xp_logs | Amanda and Nathan, Tuesday night (Reply)

Backdated to Tuesday night. Amanda makes the promised visit, but she counts on Nate still being somewhat out of it to help her hide the fact that she's chosen a bad way of not-coping with the events of the summer. He misses the signs entirely, but still almost manages to get through her defenses.

It was just a little. Enough to settle her down, get her thoughts and emotions under control before she saw Nate. It wouldn't do for her to see him in the state she was in, that was for sure... Amanda set her jaw, reached into her desk drawer and pulled out an ancient bronze medallion, ugly and ostentatious, but tingling with power. She'd already taken off the power-inhibiting amulet, laid it to the side - now she held the medallion in her cupped hands, and let her mutation do its work.

There. Much better.

Putting Romany's charm back on, Amanda left the room, humming to herself and feeling much better than she had for weeks. She reinforced her shields as she went, as Strange had taught her. Wouldn't do to have Nate pick up on what she'd been doing - he wouldn't understand.
cablewriter: He needed to calm down. Calm down, stop pacing... Moira was napping in the bedroom and he didn't want to wake her up. Nathan took a deep, shaky breath, rubbing at the back of his neck. A book, maybe. He could try and read, and that might keep him from thinking about things too hard...

"Nate? You in?" she called, possibly a touch _too_ brightly, but it was hard not to be cheery with the long-missed sensation of power coursing through her. Asgard had increased her tolerance again, which meant it took more to give her a buzz, but when it did... she felt _alive_ again, as if she could do anything. She tapped on the door again, ignoring the heavy numbness of the blocked link in the back of her mind, in favour of the warm tingle. "Nate?"

Nathan froze mid-pace and looked at the door. "Come in?" he called out hesitantly, half-relieved, half-nervous to hear Amanda's voice. She smiled at him as she opened the door and he smiled back a bit tentatively. "We... ought to keep it down. Moira's sleeping."

"Oh. Um, sorry. I can go..." Seeing his face fall as she made the suggestion, Amanda forced herself to focus. "How 'bout a cuppa an' a chat in the student rec room? 'S just downstairs, an' that way we won't wake Moira. An' yer probably wantin' a change of scenery. I promise the walls won't change. I wont' let 'em."

"Okay," Nathan said, relieved enough at the suggestion that he was halfway across the room before the words were out of his mouth. "Be good," he said, looking back over his shoulder at Bella, who was in fact quietly sleeping and had been the whole time he'd been pacing.

He looked terrible, Amanda reflected as they made their way downstairs to the rec room, her restraining the urge to bounce all the way. Fuck, but she felt good. "So you ain't fallin' asleep at the drop of a hat any more?" she asked, glad the rec room was empty as they entered. Especially of Angelo or Manuel. There wasn't enough power in the world to make her act normally if she ran into either of them.

Nathan's jaw tightened, but he managed to respond in something approaching a normal tone. "As long as I don't get too stressed," he said, sinking down onto one of the couches. "If I do, Charles said he'll have to start doing it again."

"Sounds fair enough, t' me. 'Least 'til yer in a better frame of mind t' be thinkin' 'bout things." Amanda set about putting the electric kettle on, pulling out cups... Well, _floating_ out cups - she did the spell almost without thinking, and cast a quick look back at Nate to see if he'd noticed. "Tea all right? I make horrible coffee, I'm told. Somethin' in the genes."

"Tea's good," Nathan said vaguely, too busy staring at the opposite wall of the rec room to notice the floating cups. "And it's... well. It's not funny, like I said. But it is."

The tea was where she'd left it before Asgard, which made sense, since Paige had been there too, and none of the others were really tea drinkers. More that dreadful fizzy stuff in the cans.Waiting for the kettle to boil, Amanda turned to face nate, leaning back on the counter. "Considerin' where you are, y' mean? Ain't the best place t' avoid stress, the school." And didn't she know it - she drummed her fingers absently on the counter top, unable to keep completely still, no matter how hard she tried.

He saw the drumming fingers, saw them and flinched inwardly at the idea that she was nervous around him. "No," he said a bit more quietly. He didn't want to tell her about what Charles had said about side effects of Kritzer's conditioning-bomb. Last thing she needed was to think he was going to lose his mind at the drop of a hat. "Just... you know. Full circle and all. It really ought to be more funny than it is."

"Seems like yer irony's bitch all right," Amanda said, realising she was practically vibrating on the spot and glad that the kettle chose that moment to boil and provide distraction. She poured the water over the tea bags and carried the cups over to where Nate was slumped on the couch, the milk and sugar floating behind her as almost an afterthought - she didn't even realise she was doing it this time. "Still, Homily says things sometimes move in circles. Maybe this is one of 'em."

Nathan blinked at the floating milk and sugar. "Practicing?" he asked a bit hesitantly.

