Sooraya, Kyle, Monitor Duty.
Jul. 8th, 2020 09:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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xp_logsSooraya and Kyle end up on the same monitor duty rotation, and the conversation turns a bit to the serious - fears, triggers, and therapy.
"Oh hey Kyle." Sooraya looked up from her editing. "I didn't know you were joining me tonight for this." She gestured at the equipment around them. "Not that I mind the company."
"Like, didn't know because gossip hasn't gotten around to saying I'm back on the team." Kyle asked, tying his hair back into a messy ponytail-bun-thing. "Or didn't know because Scott is messing with our schedules again. Or well, less again and more always."
"I'd heard you're back on your old stomping grounds." Sooraya scribbled a final note before putting the book away for now. "I was kinda surprised though when Scott told me. Especially with the concerns you had before..."
"The X-Men weren't why kids died, and I just needed.." Kyle shrugged. "I needed time to figure that out. And a lot of therapy, man. I have spent so much time on my therapist's couch." He sat a oversized bottle of water next to the second seat and plopped down on it. "And then, you know, I looked at a calendar and I'd been doing it for what, three years and nothing had changed and I figured out it wasn't the team, it was me."
"How do you mean, it was you?" Sooraya twisted in her chair a little so she could properly look at Kyle.
"I mean... like, I was blaming the team, but I was kind of blaming the team because I was pissed at myself, and..." Kyle raked both hands through his hair, taking making the already messy ponytail worse. "Just, everything caught up with me all at once, my mom dying, the kids dying, folks moving on, and I got it in my head that it was me, and then picked the whole X-Men thing as my... " He looked up at the ceiling. "Man, this is so much easier when my therapist explains it."
"It almost sounds like you were kinda projecting on the team?" Sooraya suggested quietly. "Almost like a kind of scapegoat? Or is that putting it too strong?"
"Not too strong at all. Totally what I did, except like, double stuffed projecting. Not my fault, not the team's fault, I was way down the survivor's guilt rabbit hole." Kyle replied. "So, yeah. Back to Scott's horrible 4 am Danger Room runs and.. this."
Sooraya had to grin at the last bit. "Strange... he almost never pulls me in for 4 am runs. He must really like you somehow. Have you already done a few practice runs or is that still on the agenda?"
"He sent me after robot gorillas." Kyle said. "And eh, I'm low man on the totem pole, I'll eat the horrible time slot until I'm cleared for missions." He shrugged. "Plus he knows I'm a morning person, we jog the same paths a lot."
"Why I am I not surprised you got saddled with the gorillas?" Sooraya shook her head. "Did he already run you through the swamp scenario with all the bugs? That one really sucked. Hot, muggy, muddy and I was unable to go in my sand form because of how wet it was."
Kyle coughed into his fist. "Dude, I, um, helped script that one, like, ages ago." He managed a sheepish look, though not very much of one. "At least part of it's for dealing with tracking with senses through overload. Lots of bugs, stanky swamp smells, sweating through the uniform. I'd apologize but I'm still mad at myself for helping with it."
"I think was luckily enough that I am mostly covered in my leathers so that the bugs at least couldn't eat me alive." Sooraya pulled over her bag and grabbed a tupperware container inside. "Still, not the worst scenario he or Garrison ever put me in... would you like one, btw? It should be safe for you to eat." She held out the cookies.
"Sure, thanks." Kyle took one of the cookies. "Okay, what's your personal worst? Mine's that circus one. It's so loud, and like, ugh, clowns." He took a bite of cookie, and then gave a full-mouth-thumbs-up.
"Hmmm, the ones with lots water usually suck for me... I haven't done it in a long time, but there was one with the weird combination of sea monsters, lots of water and me being unable to shift and somehow it managed to keep me flashing back to not so pleasant times before I came here. Still haven't figured out why that was."
"Memory's a messed up thing, man. Our brains do not cooperate when we don't want them to go giving us like, the instant replay of things that suck." Kyle said, sympathetically. "I mean, who decided that was a good idea?"
Sooraya snorted. "If we only knew... and it's so weird... it's always the most unexpected things that hit you the most. I mean... say I go back to Afghanistan... I will be prepared, but a weird sea landscape? That couldn't be more different from those times." Her gaze became distant. "You know... I said I have no idea what triggered it, but sometimes I wonder if it might have been the smell of rotting seaweed..."
Well, that is a totes gross smell." Kyle agreed. "I mean, I have some of those but..." He tapped his nose. "I'm wired for it, which is funny, cause most of my, I mean, the therapist says it's PTSD but..." He shrugged. "Most of mine are sounds."
"It is... and it's the same smell the rags had that my owners made me sleep on..." Sooraya's gaze was still distant, but suddenly refocused after that realisation. "Sorry, I was away for a moment. You said sounds? May I ask..." “Oh man, actual sounds, it’s goats. But the big one for me is like, actual silence.” Kyle said, with an almost sheepish shrug. “The early stuff, before I was here was like, this big soundless room.”
"Before?" Sooraya frowned as she searched her memory of what she knew of Kyle's history before he came to the mansion and her eyes widened as a few things popped up. "Oh... damn... I've heard a bit about that... No wonder..."
"Yeah, Mistra were a bunch of bastards." Kyle said. "You know what's crazy? They didn't exist here. I mean, not as far as I can tell. It was just Weapon X the whole time. Same trauma, different logo on the evil business cards."
"The same darkness or what you want to call it seems to be everywhere, only in another coat." Sooraya agreed. "It's good to have you back on the frontlines against it, I have to say."
