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xp_logsHaller, Warren, and Arthur shoot the shit on video chat. There's a tentative plan made to visit the cabin in Maine gifted to David last year.
"I'm just saying, it offends me that Hope's hair is a different colour than the rest of my emotional support blondes. Hope has the soul of a blonde, so why doesn't the rest match?" Warren bit loudly into a carrot stick, and stretched his shoulders. The video call screen showed one of the support blondes, doing whatever it was he was doing.
Warren wasn't going to ask because then he'd have to explain why he was calling his best male friend while he was naked in a Japanese sauna. The phone was tastefully kept nipples up.
"And for that matter, Haller doesn't match the aesthetic either. We should do something about that. Give him an aesthetic."
It was, in fact, hard to tell where Arthur was. He was outside, presumably, given the dark background and the flash of car lights in the background. An engine growled over the drone of chatter lessened by noise cancellation.
"Yeah, yeah," the other blonde openly pondered. "But Hope's filling a vital brunette quota in the office. Important for inclusion. I'd say David's vibe is solidly in the Land's End catalog. Trusted professor. Stock voice of reason."
Arthur's face lit up. Not literally, although a passing headlight did flash over the orange shades he was wearing.
"Actually, on that..."
There was a soft note as a third video window was added to the group.
"Hello?" Jim's greeting had the breathless tone of someone who had absolutely not been planning on taking a video call that night, and had presumably only done so out of panic. This impression was not helped by seeing who else was on the call. "Oh no. What happened?"
"Nothing happened, why, did something happen?" Warren frowned and his eyes flickered over to Arthur's screen. "Are things happening that I'm not aware of? I have specifically told you that I have diagnosed FOMO and I need to be kept in the loop."
"Something's always happening," Arthur added cheerfully. "David. First thought, top of mind. Just whatever pops in there. Ready?" He paused for appropriate drama. "Hope Abbott, but blonde."
"Uncomfortable. You guys already take the top spot as blondest team, let Hope be the token brunette. Also, not everyone's got the complexion for it."
"It's true she is more fall than winter but I'm trying for a brand here that screams Warren. And I'm blonde. Arthur is blonde. Haller ...." Warren's eyed narrowed and he moved towards the screen, water splashing suddenly. "You could be a blonde if you loved me enough."
"I don't love anyone that much," Jim replied, refusing to acknowledge whatever might be happening below screen level. "No one with my family's history of male pattern baldness should mess with their follicles if they can help it."
Arthur squinted at the camera. "Mate, you just can't get everyone to change their hair to match. If anything, I could go red and then we'd be Betty, Veronica, and . . . what was the third one?"
"Cheryl. The bombshell. But why are we comparing women when we could be Archie, Jughead and Moose? Haller has Jughead vibes, absolutely. He just needs a little sister named Jellybean...." Warren snapped his finger. "Is Jessica younger?"
"Better question," said Jim, "Why do you know so much about Archie Comics?"
"Jellybean,'" Arthur added. "I like it. Jess absolutely will not, but that's the joke. But yeah! Warren, you and Riverview."
Warren frowned. "Riverdale. it's like you're not even trying. Archies are canonically entrenched in American culture. I'm honestly embarrassed for you both that you don't know more."
Jim spread his hands. "I'm honestly confused by what makes it into your long-term memory. I mean, you remember Jellybean, but when I asked about the case you denied all memory of ever being in Pennsylvania. Two weeks ago."
"Two weeks ago, I learned how to say Appalachia correctly. Did you guys know that's how it's said? Appalachia ." Warren was very proud of this. "And I also went to an amish B&B so that I could reconnect and focus on my inner Warren. It made me years for the simpler times when people fed me fresh baked bread that I didn't make but was still more than acceptable." And then once again, he moved suddenly that his camera started to shake and the angle got dangerously close to costing his friends' money to see. "Let's go to the cabin in Maine!! We haven't looked at it yet. Arthur, tell Haller we need to go camping in the cabin I graciously bought him and he has yet to even explore."
The other blond let the silence hang, his eyes tracking between Haller and Warren's video screens carefully behind chromatic glasses."Cabins aren't camping," he lightly corrected, "What might I – wilderness survival star extra-once-an-aire, retired – get out of taking two rich men 'camping' up in Maine. You sell me on this. Haller's likely in as soon as he realizes we'll be miles from anyone else's thoughts." Arthur turned to Haller's camera, and how he knew which direction that was was anyone's guess. His grin softened to something more private. "Sorry."
Warren nodded thoughtfully before settling back against the wall of the tub. "Boundaries and stipulations that are in only your best interests... I like it. I like it a lot."
He tapped his free hand on his chin before grinning widely. "Let's market it. Make it promotional for you. Use it for some charity of yours. See how long the pampered billionaire lasts. Haller is the impartial judge. You make money for blind puppies, I get more publicity and Haller gets to spend time with us. We all win!"
"Now there's a pitch," Arthur laughed. "What would we even call that? Worthington vs Wild. Wealth in the Woods."
