Warren and Bobbi - Warren has a sad
Feb. 20th, 2024 02:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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xp_logsooc: Set a few hours after the spaghetti post
Warren huffed. And puffed. And huffed some more. Picked his phone up. Put his phone down. Grabbed it and swiped. Glared at it a bit. Scrolled a little more. Clearly. He was glad he thought to google himself but this.....
It just wasn't right. It couldn't be right. This .... this was uncalled for. How could things have gotten to this point? What had he done to warrant such horrible things? For once, this was not his fault...was it? He poked his mid-section ...still rock hard. His thighs were sculpted. The few wrinkles he was allowing on his face (Botox was very much an option) were distinguished. He no longer smelled like tomato sauce and had managed to return his wings to their pristine condition. He also reminded himself not to eat Sriracha's (or whatever her name was) sauce. Who even thought about using less than 00 tomatoes in pasta sauce?
He looked over at Bobbi who was focused on Ka-Zar, and he sighed incredibly loudly.
"Don't mind me, just your life partner having a crisis and needing emotional support badly."
"Awww, I didn't know you needed emotional support, Ka-Zar," she asked, looking down at their corgi. "Who's a good boy? Yes you are, yes, it's you! It's Ka-Zar!" She scratched his head a little but then got back up off her knees where she'd been playing with the dog and turned to Warren.
"What's up, wings?" she asked semi-teasingly. "Do you need some head pats too?" She grinned and ruffled his hair too. "You're a good boy too... well, sometimes, anyway," she conceded.
Warren glared. "Did you know that there are men masquerading as me on Tinder? I am the catfishee and I don't appreciate it. And -- AND -- those profiles are making their way around reddit right now where I am trending for being old and only attractive to middle-aged women. This ..... this is a crime. They have the AUDACITY to say this about me. Me! Warren Worthington the Third!" He huffed again and crossed his arms. "I don't like this. At all. I'm supposed to get pinged when I'm trending but I never expected to trend for being ugly." He gagged. "Oh that is a horrible word to say in the same sentence as me."
"What?" she laughed, then she stopped when she realized he was being serious. Well, serious for Warren, anyway. "Let me see, hon," she asked, putting her hand out to take his phone to have a better look.
She flipped through it once he handed it over and blinked at each faux!Warren profile that she saw. "Oh... ok, this is weird. Why would..." Bobbi bit her lip then looked over at him apologetically. "I mean, I know why people would want to be you, but why so many on this app?" She was glad she was biting her lip at the last part, not that she thought ugly should go along with a description of him either but that was kinda funny.
"Huh. Is there a way to report these accounts or something?" she asked, idly checking out the settings and seeing if such an option existed. "But I wouldn't worry about them, love, they're a pale imitation and if they actually do meet up with anyone that'd be patently obvious." Which made her wonder why anyone would bother, but maybe they were scamming people online or something? She shook her head and kept checking for a reporting function.
"That's not the point," he said, pouting. "The point is that they exist and they are ruining my image. My carefully cultivated image .... Hope would be so disappointed." He threw himself dramatically on the couch, his wings stretched out and droopy under him, his eyes closed. "I'm almost scared to check other apps. I bet someone has photoshopped my amazing ass and posted it on Grindr too." Another big sigh. "And my ass is phenomenal.... " Warren peeked open an eye at Bobbi. "Do I do something about this? Do I comment? I'm really actually not sure what to do. I can't have this happening. Not when I'm living my best life. Bobbi. This is a crisis. Help me."
"Warren, babe," she started, closing the app on his phone after making what she thought was a report on those accounts. "I love you but I'm not going to search for your ass on Grindr." She blinked. "Whoa, there's a sentence I bet no one else has ever said on the face of the earth. And yes, it's phenomenal," she said to appease him. Hopefully.
