xp_logs | Domino and Amanda, Saturday morning (Reply)

Domino arrives to see Amanda and finds out that while the beating was bad enough, there was worse damage done.

Domino paused in the doorway, utterly silent as she watched the girl curled up on the couch. Amanda was leafing through a book - the Arabic text she'd given her, Domino realized with a pang - but didn't really seem to be focusing on it.

"Hey there," she finally called, softly, not moving from the doorway.

Amanda looked up quickly, wincing a little as the movement jarred healing bruises. The change in angle revealed the truly spectacular black eye, the bruising extending across her temple and obscuring part of her cheekbone. "Dom!" she exclaimed, voice still on the husky side. Setting the book aside, she made to push herself up off the couch to give the other woman a hug.

Domino hugged her very carefully, not sure just how badly she was still bruised. "Figured I'd drop in and say hello," she said, much more casually than she felt. "Didn't think you'd mind too much..."

"Fuck, no!" Amanda clung as much as she could to Domino, until the pain made itself unbearable and she had to let go, favouring her ribs a little. "'M glad yer here," she said, ducking her head slightly to try and hide the worst of it.

"Let's go sit back down," Domino suggested, her voice still casual as she led Amanda back over to the couch. "You don't look like you should be up and around too much."

"I'm fi..." Amanda began, automatically, then gave Domino a shamefaced look. "Yeah, that sounds good. Hurts a lot still, an' I don't have it in me for a healin' spell yet." She didn't mention not being sure she should try a healing with the residue of Selene's power still in her - it was making the most simple spells go awry, or hurt like hell.

"Then rest is what you need most," Domino said almost briskly, making sure Amanda got settled as comfortably as possible on the couch before she sat back down beside her. Amanda was going to notice her mood, she knew that; she wasn't managing to sound like herself, despite her best efforts. She just hoped the girl would write it off to jetlag or something.

"Believe me, 'm gettin' it." Amanda waited until Dom was seated beside her before really looking at the woman. She was obviously tired, and as tense as all hell, in that particularly dangerous 'coiled spring' way Pete and Nathan had when they really wanted to do some damage to someone or something. For a second or two her aura sight kicked in, and Domino seemed engulfed in dark swirling shadows, tendrils of anger and a desire to kill reaching out... With a hiss of pain she shut her eyes and turned her face away. Even something as simple as that was tainted. "Don't, Dom. Not for me. I'd kill me if somethin' happened t' you too..." she almost whimpered, eyes still as tightly closed as the swelling would allow.

Domino was silent for a moment. "If you promise me something," she said. Amanda's face half- turned back towards her, and Domino went on, her voice low and tight. "Never go back there. Not without Nate, or Pete, or me... hell, preferably more than one of us. Or other trained, experienced people who are willing to kill to get you back out of there if need be." She hoped Amanda would notice that she hadn't said 'fight'.

Amanda bit off the smart-arse reply along the lines of her not really wanting another serve - Domino was serious, and Amanda hadn't missed the K-word. "I won't," she promised, looking Domino in the face. "Fuck, it was supposed t' be the first an' last time, he was givin' it all up..." A short, bitter laugh escaped her. "I know when I'm over me head. Little girl got her arse handed t' her an' then some by the big boys this time."

Domino pressed her lips together tightly for a moment, holding back the immediate reply. "It's not a comfortable realization," she said finally, very quietly. "Knowing that you got in over your head. I've done it myself, more times than I can count. Hell, I'd have been dead years ago if it wasn't for my mutant ability." She slid a little closer to Amanda, putting her arm very carefully around the girl's shoulders. "But you don't have my luck," she murmured tiredly. "And you walked in there on their terms."

"We were stupid, I know..." Amanda leaned her head carefully against Domino's shoulder. I s'pose I thought if Emma was there, an' it bein' a big public thing an' all, they wouldn't try anythin'. An' it was so important to him, that I be there..." Amanda would have bitten her lip if she could, instead curling the fingers of her unhurt right hand into a loose fist. "So fuckin' stupid, an' now 's cost him who he was, all of it."

