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Log [Alison, Madelyn] - Leaving on a jet plane...

Late Friday night, before Wanda's post. In which Alison, having avoided the journal system in general since the afternoon, finds out from Madelyn exactly where Haroun has left for, and with who.



Restless. She'd been restless for a while now. Not sleeping meant she thought too much, too. Ran words over and over in her mind, finding a thousand different underlying meanings. Building up entire possibilities as to what might be going on, scaring herself far too much with scenarios she really didn't want to be contemplating. She'd been quietly in her room for most of the day, feeling physically better than she'd had since being let out of the room in fact. Progress, Hank had decided.

So they had started turning down the dampeners - 10% only, Forge seemingly utterly pleased with himself while he and Hank babbled away over the one she wore on her wrist, wandering off to take care of the ones in her room once that was done. The words had got awfully long, but Alison had stubbornly paid attention anyway. It was about her power. Her abilities. She'd damn well understand it all. It helped that Forge liked explaining, going on at length. Just like Hank there, really.

Peeking out of Hank's office, where she had been lost in thought since they'd left, Alison sighed a bit. Thinking was bad. She might as well stop doing that. Even if it meant finding something else to do for the better part of the twenty-four hours she was awake.

A nice hot bath, a glass of wine, Joe's new CD on the stereo... Madelyn flipped the medical text closed with a sigh, deciding that enough was enough and she couldn't expect to memorise all the research on nervous system overload. Not in one sitting, any way. Tossing her labcoat over the back of her desk chair, she shuffled out of her office, turning off the light as she went. Hank was on duty tonight, which meant she could go up to her dark, empty room and sit there by herself. With no-one to talk to. Madelyn pulled a face. Nights like this she really missed Cecilia as a room-mate. Hell, weeks like this she really missed Cecilia. Then movement, and the gleam of a synthsilk suit, caught her eye, and she smiled and waved, beckoning Ali over.

Gah. Caught. And by Madelyn of all people and while she normally would not have thought twice about breaking down on the woman - she was Haroun's friend. Best friend possibly. And Alison wasn't going there, did not want to touch that. Which left her shifting uneasily for a moment, before finally forcing herself to move forward, smiling a bit in greeting. The smile was genuine, thankfully - she was glad to see Madelyn. "Hi." It was odd to be hearing her own voice still, even if it was barely audible at all. She made a turning motion above the white noise generator at her wrist, then held up both hands. "Ten percent lower. First test."

"That's great news." Madelyn looked pleased - Hank had mentioned she was doing better, but this was tangible proof. "I was just going off duty. Want to join me for a hot chocolate or something? You still need more fluids." She pulled a face. "I was going back to my suite, but it's horribly quiet up there on my own, and the kids are already giving Kurt and I funny looks, so he's out for company. I'd go do some work in the gym, only with Haroun gone I don't have a spotter."

The comment about Kurt brought a half-smile to her face, although it faded slowly as Madelyn wound down. Gone? Alison was still glowing, of course, light hiding the paling of her features nicely though it did nothing about the growing blankness to her expression. She'd had to strain to hear Madelyn properly, the bare whispers of sound utterly frustrating ever since Forge had reset the dampener she wore, but she didn't think she'd heard wrong. She was used to reading lips at the same time now and the two combined... "He's gone?" She wasn't even aware that she'd repeated that out loud, not until the sound echoed back to her in a faint whisper.

"He went to London with Wanda earlier today, Apparently there was something on the team journal." Madelyn would have been blind to miss Alison's reaction, and she was very far from that. "He didn't tell you?"

Alison's eyes had widened at the statement, a faint shift to the glow about her before it steadied to its usual radiance one more. It took her several tries before she finally gave up on actually speaking even though she could not of sorts, lips forming a very small 'no' instead. Taking a short breath Alison tried very hard not to think. Some of the things that had been said yesterday, which had already left her feeling confused and off balance, were coming back with a vengeance now.

"Shit," Madelyn said with feeling, seeing Alison's reaction and realising that no, Haroun hadn't said anything to her directly. 'What kind of boyfriend skips the country with another woman without telling his injured girlfriend he's going?' she railed inside her head. But instead of saying anything, she gestured at Alison to come into her office, careful not to take her arm like she would have normally. "I'm sorry, Ali, I had no idea he hadn't said anything. If I'd know I wouldn't have blurted it out like that. Here, come and sit. The hall's not the best place to talk about this."

No. The hall was not a good place. The office wasn't much better because it was small and enclosed and not where Alison wanted to be, which was right back to hiding out from everyone again in her room. Which was melodramatic, she reminded herself. Only right now, she wanted to be melodramatic. A lot. Still, she edged into the office and sat down in the nearest chair, trying not to look too lost and failing rather spectacularly. "I'm sorry." The sinking feeling was back and then some. "Just-" If everything had been all right, Alison thought dimly, this would have been a call the man up and yell his head off for it kinda of offense. And that would have been that. "Had an argument yesterday." She took a short breath, trying not to move. He'd gone to London. With Wanda. To London.

