Jay and Sam | Agnostic
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xp_logsJay interrogates Sam about why he hasn't been to church.
Jay didn't bother with knocking, just throwing Sam's door open, phone in one hand. "You ain't gone to none o' the churches in town?" He asked, the idea of Sam not going to church at all not even having occurred to him. "You goin' all the way into the city for it?" It was incredulous enough to Jay that his Sam wasn't more community minded. He wasn't upset, just confused.
Then again, Jay thought, Sam'd lived in District X for some time. Maybe he still considered that his community, seein' as the mansion was pretty isolated.
Sam frowned and looked at Jay, raising an eyebrow. "Jay, I ain't goin' to church at all. I only go back home cause Mama makes me."
"What, you get churched?" Jay said, unable and unwilling to believe Sam had stopped going of his own accord.
Sam opened his mouth as if to say something and then paused for a moment, just staring at his brother. "Jay....do you remember that conversation we had about ten years ago when I told you that I was agnostic?"
Sam spoke slowly, almost talking down to his younger brother. "Because, and this may surprise you, but I meant that."
"You were sixteen! I thought it was a phase!" Jay said, face crestfallen as he walked into Sam's room and started pace, one hand running through his hair. "You really don't go to church? None at all? Not even one of them nondenominational ones?" He paused in his pacing to face Sam before resuming, face to the heavens, not letting Sam get a word in edgewise. His voice was getting steadily louder, not quite yelling but not not yelling either. "Oh Lord help him- my own brother!" Nevermind the fact that Jay didn't exactly like everything the church said, or had his own questions for God, but to not go at all...! "Daddy'll be rolling over in his grave!" Jay shook his head as he kept pacing, speaking more quietly as he looked at the ground. "My brother's going to hell, Lord help him." He stopped and put his hands on his hips, looking at him incredulously. "No church? At all? Really? Even on Easter?" He stepped closer to Sam and pointed his finger in his chest, yelling in a loving, concerned way. "God help ya, Sam. I love you no matter what, let me straighten that out, but God help ya!"
"Hey now, Daddy and I had quite a lotta talks about this and he had no issue with it, don't you be takin' his name in vain now." Sam said in faux offense. "And yes, no church at all, 'specially on Easter. It's a whole lotta fuss for somethin' I don't even believe in Jay. An' it don't mean the same thing up here. They don't base everythin' around the church- they got these things called Community Centers that ain't got nothin' to do with church and they're wonderful. It's like a Ruritan almost."
For a moment, there was a flash of jealousy that Sam had had the chance to have those adult talks about god and religion with Daddy. Sure, Jay had sparse talks with their father about God too, but it had been about how it was about how God and the Bible was about what you made of it. "You make the kinda God you wanna be listening to as much as as God makes you, Joshie-boy." But even then, Jay just couldn't see Daddy not minding that Sam didn't go to church at all- even with these community centers- weren't he lonely? "I just don't see what yer saying," Jay said, shaking his head again as he started to pace again. "The hell do you mean you don't believe? None at all? I could maybe understand if you didn't like none of the churches, but not believing? Sammy just... God help ya!" He was still edging between having a raised voice and yelling. He raised his face to the ceiling again and shook his head. "Lord help him... You know it's true! You've done heered people speak in tongues from the angels!" He paced back to Sam to look at him again. "I just... the hell are you talking about?"
"I believe in somethin' I just.... don't know what, an'....after growin up how we did in the churches we did....I don't... I don't think I can be part of that Jay." Sam said softly, much more seriously, noting the hurt on his brother's face at the mention of Daddy. "I believe in the mountains, the way they speak to Mamaw and how sometimes you can almost hear it taklin' to ya on the wind...an' I believe in the haints in our holler, but...I don't know....I don't know if I believe in God the way you do. An' yer the only person I ever heard speak in tongues and....well...Jay-"
Sam paused awkwardly and tried to figure out how to word what he was about to say. "Joshua....I'm pert near certain that uh....that's actually a mutation thing an' not uh.....angels
Jay sat heavily in relief on the bed when Sam said he still believed in their mountains. So he hadn't lost Sam completely. He moved to lay face down into the pillow. "Thought I lost you a moment there," he said, voice muffled by the pillow as he felt something beneath it. "Thought for a moment you were gonna be sayin' you didn't even read the almanac anymore and I'd've lost you forever." He pulled the bible out from under Sam's pillow and was about to hold it up in triumph when Sam said he believed that Jay's speakin' was a mutation.
"That just ain't adding up, math wise, let alone any other way- which it doesn't mind you." Jay dismissed him. "My wings didn't come in 'til I was seventeen. I started speakin' in tongues when I was 'bout fourteen. You still hadn't gotten your blastin', or whatever you call it, then."
"Jay....you can harmonize with yerself in the choir. That ain't physically possible for other folks....I think maybe you manifested afore I did....." Sam sighed and looked up at his brother. "And of course you ain't lost me. Good luck gettin' rid of me that easy."