"Yeah, it's actually pretty good to be back." Kyle agreed. "Even if, you know, I get the shitty Danger Room runs for a while."
"Oh hey Kyle." Sooraya looked up from her editing. "I didn't know you were joining me tonight for this." She gestured at the equipment around them. "Not that I mind the company."
"Like, didn't know because gossip hasn't gotten around to saying I'm back on the team." Kyle asked, tying his hair back into a messy ponytail-bun-thing. "Or didn't know because Scott is messing with our schedules again. Or well, less again and more always."
"I'd heard you're back on your old stomping grounds." Sooraya scribbled a final note before putting the book away for now. "I was kinda surprised though when Scott told me. Especially with the concerns you had before..."
"The X-Men weren't why kids died, and I just needed.." Kyle shrugged. "I needed time to figure that out. And a lot of therapy, man. I have spent so much time on my therapist's couch." He sat a oversized bottle of water next to the second seat and plopped down on it. "And then, you know, I looked at a calendar and I'd been doing it for what, three years and nothing had changed and I figured out it wasn't the team, it was me."
"How do you mean, it was you?" Sooraya twisted in her chair a little so she could properly look at Kyle.
"I mean... like, I was blaming the team, but I was kind of blaming the team because I was pissed at myself, and..." Kyle raked both hands through his hair, taking making the already messy ponytail worse. "Just, everything caught up with me all at once, my mom dying, the kids dying, folks moving on, and I got it in my head that it was me, and then picked the whole X-Men thing as my... " He looked up at the ceiling. "Man, this is so much easier when my therapist explains it."
"It almost sounds like you were kinda projecting on the team?" Sooraya suggested quietly. "Almost like a kind of scapegoat? Or is that putting it too strong?"
"Not too strong at all. Totally what I did, except like, double stuffed projecting. Not my fault, not the team's fault, I was way down the survivor's guilt rabbit hole." Kyle replied. "So, yeah. Back to Scott's horrible 4 am Danger Room runs and.. this."
Sooraya had to grin at the last bit. "Strange... he almost never pulls me in for 4 am runs. He must really like you somehow. Have you already done a few practice runs or is that still on the agenda?"
"He sent me after robot gorillas." Kyle said. "And eh, I'm low man on the totem pole, I'll eat the horrible time slot until I'm cleared for missions." He shrugged. "Plus he knows I'm a morning person, we jog the same paths a lot."
"Why I am I not surprised you got saddled with the gorillas?" Sooraya shook her head. "Did he already run you through the swamp scenario with all the bugs? That one really sucked. Hot, muggy, muddy and I was unable to go in my sand form because of how wet it was."
Kyle coughed into his fist. "Dude, I, um, helped script that one, like, ages ago." He managed a sheepish look, though not very much of one. "At least part of it's for dealing with tracking with senses through overload. Lots of bugs, stanky swamp smells, sweating through the uniform. I'd apologize but I'm still mad at myself for helping with it."
"I think was luckily enough that I am mostly covered in my leathers so that the bugs at least couldn't eat me alive." Sooraya pulled over her bag and grabbed a tupperware container inside. "Still, not the worst scenario he or Garrison ever put me in... would you like one, btw? It should be safe for you to eat." She held out the cookies.
"Sure, thanks." Kyle took one of the cookies. "Okay, what's your personal worst? Mine's that circus one. It's so loud, and like, ugh, clowns." He took a bite of cookie, and then gave a full-mouth-thumbs-up.
"Hmmm, the ones with lots water usually suck for me... I haven't done it in a long time, but there was one with the weird combination of sea monsters, lots of water and me being unable to shift and somehow it managed to keep me flashing back to not so pleasant times before I came here. Still haven't figured out why that was."
"Memory's a messed up thing, man. Our brains do not cooperate when we don't want them to go giving us like, the instant replay of things that suck." Kyle said, sympathetically. "I mean, who decided that was a good idea?"
Sooraya snorted. "If we only knew... and it's so weird... it's always the most unexpected things that hit you the most. I mean... say I go back to Afghanistan... I will be prepared, but a weird sea landscape? That couldn't be more different from those times." Her gaze became distant. "You know... I said I have no idea what triggered it, but sometimes I wonder if it might have been the smell of rotting seaweed..."
Well, that is a totes gross smell." Kyle agreed. "I mean, I have some of those but..." He tapped his nose. "I'm wired for it, which is funny, cause most of my, I mean, the therapist says it's PTSD but..." He shrugged. "Most of mine are sounds."
"It is... and it's the same smell the rags had that my owners made me sleep on..." Sooraya's gaze was still distant, but suddenly refocused after that realisation. "Sorry, I was away for a moment. You said sounds? May I ask..." “Oh man, actual sounds, it’s goats. But the big one for me is like, actual silence.” Kyle said, with an almost sheepish shrug. “The early stuff, before I was here was like, this big soundless room.”
"Before?" Sooraya frowned as she searched her memory of what she knew of Kyle's history before he came to the mansion and her eyes widened as a few things popped up. "Oh... damn... I've heard a bit about that... No wonder..."
"Yeah, Mistra were a bunch of bastards." Kyle said. "You know what's crazy? They didn't exist here. I mean, not as far as I can tell. It was just Weapon X the whole time. Same trauma, different logo on the evil business cards."
"The same darkness or what you want to call it seems to be everywhere, only in another coat." Sooraya agreed. "It's good to have you back on the frontlines against it, I have to say."
"Yeah, it's actually pretty good to be back." Kyle agreed. "Even if, you know, I get the shitty Danger Room runs for a while."
