xp_logs | Jubilee and Nathan, Sunday morning (Reply)

Jubilee shows up for their delayed session with her 'List of People Who Don't Like Me'. Nathan continues to be ruthless.

Jubilee knocked on Nate's door with her good arm, having had to wait for healing. She supposed it wasn't so bad though, considering what she'd felt from Alison. How anyone could stand that amount of pain, she wasn't sure. It made her feel...remorse, maybe? She was sorry that she'd come down on Alison, and she would go see Samson. She had problems with her anger, she knew but it had taken what had happened in Medlab to really bring her attention to it.

Nathan heard the knock on the door - and the very loud thoughts of the person on the other side - and sighed. "Come in," he called, wondering what the hell had provoked him to tell her six in the morning. Sheer bloody-mindedness, most likely.

Jubilee poked her head around the door, her expression somewhat closed. It wasn't exactly that she was upset with Nathan over what had happened in the Medlab. After what she'd felt from Alison, she knew she'd probably gotten off lightly considering. Still, having your mind wrenched from your control was never a nice experience and having had time to think about it, she supposed she was...cautious. "Hey, Teach." she said in way of reply as she walked in and sat down in her usual chair.

Well, that was one of the possible reactions he'd anticipated. Actually fairly high on the list of probabilities, too. "Jubilee," he said as she settled herself. "You bring that other list?"

Jubilee nodded, placing the list on the table in front of her. She'd spent time on it the week before but then with the Jono explosion they'd not had a chance to go over it. She supposed she should have gone over it after the incident in Medlab, added Alison to the list. But she already had an idea to maybe patch things up there. She'd have to talk to Alison obviously but this particular idea would take a little longer, and would need Alison to be able to hear.

Nathan scanned it quickly, trying very hard not to grind his teeth as he did so. She had done what he'd asked, after all, made a list of the people she was in conflict with and her ideas for solving it. Even if she had blown off any solution for half the people on the list.

"You give up," Nathan murmured, "so very, very easily. It boggles the mind."

She didn't want a lecture from him right now. Frankly, she had tried to think of things to do to fix her relationships with the people she was having problems with. But, apart from saying she was sorry, which seemed to be a capital offence around here, she wasn't sure what would work. Okay, so maybe angry would work better as a word then cautious. But angry with this man probably wasn't the best but it wasn't fair, what he'd said. She didn't give up easily, she was just realistic. "Don't know what you mean." she replied.

"Six people on the list. Three of which you've given up on? Batting .500 is all well and good. In baseball." Nathan gave her a level look. "Would you want to sort things out with these three?"

"Yes, I want to sort things out. But considering at least one person on that list won't even talk to me and the other is a stuck up bitch who thinks she knows everything, I don't know how I'd do that." Jubilee replied, some of the anger she'd been feeling all week bleeding into her voice.

She needed to talk to Samson. She knew this wasn't normal. But first she needed to get through this session without biting Nathan's head off or making him unwilling to work with her anymore.

"All right," Nathan said, in the tone that meant that it was most certainly not all right but that he wasn't interested in pursuing that just now. "So what about number three? Scott? Why are things so irreparable with him?"

"It might not be, if the guy could stand being in the same room with me. I've seen him walk in the other direction when I'm anywhere in sight. How the hell do you resolve anything when the other person is unwilling to be anywhere near you?" she asked.
"Have you specifically asked him if the two of you could talk?" Nathan said, managing not to smile. He didn't have any doubt that Scott was doing precisely that, but if Jubilee called him on it...

"No." she said.

She was being childish, and she knew it. She'd been the one to seek out Nathan, so she needed to stop being petulant and actually work with the man. But it was so easy to just be angry. Straightening her shoulders, she shoved the anger aside, and smiled wryly.

"I didn't think to do that." she admitted.

"What's the worst that could happen if you tried?"

Jubilee shrugged, thinking about it. "Another five hours of meditation after Scott and I have yet another screaming match? Dude, have you ever tried being quiet for five hours?"

Nathan snorted. "Please tell me you're joking. Silence is not a torture invented specifically to plague you."