Jay stood and moved to put the bible that had been under Sam's pillow in front of him, and tapped it. "You still sleep with a bible under your pillow, I think you don't really mean that," Jay said, shutting down the notion of his harmonizing having to do with anything other than the angels and Jesus Christ. He sat up on Sam's desk. "And I don't know, you coulda been going around saying soda or godforbid shopping cart." Jay said, putting an exaggerated but near-perfect New York accent on the words.
"Hey!" Sam laughed and threw a wadded up piece of paper from his nightstand at Jay, hitting his mark easily. "Don't insult me like that!"
Sam took the Bible in hand and thumped it against his leg. "I ain't sleepin' with it on account of believin' it the way you do. Mamaw always said t' sleep with it under yer pillow when you want healin' for yerself or someone..... I'm doin' it for you Jay." Sam swallowed hard. "I'm usin' it for the spellbook function rather than the prayin' one....I ain't.... I ain't never been as connected to all that as you and Mamaw but... I figured it couldn't hurt?"
Jay wasn't about to admit, even to Sam, that for all he believed in God, and Jesus, and for all his own bible was page-marked and annotated like a woman's that sometimes he used it as a spellbook too. Sam already knew, o'course, and in combination with prayer what could a little magic here'n'there hurt. Jay swallowed hard, a little choked up from hearing that Sam had been sleeping with it for him. He thought he'd be the only one doing it for himself- most of the younger kids didn't go in for that as much, and he he doubted Paige would do something so superstitious. And Mama had cast him out.
"I'm gonna keep prayin' for you Sam," Jay said in response, from a place with love.
"I know y'are." Sam said fondly. "Cause that's the kinda person you are. And don't you dare tell Jeb and Lewis this but it's parta what makes you my favorite brother. I'm real glad you're here with me Jay."
"You can't pick favorites, everyone knows that Sam," Jay joked pushing down the guilt that he felt for almost not having been here now. He didn't want to think on that. Sam almost certainly didn't mean it that way. Probably.
"But thanks."
"Now hold on just a second. Cause Dad's can't pick favorites and you've done told me oh about a million times now that I ain't yer dad. So it's fair game for me to have you as a favorite....now askin' me to pick twixt Jeb and Lewis- they're mostly kids, that's different." Sam teased back, smile tugging at his lips.
Jay shoved him without malice, trying to hold onto that tiny piece of something good he was feeling. "Shaddup, I'm still annoyed with you. And expectin' you to take me to this mutant Ruritan."
Jay didn't bother with knocking, just throwing Sam's door open, phone in one hand. "You ain't gone to none o' the churches in town?" He asked, the idea of Sam not going to church at all not even having occurred to him. "You goin' all the way into the city for it?" It was incredulous enough to Jay that his Sam wasn't more community minded. He wasn't upset, just confused.
Then again, Jay thought, Sam'd lived in District X for some time. Maybe he still considered that his community, seein' as the mansion was pretty isolated.
Sam frowned and looked at Jay, raising an eyebrow. "Jay, I ain't goin' to church at all. I only go back home cause Mama makes me."
"What, you get churched?" Jay said, unable and unwilling to believe Sam had stopped going of his own accord.
Sam opened his mouth as if to say something and then paused for a moment, just staring at his brother. "Jay....do you remember that conversation we had about ten years ago when I told you that I was agnostic?"
Sam spoke slowly, almost talking down to his younger brother. "Because, and this may surprise you, but I meant that."
"You were sixteen! I thought it was a phase!" Jay said, face crestfallen as he walked into Sam's room and started pace, one hand running through his hair. "You really don't go to church? None at all? Not even one of them nondenominational ones?" He paused in his pacing to face Sam before resuming, face to the heavens, not letting Sam get a word in edgewise. His voice was getting steadily louder, not quite yelling but not not yelling either. "Oh Lord help him- my own brother!" Nevermind the fact that Jay didn't exactly like everything the church said, or had his own questions for God, but to not go at all...! "Daddy'll be rolling over in his grave!" Jay shook his head as he kept pacing, speaking more quietly as he looked at the ground. "My brother's going to hell, Lord help him." He stopped and put his hands on his hips, looking at him incredulously. "No church? At all? Really? Even on Easter?" He stepped closer to Sam and pointed his finger in his chest, yelling in a loving, concerned way. "God help ya, Sam. I love you no matter what, let me straighten that out, but God help ya!"
"Hey now, Daddy and I had quite a lotta talks about this and he had no issue with it, don't you be takin' his name in vain now." Sam said in faux offense. "And yes, no church at all, 'specially on Easter. It's a whole lotta fuss for somethin' I don't even believe in Jay. An' it don't mean the same thing up here. They don't base everythin' around the church- they got these things called Community Centers that ain't got nothin' to do with church and they're wonderful. It's like a Ruritan almost."
