xp_logs | Nathan and Moira, a little later on Sunday evening (Reply)

Moira comes to check on him in the medlab, and is shocked to learn that he turned down Amanda's healing spell.

Hurt. He hurt, and throwing up... well, however long ago he'd thrown up, he wasn't sure when that had been, really hadn't helped. His head hurt the worse, but the pain radiated down his neck into his shoulders and back, and there was no way he could lie on this damned bed that was comfortable.

Moira found Nathan curled up in a little ball when she came in to check on him. Putting her hands on his head, she frowned. He was heating up and his bruises were still there. Hadn't Amanda come by to check on him and work one of her healing spells?

Nathan flinched at the cool hands on his face and opened his eyes, blinking up at the red-haired blur. Moira. Even though he didn't dare reach out to the link, he could still tell it was her. "Hi," he said weakly, trying to uncurl a little.

"'i yerself. Ye look terrible. Still. When's Amanda due by?"

"She's... been," Nathan said, stumbling over the words a little as he remembered how upset Amanda had been at him. "I told her no."

"Wha'?" Startled, Moira peered at him, frowning deeply. "Why on eart' did ye tell 'er tha'? Th' last thin' we need is a telepat' wit' a bloody concussion."

"I've had concussions before," he muttered, shifting very carefully on the bed. "Long before magical healing was an option. I never did anything... really stupid."

"Except skip perfectly good 'ealin'. Nathan, wha's wron'?"

"You have to ask?" His eyes stung, and he stared fixedly at the pocket of her lab coat, rather than trying to look up to meet her eyes. His head didn't want to turn in that direction anyway. "My student blew up. And I could've killed Alison..."

Jono she obviously knew about. The last few hours had been dealing with that situation. "Wha'?" She glared down at him and figured she knew what he was babbling about "Nathan, do ye know 'ow many back up generators an' such we 'ave? In fact, th' lines by th' boiler room? Backups."

"And if the explosion had been bigger?" he asked hoarsely. "If someone had been walking by in the hall outside, or..." He wanted to writhe. Really, wanted to writhe. He had been so sure that Jono was safe to practice wherever he felt comfortable at this point. There hadn't even been a whisper of a problem. And since the last time he'd drifted off, he was having even more trouble remembering precisely what had gone wrong this time...

With some effort, she managed to restrain the urge to yell at him. The link was just--horrible right now. He really felt that bad. Sighing, she slipped her hand into his and squeezed. "Listen ta me, this was nay yer fault. Yer were tryin' ta 'elp 'im. As for people passin' by? Wit' Sarah gone, I doubt tha' would 'appen much. 'Tis a deserted room!"

"I shouldn't be doing this sort of thing," he muttered, his voice breaking. "It never goes right... I'm not careful enough, or I screw it up..."

"Nathan, please," Moira murmured, stroking his hand. "Please dinnae go down tha' pat'."

He couldn't feel the link properly, but the gentleness in her voice... "He was doing so well," Nathan almost whimpered. "Trying so hard..."

"I know, love," she murmured, holding onto his hand for dear life. "We'll find somethin', we will."

"I just--" His voice broke again. "It doesn't seem fair. Heal me, because I was stupid? When Jono and Ali didn't do anything wrong..."

"Dinnae make me 'urt ye. This wasnae yer fault. Ye 'ave got ta get rid o' this bloody guilt complex, Nathan!"

Her voice had risen, just a little, and he winced. Not as loud as Haroun had been, though. "I don't--" His jaw wobbled and he clenched it tightly, tight enough to register that pain as something separate. "Just... please don't? She ought to save her strength. Who knows what might happen tomorrow. More students blowing up..."

Moira facepalmed and remained silent for a few minutes. "If it gets worse...?"

"I won't be unreasonable," he said hoarsely. "If it gets worse... I'm not that stupid." He intended to add a 'just masochistic' tag on the end there, but the whole weight of it all just came crashing down on him again and he found himself curling up again as if he really could withdraw into himself. "It just happened so f-fast..." Everything Jono had been most afraid of, and he had just let it happen...

"Shhh, baby, 'tis goin' ta be okay." Figuring she had at least ten minutes before anyone came looking for her, Moira wiggled gently onto the bed and wrapped her arms around him. "'Tis okay," she murmured into his shoulder.

It would be so good to just let go. But he couldn't. "Is he.. what... what shape is he in?" he asked raggedly, trying to stop shaking.

"Jono's alive," she murmured. "We're workin' from there."

"I'm sorry..." He didn't know why he was apologizing, why to her, but then, she was the only one here to hear it. "I didn't mean for this to happen..."

"I know. It'll be okay."

He wanted to say more, but he was so tired, and she was right there. As if they were upstairs in their own room, alone... Nathan's eyes fluttered closed and after a few moments, his breathing slowed to something deeper and more regular.

Moira remained where she was, holding onto him lightly and kept her own worried thoughts safely from the link. She nearly fell asleep herself, but roused herself gently after ten minutes. "Love ye," she murmured, kissing his cheek as she slipped out of the bed.