"Hon, you've got nothing to feel sorry for," said Madelyn, closing the door and coming over to sit opposite Alison, leaning forward with her elbows resting on her knees. "What happened yesterday?" Best to have all the facts before she gave into righteous fury at the sight of Alison's face.

"Argument." Don't think the worse, she reminded herself. Try not to at least. Her breath was coming in short though, and Alison bit her lower lip, hard. It hurt but that didn't matter - she needed to stop thinking. Now. "About Jono. Other stuff." It wasn't about keeping the details so much as still growing bewilderment over the entire thing. "Blew up out of proportions. And typing was too frustrating and-"  She stopped, looking forlorn for a moment. "I don't understand." Other details about the conversation now were shining brightly at her, new pennies in the back of her mind. Along with the distant knowledge that she was making no sense at all to Madelyn, in all likelihood.

"To be honest? Neither do I." Madelyn scooted her chair over a little closer, left her hands within reach if Alison wanted to reach out. "He cares about you. That I do know. He wouldn't leave the medlab while you were really bad, and nearly made himself sick doing it. And he was in such a shitty mood the last few days, but still..." She frowned. "He should have told you he was going. I don't care if his ass is metal, I'm still kicking it when he gets back."

Those words helped a bit - a reminder Alison had been trying to give herself and failing miserably with all of a sudden. "Remember. Whenever I'd look out I knew he'd be there. When I wasn't..." She trailed off, not even wanting to go into the moments where she'd been less than lucid. "Plastic. He always says his butt his plastic." An unsteady laugh escaped Alison and she shook her head. "I don't understand what he meant by whatever-I-am," she finally clarified for Madelyn, shaking her head. "He said that a bit before he left and I meant to ask but things went boom and I don't understand why he'd have said that." The thought that Haroun might have thought things weren't as serious as she considered them was mildly terrifying to her.

"Because he's a big insecure doofus?" Madelyn suggested. "Hon, I have no idea what's going on in his head, but I do know he cares about you. A lot. Probably more than he can handle. It's not exactly like he's got a lot in the way of relationship experience, given his history." She was defending him. She couldn't believe it. She was defending him when Alison was sitting there with that broken look.

But he'd left. Alison tried to ignore that fact, head moving a bit jerkily in a nod at Madelyn's words. It made sense. It all made sense if she clung to it hard enough - which meant she was probably over-reacting, and should just... stop. Or at least do so in private where it wouldn't put anyone else in an uncomfortable position. "Okay." That was a safe enough thing to say, even if there wasn't any sound to it at all, the word lost in a whisper.

It wasn't okay, not at all, but railing against Haroun's complete insensitivity and stupidity wouldn't make Alison feel any better. Not that anything could, short of a medical miracle right now. "Ali, it's not your fault," she said, hands reaching out despite herself, and stopping just short of contact. "All couples have arguments, and you both have a lot of stuff to work out, but this isn't your fault." She touched the back of Alison's hand, just the briefest, softest touch. "When he gets back, you'll sort it out. Just remember, you need his ass kicked, I'm more than happy to oblige."

"When he comes back," Alison nodded in assent again, still looking a bit helpless though she was doing her best to reign in how she was feeling for now. She didn't even know when he was coming back. Didn't know anything really. And she really wasn't going to do well with the waiting and even less with the not knowing, she knew. She reached out with one hand, grasping Madelyn's in her own for a moment, far too fiercely for her own good - the urge to run and hide briefly passing in favor of at least one moment's contact, the pain still sharp though not as much as the previous week.

"He will be back," Madelyn told her, not growling at Alison for hurting herself - she understood the need for contact. "I'll call him - he'll have his phone with him - and see what exactly his plans are, okay? Silly man should have done it any way."

Alison was... torn. On the one hand, she really wanted to know. On the other hand, if he'd left angry, she wasn't sure that pushing at that very moment might not be the worse thing possible. It was hard to tell since this was her first argument with Haroun but she'd learned years ago that it wasn't the wisest of tactics. The hard way. "Maybe giving him time to calm down is better." She was still hanging on the Madelyn's hand, the resulting pain starting to get very insistent about the fact that it Did Not Like This one bit, and she slowly started to let go, wincing a bit.

Letting the hand go, Madelyn nodded. "Fine, I won't call him. Do you mind if I ask Scott if he left return details with him? I can make up some medical reason."

"No. I don't mind at all." Everyone else knowing that Haroun was leaving but her did not put a knot somewhere in the vicinity of her chest either, not one bit. "Good to know when he comes back. Thank you."

"Haroun's too much of an X-Man to have not told the Captain where he was headed and for how long," Madelyn reminded her - the pain was making Alison's usual poker face horribly transparent. "Now, can I get you anything? Something to drink?"

But not his own team leader. Not that she was on duty or much use as a team leader just now. Or anything else at that - useless was what she was, really. Moot point, Alison told herself, move along now. "Not hungry," she replied automatically, shaking her head. And then looked downcast - she still wasn't hungry, not since she'd woken up, and Haroun had been making sure she didn't slip up on that until... "Okay. Something to drink is good."

