xp_logs | (no subject)

x-sanfuaiyaa.livejournal.com posting in

Immediately following this log, Alex visits Shiro in the medlab. They are distraught, Alex tries not to cry, and their friendship becomes even stronger.

Alex bit his lip as he opened the door, standing there for a moment. He'd been sitting out in the hallway while Leyu visited her brother, staring at the door. The same door he'd been behind. Twice. Once she came out, he told her Miles and Artie were waiting for her upstairs, which he was glad for so he could have his turn visiting Shiro. He took a deep breath and walked farther into the room, looking down on his best friend. "Hey Shiro..."

The talk with Leyu had been exhausting. Shiro was ready to curl up and go back to sleep for another day or two. But when Alex came in, he knew he had to stay awake, answer any of his questions. "Alex," he said softly, reaching for the glass of cold water by his bed.

Alex had his hands in his pockets and had been prepared to just stay back, but when he saw Shiro reaching for the glass, his first instinct was to come closer and help. When he saw that Shiro had the glass securely, he backed off again. He blinked and it was him in that bed again...Alex had to shake his head to rid himself of that image. "What..." his voice croaked and he had to start again. "What happened, man?"

Shiro sighed and put the glass down. "I . . ." How could he tell Alex? "It hurt, Alex. I needed it out, needed it gone."

"You think I don't understand that Shiro..." Alex shuffled his feet. "I spent a couple months in slavery for it. I still have nightmares, you know that. But why you? I...I don't understand...?"

Ah yes, Shiro had totally forgotten how great a hypocrite he was for doing this until Alex reminded him. He looked away, ashamed. "It's different, Alex. I . . . people have tried to use me because of my powers, people I trusted. Family no less. I can't let that keep on happening, especially with Leyu-chan in my care now."

Alex say the look of shame on Shiro's face and while a part of felt a bit like Yeah see, now you know how it feels... most of him felt depressed that Shiro now had to go through it too. At least he hadn't hurt anyone..."But Shiro...your powers had nothing to do with it. You didn't let them use you the minute you told them no. Remember? I think, they would have tried to mold you to their ways, mutant or not... and you saved yourself and Leyu in the process...but this, this I don't understand..." A couple tears escaped Alex's eyes and turned slightly away.

Shiro swore at himself, repeatedly and rather vehemently, in his mind at seeing Alex's eyes water. No, he really hadn't thought this one through very well. "Don't you see, Alex? I have been wanted because of my powers. I don't think Harada would have been so intent if I weren't a mutant, and I know Tomo would not have. I have escaped twice, but what if he tries again? Harada is so powerful, Alex, he has the influence to reach me. I couldn't let him."

"So was I Shiro...You think it doesn't haunt me that She might come back for me? Especially with Emma gone on some trip with Jono..." He sighed. "Shiro, the bottom line is, you have escaped twice. On your own. But here..."Alex couldn't believe he was saying this. Had it finally gotten to him? "You're not alone. He might try, but we won't let him get to you. I won't let him..."

"Alex . . ." Shiro bit his lip trying to keep whatever little bit of control he still had. No weakness, the only way to do this is to be strong. "I'm sorry. I know. I . . . It just hurt, thinking about what he could do if he tried. If Leyu-chan got hurt because of me . . ."

Alex finally sat down beside the bed, feeling the need to be closer to his best friend. "Trust me...I know that feeling and it hurts more then you can imagine..." He closed his eyes a moment to get some control after thinking about the burns Lorna still bore. "But think about using your powers to protect her from him...like I have to think about learning to control them so I don't hurt anyone ever again..." He shrugged. "It helps me sleep at night at least, even if sometimes I don't believe it..."

Alex's words made a lot of sense. It was probably one of the smartest things he'd ever said, actually. It brought a little smile to his face. "I really fucked this up, didn't I? Leyu-chan was so angry with me . . ."

Alex couldn't help but nod. "I don't blame her. We were both really worried about you...And think about...what if you had killed yourself by accident? Then who would she have?"

"You." Shiro looked at his best friend in the eyes with a certain look of resolve. "You are like a brother to me, Alex, which means you are one to her, too, her crush notwithstanding."

"Then tell me what I would have done with out you...Because that works both ways. Sometimes...it seems you're more like family then Scott, as much as I hate to say it." Alex sighed and wiped away another tear, blushing because he couldn't believe how embarrassing this was. Shiro was holding up better then him and he wasn't the one in the hospital bed. "Leyu and I need you Shiro...just the way you are."

Shiro sat up, wincing at the pain movement caused, and carefully leaned forward to lay a reassuring hand on Alex's shoulder. "I understand that now. I thought that I wasn't what Leyu-chan needed, but I suppose I am. I'm really sorry, Alex."

Looking up, Alex patted the hand on his shoulder before, lightly lifting it off. "Lay back down Shiro...we need you better. And don't apologize..." Alex gave him a sad smile. "I don't want to hear that from you. It's worse enough to hear it from myself." He stood up, putting his hands back in his pockets. "Well, let me let you rest. Need anything before I go check on the munchkins?"

Shiro smiled back, fighting a small wave of nausea as he lay back, and reached for his glass of water again. "I'm fine. I think I'm going to sleep for a while."

Alex nodded, remembering that feeling. "Alright but let me know the minute you feel up too a treat. Lorna's made some new Pocky flavors and I stole you some before Leyu could entirely devour it." He winked at Shiro. "Feel better, brother."