Jubilee grinned. "You sure of that? I mean, I got the Muppet song stuck in my head for over an hour that time. Luckily I managed to beat it in the third hour or I might have been driven insane."

"Besides," Nathan said with a brief, faint smile for the joke, "it wasn't Scott who made you do that, was it?"

Jubilee shook her head firmly. "No, it wasn't. I suppose it wouldn't hurt talkin' to the guy. Heck, I could e-mail him, he can't walk away from e-mail."

"You were backsliding, writing this list... your reasons for not approaching him. Sort of puts the onus on him for the difficulties between the two of you, doesn't it?"

She slumped in her chair, looking at Nathan through a curtain of hair. "I guess so. I did step in his way and get all in his face."

"Don't get me wrong; I think he let that conversation escalate, but given the sort of stress he was under at the time I'm not about to criticize him for it." Nathan leaned back in his chair, rubbing at his jaw as he regarded her measuringly. "That didn't register on you at the time, did it? The stress he was under, I mean."

Jubilee shrugged, popping her gum. "Everyone was stressed. I was dealin' with it okay, why shouldn't he? He's the adult, after all. Guess I coulda stopped when I saw the vein in his forehead though. Scott totally should see someone about that. All that repressed rage, s'not healthy."

Yeah, that was about the sort of response he'd expected. He was starting to see the problem here. "Scott," he said calmly, "has a hell of a lot more to be stressed about than you do. A level of responsibility that's crushing under normal circumstances."

"So why the hell doesn't he delegate? Not like anyone is forcing him to do all the work." Jubilee replied, shrugging her shoulders and flicking her hair back over her shoulder.

She wasn't sure what Nathan was getting at. Yeah, she knew Scott had a lot to do but he chose to do it. If that responsibility was too much, he should give some of it up. Seemed like a simple enough solution to her.

"Tell me something, Jubilee. If you really, honestly believe that you're the best one for a job that's vitally important, yet almost crushingly difficult, how do you give it up?" Nathan asked lightly. "How do you look at yourself in the mirror if you give it up just because it's hard?" Let's see if she can stretch her little mind that far. He wasn't holding out much hope. This whole conversation was just confirming his suspicions about empathy not being one of her strong suits.

"See, if I cared about somethin' that much, and it was that crushingly difficult, I'd know to get other people to help. Thinkin' you're the best person for the job isn't bein' the best person for the job, Nate." she replied, thinking it was obvious.

"You have no idea what you're talking about," Nathan said with a sigh. "No idea what that kind of responsibility is like. What choosing to make life and death decisions, rather than just making them when the situation forces you into them, is like."

"Right. Because choosing to burn yourself out because you feel that no one else can do the job as well is such a smart choice, Nate. No, I don't know what it's like but it's not like anyone is ever gonna give me a chance at that kind of responsibility, are they?" she replied, anger glinting in her eyes.

"Depends on whether you ever make yourself into someone worthy of it," Nathan said evenly. "Self- sacrifice is part of it. Being able to sacrifice people you care about is another part of it. It takes a level of strength and self-control you don't have."

"So, is this meant to teach me something? Or are you just having fun taking pot shots at my personality?" Jubilee asked, expression bored.

The curling plasma streams that glowed softly on her fingertips belied that state however, anger simmering closely under the surface. She didn't particularly like what Nate was saying about her, or the fact that deep down, she couldn't help but admit that he was right. Most of her life had been about keeping herself alive, she couldn't say that she would even know how to be those things, it just wasn't something she'd ever had experience with.

Nathan raised an eyebrow, watching her hands. "It's meant to teach you that if you decide you know about something and I think you don't, I'm going to strip your illusions away," he said calmly. "Without stopping to think about how much it hurts."

'It would be nice if he had something in his office to look at besides posters of old dead guys' she thought, as she looked anywhere but him.

She'd noticed the glow around her hands but she wasn't yet ready to release her anger. Although, she was beginning to realise it was more protection then real emotion. With an inward sigh, she felt it drain away, her gaze shifting to meet his head on. Why was it always so hard for her to look people in the eye?

"Okay." she said simply.

"Good," Nathan said, just as bluntly. "Then that's a start."