"I even promise not to put any drugs in it," Madelyn said with a small smile, trying to lighten Alison's mood just a small bit. It didn't work, but she hadn't really expected it to. "How's hot chocolate sound? Can't go wrong with chocolate..." Still prattling on, she led the way to the kitchenette.

~*~

Lost [Alison, Sam] ~ I don't know when I'll be back again...

Saturday. After Alison has read the team post by Wanda and comments within. Sam though, makes sure to keep an eye on Alison.



The white noise generators were on, though sound seeped through the buzzing just a bit, now and then - they had been turned down just a notch, the same as the wrist unit Alison wore when not in her room or the isolation lab. The reading unit that Forge had made for her earlier in the week at Amanda's request (he'd mumbled a fair bit before saying her name in an audible way) stood near her chair, the book that had been set up in it for her about halfway through. The fact that it had been made using one of the old broken music stands had made her smile at the time, but she hadn't looked at it since coming back up from the medlab, alternately lost in her thoughts or staring out the window with a rather pathetic expression of acute misery. 

"I need to get out of the Mansion for a while. London should be far enough."

Posted like that, in public for all to see. And without a word or a note to Alison herself to let her know or - but why would he have? Needing to go halfway across the world because he needed to get away from her precluded actually letting her know much of anything personally, didn't it? After staring at the comment for a few hours once she'd spoken with Madelyn the previous evening, Alison had closed her computer. And had yet to open it since, despite spending all of Saturday in her room.

After knocking at the door a few times and receiving no answer, Sam peeked his head around the door to see if Alison was in, or if something might be wrong.  Seeing her slumped shoulders as she stared out the window, his expression softened into a mixture of caring and worry.  It hurt him inside to see Alison in such pain.  Entering the room, he paused for a moment, trying to figure out the best way to get her attention.

It was the smell of food that did it, actually - speech, touch and hearing were compromised far too much to be of much use, but her senses of sight and scent did just fine in comparison. She focused on the window itself instead of just staring into nothingness, Sam's reflection taking shape in the glass. Turning around, Alison tried to not too sad while only too aware that Sam would be more than able to figure out her mood - he'd always been good at that. "Hi." She looked down at the tray, not really feeling up to getting up from where she was curled up on the corner of the bed.

Setting the tray on a nearby table, Sam pulled up a chair.  He sat down on it and leaned against the corner of the bed, trying to strike a balance between giving Alison some space and being close enough to seem supportive.  "How you been, Al?" he asked quietly.

Light shifted at his words, sound being absorbed and released as light automatically. Alison still had no control over her power at all, obviously. And she was hearing again and by all rights, as little as it was, and by all rights that should have made her deliriously happy. It was all she could do to paste a small smile on her face, for Sam's benefit. "Hearing now. Some." He could barely hear her, but it was her voice and her words nonetheless.

"That's good news," Sam said with a smile.  "Means progress."  He tried to keep his sentences short and quiet so that Alison's power wouldn't overload.  And since she'd said 'some', he made sure that she could see his lips and read them in case she couldn't hear something that he said.  "I brought some food," he said simply.  "Lorna helped me make some different stuff."

The smile was a touch more genuine at that - mention of Lorna did that these days. Things were careful still, but they were talking again. Of a sort. "It'll be good, then." Even if her sense of taste decided to go out of whack with no warning - the food would still be good. Alison peeked over at the tray, lips quirking a bit - not a protein shake in sight. "Thank you." She tried to keep up the pretense, that somehow all was fine. Her lower lip trembling treacherously as it was doing just now was probably something of a giveaway, though.

Pausing in his turn to the tray, Sam looked back at Alison in time to catch the trembling lower lip.  "Al," he said softly and reassuringly.  "You don't have to be strong all the time."  He smiled somewhat sadly at the thought of how much pain Alison was going through on a daily basis and again wished he could do something more than what he already was.

The trembling intensified, Alison's features slowly crumpling as tears started to stream down her cheek. She didn't even have the energy to be horrified at breaking down so easily, curling up a bit more instead as she looked down, sobs soon following the tears despite her best efforts to stop them.

Shifting his chair closer, Sam sighed softly as he wished that he could wrap his arms around Alison and hold her through her tears, but he didn't want to cause her any more pain.  He made gentle shushing noises and rested a hand on the bedspread near one of Alison's hands and watched concernedly.

It was just too much. Everything hurt and it never stopped and Haroun had left without a word to her, for London of all places and that train of thought just set Alison on the path of no return as she hugged herself despite the pain, rocking slowly as she cried.

In a way, Sam was honored that Alison still felt comfortable enough around him to let out the feelings she'd obviously been bottling up inside.  But on the other hand, something was obviously wrong, and he didn't think it was just the constant amount of physical pain she was in.  "Al, is there anything I can do to help?" he asked gently.

"Stay?" The word was half-choked, barely intelligible over the dampener's effect and though Alison's tears. And where she had only wanted to be left alone before, maybe for now being alone wasn't the first thing on her mind. "Just a bit."  Don't go away.

"Of course," Sam replied instantly.  If there was something he could do to ease Alison's pain a bit, he would do it.  And it wasn't as though it would be much of a burden, he thought with a slightly wry smile.