xp_logs | Angelo and Nathan (Reply)

Angelo goes to see Nathan to talk about yesterday's events, and his reaction to them.

Seeing Nathan's post about his whereabouts, and figuring if he was well enough to be allowed out of the medlab, that meant he was well enough for visitors, Angelo headed up to Moira's suite. Mindful of Nathan's words about not disturbing her, he knocked quietly on the door and waited for an answer.

Nathan looked up from the laptop. Eyeing Moira's sleeping form - sleeping soundly this time, at least - he set the computer aside and levitated himself out of bed, not bothering with the crutch this time. Closing the bedroom door quietly behind him, he settled himself on the couch and then telekinetically opened the door, to see Angelo standing there in the hall.

"Hey," he said very quietly. "Come in."

Angelo nodded and walked into the room, settling into the armchair. "Hey. How's it goin'?"

Nathan smiled a bit humorlessly. "Been better. But, also been much worse." He looked in the direction of the bedroom. "We need to keep our voices down," he said. "Moira's finally not dreaming."

Angelo nodded, taking note of it. "Good. You been sleepin' too?"

Nathan shrugged with the good shoulder. "Not since I came upstairs," he admitted. "But I slept quite a bit down in the medlab."

Angelo chuckled. "By choice?" he asked pointedly.

"Well, no. But eighteen plus hours is still eighteen plus hours." Nathan studied Angelo for a long moment, almost contemplatively. "Yesterday was hard on you," he observed.

Angelo shrugged, not looking up. "Less 'n you'd think, actually", he admitted quietly. "Today, an' after we got back? Not so much."

"But that's what's hard," Nathan said keenly. "That's what's bothering you."

Angelo nodded, eyes still downcast. "Yeah. It was too easy. An' too much fun, when I got goin'. I mean, sparrin' with Sarah's always been fun, but this was different. Never killed anyone sparrin' with Sarah."

Nathan rubbed at his jaw, his eyes never leaving Angelo's face. "You were angry," he said. "About what the... not-Jamie, Skippy, whatever you want to call him, was threatening to do."

Another nod. "Yeah. You do not fuck with mine - an' Artie an' Miles are two of mine. An' they were in danger, they really were. I know I had to do what I did. Just hadn't expected to enjoy it so much." He sighed. "Thought I'd left that behind", he muttered quietly.

"You've had so little control in your life," Nathan said. "Fighting is one of the few areas in which you were able to make your own fate, for better or for worse. That's probably where the enjoyment comes from."

Angelo finally looked up at him then. "I don't wanna be that person anymore", he said, voice verging on despair. "Thought I'd got away from it, mostly, 'cept maybe when I'm sparrin', but the first time somethin' like this happens, it's right back to the top."

"You want to learn how to fight cold, I can teach you that," Nathan said, and then gave his cast a wry smile. "Not at the moment, obviously."

Angelo chuckled half-heartedly. "See... I kinda do, at the same time. In the way that... it's all real clear. This is what you have to do, so you do it. But... they call it battle-joy, don't they? Sarah gets it, too, but it doesn't worry her after."

"Mmm. Want me to tell you a secret?" Nathan asked. Angelo nodded, and he went on. "I don't actually like explosions."

Angelo blinked at him, trying to work out where that had come from. "You... don't?"

"It's part of my mystique. Ask Pete about me and explosions, and he'll tell you that I'm semtex-happy, or some such thing." Nathan smiled faintly, leaning back against the couch. "But I don't like explosions. I tense up. Usually wind up with a headache after the fact, too."

Angelo studied him, trying to work out why Nathan was telling him this. "Right..."

"Battle-joy," Nathan said with an inward sigh, "is in the end empty. One day it'll be gone, Angelo. Even if you don't do anything but wait... one day, it'll go."

Angelo nodded, starting to understand. "So... you're sayin' I shouldn't worry about it? Or I should keep workin' at makin' it go sooner?"

"The choice is yours. I'm here, if you want to work at it." Nathan smiled again, a chilly smile this time. "Trust me, I can make sure that you learn to fight without emotion. Don't know as though you'd like the lessons much, but the offer stands."

Angelo grinned, almost convincingly, and promised, "I'll think about it. Let you know", before the grin vanished and he muttered ironically, "So much simpler in the old days. An' some days I want it all t'go away, still, all the complications. An' I know that's wrong. This is better. But it doesn't mean I never think it."

"Just so long as you keep that distinction in mind," Nathan said steadily.

Angelo glanced up at him again. "Simpler from better? Yeah. I know."

"Then we're good. I don't think..." Nathan paused, looking back in the direction of the bedroom as he sensed Moira stir. He sent back reassurance, and a strong suggestion to go back to sleep.

Angelo followed Nathan's gaze towards the bedroom door. "She wakin' up?" he guessed.

"Trying to. She's not allowed to yet." Nathan closed his eyes, reinforcing the suggestion, and felt her slip back into deep sleep. "There," he said dryly, turning back to Angelo and blinking as his vision blurred a little. Doing that hadn't done much for his headache, but oh, well. It was in a good cause.

"How long's she been not sleepin'?" Angelo asked quietly.

"Well," Nathan said a bit darkly. "You remember when I vanished for the weekend?"

Angelo blinked. "Two weeks ago?"

"Closer to three," Nathan corrected him, his voice very low. "Oh, she's gotten some sleep, or she would have dropped long before this, but not enough. Not restful sleep." He gave Angelo a tight, unhappy smile. "I feel remarkably like shit about it. But I intend to make up for all the sleepless nights."

Angelo nodded seriously. "You do what you can. No runnin' yourself into the ground, though, either."

Nathan chuckled softly. "Why, Angelo. What in our relationship makes you think I'd do something self-destructive like that?"

Angelo just raised a sardonic eyebrow. "You really gonna make me answer that?"

Nathan chuckled again, giving another half-shrug. "I could think of worse ways to run myself into the ground." He looked at the doorway again, reaching with a light caress to the link and smiling at the contented murmur that was Moira's only response.

Angelo grinned at the look on Nathan's face, resisting commenting on how cute it was - that was Amanda and Angie's territory.

Nathan snorted. "You start cooing at me, kid, and we're going to have words," he told him good-humoredly.

Angelo tried to look innocent. "Wasn't even thinkin' of it", he assured the older man. "I'll leave that for the girls."

"Good," Nathan said firmly.