xp_logs | Angelo and Nathan, Sunday night (Reply)

Backdated to Sunday night. Angelo, on a midnight snack run, encounters Nathan in the kitchen. They talk a little about classes, Columbia, and comparative risks.

Angelo, on one of his still-somewhat-frequent fits of insomnia, headed for the kitchen in search of something to eat, in the vague hope that that would either help him sleep or keep him occupied for a while. Pushing open the door, he immediately saw that someone else had got there first: Nathan was sitting hunched over at the table, apparently studying the glass in his hands.

Nathan blinked and looked up, stiffening a little as he saw Angelo. He managed a smile, though, and would have added a wave if it wouldn't have been thoroughly silly-looking. "Can't sleep?" he asked, his voice rough with weariness.

Angelo returned the smile, albeit faintly and with concern in his eyes, moving further into the room to sit down. He shrugged. "Yeah. Just one of those nights, no reason I can figure out."

"I've been sort of on and off this week with the insomnia," Nathan said vaguely, his eyes dropping back to his glass of water. The overhead light was reflecting in it. "Moira's sleeping and I was tossing and turning, so I figured I'd get up rather than risk waking her."

Angelo nodded. "How're you both doin'?" he asked quietly.

Nathan shrugged, if only with the one shoulder. "Better," he said, his smile a little stronger. "I'm not a big advocate of hiding, generally, but sometimes hibernation is precisely what's called for. I gather I haven't missed too much this week."

"Yeah, it's been pretty quiet", Angelo answered. "One new person, but that's about it." He carefully didn't say anything about "makes a nice change", aware that Nathan wouldn't need reminding of his part in the most recent excitement.

Nathan heard it anyway. Angelo really did need to work on his shields... although there was something to be said for that kind of openness, too, he thought with a sudden, wry smile. "How are the reading groups going?" he asked. "I mean, Doug's been sending me reports and all..."

Angelo managed a half-grin. "Pretty well. Doug'll make a good teacher someday if it's what he wants to do. Keeps us on track", he finished lightly.

"As opposed to my numerous and often alarming digressions?" Nathan said, and actually chuckled.

Angelo smiled, glad to hear him laughing. "That's not what I meant. I was talkin' about the digressions we go on all by ourselves."

"Oh, right," Nathan said wisely. "Like the discussion of camel spit." He had been hard-pressed not to burst out laughing himself that day when the rather spirited debate had broken out. The memory made him smile.

Angelo grinned. "Yeah, like that. It was all Jubilee's fault, you know."

"It's always Jubilee's fault. Except when it's Amanda's fault. Or Angie's fault. And you haven't been entirely blameless at points, either." He smiled, a warmer but more wistful expression than the last. "I miss you guys."

"You think you'll be ready to come back sometime soon?" Angelo asked carefully. "We miss you too, y'know. We just couldn't let you take class that day, it was too soon."

"I... don't know, Angelo," Nathan said, his eyes shifting away from Angelo's. "And I know. I didn't have any business teaching that day. Hell, my voice probably would have lasted fifteen minutes..."

Angelo nodded, accepting the answer. "Come on back when you're ready. We understand if it's not for awhile."

"It's just..." He stopped, tried to smile again, but the expression was strained this time. "I know it's not liable to stop happening so long as I avoid people, but almost everyone... as soon as they see me, they start thinking about what happened at the university. Not up to handling that quite yet."

Angelo winced, knowing that would be a problem and censoring his thoughts as best he could to keep out any hint of the events at Columbia. "It will pass. 's very recent yet."

"And I'll eventually stop flinching every time I hear someone thinking about it," Nathan said quietly. "Visibly, at least. Like you said, it's still very recent."

Angelo nodded. "An' like you said... if you come out an' about more often, not necessarily t'teach, just round the mansion, it might make it stop quicker..."

The corner of Nathan's mouth tugged upwards. "I know, I know," he said lightly. "You sound like Moira."

Angelo chuckled. "I'll take that as a good thing, she's smarter than me."

Nathan rubbed at his wrist, grimacing a little. "Still pissed about this," he muttered, staring at it. "I was getting used to having four functional limbs again."

Angelo glanced down at Nathan's wrist, concerned. "How're you doin' generally? Physically, I mean - you looked pretty roughed up right after."

