xp_logs | Angelo and Amanda (Reply)

They share a cigarette on the front porch, before going to Boston, and she reads his aura. She's not entirely happy with what she sees, at least to begin with.

Angelo was up bright and early on Saturday morning, and headed more or less straight down to the front steps to wait for the rest of those who were going to Boston. This had more than he'd admit to do with the fact that he wanted a cigarette, before the long car ride when he wouldn't be allowed to smoke.

He wasn't the only one to be thinking that way. He'd barely lit up when the front door opened and closed behind him and there was a heavy thump as Amanda dumped her bag on the porch and sat beside him. "Hey," she said. She looked tired, as if she hadn't had a lot of sleep the night before. "Great minds think alike."

Angelo nodded up at her, holding his cigarette packet out in her direction. "You look like you could use one."

"Hell, yeah." She reached over and took one gratefully. "You wouldn't believe the night I've had," she said, pulling her lighter out of her pocket. "Fuckin' weird dreams. An' Nate's back in bloody medlab again. Seems he had some sort of... thing last night. T' do with the visions."

Angelo blinked. "Oh... was that what the dreams were? Thought it seemed like somethin' I'd heard about somewhere..."

With an exhalation that was mostly sigh, Amanda blew smoke into the air. "Fuckin' bloke's gunna be the death of me," she muttered. "He's all right, just forgot English for a bit. 'S usin' that future language, Askani, or whatever it's called."

Angelo nodded. "Any idea what happened?" he asked with a frown of concern.

"Not really - the stuff with his pre-cog is fuckin' weird, even by my standards. Some kind of breakthrough, is all I know, which has t' be good, right?"

"Well, you'd think so. An' if they've told you he'll be okay..."

"Just spoke t' him - I snuck into medlab an' had a quick chat. He seems... good. Happy, almost. Which should be fuckin' disturbin', but it ain't." Amanda shook her head. "Still, he's in the place where he can't come t' much more harm, an' the X geezer's lookin' out for him, so I suppose worryin' ain't gunna solve nothin'. An' I'm gunna need all me concentration on this bloody car trip."

Angelo winced at the reminder. "Yeah. I'm really sorry about that - I should really've just not answered that first comment of his, not let him get at me. But it's not as easy as it sounds, that. I'll be doin' my best to ignore him on this trip, even if he says anything - got my Discman an' everythin'."

Amanda sighed. "Nah, he was tryin' t' get at you, an' he's good at it. You did yer best. 'S Clarice I could happily strangle right now. 'Sides, you ain't the only one he's mad at. He's talkin' t' me again at least..." And here Amanda's hand moved unconsciously to her neck, where a fresh lovebite showed. "But he still thinks I didn't do enough t' defend him." She took another drag on her cigarette. "An' somethin' tells me this ain't gunna be the only time this happens, Manny fightin' with me friends."

Angelo nodded miserably. "Yeah. Well, like I said this mornin', I'm gonna try not to answer him even if he says stuff now. Maybe if it's not fun for him he'll stop."

Glancing over at him, Amanda swallowed the reply that went along the lines of 'he won't stop til he feels like he's got his revenge, whatever that is', knowing it wouldn't help. "I appreciate it," she said instead. "An' I'll be doin' the whole human shield thing, tryin' t' keep him away from the rest of you." She nodded at her bag. "Even if I have t' barricade him in with the readin' Strange set me."

Angelo half-grinned, leaping at the chance to change the subject. "That much, huh?"

"Yeah, well, I'm missin' me class today for this, so he wanted t' make sure I didn't get behind. 'Specially now I'm back t' full strength." With a shrug Amanda flicked ash onto the ground below the steps. "An' that's a fuckin' relief, I can tell you."

Angelo nodded. "Yeah, must've been really annoyin' not bein' able to do the stuff you usually can."

"Yeah. An' I was gettin' sick of feelin' useless. Ain't like there's much I'm allowed t' do with the magic, an' I couldn't even do that," she replied, somewhat bitterly. "An' what's the point of comin' t' a fancy school for mutants if you can't actually do anythin'?"

Angelo glanced over at her. "Well, you can now", he reminded her quietly. "Did Nathan let you heal him in the end?"

"Yeah, eventually. Took me yellin' at him. He was freaked about the whole disappearin' thing, didn't want anyone else pokin' an' proddin'. I couldn't fix it all, but I got it started. An' I managed t' take the pain away, which was the important thing." She shrugged. "I dunno why I act surprised when no-one actually believes what I can do. Ain't like magic's _real_ for you lot."

"It is for me", he reminded her, voice still quiet. "Don't put me in with the rest of them, Amanda."

She realised what she'd been saying and lay her hand on his arm in apology. "'M sorry, mate. Just cranky this mornin'." She frowned then - her magical sense, still hyperaware after seeing Nate's aura, was picking something up, some disruption in his energy. She removed her hand and sat back a little, focussing. After a moment, she said, her tone carefully neutral: "Is there any reason why I shouldn't kick yer arse for bein' a pillock right now?"

Angelo blinked at her, mildly surprised by the sudden reversal. "What did I do now?" he asked wearily.