She walked over to the couch and knelt down beside him, gently running a hand through his hair. "Tell you what. Maybe I can make some inquiries, find a techie person, see if they can help us with this little problem." Bobbi knows of a few people who might be able to help discreetly, if Warren really was that concerned about things getting out. "After all I can't have you stop living your best life just yet. We've gotta get married first and then it's my obligation to stop that for you."
"You are the sexiest ball and chain I could ever imagine," he said leaning into her hand. "It's not really about that though I guess, if I'm disgustingly honest. Discretion is important, and I don't need things to be dug out because you do realize once we're married, a lot of crap is going to become front and center. Once we formally announce our wedding plans, it will be .... tough. Although that being said, telling my parents and having that family dinner will be the worst. I don't know how you want to go about with that."
"It'll be fine, love," she replied. "We've got nothing to hide, nothing that hasn't already been outed and discussed to death anyway. And I'm just plain boring so don't worry about me," she chuckled. Then she bit her lip and thought about his last point. "I... don't know either," Bobbi confessed. "And yeah, once your parents are involved it's going to be a whole different ball game for sure. Family always complicates thi-" She froze at that point, mid-sentence. "...oh shit. Oh no I didn't even tell my parents," she realized, eyes going wide.
"As in they don't know we're back in the US, or they don't know that we're officially getting married?" Warren raised a brow. "I know I'm not exactly their favourite, but this will definitely not impress them when you tell them that.... wait, or have they stopped believing everything they see in the media about me?" His eyes widened like hers. "Oh my god, what if they've seen these ugly profiles? Robert will be all fatherly and angry at me. That won't do. Call your parents and let them know we have a totally normal relationship where I don't have the odd tryst and you don't ask me for random photos of beautiful butts."
"...both?" she said with a squint, scrunching up her nose a little. Then she raised a hand before he could say anything further, or at least attempting to stop him. "I know, I know, I know," she started, then stopped. "Wait, I don't ask you for random photos of beautiful butts!" Bobbi frowned at him, knowing that, yes, sometimes she asked and he provided certain things, but that was never random and certainly wasn't just of butts.
"Anyway," she resumed, shaking her head, "I need to call them. Or go and see them. Or... or something," she sighed. "And don't worry, they think the same of you now as they did when I started dating you, I promise." Exactly what that was, or how much, well. Some things were probably better left unsaid.
Warren gave a little snort. "Great, so they still think I'm a playboy who is using you for your brain and body .... wait, that's true. Shit." He grinned and reached up at her, pulling him down into his lap so he could give her a kiss and squeeze her butt. Her very shapely butt that would always be his favourite. "Will they at least be happy you're going to keep your last name and be all independent? I mean, I'm assuming that's what you want." Warren moved his hands up to the small of her back, gently rubbing. "I'm not going to lie and say that the sound of Bobbi Morse-Worthington doesn't sound sexy as fuck but you're also an independent woman who needs no man, so Bobbi Morse is also very much okay."
She slid down into his lap, grinning at the squeezing and leaning into him once she settled in. "They won't be surprised by that at all," Bobbi agreed. "Doctor Morse-Worthington," she clarified with a light elbow to his shoulder. "It does have a nice ring to it, but think of all the hassle of changing my ID, my degrees, my business cards..." It really wouldn't be a hassle but he knew her too well of course. "You're right, I am independent, and I don't need no man," she joked before looking up at him and beaming at him. "But I do need you," she said, "not that you're not a man but I mean that I need Warren, I - oh eff it," she said, giving up on over explaining things and kissing him.
This was the best way to be shut up.
As was what followed afterwards.
But he wouldn't be Warren if he didn't revisit the conversation later on. "Alright Doctor Morse-Worthington the First. Since you have the inside scoop on all things Warren, why don't you post a reddit article about how awesome I am and how great I look in grey sweats? It'd be much more believable than htis drivel."
Bobbi laughed and rolled over in bed to face him better, her head on his chest as she stroked his side lightly. The bedsheets had mostly stayed on, but she'd kicked them mostly off of her as was too warm and liked cuddling him like this anyway.
