Scott and Manuel, Saturday morning

[x-cyclops.livejournal.com]

Manuel makes a food run to the kitchen at the same time that Scott comes up from the hangar to make one himself. Manuel airs his doubts about the choice he made not to stop Shiro, and Scott's response succeeds in confusing him.



Manuel entered the Kitchen with his usual slight hesitation. Looking around, he didn't immediately see someone he needed to worry about, so he opened up one of the cabinets, withdrew a plastic trash bag, and then moved to the fridge - apparently with the intention of raiding it for supplies.

Scott, on roughly the same mission - Haroun needed to eat, whether he liked to admit it or not while he was up to his elbows in jet-guts, and Scott himself had been forced to conclude that food would be a good thing when he hadn't been able to keep his hands steady - came in a few minutes later, spotted Manuel loading up the trash bag, and shrugged inwardly. "Afternoon," he said casually, moving to the cupboards since Manuel had the fridge staked out.

Manuel jumped, and nearly knocked himself out as his head collided with the top shelf of the fridge. Swearing in Castillian, he withdrew his head from the fridge and looked around. "Hola." he said, rubbing the sore spot on his head. "Do you need the fridge for anything? I'll be done in a minute."

"No rush. Haroun and I were taking a bit of a break and I just came up here to take some lunch back down." Well, he was taking a break. He had no doubt at all that Haroun had dived right back into the task at hand as soon as he'd turned his back.

Manuel nodded, and then stuck his head back in the fridge to continue scooping out foodstuffs - heedless of original ownership. "I should have stopped him." Manuel said after a few seconds. "I was _right there_ and I didn't stop him. But, according to Nathan, that's OK because I'm not an X-Man and nobody died. Guess that makes it OK."

Scott blinked, taken aback. "Of course it's okay," he said with a frown. "Why was it your job to stop him?"

"Well, let's see here. Last time I looked even as students we're supposed to, I don't know, not _hurt people_? I know, I'm Empath, that's what I do. Hurt people. But I am trying to change that." he said, dumping more containers into the plastic bag. "That should do it." he said, withdrawing from the fridge with his trash bag awkwardly distended. "Amanda's going through withdrawal, so I need food. She's sleeping right now, but I need to get back soon."

"You have a funny idea of logic," Scott said wryly, getting up and going over to the fridge. "He hurt himself, Manuel. You had nothing to do with it."

Manuel looked at Scott as if he had grown tentacles growing out of his head. "It's not insane. But if I'm the only one who sees it that way, I suppose I can adjust. So it's OK to let people hurt people if you could have stopped it is what you're telling me."

"No, just that it wasn't your responsibility to step in last Friday any more than you did," Scott said, looking for sandwich-fixings. "Which I appreciate, by the way - I don't know if anyone's told you that yet." He pulled out a container of cold cuts, then the lettuce and tomatoes. "As for letting him hurt other people, I'm sure if you've talked to Nathan about this he's probably made it clear enough that we chose to put ourselves in that situation, to help Shiro. Any injuries suffered are our own responsibility, not yours."

Manuel shrugged. "Well, if that's the way you all feel, then I guess that's the way it is going to be." he said. "I shouldn't feel bad about Paul, you, and Nathan taking radiation-baths, or Haroun hurting himself landing the jet. It shouldn't bother me in the slightest that I could have stopped four people from winding up in Medical. Damn, my power _is_ useless, then."

Scott set the food down on the counter, shaking his head at Manuel. "Not that I have much room to talk when it comes to having an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, but shake it off. Seriously." He detoured to find the bread. "If you hadn't warned us, we wouldn't have gotten to him in time. Maybe you could have stopped him from leaving in the first place, but maybe you didn't want to take the responsibility for screwing with an already-screwed up head?"

Manuel sighed. "Do the math, Scott. I screw with one guy to save four. I don't screw with one guy, all four get hurt. Seems pretty straightforward, even to me. Especially since me telling Nathan about Shiro is what caused all four to get hurt. If I hadn't said anything, the only one who would have gotten hurt would be Shiro - and that's fine with me, he's an ass."

"I've spent years living with psis," Scott said, finding the bread and a couple of plates. "Not empaths, admittedly, but in this case, a telepath could have stopped Shiro just as easily if they'd walked by him in the hall at the right time and sensed what he was planning."

"There you go, then." he said with a shrug. "But you still don't feel that I'm doing anything other than whining."

"I think you're doing a lot of kicking yourself in the ass, given that everyone is or is going to be okay." Scott started to assemble two sandwiches, grimacing at the continuing unsteadiness of his hands. "If you really think you should have taken more action than you did, next time you're in a situation like that, do it."

Manuel blinked. "Are you telling me to actually use my power?" he said, shocked. "On another human being?"

Scott looked up at him. "If it's to save their life," he said a bit quizzically, "yes. Why not? Don't get me wrong," he said, raising a warning hand. "I don't think you should have stepped in to stop Shiro. Why do you think Charles didn't stop him cold telepathically? But there will probably be countless other times where your power could potentially mean the difference between life and death for someone. You should be able to make that decision, one way or the other, when it's called for."

Manuel sat there, stunned. "All I ever hear is "Shouldn't use it. Don't use it. Can't use it." It is very odd to hear someone say "Go ahead, use it!", even if it is with conditions. Makes me feel a little less like a damned _thing_."

"You haven't shown particularly good judgement using it in the past," Scott said. "Maybe we've overcompensated for that, I don't know. But the fact that you're thinking of productive ways to use it is a good sign, if I'm not being presumptuous. But you can't take it too far in the other direction, Manuel - you can't hold yourself responsible for everything you could have done with your power." He looked down at the sandwiches, unable to help a faint sigh. "Doing that can get you killed."