Domino sighed. "I talked to Nate. He told me he was the one who went into Manuel's mind at first. Told me what he saw..." She swallowed past a sudden lump in her throat. "I'm sorry," she said more softly. "I know they'll do what they can for him. I know you did what you could for him."

"It wasn't enough. 'S never enough." Locking down the bitterness and the hurt and the fear was taking more effort than she had in her, but she had to get herself together, had to be strong, for Manuel. Everyone leaves, came the thought, and tears stung her eyes before she could stop them. "I know they'll help as much as they can," she managed, swallowing hard.

Domino smiled humorlessly. "But you don't really believe they can." Amanda looked up at her. "You had to get yourself out of yet another fucking miserable situation. No one came to the rescue, and Manuel got hurt, again."

"We got ourselves into the situation, only right we should get ourselves out," Amanda pointed out heavily. "An'... I don't know. There was so much taken, he can't remember who anyone is for five minutes, an' there's no emotions t' go with what he does remember. The X geezer's workin' with him, but I don't know if he can fix this. An' I... I can't help him. Not with this. I don't even know if he wants me to."

There was still something else there, Domino thought, listening to that nagging inner instinct that generally did things like tell her when to jump and when to duck. Something, but she wasn't sure what... "Playing with fire," she murmured almost sadly. "Him, I mean," she explained when Amanda looked at her. "I know that no one could have told him any different, convinced him that he didn't want to be involved with the Inner Circle... not until he decided that for himself. And from what you're telling me, he did. Just too late." Domino looked away, her eyes unfocusing a little, from sheer weariness more than anything else.

"Well, we both got burned, just like everyone warned me..." Amanda let her head drop back onto Domino's shoulder. It was just like after Columbia, the pain, the tiredness, the sensation of an abused link throbbing in the back of her head, ghostly reminders of Manuel in her movements and voice. No Bethany to distract Domino and get her to rest this time. "How long can you stay?" Amanda asked, ignoring the stabbing sensation in her chest at that last thought.

"Not as long as I'd like," Domino said with a heavy sigh. "A couple of days. Things are a little tense back in Berlin. We might have to move."

"Oh." The single word fell flat from her lips. To be expected, really. And the Pack needed Domino more than she did. "Trouble?"

"Mick and Ani," Domino said very quietly. "They know they're with us."

If she wasn't so tired, so utterly burned out, she'd feel angry at that. "Fuckers," she said, carefully sitting up again, pulling away from Domino a bit. No adding to the burden. She had to be strong now. "You didn't need t'come, Dom, not if yer needed there. I'm safe, they're not."

"Now you listen to me," Domino said, very softly but very firmly. "Give me credit for some ability to think strategically, Amanda. If the threat was immediate, I wouldn't have come. As much as I wanted... as badly as I needed to be here for you, you're right. You're safe, now at least." She smiled a bit, giving Amanda a little shake. "Besides, brat, I am not the indispensable woman. I'm flattered that you think so, but GW and David and Mina, at least, have been doing this for a number of years longer than me."

"Sorry, I didn't mean..." Amanda went to rub her eyes, but remembered at the last minute that neither hand or eyes was up for the particular gesture. "Fuckit," she growled, tired of hurting, tired of everything. "Fuck Mistra, fuck the Hellfire bastards, fuck that cunt of a father of Manuel's, fuck everythin'. I'm bloody well sick of this, Dom. Sick of feeling like I have t' apologise every five minutes, sick of never havin' enough power t' fix things when they need fixin', sick of everyone bleedin' well leavin'. A couple of weeks ago I got that fucker Rack out of me head, broke the bindin' spell, but I've still got the bloody scars 'cause I've been Healin' everyone else but me."