"Mm, I mean I am an expert... maybe I should go for another PhD, yeah? In Warrensics? No, wait," she said, "I can do better... Worthingtonomics? ...fuck, no I can't," she said, admitting defeat.
"Expert or no, I'd still be too biased," she said, a little poke of her finger in his side. "Besides, you know I've got a weakness for you when you wear those," she also confessed, but would vehemently deny to any other living soul.
He grinned over at her. "Yes, well, that's fair. But obviously whoever hates me is also biased, so really, I don't see how this is a time to have a conflict of interest when really, you should be protecting your interests." He thought for a moment, playing with her hair. It was always so fun to tousle and scratch her scalp and just be as close as possible. Gross. How did he possibly like this? "do you think your life will change once we're married? Or will it stay the same?"
"Mm," she said, half-sigh, half-purr of delight at his ministrations. "Iiiii... I think it'll change for the better," she ventured, looking into his eyes as he affectionately played with her hair, raising one of her own hands to gently stroke the forearm that was twirling and trailing through her tresses. "I mean... we'll be the same people, doing the same things, but we'll be... I don't know, doing it together. Does that make sense?" she asked, squinting and scrunching her nose up a little. "I mean we do a lot together already, just not... together together. Like legally speaking. It... I guess I'm just old fashioned in some ways," she confessed with a sigh, though a small smile still graced her visage as she watched him.
Warren was surprised. "You're old-fashioned? I would have never guessed it ... how sweet." He gave her a kiss on her nose. "Does that mean you're going to go into the kitchen and make me a sandwich then?"
She smiled and scrunched up her nose after the kiss, suppressing a little giggle that only he and a select few others have ever heard her utter. She shook her head and got to her feet. "Mmm, why would I do that when I can just give you that right here," she said, voice a little husky as she reached out and stroked his cheek, her thumb brushing against his chin, and then...
"Boom. You're a sandwich," she said and booped him on the nose with her finger before walking away, shaking her head.
Warren huffed. And puffed. And huffed some more. Picked his phone up. Put his phone down. Grabbed it and swiped. Glared at it a bit. Scrolled a little more. Clearly. He was glad he thought to google himself but this.....
It just wasn't right. It couldn't be right. This .... this was uncalled for. How could things have gotten to this point? What had he done to warrant such horrible things? For once, this was not his fault...was it? He poked his mid-section ...still rock hard. His thighs were sculpted. The few wrinkles he was allowing on his face (Botox was very much an option) were distinguished. He no longer smelled like tomato sauce and had managed to return his wings to their pristine condition. He also reminded himself not to eat Sriracha's (or whatever her name was) sauce. Who even thought about using less than 00 tomatoes in pasta sauce?
He looked over at Bobbi who was focused on Ka-Zar, and he sighed incredibly loudly.
"Don't mind me, just your life partner having a crisis and needing emotional support badly."
"Awww, I didn't know you needed emotional support, Ka-Zar," she asked, looking down at their corgi. "Who's a good boy? Yes you are, yes, it's you! It's Ka-Zar!" She scratched his head a little but then got back up off her knees where she'd been playing with the dog and turned to Warren.
"What's up, wings?" she asked semi-teasingly. "Do you need some head pats too?" She grinned and ruffled his hair too. "You're a good boy too... well, sometimes, anyway," she conceded.
Warren glared. "Did you know that there are men masquerading as me on Tinder? I am the catfishee and I don't appreciate it. And -- AND -- those profiles are making their way around reddit right now where I am trending for being old and only attractive to middle-aged women. This ..... this is a crime. They have the AUDACITY to say this about me. Me! Warren Worthington the Third!" He huffed again and crossed his arms. "I don't like this. At all. I'm supposed to get pinged when I'm trending but I never expected to trend for being ugly." He gagged. "Oh that is a horrible word to say in the same sentence as me."