"What?" Amanda glanced behind her and nearly dropped everything. Fuck. "Oh, that. Um yeah. 'Sides, 's handy when yer hands are full." She settled herself on the couch next to him, handing him a cup and managing to get everything else to the coffee table without disaster. "You know me, always practicin' the magic. Right little swot, that way."

She really was nervous, Nathan thought bleakly, his shoulders slumping a bit as he took the teacup from her. "Thanks," he said very quietly. "And practicing is good..."

Okay, he really was down. Was it something she'd said? A hint of self-doubt managed to work its way through the buzz, and she frowned. "Nate, you ain't mad at me, are you?" she asked at last, hoping it wouldn't set off the Professor's trigger. Nate was way too big for her to move, even on a high.

"No!" he said, his eyes widening a little. "No, not at all..." He would have reached out for her hand, then, but the niggling fear that she would have pulled away made him refrain. "I'm not," he said, trying rather vainly to smile.

"Yer actin'... funny," she told him, wanting to scoot closer and tell him everything and have him do the Nate Comfort thing, but knowing he wasn't up for that yet. Possibly not for a while. "I couldn't help wonderin', is all. I've upset some people in the last couple of days, didn't want you t' be one of them."

"You didn't upset me," Nathan said, and took a sip of his tea to buy himself a moment. "I was... well, I thought I'd upset you for a while. But Moira was pointing out to me how stupid that was." He managed the smile a little better this time.

"I told you, there was stuff I had t' deal with, an' I didn't want t' be around you until I had, not with yer shields full of holes an' you fallin' asleep every time you felt too strong 'bout somethin'." And speaking of shields, Amanda was rapidly reinforcing hers, with both the magic Strange had taught her, and the lessons learned in class with the Professor. "'M fine, really. Just needed the time t' process stuff. I do that, remember?"

Nathan nodded, still smiling weakly. "I know. Like I said, I was being stupid." He took another sip of the tea, his hands shaking a little. "I'm glad you came," he said after a moment. "I was kind of going stir crazy up there."'

"Said I would. An' I keep me promises... Well, most of the time. When I ain't bein' kidnapped an' the like." Confident she was locked down enough, she reached over and patted his knee, pleased to see the tremble had left her own hands. "We should do somethin' outside. When yer up for it. Summer's pretty much over, but it's still warmer 'n home."

"Another picnic in the boat?" Nathan suggested, trying to sound diffident and failing miserably. But it was a good memory, that one.

"That'd be good," Amanda agreed, with a far more natural smile than the one she'd been showing earlier. Less brittle and forced. "That was fun, an' I promise not t' splash you quite so much this time."

"I don't melt," Nathan said with a flash of the old humor. "I may glare, but I don't melt. We could even take Bella. She likes the lake."

"You could have fooled me, with the Wizard of Oz impersonation," Amanda replied, giggling. Oh, she'd missed Nate so much. Her tea was still sitting on the coffee table, getting cold - she picked it up, making a slight face at the lukewarmness but not wanting to get up and heat it up. "Between the two of us we can make sure Bella don't end up pitchin' herself in. How's she doin'? She was mopin' when you were gone."

"She's better. She's made friends with Moira, if you can believe that. Apparently they kept each other company while I was... gone." He smiled a bit again. "She's liking having Dom and GW around, too."

"She ain't the only one. 'M sorry I wasn't around more this weekend - Dom said somethin' 'bout seein' Beth again, so I should arrange somethin'. Maybe a movie, since Dom can drive." Amanda took another sip of tea and gave up. No matter. "How long're they stayin'?"

"Not sure. Until they're sure I'm okay, they say." Nathan shifted a little on the couch. "I don't really need multiple minders," he said, an edge to his voice despite his best efforts to keep it out. Moira had told them about the reasons behind the posthypnotic suggestion, and so they were stewing now, too.

"They're worried 'bout you, same as I am. Same as all you lot were when us kids were in Asgard, remember? Sure they might be a bit clingy, but once they're sure yer okay, they'll ease off. An' if not, then tell 'em it's buggin' you, an' they'll... well, they'll probably tell you it's for yer own good an' to suck it up, but that's the bastard part of havin' people who care. They tend t' want t' help." Amanda's foot, tucked underneath her other leg, waggled nervously. Skating way too close to personal edges here. "Let 'em have their fun, they'll be off again soon enough, an' you can go back t' givin' yerself concussions."

"I wasn't really serious about that," Nathan said, embarassed. "I just... I was frustrated, after I talked to Charles."

"I know you weren't. Tho' if yer'd kept it up, I was goin' t' mention gettin' shot in the head didn't make a big difference neither," Amanda said, a very slight edge to her voice. He'd really worried her with talk of concussions - after all the healing she'd done for him, it was hard to find jokes about him being injured very funny. "An' the X geezer has a knack of bein' frustratin' sometimes. Comes of knowin' the right thing t' do all the time, I reckon."

