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xp_logsBackdated to April 17th
Jean visits Laurie to hear her apology and they discuss Laurie's future in Medlab
Laurie was watching TV on the small television that had been arranged above the Medlab bed she was lying in, attempting to ignore the pain from the burns currently throbbing as they healed. It had already been at least 48 hours, so the silver bandages had been removed but she'd needed to have the wounds cleaned and seen regularly to stop infection.
"Jean, thank you for not ignoring me. You would have had the right."
Jean leaned against the wall to the room. "I don't know what to say. If this had been one time...But it hasn't. I know you're in pain, but constantly lashing out at people...That happened well before that. I just happened to be in your crosshairs at the moment. This pattern is not a healthy way to cope."
"I know."
It wasn't anything she and Jean hadn't spoken about previously, back during several of the times she'd taken certain stances that had left her looking little more than a feelingless robot to many of the people who lived here. It wasn't that she didn't agree with Jean's assessment, it wasn't a healthy way to cope, it was merely that she was exhausted and in pain, and she had little to say that would make Jean feel any better. It wasn't as if they didn't both know that this was a pattern she'd repeated countless times.
Still...
"I'll try harder."
Jean sighed. "I know you try. But...it's not a weakness to ask for help. You're not alone in this, even if you think you are. The mind likes to tell us things that aren't true. It's like you're so afraid of letting people in that you try to hurt other people before they can hurt you."
"Darcy has been helping."
Laurie offered it as a sort of olive branch, an attempt to show that she was accepting help at last. Not that she'd had a lot of input into the decision given that she'd been mostly unconscious, and then mostly drugged and now, just mostly exhausted. She didn't much care why Darcy had decided to help her, just that it made things less painful, and less untenable than they might have otherwise been.
"I need to resign from Medlab."
It was what she'd needed to talk about with Jean, and what she'd been dreading since she woke up how she woke up. She didn't want to let go, but she could hardly continue with one arm and the sheer weight of the effort before her that her mind still shied away from truly grappling with. She couldn't begin to heal when everything around her just reminded her of everything she couldn't do.
Jean was quiet a moment. "Do you no longer want to be a doctor?" she said. She knew why, but she wanted to hear her say it.
Laurie’s eyes turned cold with fury for a moment before she visibly pulled herself back into line.
“I would think that spending so many years attempting to be the best would have answered that question before it was even asked. Yes, I still want to be a doctor, but what patient would ever want to be treated by a doctor with only one arm? What possible good can I do when I can’t even look after myself?”
Jean took a seat on the chair beside the bed.
"Let's look at it in terms of statistics. There are over 7 billion people in the world. Out of those 7 billion, with all the war and violence, or even through nature itself, do you think there are no people who are differently abled, without an arm, maybe without legs, who are doctors? Everyone is different. Maybe there are people who wouldn't want to be treated by a doctor with only one arm, and maybe there are people who are happy to be treated by them because they only have one arm too, or they don't care if they have an arm or not, just that they're receiving the best care. I know you still want to be a doctor. That's why I asked. I can hear the passion in your voice. I think you're blinded right now by what happened to you. And that's understandable. But give yourself some time to adjust before you make any hasty decisions."
“Is that what you hope, or what you know?”
Laurie’s words were soft, almost a whisper as she glanced at Jean, trying to hold back the tears glistening in her eyes.
She wanted so much to believe her friend was right, to believe that she could move forward from this and become something more. What if she was wrong though? What if everything was just a hope that came to nothing?
“What do I do if you’re wrong?”
Jean was silent for a moment. The world is full of mutants who look different, who aren't what people consider normal. I've heard what the world thinks of them. It's not all or nothing. There will always be assholes, but there are also good people too. If you find someone who doesn't want you to treat them for not having an arm, that's on them. You can't control what other people think of you. You can only control what you think of yourself. You keep trying."
Laurie wanted to believe in the world Jean was building with her words, the one in which things worked out and things didn’t just get worse until you collapsed under the weight of all the things you were trying to carry on your shoulders.
It wasn’t that she was alone, or that nobody had offered to help but trusting that they wouldn’t make things worse was so hard. She sighed and closed her eyes, pushing the button on her bed to lower it into a sleeping position.
“Let me sleep on it, okay?”
Jean nodded. "Sure," she said. Turning to leave, she paused in the doorway. "Call me if you need me."