Domino didn't respond for a moment. Amanda didn't need pat reassurances, or apologies - and it was a sign of just how far under her skin the girl had gotten that she did feel like she needed to apologize for not being able to stay more than a day or two. "Start setting limits, then," she said quietly. "To the healing, at least."

"I wouldn't bloody well need to if I could handle me fuckin' limits, but no, I had t' go an' get meself hooked on the whole power thing, so they have t' hobble me." Amanda's frustration was palpable. "Sometimes it feels like I'll be payin' for everythin' I've done for the rest of me life, Dom. An' maybe that's as it should be, but I'm sick of the people around me coppin' the fallout. I didn't ask for this, I didn't ask for any of it, but as soon as I start thinkin' I'm gettin' somewhere, it all fuckin' well comes crashin' down again, an' this time it's taken Manny with it."

Domino leaned away, just a little, letting her arm slide away from Amanda's shoulders. "If you weren't already looking like you'd gotten hit by a truck, I'd be dragging your ass down to the gym for a practice session right now," she said bluntly. "Or just smacking you upside the head. I'm not even going to touch the addiction thing." She was on her feet without consciously getting up, on her feet and glaring down at Amanda. "But how can you possibly blame yourself for what happened at the Hellfire Club, what happened to Manuel? Those were his choices that led the two of you there, Amanda! His need for power and influence and control." She spat the word out venomously. "The only reason he came out of that alive is you, you silly bitch! And you're blaming yourself for not being able to beat one of the most powerful mutants in the world to save him completely from his own folly?"

"He was givin' all that up!" Amanda retorted, glaring right back. "He was throwin' all that away, leavin' his arse hangin' out in the breeze, but that don't fuckin' well matter, does it? An' if I'd had access t' all me power, if I didn't have this fuckin' thing on..." She roughly pulled the amulet out from under her shirt. It glowed dully in the light, as if struggling through some kind of impediment. "If I'd been able t' use me power properly, I would have fuckin' well beat her!" Ignoring the jabs of pain from her movements, she rose to meet Domino's glare head-on. "Yeah, I got us out. Well, I got me out, an' someone who happens t' look like me fuckin' boyfriend but can't remember much more than his first name. An' that usin' his body t' channel the power, with no trainin' an' no capacity for it." It might have been a trick of the light, but the room seemed darker, the shadows pooliing at Amanda's feet, and her eyes had gone very, very dark. "You have no bloody idea what it is I can do, none of you do. I could have stopped it. I could have taken every last bit of power out of that bitch an' undone what she done..."

Something around her neck was hot. Burning, almost, and Domino's eyes widened a little as she realized that it was the protective charm that Amanda herself had given her. The internal shiver of her power was suddenly very, very strong, and Domino took a sharp breath. "Amanda," she said as steadily as she could, "calm down and stop doing whatever you're doing before you set my power off and the fucking ceiling comes down on your head."

There was a long, breathless moment, and then Amanda closed her eyes, shuddering. When she opened them again, they'd gone back to their usual blue, and the aches and pains came back with a vengence. "Ow," she said faintly, before staggering to one knee, arms folded loosely around her ribs.

Domino sank down beside her, reaching out a somewhat unsteady hand and tilting Amanda's chin upwards so that the girl had to meet her eyes. "What's going on?" she asked a bit shakily. "The... power you absorbed? Romany was worried about that. I talked to her."

"'S the old threfold rule, ain't it?" Amanda said with a humourless chuckle, shaking a little now the anger had worn off. "What you do comes back threefold. Guess you don't go around drainin' the power out of evil witches usin' someone else's body without some sort of after-effect." She felt terrible, dirty somehow, in a way she'd never felt in all her time on the street, doing what she had to to survive. "Strange said somethin' 'bout a cleansin' ritual, but I ain't been in the shape for it yet."

Domino very carefully enfolded the trembling girl in her arms, part of her realizing somehow that Amanda needed the tangible contact. "I'm sorry I shouted at you," she murmured, her voice still unsteady. "But damn it, Amanda... why do you expect so much of yourself? For fuck's sake, look at Nate. He's almost forty years old and he's still struggling with his power, and you have shit to contend with that he's never had."