"What?" she laughed, then she stopped when she realized he was being serious. Well, serious for Warren, anyway. "Let me see, hon," she asked, putting her hand out to take his phone to have a better look.
She flipped through it once he handed it over and blinked at each faux!Warren profile that she saw. "Oh... ok, this is weird. Why would..." Bobbi bit her lip then looked over at him apologetically. "I mean, I know why people would want to be you, but why so many on this app?" She was glad she was biting her lip at the last part, not that she thought ugly should go along with a description of him either but that was kinda funny.
"Huh. Is there a way to report these accounts or something?" she asked, idly checking out the settings and seeing if such an option existed. "But I wouldn't worry about them, love, they're a pale imitation and if they actually do meet up with anyone that'd be patently obvious." Which made her wonder why anyone would bother, but maybe they were scamming people online or something? She shook her head and kept checking for a reporting function.
"That's not the point," he said, pouting. "The point is that they exist and they are ruining my image. My carefully cultivated image .... Hope would be so disappointed." He threw himself dramatically on the couch, his wings stretched out and droopy under him, his eyes closed. "I'm almost scared to check other apps. I bet someone has photoshopped my amazing ass and posted it on Grindr too." Another big sigh. "And my ass is phenomenal.... " Warren peeked open an eye at Bobbi. "Do I do something about this? Do I comment? I'm really actually not sure what to do. I can't have this happening. Not when I'm living my best life. Bobbi. This is a crisis. Help me."
"Warren, babe," she started, closing the app on his phone after making what she thought was a report on those accounts. "I love you but I'm not going to search for your ass on Grindr." She blinked. "Whoa, there's a sentence I bet no one else has ever said on the face of the earth. And yes, it's phenomenal," she said to appease him. Hopefully.
She walked over to the couch and knelt down beside him, gently running a hand through his hair. "Tell you what. Maybe I can make some inquiries, find a techie person, see if they can help us with this little problem." Bobbi knows of a few people who might be able to help discreetly, if Warren really was that concerned about things getting out. "After all I can't have you stop living your best life just yet. We've gotta get married first and then it's my obligation to stop that for you."
"You are the sexiest ball and chain I could ever imagine," he said leaning into her hand. "It's not really about that though I guess, if I'm disgustingly honest. Discretion is important, and I don't need things to be dug out because you do realize once we're married, a lot of crap is going to become front and center. Once we formally announce our wedding plans, it will be .... tough. Although that being said, telling my parents and having that family dinner will be the worst. I don't know how you want to go about with that."
"It'll be fine, love," she replied. "We've got nothing to hide, nothing that hasn't already been outed and discussed to death anyway. And I'm just plain boring so don't worry about me," she chuckled. Then she bit her lip and thought about his last point. "I... don't know either," Bobbi confessed. "And yeah, once your parents are involved it's going to be a whole different ball game for sure. Family always complicates thi-" She froze at that point, mid-sentence. "...oh shit. Oh no I didn't even tell my parents," she realized, eyes going wide.
"As in they don't know we're back in the US, or they don't know that we're officially getting married?" Warren raised a brow. "I know I'm not exactly their favourite, but this will definitely not impress them when you tell them that.... wait, or have they stopped believing everything they see in the media about me?" His eyes widened like hers. "Oh my god, what if they've seen these ugly profiles? Robert will be all fatherly and angry at me. That won't do. Call your parents and let them know we have a totally normal relationship where I don't have the odd tryst and you don't ask me for random photos of beautiful butts."
"...both?" she said with a squint, scrunching up her nose a little. Then she raised a hand before he could say anything further, or at least attempting to stop him. "I know, I know, I know," she started, then stopped. "Wait, I don't ask you for random photos of beautiful butts!" Bobbi frowned at him, knowing that, yes, sometimes she asked and he provided certain things, but that was never random and certainly wasn't just of butts.