"That wasn't really the problem," Nathan said a bit unevenly, looking away. It struck him, then, that maybe she did need to know at least a little of what was going on, or what could be, rather. He didn't want to shock her with anything. She'd had enough of that lately. "If I..." No, Dayspring, try again. "I might act a little oddly," he finally said, his voice very low. "More oddly than usual, I mean."

She raised her eyebrow at him. "'Oddly' how?" she asked, unable to keep the suspicious tone out of her voice. "Not like when the Askani were drivin' you crazy, you mean? 'Cause the heart stoppin' thing weren't a lot of fun."

Nathan sipped at his tea, almost automatically. He couldn't quite bring himself to meet Amanda's eyes. "No, nothing like that," he said, trying to reassure her. "But some of the side effects of losing the conditioning... I just didn't want you to be surprised if I'm a little... off." He forced himself to look up at her, that weak smile playing on his lips. "Not that you've known me when I've been 'on', really. But just... promise me you'll ask me, if I say something or react in a way that makes you think I'm angry, or upset with you? Because it probably won't be you, Amanda. It'll be me, not able to... filter stuff."

"Only if you promise the same thing," she replied, glad her tone remained fairly even despite the fact her hands were shaking again. Another support gone - how was she supposed to cope with all this? "An' I'll tell you, but if I can't handle it sometimes, you won't be upset if I do the hermit thing, take a break?" she asked carefully.

Nathan took a deep breath. "I won't be," he said, still trying to smile. "And I'm going to do my best not to let any of that happen... Charles said that it's something that can be worked on. It just might take a while." He laughed, a little shakily. "Not keen on the idea of letting them win by default, if you know what I mean."

She nodded, looking down at the floor. She knew all about defeat. "I understand," she said at last, trying hard to hold onto the happy shiny feelings she'd had earlier, even though she could feel the high slipping away from her. "No lettin' the bastards win," she added more strongly, looking up at him and trying hard to smile. "Yer a tough bastard, I'd like t' see them try an' beat you."

Nathan very tentatively shifted around the couch and hugged her. She didn't pull away, and a little of the tension he'd been nursing faded. "Got a whole lot to fight for," he muttered. "You know, when I got away from them in Calgary... one of the things that kept going through my mind was that I didn't get to say goodbye to you."

Oh, this was way too much, but she wouldn't have pulled away for the world. It was all she could do not to cling. Instead she buried her face in his shoulder, so he couldn't see her cry. "Knew yer'd come back," she said in a choked voice. "I just _knew_ it. Even when me location spells wouldn't work, I knew you weren't dead, that yer'd come back t' us somehow..." It'd be so easy to spill everything that had happened since, but he wouldn't be able to deal with it, not in his current state. And he'd be so disappointed in her.

"Don't know what I did to deserve you having that much faith in me," he murmured, his throat tight, "but it means a lot to me. That you didn't give up." He shook his head slowly, still hanging on to her. "I think... I think it helped, that you didn't. Because I think Charles showed me what it was I had to come back to." He grimaced a bit. "Or it could have just been a dream," he said wearily. "I don't know. But even if it was, Amanda, what you did at that art exhibit..."

"I did what had t' be done, is all," she said. "Couldn't let you go, not like that. Couldn't let Pete have that on his conscience neither. Or yours, for that matter." Her shields were slipping, she could feel it, but she didn't want to let go. Instead she renewed the spells, added another layer between her mind and his - it impeded the link with Manuel, but that didn't matter, considering he was blocking it from his side far more effectively than she could.

His telepathy was still raw enough that the only thing that really registered was that she wasn't projecting at him, which was a Good Thing. "Still," he said with a sigh, finally drawing back a little, if not quite releasing her. "I know I told you I was proud of you. I just... wanted to say it again. To thank you, now that I can talk about this without falling asleep." He managed a slightly more natural smile, even if it was still a little frayed around the edges.

"I'd do it again, an' more, if you needed me to," she said, sniffling a little and groping in her pockets for a tissue. "Like I told Pete, yer stuck with me now."

"I don't know how we got so lucky," he murmured, his hand a little unsteady as he raised it to wipe away a couple of the stray tears she'd let escape. "I really don't."

More tears escaped to replace the ones he'd wiped away. "Works both ways," she managed to say through the lump of guilt in her throat.

"I'm making you cry," Nathan said with another sigh, ruffling her newly dyed hair. "I think I've probably done enough of that this last week, to you and Moira both."

"Accordin' t' Samson it's good t' cry sometimes," she said, with another sniffle, wiping her eyes withthe back of her hand.

"I've done enough for the week too, I think," Nathan said wryly. "You should have seen me in the medlab on Thursday night." He looked at their teacups, then concentrated for a moment, just to see if he could do it. Steam started to rise from both cups, and he smiled, honestly relieved when no headache followed.

"Better 'n the microwave," she said, glad for the distraction to try and rebuild her control. He probably knew she needed it, too. "So much for the tough rep. Either of us - we're just big marshmallows, ain't we?"

"I won't tell if you won't," Nathan offered as lightly as he could.