Amanda, Angelo - Sunday afternoon

[xp_daytripper]

Angelo comes across Amanda in the woods. They talk about Skippy, about Shiro's reaction, and about people leaving. It doesn't end as well as Angelo hoped.



Angelo was out taking a wander around the grounds, cigarette in hand as usual. As he approached the edge of the woods, he saw a familiar small figure up ahead and called out, "Hey, Amanda."

Amanda started, not really expecting to encounter anyone, and, to a degree, not really wanting to. Everyone was so edgy lately - to be expected - and she was tired of picking fights with them. Besides, whilst a couple of days of no magic had her feeling much less strung out, she was still tired and occasionally irritable. Hence the spending time outside and away from people.

Angelo was always an exception, though. She smiled as he approached. "Hey, Ange. All right?"

Angelo smiled back, relieved to see hers. "Yeah, not too bad. You?"

"Gettin' there. Just had t' get away from the house for a bit. I've been cooped up so long with exams an' all..." She shrugged. "An' sometimes you have t' get away, give yerself some breathin' space."

Angelo nodded. "'Course you do. 's gettin' nice out here."

She nodded. "Unbelievable, ain't it? After all that snow. Didn't think it actually got warm here." There was a fallen log a little way away and she went over and perched herself on it, fishing her cigarettes out of her back pocket before she did. "So, you doin' all right? I ain't really talked t' you since that clone thing."

Angelo wandered over to sit down next to her. "Yeah, I've been... busy", he answered, not wanting to admit he'd been largely keeping to his room, avoiding most people.

"C'mon, this is me yer talkin' to," she said, lighting up. "You don't have t' be all whatever-the-fuck you call it. 'Sides, I'll just go diggin' 'round in yer aura t' check if I think yer givin' me the bum's rush."

Angelo laughed wryly. "The word you're lookin' for is "avoidant". Which pretty much sums up what I've been doin' the last week or so. Not of you, though."

"Good. 'Cause I've had it up t' here with people takin' off on me," she said, a little bitterly. Not wanting to rehash the whole fight with Sarah and what happened with Nate, she shot him a look. "So, I'm guessin' you ain't been holed up studyin' for finals this week, so lets have it."

He shrugged a little. "Just tryin' to think through some stuff. About the whole clone thing."

"Don't tell me I have t' give you the whole 'we didn't have a fuck of a lot of choice' talk, Ange. Doug an' the rest of them, yeah, but not you. Yer a fighter, you know that sometimes you do what you have to."

"It's not about what I did. Not exactly." He clammed up, on that, taking a draw on his cigarette. He'd seen what she'd said to Sarah and Shiro...

Amanda sighed. Blood from a stone. And people wondered why she preferred hanging around with Manuel - even without the link, he was generally as easy to read as a kid's Learn-To-Read book, and at least he was upfront about his feelings. "So, if it ain't that, what is it? I ain't a bloody mind-reader, Ange, no matter what's been happenin' lately with the magic."

Angelo sighed in his turn, eyeing her carefully, but then decided that if he couldn't tell her... "It was too much fun", he answered flatly. "Kinda freaked me out."

Amanda bit back her initial reaction. "You freakin' out 'bout enjoyin' it 's a good sign. Means you ain't too far gone yet," she said neutrally, taking a slow, deliberately calm drag on her cigarette.

Angelo nodded. "'s what I was hopin'." He took a deep drag, thinking. "See - long as I can remember, I've liked a good fight. Part an' parcel of my life before, 'cause if you didn't enjoy it, if your heart wasn't in it, you wouldn't last long. An' that's who I am, or part of it. But I've never, ever - before - gone into a fight knowin' for sure someone was goin' to die an' enjoyed it anyway. But I went to that warehouse armed, an' I knew what I was gonna do, I'd said as much when he posted that he'd hurt the boys. An' yeah, I was mad as hell, I wanted him dead or hurt bad, but I hadn't thought... I'd feel like that while I was doin' it."

"You should be talkin' t' Logan, or maybe Nate, 'bout this," Amanda said, quietly. "But it's like I said t' Sarah - it ain't like you go out an' hurt or kill people for the fun of it. You ain't a monster."

Angelo shrugged. "Kill? No. Hurt? It's been known - even now, I don't know what you'd call my spars with Sarah if not hurtin' an' bein' hurt for the fun of it. But at least that's both of us knowin' what we're gettin' into. An' I've talked to Nate. He said he'll help me learn to fight cold if I want, but even if he doesn't, it'll go away sooner or later."

"You an' Sarah agree on what yer gunna do - it ain't the same as goin' out an' attackin' someone just 'cause you want to." Amanda hunched her shoulders a little. "I won't say the idea of enjoyin' it doesn't bother me, but at least you didn't make some smart arse remark 'bout it where Jamie could see it, like that pillock Shiro."