"Better," Nathan said immediately. "I wasn't really all that badly hurt. Scared the crap out of Moira with the virus flaring up and all, but I got that under control by the next morning."

Angelo nodded, at least somewhat reassured. "An' the rest of it's healin'?"

"Slow but sure. The ribs and the wrist are still kind of touchy, but they'll take longer. I knew that." He smiled at Angelo. "I'll be back sparring with you before you know it. Just watch."

Angelo chuckled. "Good to know. Amanda seems t'be well on the way to okay, too. Physically speakin'."

Nathan grimaced a little. "Yes, she is," he said softly. "Thankfully."

Angelo didn't miss the grimace. "I'm sure she an' everyone else who knows what happened has told you this already, but it wasn't your fault", he stated bluntly, not bothering to hide that he'd figured out more than most people in the mansion knew.

"I know it wasn't my fault." And it was a measure of how far he had come - between Pete beating some sense into him, Dom hammering it home, and Moira's patience - that he actually meant that. "It doesn't make it much easier, though." He made a face. "I'm just... tired, Angelo." Tired, and feeling trapped, not that he was going to admit that to a student, even this particular student.

"Yeah, I can get that", Angelo answered honestly. "But..." He trailed off, then picked up again, feeling out the words as he spoke. "You give up now, in any way, then they win."

"They're already won, in at least one way," Nathan said with a faint, bitter smile. "I won't be leaving the mansion again anytime soon." Unless it was with the X-Men - if Charles still wanted him on the team, after Columbia.

Angelo shook his head slightly, saddened to hear Nathan talk like that but suspecting nothing he could say would change the older man's decision.

"I can't endanger any more innocent people," Nathan said, interpreting Angelo's expression. "Maybe I can't blame myself for what happened, but unless they take to random acts of mass carnage, removing myself from the equation will lessen the changes of a repeat performance. They won't have the excuse."

Angelo frowned - it seemed to him that Nathan was missing something important here. "Nathan. They want you back, right? An' they were willin' to kill lots of random people to make you surrender? So what's t'stop them comin' for you here?"

Nathan stared at him for a long moment. "This is a harder target than Columbia," he said finally.

"Even if the X-Men weren't here, there's the security system... we couldn't not see them coming, Angelo. That changes everything." He stopped, swallowing. "But I know it's a risk. And I know there are other people who aren't going to want me here because of that risk."

"That wasn't what I was sayin'", Angelo told him firmly. "God knows you're not the only one here that could have people comin' after them any day. You got a right to your safe place, same as any of us. An' the security here does make a difference, true. I was just sayin'... there's gonna be danger to innocent people whatever you do, until they're dealt with. It's less here, but it's not gone."

"Less here, though," Nathan said as firmly as he could. "And even you students are more capable of..." His voice wavered a little. "Defending yourself, if the worse happens. Those kids at Columbia... different matter entirely."

Angelo didn't let him off just yet. "I saw the news, man. I saw what they were doin'. There's not a one of us students here, except John, an' maybe Paige an' Bobby, that's proof against fire, not like that." He sighed. "I don't mean you should leave, before you think it. Just... if it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen, either here or on the outside. Work on stoppin' it, stoppin' them, but try not t'let it keep you from doin' what you would anyway."

"It's a question of risk, Angelo," Nathan said, not nearly as harshly as he could have. "Staying here minimizes the risk. I can't take as many chances as I was before... not and look at myself in the mirror." He tried to make it a joke, but it fell a little flat.

Angelo looked at him sadly, not sure what else to say - except... "You gonna stay holed up here the rest of your life, then? Say you can't find them. Say they go underground, keep movin', hide out past anyone's means of findin' them. What'd you do then?"

"I'm not ready to give up on finding them just yet," Nathan responded a bit vaguely. "We've got a lot of leads we're following up..." He raised his glass, taking a sip. "We'll see," he said finally.

Angelo raised an eyebrow. "That's not an answer", he pointed out, before relenting. "Okay then. We'll see."

Nathan took a deep, more than slightly relieved breath as Angelo let it go. "Early days yet," he said, and then rose, still holding the glass. "And I should probably at least go and try to sleep. You, too."

Angelo nodded, remembering what he'd actually come in for. "Yeah. I was after some food when I came here. It'll either help me sleep, or fill a half-hour."

"Sounds like a plan," Nathan said, raising the glass in salute as he headed for the door. "I'll see you later, Angelo."