Wise Council - Shatterstar and Hope
Aug. 1st, 2023 06:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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xp_logs Hope gives Shatterstar some advice on how to apologize and active listening skills. (Backdated to August 1)
Shatterstar and Hope Abbott had been having a weekly session of playing board games for about a month now. They didn't talk much during it, which Shatterstar was fine with, but Shatterstar enjoyed spending time with her. Plus, Miss Abbott had good council on the occasions they did speak. Plus, the board games helped with thinking strategically
He was a little distracted today, biting his lower lip. He set up the board and mulled over how to ask his question. "You're good at people, Miss Abbott."
Hope looked up from their game of checkers, setting down the piece she was about to move. "Some like to say I am." She demurred a little. "You mentioned in your email that you would like to ask me a question. Does this have any to do with that?"
He nodded and considered his next move. Checkers wasn't a difficult game, but the way Hope played it was more thoughtful than most. "How do you talk to people?" Shatterstar settled on asking. He knew he messed up with everything he had said to Rictor, but he didn't know what he did wrong specifically.
"That is quite a broad question. There are so many different situations." Hope replied after a moment of consideration, finally moving her piece. "But I am guessing it is probably personal. What happened that made you ask?" She carefully tried to tease out some more information.
"I got angry with... a friend," Shatterstar said carefully, deciding at the last second not to name Rictor. "I think I made things worse." Shatterstar wasn't used to wanting specific people and not just crowds to like him, let alone to be willing to change his behavior for others. He hunched over the board to avoid looking at Hope.
"That sounds terribly unpleasant and it can be very hard to deal with." Hope gazed at him kindly. "I know this is uncomfortable, but will you tell me a little more why you got angry and how you think you made things worse?"
"We both don't have good control of our powers," he said, turning a checkers piece over and over his knuckles. "And we almost hurt each other. Then I sort of... Yelled at him and left." He was mumbling by the end of his sentence, ducking his head.
"So you had a mutual near accident with your powers, was probably quite startled and you reacted rather sharply because you were upset?" Hope double checked, narrowing her eyes a little. "How did your friend react?"
The way Hope looked at him made Shatterstar look away from her. She had a very powerful stare. "Yeah," he admitted before thinking about the incident. "He, uh, just kept apologizing. Even though I snapped at him." He didn't understand why someone would do that- why hadn't Rictor gotten angry with him?
"All people react differently. He was probably just as startled as you were. Perhaps when you got angry, he felt he had to apologize." Hope pointed out, reaching out almost without thinking to move one of the pieces. "Maybe especially when you became angry with him."
Shatterstar mulled it over, chewing the inside of his cheek as he did. "He should have gotten mad at me," Shatterstar said and finally moved a piece, having over thought it. "Or I should have apologized more. I did. Apologize I mean."
"How did he respond to that?" Hope tilted her head a little, studying the board.
"That's when I... When I left," he explained, looking away from her again. "I don't know."
"I see..." Hope fell silent, studying the board till she had decided her next move. "I cannot just tell you to say what would magically fix this, but I might be able to offer a general tip or two. What do you hope to accomplish?"
What he wanted to accomplish he had killed over for some time already. "I want to say I was wrong and try to be friends again," Shatterstar said.
"To go say you are wrong is a good start..." Hope pondered for a moment, running various possible bits of advice through her head. "But if you truly wish to be friends again, you are going to have to do more. You probably have to sit down and have a real conversation with each other. That means being calm and listening to what he has to tell to you. To really listen."
Despite having come to Hope for advice, once she started giving it Shatterstar started zoning out a little, tapping his foot in annoyance. He had heard this all before, about listening and it didn't seem all that advantageous to him. He just nodded vaguely. "Yeah. Sure."
There had to be a way that didn't include having to talk and listen.
Hope narrowed her eyes before sitting up straight: "If you do ask for counsel, do have the respect to listen when you receive it. You can reflect afterwards and discard if you wish, but at least listen. When you listen actively, you show the person that they are important to you, that you value them and that you hold them in high esteem."
Shatterstar's automatic reaction was to start to snarl at her, but being scolded made him sit up and pay attention to what Hope had been saying. He didn't want to admit it, but she was right. He was being incredibly rude to her. He counted down from ten in his head before hanging his head. "You're right. I was being disrespectful which does not reflect the esteem I hold you in."