"Done that, too", Angelo confessed quietly. "Gone out an' attacked someone for no good reason, even if it felt like one at the time. Didn't kill 'em, though, as far as I know. An' Shiro..." He sighed. "Shiro doesn't understand. I don't think he gets where thinkin' like that could lead him."

"An' I used t' use me magic t' fuck with people's heads not that long ago," she pointed out. "Doesn't mean you can't change. As for Shiro..." She glowered. "Ain't fair that the threefold rule only applies t' magic. Could do him some good t' get a karmic kick in the arse."

Angelo sighed. "He's just a kid - an' I know he's not much younger than me, but he is. Hasn't been given any reason to see things different than he always has. He'll learn, an' I'm pretty sure he won't like the lesson. Haven't met anybody yet who did."

"I just hope it ain't one of us providin' him with the lesson, is all," Amanda shrugged. "Somethin' happens, someone looks t' be on the wrong side - like John - an' it's Shiro takin' 'em down? Not a lot of room for second chances there."

Angelo sighed again. "If he's in a position t'be doin' that - if he's on the team - I'd hope he'd've learned the lesson by then. 'm more worried about it goin' the other way. 's a thin line to be walkin'."

"None of us were on a team last weekend," Amanda pointed out, but nodded her agreement. "An' as long as it's all a game to him, well, yeah, yer right. Could be one day we're the ones takin' him down before he goes too far." There was a hint of regret in her voice, but she was matter-of-fact, as if talking about a chore she'd rather not have to do, but would if it came to it. "But I doubt either of us're the best people t' tell him t' pull his head in. Not exactly role models for stability, are we?" she added, wryly.

Angelo chuckled, equally wryly. "Not really, no. But I'm not sure there's that many round here as are. There's always the Professor, I guess."

"An' he'll be seein' Samson, long as anyone in this place has got some sense, after that post of his." Amanda stretched, looking around the trees. "Feels like I'm finally startin' t' get me head back together," she said quietly, mostly to herself.

Angelo nodded. "I'll be goin' to see Samson soon as I can", he said quietly, before giving her a half-smile. "Well, that's good, right?"

"Until things go t' hell next time," she said, half-grinning. "'M lookin' forward t' havin' a break from this place, and make no mistake. Strange might've had somethin' there when he said I was pushin' things too hard. 'S just I feel like I've got so much t' make up for, an' not a lot of time t' do it in, I s'pose. An' it don't help this place is fuckin' disaster-prone."

"You got all the time you need", he told her quietly. "You won't, though, if you keep goin' the way you have been. Gotta take a break between healin' spells, however much they're needed, but I'm sure Strange's told you that. Don't wanna see you do yourself permanent damage over this." He paused, remembering something. "An' Amanda... what you said about not wantin' to cause Marie more stress. You know the pace of livin' here was only part of why she left, right? An' a small part at that, I think."

"She didn't exactly try that hard t' track me down an' explain it." Amanda 's grin slipped at Angelo's last words. "An' it weren't the mansion, it was me. Me an' that fuckin' love potion. I saw how she was before, an' then after. I fuckin' well broke her with it. Can't say I blame her for leavin', after that."

Angelo looked at her seriously. "Listen to me, Amanda. First, if anyone broke her, it was Kwannon. You didn't put the potion in her food, any more'n Doug did. Second, she didn't leave after that. If that'd been why she left, she'd've been long gone by now. Third, like I said, nothin' goin' on in the mansion was more than part of why she left. Where she is now, she gets a chance t'do more with her time than mark papers while she waits for the next team mission, an' Logan gets to work with old friends of his. That's more or less exactly what she told me, an' that's why she finally chose to go. An' yeah, it'll do her good to get some peace an' quiet - which is a very long way from bein' all about anythin' you've done - but that's not the whole reason she went. Not even close."

"If I hadn't made that bloody thing, it wouldn't have gotten into anyone's food. An' I could take the easy way out an' say 'Kwannon made me do it', but I can't. I was bored an' Doug was gettin' up me nose, an' I wanted t' mess with his head. Didn't think of the consequences, an' fucked over a lot of people. An' even if the potion didn't make her go, it wrecked the friendship. It weren't the same after that - I couldn't look at her without hearin' her cryin' her heart out an' I knew she was thinkin' the same thing." Amanda clamped down on the wave of guilt and shame - less now, but still there - and shrugged. "Makes no difference, in the long run, why she left. She's gone, same as Shinobi an' Sarah, an' that's that."

Angelo sighed. "Look - I can't say anythin' more to convince you than I already said. But I will just throw this in - she's not as gone as you think. They're only a couple of hours away, anytime you want to see her. Maybe start with an e-mail, or a letter?"

"Maybe," Amanda said shortly, just wanting that particular part of the conversation to end. She stubbed out her cigarette on the log and stood, brushing off the back of her jeans. "I'd best be goin' back, see if Alison needs any more help."

Angelo glanced up at her sadly. "Fair enough. Be seein' you around, then."