Jim sighed. "I'm resigned to the fact that anything involving Warren will happen regardless of my input, so just tell me when to show up at the murder cabin, I guess."
"I'm just saying, it offends me that Hope's hair is a different colour than the rest of my emotional support blondes. Hope has the soul of a blonde, so why doesn't the rest match?" Warren bit loudly into a carrot stick, and stretched his shoulders. The video call screen showed one of the support blondes, doing whatever it was he was doing.
Warren wasn't going to ask because then he'd have to explain why he was calling his best male friend while he was naked in a Japanese sauna. The phone was tastefully kept nipples up.
"And for that matter, Haller doesn't match the aesthetic either. We should do something about that. Give him an aesthetic."
It was, in fact, hard to tell where Arthur was. He was outside, presumably, given the dark background and the flash of car lights in the background. An engine growled over the drone of chatter lessened by noise cancellation.
"Yeah, yeah," the other blonde openly pondered. "But Hope's filling a vital brunette quota in the office. Important for inclusion. I'd say David's vibe is solidly in the Land's End catalog. Trusted professor. Stock voice of reason."
Arthur's face lit up. Not literally, although a passing headlight did flash over the orange shades he was wearing.
"Actually, on that..."
There was a soft note as a third video window was added to the group.
"Hello?" Jim's greeting had the breathless tone of someone who had absolutely not been planning on taking a video call that night, and had presumably only done so out of panic. This impression was not helped by seeing who else was on the call. "Oh no. What happened?"
"Nothing happened, why, did something happen?" Warren frowned and his eyes flickered over to Arthur's screen. "Are things happening that I'm not aware of? I have specifically told you that I have diagnosed FOMO and I need to be kept in the loop."
"Something's always happening," Arthur added cheerfully. "David. First thought, top of mind. Just whatever pops in there. Ready?" He paused for appropriate drama. "Hope Abbott, but blonde."
"Uncomfortable. You guys already take the top spot as blondest team, let Hope be the token brunette. Also, not everyone's got the complexion for it."
"It's true she is more fall than winter but I'm trying for a brand here that screams Warren. And I'm blonde. Arthur is blonde. Haller ...." Warren's eyed narrowed and he moved towards the screen, water splashing suddenly. "You could be a blonde if you loved me enough."
"I don't love anyone that much," Jim replied, refusing to acknowledge whatever might be happening below screen level. "No one with my family's history of male pattern baldness should mess with their follicles if they can help it."
Arthur squinted at the camera. "Mate, you just can't get everyone to change their hair to match. If anything, I could go red and then we'd be Betty, Veronica, and . . . what was the third one?"
"Cheryl. The bombshell. But why are we comparing women when we could be Archie, Jughead and Moose? Haller has Jughead vibes, absolutely. He just needs a little sister named Jellybean...." Warren snapped his finger. "Is Jessica younger?"
"Better question," said Jim, "Why do you know so much about Archie Comics?"
"Jellybean,'" Arthur added. "I like it. Jess absolutely will not, but that's the joke. But yeah! Warren, you and Riverview."
Warren frowned. "Riverdale. it's like you're not even trying. Archies are canonically entrenched in American culture. I'm honestly embarrassed for you both that you don't know more."
Jim spread his hands. "I'm honestly confused by what makes it into your long-term memory. I mean, you remember Jellybean, but when I asked about the case you denied all memory of ever being in Pennsylvania. Two weeks ago."
"Two weeks ago, I learned how to say Appalachia correctly. Did you guys know that's how it's said? Appalachia ." Warren was very proud of this. "And I also went to an amish B&B so that I could reconnect and focus on my inner Warren. It made me years for the simpler times when people fed me fresh baked bread that I didn't make but was still more than acceptable." And then once again, he moved suddenly that his camera started to shake and the angle got dangerously close to costing his friends' money to see. "Let's go to the cabin in Maine!! We haven't looked at it yet. Arthur, tell Haller we need to go camping in the cabin I graciously bought him and he has yet to even explore."
The other blond let the silence hang, his eyes tracking between Haller and Warren's video screens carefully behind chromatic glasses."Cabins aren't camping," he lightly corrected, "What might I – wilderness survival star extra-once-an-aire, retired – get out of taking two rich men 'camping' up in Maine. You sell me on this. Haller's likely in as soon as he realizes we'll be miles from anyone else's thoughts." Arthur turned to Haller's camera, and how he knew which direction that was was anyone's guess. His grin softened to something more private. "Sorry."
Warren nodded thoughtfully before settling back against the wall of the tub. "Boundaries and stipulations that are in only your best interests... I like it. I like it a lot."
He tapped his free hand on his chin before grinning widely. "Let's market it. Make it promotional for you. Use it for some charity of yours. See how long the pampered billionaire lasts. Haller is the impartial judge. You make money for blind puppies, I get more publicity and Haller gets to spend time with us. We all win!"
"Now there's a pitch," Arthur laughed. "What would we even call that? Worthington vs Wild. Wealth in the Woods."
Jim sighed. "I'm resigned to the fact that anything involving Warren will happen regardless of my input, so just tell me when to show up at the murder cabin, I guess."