"And by going to talk and listening to what your friend has to say, you can show him the esteem you hold him in." Hope paused, studying the board to let him chew on that for a bit.
Hope Abbott, Shatterstar decided, was very very smart. Explanations like this hadn't made sense to him before but the way she explained things made everything much clearer. "I'll do that then."
"That is a good plan." She simply complimented him. "But if I may ask, how do you plan on doing that? Because going in and just listening is not always as easy as it sounds."
Shatterstar quirked his lips slightly. "I was hoping you would help me make a plan?" He didn't want to admit that he thought it really would be that easy.
"I can certainly try, but you cannot exactly fully plan a conversation. Still, there are some general tips that could help." Hope picked up two pieces, putting them across from each other. "Tell me, have you ever had a conversation where you really felt heard?"
Shatterstar had to think about that, tapping one of his pieces against the board. "I don't know," he said honestly. "I guess I must have." Also, he was disappointed to hear you couldn't plan a whole conversation.
"An important key can be what they call active listening. Active listening requires for you to listen attentively to a speaker, to work to understand what is being said and to respond and reflect on what’s being said, and that you retain the information for later. Now, in my experience it is a bit of a mode of mind that you have to develop." Hope summarized as well as she could from her training in conversation skills.
Shatterstar nodded. Training was something he could understand. No one got good at anything without training, as frustrating as it was to him. Training for conversation and listening made sense. He tried not to let his mind wander to a way to set up a training regimen, but instead to continue to listen to what Ms. Abbott had to say. "I'll work on it."
"Very good. Now let me give you a few small tips. Active listening is not just listening. You need to put your own conceptions to the side and focus on what the person is saying. And show you are actively involved as well. For example it can help to actively summarize or paraphrase what your companion is saying. It has the added advantage of making sure you are understanding him correctly. Open questions can serve both goals as well."
"So asking questions is a good way of finding out?" Shatterstar asks, smiling at his own reference, but also trying to use the advice that Hope was giving him. He also moved one of his pieces as he did.
"They can help, but try to make sure they are open questions." Hope cautioned him a little. "Those are questions you cannot just answer with yes or no."
He nodded. "Understood," Shatterstar said.
Shatterstar and Hope Abbott had been having a weekly session of playing board games for about a month now. They didn't talk much during it, which Shatterstar was fine with, but Shatterstar enjoyed spending time with her. Plus, Miss Abbott had good council on the occasions they did speak. Plus, the board games helped with thinking strategically
He was a little distracted today, biting his lower lip. He set up the board and mulled over how to ask his question. "You're good at people, Miss Abbott."
Hope looked up from their game of checkers, setting down the piece she was about to move. "Some like to say I am." She demurred a little. "You mentioned in your email that you would like to ask me a question. Does this have any to do with that?"
He nodded and considered his next move. Checkers wasn't a difficult game, but the way Hope played it was more thoughtful than most. "How do you talk to people?" Shatterstar settled on asking. He knew he messed up with everything he had said to Rictor, but he didn't know what he did wrong specifically.
"That is quite a broad question. There are so many different situations." Hope replied after a moment of consideration, finally moving her piece. "But I am guessing it is probably personal. What happened that made you ask?" She carefully tried to tease out some more information.
"I got angry with... a friend," Shatterstar said carefully, deciding at the last second not to name Rictor. "I think I made things worse." Shatterstar wasn't used to wanting specific people and not just crowds to like him, let alone to be willing to change his behavior for others. He hunched over the board to avoid looking at Hope.
"That sounds terribly unpleasant and it can be very hard to deal with." Hope gazed at him kindly. "I know this is uncomfortable, but will you tell me a little more why you got angry and how you think you made things worse?"
"We both don't have good control of our powers," he said, turning a checkers piece over and over his knuckles. "And we almost hurt each other. Then I sort of... Yelled at him and left." He was mumbling by the end of his sentence, ducking his head.
"So you had a mutual near accident with your powers, was probably quite startled and you reacted rather sharply because you were upset?" Hope double checked, narrowing her eyes a little. "How did your friend react?"
The way Hope looked at him made Shatterstar look away from her. She had a very powerful stare. "Yeah," he admitted before thinking about the incident. "He, uh, just kept apologizing. Even though I snapped at him." He didn't understand why someone would do that- why hadn't Rictor gotten angry with him?