"'S what I'm used to, expectin' a lot. Old habit... I might've gotten Rack out of me head, but some of his lessons're a bit harder t' break than others." Amanda gave a shaky laugh that sounded almost like a sob. "An' I have t' get it under control. The addiction, the power... I let it go out of control once an' I ended up dopin' half the school with what's pretty much a rape drug. Next time, who knows what'll it be?"

Domino hugged her a little more tightly. "There's a difference between controlling yourself and controlling what's going on around you," she murmured, rubbing Amanda's back soothingly as the girl clung to her. "It doesn't matter how much power you have. There are always going to be factors you can't control. Checks and balances on the possibilities inherent in a situation... this is what I do, Amanda, trust me when I tell you this. Having control of yourself doesn't always equal success. Sometimes it doesn't make any difference at all."

'Ow' some more - from the bruising on her back, it was probable someone had kicked her. Quite a lot. But Amanda didn't pull away or flinch, needing the comfort more. "Remember what I said after Columbia, Dom? I'm sick of bein' everyone's bloody punchin' bag. An' if I'm in control, then that's gotta be better than someone doin' it for me, right? Long as I have this weak point, 'm a risk. T' me, an' everyone else."

"You won't see me denying that," Domino said with a sigh, not letting go. "I want to see you get rid of the damned amulet, believe me. But it is not only your doing, that you're wearing it. You didn't ask to get dumped here along with some fucking power source that no one really understood, with people who didn't understand what it would do to you."

"Yeah, well, 'm findin' that it don't really matter what I ask for, or what I want. Stuff keeps happenin', an' no-one can stop it. Not even Pete, or Nate, or you. An' that's not yer fault. You can't be there all the time, an' I wouldn't want you t' be." Amanda's voice was getting hoarse again, thick with weariness. "I've got t' deal with what comes meself. Especially when it's me own stupid fault, like this Hellfire thing. Manuel didn't force me t' go, I went of me own free will, even tho' I knew what kind of place it was."

Domino hesitated for a moment, then drew back just enough to be able to look Amanda in the eye. "Do you blame yourself?" she asked as steadily as she could, which was to say not at all. "Because he was going to resign? Amanda, he didn't need to go there to do that... and if he hadn't been planning to resign, he would have gone there with or without you, repeatedly."

"I... don't know. He knew I hated that place, what it was doin' to him, what Frost was askin' him t' do so he wouldn't get killed. An' people kept sayin' he couldn't be serious 'bout wantin' t' change, not if he was a member. But Shinobi was in the Inner Circle too, an' no-one thought he was a monster." The bitterness was palpable, overcoming the weariness for the moment. "But I never asked that of him, never. It had t' come from him, he had t' decide, an' once he did, he needed t' stick t' the forms, do things proper. Let himself have that much dignity, at least." Oh, she knew - had known - Manuel so well. "It didn't happen 'cause he was quittin' - he only told me in the car on the way over. They can't have known what he was gunna do, not an' planned things they way they did. The empath they brought in, separatin' us..." She rubbed at her forehead fretfully. "I just wish I could remember more of it. There has t' be somethin' there that'd help, either land 'em in it or reverse what was done t' Manuel, a counterspell."

Domino supposed that Amanda probably considered the gap in her memory a personal failure, too. Fuck, she's so much like Nate it's scary. "Then if it was something separate, something Selene and his father would have done no matter what Manuel was planning to do that night... how are you in any way responsible for that?" Amanda opened her mouth to answer and Domino laid a finger very gently to her lips, just briefly. "And don't tell me because you didn't get the two of you out of there twenty minutes before you did. That's a Nate-answer, you know."