And with that, she slipped out the door.
Jean visits Laurie to hear her apology and they discuss Laurie's future in Medlab
Laurie was watching TV on the small television that had been arranged above the Medlab bed she was lying in, attempting to ignore the pain from the burns currently throbbing as they healed. It had already been at least 48 hours, so the silver bandages had been removed but she'd needed to have the wounds cleaned and seen regularly to stop infection.
"Jean, thank you for not ignoring me. You would have had the right."
Jean leaned against the wall to the room. "I don't know what to say. If this had been one time...But it hasn't. I know you're in pain, but constantly lashing out at people...That happened well before that. I just happened to be in your crosshairs at the moment. This pattern is not a healthy way to cope."
"I know."
It wasn't anything she and Jean hadn't spoken about previously, back during several of the times she'd taken certain stances that had left her looking little more than a feelingless robot to many of the people who lived here. It wasn't that she didn't agree with Jean's assessment, it wasn't a healthy way to cope, it was merely that she was exhausted and in pain, and she had little to say that would make Jean feel any better. It wasn't as if they didn't both know that this was a pattern she'd repeated countless times.
Still...
"I'll try harder."
Jean sighed. "I know you try. But...it's not a weakness to ask for help. You're not alone in this, even if you think you are. The mind likes to tell us things that aren't true. It's like you're so afraid of letting people in that you try to hurt other people before they can hurt you."
"Darcy has been helping."
Laurie offered it as a sort of olive branch, an attempt to show that she was accepting help at last. Not that she'd had a lot of input into the decision given that she'd been mostly unconscious, and then mostly drugged and now, just mostly exhausted. She didn't much care why Darcy had decided to help her, just that it made things less painful, and less untenable than they might have otherwise been.
"I need to resign from Medlab."
It was what she'd needed to talk about with Jean, and what she'd been dreading since she woke up how she woke up. She didn't want to let go, but she could hardly continue with one arm and the sheer weight of the effort before her that her mind still shied away from truly grappling with. She couldn't begin to heal when everything around her just reminded her of everything she couldn't do.
Jean was quiet a moment. "Do you no longer want to be a doctor?" she said. She knew why, but she wanted to hear her say it.
Laurie’s eyes turned cold with fury for a moment before she visibly pulled herself back into line.
“I would think that spending so many years attempting to be the best would have answered that question before it was even asked. Yes, I still want to be a doctor, but what patient would ever want to be treated by a doctor with only one arm? What possible good can I do when I can’t even look after myself?”
Jean took a seat on the chair beside the bed.
"Let's look at it in terms of statistics. There are over 7 billion people in the world. Out of those 7 billion, with all the war and violence, or even through nature itself, do you think there are no people who are differently abled, without an arm, maybe without legs, who are doctors? Everyone is different. Maybe there are people who wouldn't want to be treated by a doctor with only one arm, and maybe there are people who are happy to be treated by them because they only have one arm too, or they don't care if they have an arm or not, just that they're receiving the best care. I know you still want to be a doctor. That's why I asked. I can hear the passion in your voice. I think you're blinded right now by what happened to you. And that's understandable. But give yourself some time to adjust before you make any hasty decisions."
“Is that what you hope, or what you know?”
Laurie’s words were soft, almost a whisper as she glanced at Jean, trying to hold back the tears glistening in her eyes.
She wanted so much to believe her friend was right, to believe that she could move forward from this and become something more. What if she was wrong though? What if everything was just a hope that came to nothing?
“What do I do if you’re wrong?”
Jean was silent for a moment. The world is full of mutants who look different, who aren't what people consider normal. I've heard what the world thinks of them. It's not all or nothing. There will always be assholes, but there are also good people too. If you find someone who doesn't want you to treat them for not having an arm, that's on them. You can't control what other people think of you. You can only control what you think of yourself. You keep trying."
Laurie wanted to believe in the world Jean was building with her words, the one in which things worked out and things didn’t just get worse until you collapsed under the weight of all the things you were trying to carry on your shoulders.
It wasn’t that she was alone, or that nobody had offered to help but trusting that they wouldn’t make things worse was so hard. She sighed and closed her eyes, pushing the button on her bed to lower it into a sleeping position.
“Let me sleep on it, okay?”
Jean nodded. "Sure," she said. Turning to leave, she paused in the doorway. "Call me if you need me."
And with that, she slipped out the door.