"All people react differently. He was probably just as startled as you were. Perhaps when you got angry, he felt he had to apologize." Hope pointed out, reaching out almost without thinking to move one of the pieces. "Maybe especially when you became angry with him."
Shatterstar mulled it over, chewing the inside of his cheek as he did. "He should have gotten mad at me," Shatterstar said and finally moved a piece, having over thought it. "Or I should have apologized more. I did. Apologize I mean."
"How did he respond to that?" Hope tilted her head a little, studying the board.
"That's when I... When I left," he explained, looking away from her again. "I don't know."
"I see..." Hope fell silent, studying the board till she had decided her next move. "I cannot just tell you to say what would magically fix this, but I might be able to offer a general tip or two. What do you hope to accomplish?"
What he wanted to accomplish he had killed over for some time already. "I want to say I was wrong and try to be friends again," Shatterstar said.
"To go say you are wrong is a good start..." Hope pondered for a moment, running various possible bits of advice through her head. "But if you truly wish to be friends again, you are going to have to do more. You probably have to sit down and have a real conversation with each other. That means being calm and listening to what he has to tell to you. To really listen."
Despite having come to Hope for advice, once she started giving it Shatterstar started zoning out a little, tapping his foot in annoyance. He had heard this all before, about listening and it didn't seem all that advantageous to him. He just nodded vaguely. "Yeah. Sure."
There had to be a way that didn't include having to talk and listen.
Hope narrowed her eyes before sitting up straight: "If you do ask for counsel, do have the respect to listen when you receive it. You can reflect afterwards and discard if you wish, but at least listen. When you listen actively, you show the person that they are important to you, that you value them and that you hold them in high esteem."
Shatterstar's automatic reaction was to start to snarl at her, but being scolded made him sit up and pay attention to what Hope had been saying. He didn't want to admit it, but she was right. He was being incredibly rude to her. He counted down from ten in his head before hanging his head. "You're right. I was being disrespectful which does not reflect the esteem I hold you in."
"And by going to talk and listening to what your friend has to say, you can show him the esteem you hold him in." Hope paused, studying the board to let him chew on that for a bit.
Hope Abbott, Shatterstar decided, was very very smart. Explanations like this hadn't made sense to him before but the way she explained things made everything much clearer. "I'll do that then."
"That is a good plan." She simply complimented him. "But if I may ask, how do you plan on doing that? Because going in and just listening is not always as easy as it sounds."
Shatterstar quirked his lips slightly. "I was hoping you would help me make a plan?" He didn't want to admit that he thought it really would be that easy.
"I can certainly try, but you cannot exactly fully plan a conversation. Still, there are some general tips that could help." Hope picked up two pieces, putting them across from each other. "Tell me, have you ever had a conversation where you really felt heard?"
Shatterstar had to think about that, tapping one of his pieces against the board. "I don't know," he said honestly. "I guess I must have." Also, he was disappointed to hear you couldn't plan a whole conversation.
"An important key can be what they call active listening. Active listening requires for you to listen attentively to a speaker, to work to understand what is being said and to respond and reflect on what’s being said, and that you retain the information for later. Now, in my experience it is a bit of a mode of mind that you have to develop." Hope summarized as well as she could from her training in conversation skills.
Shatterstar nodded. Training was something he could understand. No one got good at anything without training, as frustrating as it was to him. Training for conversation and listening made sense. He tried not to let his mind wander to a way to set up a training regimen, but instead to continue to listen to what Ms. Abbott had to say. "I'll work on it."
"Very good. Now let me give you a few small tips. Active listening is not just listening. You need to put your own conceptions to the side and focus on what the person is saying. And show you are actively involved as well. For example it can help to actively summarize or paraphrase what your companion is saying. It has the added advantage of making sure you are understanding him correctly. Open questions can serve both goals as well."
"So asking questions is a good way of finding out?" Shatterstar asks, smiling at his own reference, but also trying to use the advice that Hope was giving him. He also moved one of his pieces as he did.
"They can help, but try to make sure they are open questions." Hope cautioned him a little. "Those are questions you cannot just answer with yes or no."
He nodded. "Understood," Shatterstar said.