For a moment, there was a flash of jealousy that Sam had had the chance to have those adult talks about god and religion with Daddy. Sure, Jay had sparse talks with their father about God too, but it had been about how it was about how God and the Bible was about what you made of it. "You make the kinda God you wanna be listening to as much as as God makes you, Joshie-boy." But even then, Jay just couldn't see Daddy not minding that Sam didn't go to church at all- even with these community centers- weren't he lonely? "I just don't see what yer saying," Jay said, shaking his head again as he started to pace again. "The hell do you mean you don't believe? None at all? I could maybe understand if you didn't like none of the churches, but not believing? Sammy just... God help ya!" He was still edging between having a raised voice and yelling. He raised his face to the ceiling again and shook his head. "Lord help him... You know it's true! You've done heered people speak in tongues from the angels!" He paced back to Sam to look at him again. "I just... the hell are you talking about?"
"I believe in somethin' I just.... don't know what, an'....after growin up how we did in the churches we did....I don't... I don't think I can be part of that Jay." Sam said softly, much more seriously, noting the hurt on his brother's face at the mention of Daddy. "I believe in the mountains, the way they speak to Mamaw and how sometimes you can almost hear it taklin' to ya on the wind...an' I believe in the haints in our holler, but...I don't know....I don't know if I believe in God the way you do. An' yer the only person I ever heard speak in tongues and....well...Jay-"
Sam paused awkwardly and tried to figure out how to word what he was about to say. "Joshua....I'm pert near certain that uh....that's actually a mutation thing an' not uh.....angels
Jay sat heavily in relief on the bed when Sam said he still believed in their mountains. So he hadn't lost Sam completely. He moved to lay face down into the pillow. "Thought I lost you a moment there," he said, voice muffled by the pillow as he felt something beneath it. "Thought for a moment you were gonna be sayin' you didn't even read the almanac anymore and I'd've lost you forever." He pulled the bible out from under Sam's pillow and was about to hold it up in triumph when Sam said he believed that Jay's speakin' was a mutation.
"That just ain't adding up, math wise, let alone any other way- which it doesn't mind you." Jay dismissed him. "My wings didn't come in 'til I was seventeen. I started speakin' in tongues when I was 'bout fourteen. You still hadn't gotten your blastin', or whatever you call it, then."
"Jay....you can harmonize with yerself in the choir. That ain't physically possible for other folks....I think maybe you manifested afore I did....." Sam sighed and looked up at his brother. "And of course you ain't lost me. Good luck gettin' rid of me that easy."
Jay stood and moved to put the bible that had been under Sam's pillow in front of him, and tapped it. "You still sleep with a bible under your pillow, I think you don't really mean that," Jay said, shutting down the notion of his harmonizing having to do with anything other than the angels and Jesus Christ. He sat up on Sam's desk. "And I don't know, you coulda been going around saying soda or godforbid shopping cart." Jay said, putting an exaggerated but near-perfect New York accent on the words.
"Hey!" Sam laughed and threw a wadded up piece of paper from his nightstand at Jay, hitting his mark easily. "Don't insult me like that!"
Sam took the Bible in hand and thumped it against his leg. "I ain't sleepin' with it on account of believin' it the way you do. Mamaw always said t' sleep with it under yer pillow when you want healin' for yerself or someone..... I'm doin' it for you Jay." Sam swallowed hard. "I'm usin' it for the spellbook function rather than the prayin' one....I ain't.... I ain't never been as connected to all that as you and Mamaw but... I figured it couldn't hurt?"
Jay wasn't about to admit, even to Sam, that for all he believed in God, and Jesus, and for all his own bible was page-marked and annotated like a woman's that sometimes he used it as a spellbook too. Sam already knew, o'course, and in combination with prayer what could a little magic here'n'there hurt. Jay swallowed hard, a little choked up from hearing that Sam had been sleeping with it for him. He thought he'd be the only one doing it for himself- most of the younger kids didn't go in for that as much, and he he doubted Paige would do something so superstitious. And Mama had cast him out.
"I'm gonna keep prayin' for you Sam," Jay said in response, from a place with love.
"I know y'are." Sam said fondly. "Cause that's the kinda person you are. And don't you dare tell Jeb and Lewis this but it's parta what makes you my favorite brother. I'm real glad you're here with me Jay."
"You can't pick favorites, everyone knows that Sam," Jay joked pushing down the guilt that he felt for almost not having been here now. He didn't want to think on that. Sam almost certainly didn't mean it that way. Probably.
"But thanks."
"Now hold on just a second. Cause Dad's can't pick favorites and you've done told me oh about a million times now that I ain't yer dad. So it's fair game for me to have you as a favorite....now askin' me to pick twixt Jeb and Lewis- they're mostly kids, that's different." Sam teased back, smile tugging at his lips.
Jay shoved him without malice, trying to hold onto that tiny piece of something good he was feeling. "Shaddup, I'm still annoyed with you. And expectin' you to take me to this mutant Ruritan."