In response, Amanda grabbed his arm again, pulling up the sleeve. "That," she said flatly, nodding at the healing burn scars. "An' don't try an' tell me they got there by accident - 's all there in yer aura, easy seen."

Angelo jerked his arm back reflexively, not-quite-scowling. "Just another old habit I'm tryin' to break. Provin' as difficult as the rest of them."

"Then why get into it in the first place? Fuck, Ange, this isn't like smokin' or chewin' gum or somethin', this is you hurtin' yerself! Why the fuck would you do that t' yerself?" Amanda was trying to hold onto her anger, but was rapidly losing it in the face of her confusion.

Angelo sighed. "It was... is... it was the only thing that helped sometimes. When I'd gone wrong somewhere along the way. An' this is way back - long before I even knew this place existed. Only it didn't stop there, 'til now. I'm gettin' other ways together now."

"So, this is punishin' yerself? For when you thought yer'd gone wrong?" A thought occurred to Amanda. "Ange, you didn't... after Mexico, you didn't do this 'cause of what happened, did you?"

He just looked at her, eyes pained, and the words stuck in his throat, but that was enough to tell her the truth. Finally managing to speak, he said, "It was the night we got back. When you were still out cold. I was... not in a good place."

"Fuck." Amanda looked away, unable to take the pain in his face. Pain she'd inadvertantly caused. "Bloody fuckin' hellfire. If Rack weren't already dead, I'd kill the bastard meself an' the hell with the consequences." Balling her hands into fists, she turned back to him. "Listen t' me, Ange. It weren't yer fault. I shouldn't've gone. You had the right idea, call in help an' wait. But I wouldn't wait, an' so anythin' that happened is me own bloody fault an' I won't have you hurtin' yerself on my account. Or his. Fucker ain't worth it, an' if you let him, he'll just fuck with yer head. It was what he was best at, screwin' with people. Where d'you think I learned it from?"

Angelo nodded. "I'm not doin' it anymore. Haven't done since that night." He paused, before deciding he owed her honesty, since she knew now. "Wasn't the first time since I got here, though. Like I said, when you've been fallin' back on it for years, it's a hard habit to break."

"An' the time before? When was that?" Amanda wasn't sure why she was asking, except something in his aura was pointing towards her and she had to know why.

Angelo glanced away. "It doesn't matter."

That was all the answer she needed. "Fuck. It was back when I was withdrawin', weren't it? When I said what I did." Miserably she looked down at her hands, realising she'd crushed the cigarette from clenching her fists. She stubbed it out in the sand bucket and groped in her pocket for another. "I am trouble. Nothin' but."

"No", he contradicted quietly. "We've been over this - I know why you said what you did. I just didn't then."

"I didn't know I'd made you hate yerself enough t' do that," Amanda retorted.

"Yeah, an' there's a reason for that. First, I wasn't talkin' to you. An' then you didn't need to know."

"Fuck, Ange, this... If I'd known you'd done this on my account..." Amanda spread her hands helplessly. "I ain't worth hurtin' yerself over."

He shrugged. "Would've probably done it if anyone said that. It wasn't about you, really. God knows I don't need any help hatin' myself, a lot of the time. Or I didn't - I'm doin' better now, I think."

"You are." Amanda forced back down the wave of guilt that was threatening to overwhelm her again, and looked him in the eyes. "I can see that too, in yer aura. That an'..." She blinked, peered at him again, and then grinned. "Way t' go, Angelo."

Angelo eyed her suspiciously, unsure what she could see. "...What?"

"'Bout bloody time you an' Paige stopped fuckin' around an' just... well, yeah." Amanda winked at him. "Big ol' clump of happy feelin's, from a couple of weeks ago, I'd say."

Angelo couldn't help a grin. "Well. Yeah."

"No wonder Paige has been in such a good mood lately too," Amanda chuckled, glad for the distraction. She still felt shitty about being the cause of Angelo's hurting himself, but she couldn't think about that now. "I always did reckon people needed t' loosen up 'round here a bit more, an' that's the best way I know."

Angelo chuckled. "Yeah, you might be right."

"It happens occasionally," Amanda agreed with a snicker.

He nodded with a slight smile. "Yeah, I can see that."

"Well, it don't happen often, so I shoudl probably make the most of it." There was a sensation along the link, and she frowned a little. "Manny's awake an' on his way down. I should probably..." She made a gesture at the door. "'S a bit soon t' be startin' World War whatever-it-is by now, so I'll go head him off, distract him with breakfast."

Angelo nodded. "Okay. Want me to get in the van, get my headphones on?"

"Nah, you got another half hour before we leave. I'll just keep him inside 'til then. Keep an eye on me bag for me?" Amanda pulled herself to her feet with a heartfelt sigh. "Yep, this is gunna be a fun trip."

He glanced down. "Yeah. Sure thing. Sorry..."

"Ain't yer fault. Well, not completely. I'm the one with the empathic boyfriend who likes t' hold grudges." She leaned down to squeeze his shoulder. "Focus on those happy feelin's, or I'll have t' have Paige do somethin' t' distract you from this whole guilt thing yer've got goin'."

He looked up with a weak smile. "I'll try. But it couldn't hurt anyway."