Topaz and Amanda || Choices
Oct. 26th, 2021 06:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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xp_logsTopaz and Amanda discuss Baltimore. There's a little frustration about Amanda's overprotectiveness.
Topaz's hair was still damp as she walked through the halls. It was entirely possible that it would never dry after being out in that storm. She'd at least taken time to change and put her thoughts together before setting off to have this conversation.
She didn't pause at the door, not even to knock. She let herself in, leaned against the door, and waited.
"Angie, that you?" came Amanda's voice from the direction of the bathroom. The witch herself soon followed, wearing a robe and with a towel wrapped around her hair, obviously having just come out of the shower. "Ah. Hey, Topaz." There was a sudden flash of... guilt? No, not guilt, but acknowledgement that she had an inkling of why her former apprentice was there. "Tea?" she added lamely.
Guilt would have been surprising. Topaz wasn't expecting it. "No," she said, pushing herself up. A little short, but no frustration in her voice. She was being very carefully neutral. "We need to talk."
"Yeah, we probably do." Amanda sighed and took a seat in the armchair, tucking the robe closed around her knees. "Have a seat, at least. If you want to."
She did - it had been a long day and there was no point in standing around when she could be comfortable. "I thought," she started slowly, "when I talked to you about taking this job, that we agreed I'm an adult. Which in turn makes Clea an adult, but that's a conversation for her to start if she wants to."
"And you are," Amanda said immediately. "What happened in Baltimore... it wasn't about you being a kid."
"No, it was just about protecting us. Because you still think that's something you have to do." Topaz leaned forward, elbows resting on her knees. "And I get that. But have you ever considered that we want to protect you too?"
"Is that such a bad thing? Me wanting to protect you?" Amanda asked, perhaps a little defensively. "I'm older than you, I've made my choices and had to live with them... why shouldn't I try to avoid putting you two in the same positions?"
"Because falling on the sword every single time when you don't have to is stupid." Topaz might've been a little blunt in return. "You're not a one-witch show anymore.And we're going to have to make our own choices eventually." They already had, for better or worse. "We had control of the situation in Baltimore - mostly." As much as one could control an angry spirit and giant crabs. "Next time a bad choice comes around, it might be a worse time, and we might not have the luxury of arguing about who gets to take it. And if it has to be me or Clea, then what? What happens if you're not there?"
"Then you and Clea get to make the choice, whatever it is." Amanda looked tired. "I made a call in Baltimore, and I'll stick by it. There were good reasons why I needed to be the one executing the bloke and why it was better to not be either of you and it wasn't about me falling on my sword or being a martyr."
"I'm sure you have reasons." A hint of frustration slipped into Topaz's voice. "And I'm sure they're all good. To you. You're older, you've already made all these choices, we have crap in our pasts and shouldn't get mixed up in bad things - I get it. I really do. And I defer to you most of the time, but this isn't just about what you think is best for us. We have jobs to do too, and how do you think it looks when the person who taught us doesn't seem to trust us to do them?"
Amanda opened her mouth to reply, then closed it again. After a long moment, she finally said: "I hadn't seen it that way. But... I can see how it looks like that to you. And to the rest of the team." Another pause as she looked down at her hands, twisting the belt of her robe between her fingers. "I'm sorry that I didn't."
Not the argument Topaz had wanted to win, but she'd take small concessions where she could get them. "It's fine. I just..." She twisted her fingers together, suddenly very interested in the ceiling. "We worry about you too," was what she finally settled on saying.
"I know. And I don't mean to come off like I don't trust you, it's just..." Amanda looked back over at Topaz. "Losing the others... it's not something I can just move on from, you know? So maybe sometimes I do get a bit bossy and over-protective. I s'pose I'll just have to keep working on it. And losing Gar on top of it hasn't helped."
"Yeah, well..." Topaz finally looked back down to meet her gaze, smiling wryly. "You're not getting rid of me that easily. Don't worry."
Amanda smiled back, although the expression was wan on her tired face. "I'll try not to."
"Best I can ask, I suppose." Topaz stood, heading for the kitchen. Now it was time for tea. "Don't suppose you'll be honest if I ask if you're okay."
"Just tired. It's been pretty busy lately." Amanda shrugged a little. "But nothing a cuppa won't cure?"
