green cactus walking bombs did. "Hey so. Clarice and me and Terry, we have a theory about powers, and I need you to try something for me."

“‘K,” Bobby replied, game to try anything out. He was probably having more fun than he ought to in this very weird situation, but he liked games, so. “Whatcha got?” He hadn’t tried to use his powers, again because he was just happy to play the game the same way he always had in real life.

"So, Clarice can teleport, and I am actually beating up zombies and cactus dick monsters faster than anyone, and Darcy has that .. cheatcode thing you guys did with teleporting, so, we have like, a theory." They'd had a lot of very random conversations while digging giant holes in the ground for shiny rocks. "How do you feel about being Jesus?"

“LMAO,” Bobby said aloud, because even though they were talking they were in a game, after all, so it was ok. To him, anyway. “Oh wait, shit, did you find some wine? Or no, you want me to turn water into wine, which… huh, is there a recipe for that?”

"Naw, remember when I was trying to turn myself into a parrot?" Kyle tapped his shiny now-glowing helmet. "I put some boots in and they got a thing that lets me walk on the water and it turns into ice and, well, we were thinking…" He pointed at the boots. "Bobs, Clarice can still port, and I can still claw things. What if you can still do ice? Because if so, we are gonna figure out how the hell to get Terry in the air and hot damn we are gonna explore the fuck out of this place."

“For real? Damn, okay, let’s give this a shot.” If Kyle was right then not only would that be just plain awesome but it’ll also be super useful. “I think there’s some water over there somewhere, let’s see… yeah, over here.”

Bobby headed over to the nearest water source, then tentatively stood at its edge. “Alright, here we go.” He lifted one foot up off the ground, hovering it over the water tile before committing and putting it down. To his pleasant surprise, bam, it turned into ice.

“DUDE IT WORKS OMG.” He rushed across more of the water and it all instantly turned frozen, and he continued going as far as he could go, enjoying the familiar-esque use of his powers in the game.

"Score!" Kyle couldn't help but cheer. "Okay, get back here, ima go get everyone and we are gonna figure this shit out."

Several in-game hours later, Terry stood with everyone else around Bobby. They'd handed her a cloak — one that shimmered with purple light -- the one thing Darcy had been able to create before speaking the command to give items in game started making her fall out of the world and re-appear on top of random beds — and told her it'd let her fly properly, so she put it into her inventory over all the armor they'd worked to make. It didn't clash horrifically, given the armor was a shiny, light blue.

And just a moment after that, she inhaled to scream, did so, and shot vertically through the sky. She passed some blocky sorts of clouds and realized she might've overdone it a bit. After sorting out a volume control and figuring out to steer left-to-right, she said reached for her ear to activate their comms and said, "Aye, boys, this'll do nicely."

"Sweet. We gotta find a Stronghold, so you're on explore duty. Everybody else, you're on dig duty. We need obsidian for a portal!" Bobby said, with a firm nod.

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