"Anyway," she resumed, shaking her head, "I need to call them. Or go and see them. Or... or something," she sighed. "And don't worry, they think the same of you now as they did when I started dating you, I promise." Exactly what that was, or how much, well. Some things were probably better left unsaid.
Warren gave a little snort. "Great, so they still think I'm a playboy who is using you for your brain and body .... wait, that's true. Shit." He grinned and reached up at her, pulling him down into his lap so he could give her a kiss and squeeze her butt. Her very shapely butt that would always be his favourite. "Will they at least be happy you're going to keep your last name and be all independent? I mean, I'm assuming that's what you want." Warren moved his hands up to the small of her back, gently rubbing. "I'm not going to lie and say that the sound of Bobbi Morse-Worthington doesn't sound sexy as fuck but you're also an independent woman who needs no man, so Bobbi Morse is also very much okay."
She slid down into his lap, grinning at the squeezing and leaning into him once she settled in. "They won't be surprised by that at all," Bobbi agreed. "Doctor Morse-Worthington," she clarified with a light elbow to his shoulder. "It does have a nice ring to it, but think of all the hassle of changing my ID, my degrees, my business cards..." It really wouldn't be a hassle but he knew her too well of course. "You're right, I am independent, and I don't need no man," she joked before looking up at him and beaming at him. "But I do need you," she said, "not that you're not a man but I mean that I need Warren, I - oh eff it," she said, giving up on over explaining things and kissing him.
This was the best way to be shut up.
As was what followed afterwards.
But he wouldn't be Warren if he didn't revisit the conversation later on. "Alright Doctor Morse-Worthington the First. Since you have the inside scoop on all things Warren, why don't you post a reddit article about how awesome I am and how great I look in grey sweats? It'd be much more believable than htis drivel."
Bobbi laughed and rolled over in bed to face him better, her head on his chest as she stroked his side lightly. The bedsheets had mostly stayed on, but she'd kicked them mostly off of her as was too warm and liked cuddling him like this anyway.
"Mm, I mean I am an expert... maybe I should go for another PhD, yeah? In Warrensics? No, wait," she said, "I can do better... Worthingtonomics? ...fuck, no I can't," she said, admitting defeat.
"Expert or no, I'd still be too biased," she said, a little poke of her finger in his side. "Besides, you know I've got a weakness for you when you wear those," she also confessed, but would vehemently deny to any other living soul.
He grinned over at her. "Yes, well, that's fair. But obviously whoever hates me is also biased, so really, I don't see how this is a time to have a conflict of interest when really, you should be protecting your interests." He thought for a moment, playing with her hair. It was always so fun to tousle and scratch her scalp and just be as close as possible. Gross. How did he possibly like this? "do you think your life will change once we're married? Or will it stay the same?"
"Mm," she said, half-sigh, half-purr of delight at his ministrations. "Iiiii... I think it'll change for the better," she ventured, looking into his eyes as he affectionately played with her hair, raising one of her own hands to gently stroke the forearm that was twirling and trailing through her tresses. "I mean... we'll be the same people, doing the same things, but we'll be... I don't know, doing it together. Does that make sense?" she asked, squinting and scrunching her nose up a little. "I mean we do a lot together already, just not... together together. Like legally speaking. It... I guess I'm just old fashioned in some ways," she confessed with a sigh, though a small smile still graced her visage as she watched him.
Warren was surprised. "You're old-fashioned? I would have never guessed it ... how sweet." He gave her a kiss on her nose. "Does that mean you're going to go into the kitchen and make me a sandwich then?"
She smiled and scrunched up her nose after the kiss, suppressing a little giggle that only he and a select few others have ever heard her utter. She shook her head and got to her feet. "Mmm, why would I do that when I can just give you that right here," she said, voice a little husky as she reached out and stroked his cheek, her thumb brushing against his chin, and then...
"Boom. You're a sandwich," she said and booped him on the nose with her finger before walking away, shaking her head.