Pretty much the answer Topaz had expected, then. "Of course." She filled the kettle, and started looking through the selection. "Preference, or surprise you?"
"Surprise me."
Topaz's hair was still damp as she walked through the halls. It was entirely possible that it would never dry after being out in that storm. She'd at least taken time to change and put her thoughts together before setting off to have this conversation.
She didn't pause at the door, not even to knock. She let herself in, leaned against the door, and waited.
"Angie, that you?" came Amanda's voice from the direction of the bathroom. The witch herself soon followed, wearing a robe and with a towel wrapped around her hair, obviously having just come out of the shower. "Ah. Hey, Topaz." There was a sudden flash of... guilt? No, not guilt, but acknowledgement that she had an inkling of why her former apprentice was there. "Tea?" she added lamely.
Guilt would have been surprising. Topaz wasn't expecting it. "No," she said, pushing herself up. A little short, but no frustration in her voice. She was being very carefully neutral. "We need to talk."
"Yeah, we probably do." Amanda sighed and took a seat in the armchair, tucking the robe closed around her knees. "Have a seat, at least. If you want to."
She did - it had been a long day and there was no point in standing around when she could be comfortable. "I thought," she started slowly, "when I talked to you about taking this job, that we agreed I'm an adult. Which in turn makes Clea an adult, but that's a conversation for her to start if she wants to."
"And you are," Amanda said immediately. "What happened in Baltimore... it wasn't about you being a kid."
"No, it was just about protecting us. Because you still think that's something you have to do." Topaz leaned forward, elbows resting on her knees. "And I get that. But have you ever considered that we want to protect you too?"
"Is that such a bad thing? Me wanting to protect you?" Amanda asked, perhaps a little defensively. "I'm older than you, I've made my choices and had to live with them... why shouldn't I try to avoid putting you two in the same positions?"
"Because falling on the sword every single time when you don't have to is stupid." Topaz might've been a little blunt in return. "You're not a one-witch show anymore.And we're going to have to make our own choices eventually." They already had, for better or worse. "We had control of the situation in Baltimore - mostly." As much as one could control an angry spirit and giant crabs. "Next time a bad choice comes around, it might be a worse time, and we might not have the luxury of arguing about who gets to take it. And if it has to be me or Clea, then what? What happens if you're not there?"
"Then you and Clea get to make the choice, whatever it is." Amanda looked tired. "I made a call in Baltimore, and I'll stick by it. There were good reasons why I needed to be the one executing the bloke and why it was better to not be either of you and it wasn't about me falling on my sword or being a martyr."
"I'm sure you have reasons." A hint of frustration slipped into Topaz's voice. "And I'm sure they're all good. To you. You're older, you've already made all these choices, we have crap in our pasts and shouldn't get mixed up in bad things - I get it. I really do. And I defer to you most of the time, but this isn't just about what you think is best for us. We have jobs to do too, and how do you think it looks when the person who taught us doesn't seem to trust us to do them?"
Amanda opened her mouth to reply, then closed it again. After a long moment, she finally said: "I hadn't seen it that way. But... I can see how it looks like that to you. And to the rest of the team." Another pause as she looked down at her hands, twisting the belt of her robe between her fingers. "I'm sorry that I didn't."
Not the argument Topaz had wanted to win, but she'd take small concessions where she could get them. "It's fine. I just..." She twisted her fingers together, suddenly very interested in the ceiling. "We worry about you too," was what she finally settled on saying.
"I know. And I don't mean to come off like I don't trust you, it's just..." Amanda looked back over at Topaz. "Losing the others... it's not something I can just move on from, you know? So maybe sometimes I do get a bit bossy and over-protective. I s'pose I'll just have to keep working on it. And losing Gar on top of it hasn't helped."
"Yeah, well..." Topaz finally looked back down to meet her gaze, smiling wryly. "You're not getting rid of me that easily. Don't worry."
Amanda smiled back, although the expression was wan on her tired face. "I'll try not to."
"Best I can ask, I suppose." Topaz stood, heading for the kitchen. Now it was time for tea. "Don't suppose you'll be honest if I ask if you're okay."
"Just tired. It's been pretty busy lately." Amanda shrugged a little. "But nothing a cuppa won't cure?"
Pretty much the answer Topaz had expected, then. "Of course." She filled the kettle, and started looking through the selection. "Preference, or surprise you?"
"Surprise me."