"I didn't say I was responsible. But it was stupid of us t' walk in there like that. Everythin' I've been taught, everythin' I've heard 'bout that place, even me own bloody instincts... didn't matter a jot. We walked in an' handed ourselves over like a couple of lambs for the slaughter. Everyone's said it: we shouldn't have been there. An' for that there's no-one t' blame but ourselves, only Manuel isn't himself any more, so I guess it's down t' me." Amanda sighed. "An' I should've gotten us out faster. Soon as Alphonso showed his face, I should've gone lookin' for Manuel an' made a break for it."

"Realistically, Amanda, Manuel is just as responsible as you are for the fact that you were there. More responsible, really; you aren't the one who joined the Inner Circle. The fact that he got hurt so badly doesn't change that." Domino took a deep breath. "That being said, if you're going to lay blame, how about you put it where it really belongs, rather than hoarding it for yourself? The two of you took a risk and got burned for it, yes, but the two of you didn't deserve what happened just because you took that risk."

"Oh, 'm all ready t' lay blame on those bastards," Amanda replied, and for a moment her eyes darkened again, an expression of cruel hate on her face Domino had never seen before. "They come after me an' mine again, they'll find out just how much blame I'm willin' t' put on 'em. They'll be screamin' t' die before the end."

Domino didn't react to the wholly uncharacteristic tone or expression. "You do that," she said, her voice crisp and cool, "and you risk not being able to finish the job, Amanda." She gave the girl a very faint smile. "If you ever have to, or want to kill someone, you do it as quickly and efficiently as possible. That way you live to spit on the corpse. You take your time out of the desire to see them hurt, and you risk giving them an opening."

"There's more 'n one way t' hurt someone. The thing with magic? You don't have t' be alive t' have the whole eternal torment thing." Amanda growled. "Alphonso comes near Manuel again, he'll find that out."

"And what does that do to you?" Domino asked steadily. Oh, yeah. Hopefully this teacher of Amanda's would get here real damned quick. "How does that work with your threefold rule?"

"It doesn't matter." Amanda's fury was all the more disturbing because it was cold, passionless. "Don't you understand? I'm losin' everythin' - Manuel, Beth, my friends, one by one. That fucker knows who I am an' who my family is, an' he's made it clear he can do whatever the fuck he likes. If it means I can keep the rest safe, then I'll do whatever the fuck I have to." She looked up at Domino, eyes completely empty. "An' I don't care what it means."

Domino pursed her lips, nodding slowly. Yeah, this was bad. "Your judgement's shot," she said simply. "That's not a decision you're competent to make right now."

"Yeah, 'cause I'm so bloody competent the rest of the time..." The girl seemed to slump in Domino's arms, folding into herself. "'M tired, Dom. Need the rest you mentioned. Help me back t' bed?" Her voice, her whole manner had changed, seeming much younger than she was. "Everythin' hurts."

All right, if Strange wasn't here tomorrow, she was going to New York to get him. "Sure," Domino said softly, getting up and drawing Amanda to her feet as gently as she could. "I'm not going to be trite and say it's going to look better once you've healed up a little," she went on, leading the unsteady girl back towards her bedroom, "but at least then you'll have the energy to start dealing with it."

Okay, her legs weren't working properly. Amanda half-leaned, half-sagged against Domino, trying to concentrate on what she was saying, but there was a roaring in her ears and she was so tired... "Everyone leaves," she murmured softly. "No matter what I do, they all leave..."

Something needed doing about that, Domino thought with a pang, but she certainly wasn't going to be much help. "I think this place drives people away," she murmured, her voice low. "I don't think they can handle it. I wonder what that means, that you're still here..."

"Nowhere else t' go..." Amanda mumbled, only vaguely aware of Domino carefully lowering her onto something soft and warm... oh, that's right, it was called a bed. "An' people need me t' be here."

"Bullshit to the first," Domino murmured, "but the second... yeah, that's the answer, isn't it?" She covered Amanda with a blanket, leaning over and kissing her gently on the forehead. "Dream about Istanbul or something," she murmured, straightening. "Something happy."