"I was _insane_ in the past." Manuel pointed out. "Still, your point is a valid one. But who do I talk to to get help, considering that I can't practice without a target? And Nathan won't continue my lessons. I've asked Dr MacTaggert for aid, but I'm quite frankly skeptical she'll be able to do anything besides offer herself as a test object."

"Give Moira a chance," Scott said automatically. "There's a reason she's one of the world's foremost experts on mutation. She has been stumped before," he admitted a bit wryly, "but your mutation is at least fully functional and not maladaptive. You never know until you try." There, one sandwich done. "And you and Nathan have called it quits? Can't say that I'm surprised, Manuel - there have got to be people better suited to help you than the man who just got his brain turned inside out by psis who don't have your scruples about using their powers."

Manuel nodded. "He ended it yesterday." he said with a bitter smile. "I was not kind to him, but I did learn a good deal before he turned and ran."

"You're still a bit of a bastard, aren't you?" Scott said with a shake of his head. "But if he helped you at all, I'm glad. Probably time to let someone a little more objective handle things now. I'm guessing he's probably handing you back over to Charles?"

"I'm being handed back over to no one, as far as I can tell." Manuel shrugged. "But he, and more to the point the Askani, were quite helpful."

"I imagine Charles will probably step in," said Scott, who'd never been sure why Charles hadn't taken over Manuel's education in the first place. "No one's going to leave you to drift along on your own, Manuel."

"Why not? I have been up until now." he said bitterly. "Never mind, that was unworthy of a de la Rocha. Perhaps things will fall into place as you say. I remain skeptical."

Scott raised an eyebrow. "You do realize you just contradicted yourself," he said wryly. "Or... wait, sorry. I stomped all over your teenaged angst-moment, didn't I?"

Manuel quirked an eyebrow at Scott. "Are you mocking me? Because I don't like the way you feel right now."

"A little, I suppose," Scott admitted, putting the other sandwich together. "Because you can't say Nathan and the Askani were helpful and then turn around and tell me you've been left to muddle through on your own. It makes no sense."

"They were helpful. Before them, I was left to muddle it alone. Now that they are gone, I am back to muddling it alone." he clarified. "Does that help you any?"

"Look, Manuel, you can either trust us to continue helping you, or you can believe that," Scott said with a sigh. "Up to you, but there'd be much less pointless angst involved in the former."

"I'm still here, aren't I?" he pointed out. "I'm waiting for you folks to surprise me and show me how to really use my power. But given how I was before Asgard, I can't blame them for not. Now I am whining. Blast!"

"You said it," Scott pointed out. "I didn't." There. Two sandwiches done. He turned back to the fridge to find drinks. "And to be honest, Manuel, you haven't been impressing me overmuch since Asgard."

"I wasn't aware I was required to." Manuel commented drily. "No screaming fits, no empathic changing people to make myself feel better - I was under the impression I've been fairly well-behaved with some notable exceptions."

"Two girls trying to kill each other with their powers over you? If your judgement is that much better since Asgard, how'd that happen?"

"That was the notable exception I was talking about. And I could have stopped that dead with my power, but I've been trying to make people more comfortable by not doing so. A mistake I seem to make too often of late." he groused. "It was revenge, and it was petty and stupid. I know this - I've accepted it."

"We all make mistakes, Manuel," Scott said, pulling out two bottles of water and an iced tea for himself. "Key is to not get dragged down by them without forgetting them." He snorted softly. "Easier said than done, believe me, I know."

"I don't forget." said Manuel quickly. "I am not contesting the punishment - although I do wonder what the _Hell_ I'm supposed to do for lunch. Ordering out is, I'm fairly sure, forbidden. I'm supposed to hand-prepare something."

Scott blinked. "Well, there are all kinds of microwaveable things," he said, waving a hand at the freezer. "Easily enough nuked."

"Does that constitute hand-preparation? I would rather be used as a punching bag by Cain than ask Lorna - who would just laugh in my face anyway." Manuel said stubbornly. "I'll figure something out."

"You'd be putting it in the microwave with your hands, wouldn't you?" Scott asked, a bit irritated as he stuck the bottles in the crook of one arm and picked up the two plates. "And you know, it's a lot easier to ask for help with the big things if you practice with the small ones."

"Ah, but I've been told that this is the sort of things that normal people learn when they are six." Manuel shot back. "And I very much dislike being teased for not knowing things. The last time I got teased serious for not knowing how to prepare food for eating, Lorna burned herself and went on a joy-bender she couldn't handle. So you'll have to forgive me if I don't exactly trust my own judgement."

Scott gave him a rather unkind look. "Oh, wait, I'm getting it now. This is all about kicking yourself in the ass - what you have done with your powers, what you should have done this past week."

"You would prefer that I just go ahead and listen to my first instinct, which is to just get my way no matter the cost? I can do that." he said. "Look. This is pointless. Go back to your jet. I have things I should be doing anyway."

"Look for the middle ground, Manuel," Scott said, shaking his head as he headed for the door. "It's the only safe place to stand."

"I did. You just told me to forgo it." Manuel pointed out.

Scott stopped at the door, giving Manuel a look that was half-amusement, half-irritation. "I think Nathan deserves a medal for lasting as long as he did. You must have driven him insane."

"I do that." Manuel agreed.

Scott snorted. "Have a good afternoon, Manuel," he said over his shoulder as he turned away. "Try not to drown in the self-pity. Messy way to go."

"Fuck off, hypocrite." Manuel growled under his breath as he headed back to his room and the very sick wytch he was nursemaiding.