xp_logs | Domino, Nathan, and Amanda, Saturday morning (Reply)

With Amanda there for moral support, Domino broaches the subject of Volgograd with Nathan and tells him what he didn't remember. He's surprised, unsettled - and relieved. The two of them agree that beating themselves up about it is no longer on, and Amanda is left a very happy little facilitator.

Domino smiled a bit hesitantly at Amanda as they paused outside Nathan's room. "Happy thoughts?" she suggested, the night's solid sleep having restoring her to something approaching her normal self. "Although I'm not sure how much he's picking up telepathically yet..."

"Can't hurt," Amanda replied with a small grin. She was glad to see the sleep had done Domino good.

Domino gave Amanda another tentative smile, really wondering whether or not she should say something about Nathan's condition. But she just hadn't been able to bring herself to ask if Amanda knew... like saying it aloud would make it permanent.

"Here goes," she said, opening the door, and breathing out on a relieved sigh as she saw that the room was empty of anyone but Nathan, who was looking very much like he was sleeping peacefully. Not at all like yesterday.

"Looks almost harmless, don't he?" Amanda said softly. For a moment she wondered if they should just let him sleep, but she knew if they delayed this, Domino would just let it go and return to pretending nothing was wrong.

Domino blinked and then smiled wryly at Amanda. "Not the word I'd pick," she murmured back, moving forward into the room. He was breathing better, she could see that from here. The various monitors in the room sounded markedly less agitated, too.

She went over to the side of the bed, pausing for a moment as she remembered his reaction the last time she'd tried to touch him. Her hand a bit unsteady, she reached out and laid it against the side of his face for a moment.

"His fever's back down," she said, letting her breath out on a relieved sigh. "When GW and I were here yesterday, it was way up again... the virus, making it spike."

Amanda nodded, following Domino inside and closing the door behind her before coming over to the other side of the bed. "Silly bugger," she said softly, looking down at him. "Always has t' do the big dramatic thing."

The hum of voices was what drew him out of odd, unsettling dreams and back to consciousness. That, and the cool hand touching his face. He opened his eyes to blackness, a flicker of sleepy distress crossing his features before he could help himself.

The voices had fallen silent. "Who's--" he started, disoriented when the hand drew back. He turned his face towards the direction it had seemed to come from.

"'S me an' Dom," Amanda said, reaching for his hand. At Domino's surprised look at how calmly she was taking all this, she grinned briefly. "We were linked right up 'til the end," she said by way of explanation. "So yeah, I know." Then she turned her attention back to Nathan. "Hey, old man. How're you feelin'?"

"Kind of--shitty, actually." His voice was still awful. Probably would be for a while. There was some damage there too, apparently. He managed a wan smile, in an effort to be encouraging. "Better than yesterday, though. Lots."

"Good," Domino said a bit gruffly. "Because you scared the crap out of me yesterday."

The smile was a little easier, suddenly. His head was still foggy, his thoughts hazy with pain, but hearing all the things Dom wasn't saying was easy. It was all there beneath the surface of her voice. "Like to give you gray hairs. Thought you knew that..."

"Thought it was the other way 'round?" Amanda teased gently, unconsciously stroking the hand she held. "Tho' yer've finally found the reason I dye the hair - all that grey, gotta hide it somehow..." There was a chair next to the bed, which was very thoughtful of someone, she decided, not so much sitting as flopping into it. Yay for post-magic tiredness.

Nathan concentrated, analyzing the sound. Witch collapsing into chair? A good guess, at the very least. "You ought to be in bed, trouble," he murmured, his voice cracking. "Beds are nice..."

"Okay," Domino said a bit dryly. "Are we sure he's not still delirious?"

"Hush. Old and... toothless tigers like beds."

"Just tired, Nate, you know how it goes. I'll be fine. No bloody noses this time or anythin'." She smiled wryly up at Domino. "Must be gettin' better at this sort of thing."

"Tired." Nathan made a noise that might have been a chuckle, if there'd been a little bit more force behind it. But he didn't want to start coughing again. "I can't stop sleeping... getting kind of... disconcerting."

"Oh. Heaven forbid you should be a little drowsy," Domino said. "I mean, you only jump-started that damned virus of yours and half-fried your brain."

"Three quarters, thanks..." He heard a soft chuckle from Amanda. Nathan sighed a little, shifting on the bed and wincing, his hand tightening involuntarily on Amanda's. "Hurts..." It slipped out, and he couldn't even summon up a flicker of offended pride at the admission.

"I know," the girl murmured, holding on tight. "Need me t' get Moira or someone? Since, y'know, I'm all out of juice..."

"Can't give me anything... too much of the drug for the virus," Nathan rasped. Even swallowing hurt. "Don't go? Too quiet down here."

"Not goin' anywhere," Amanda murmured quietly, her grip on Nathan's hand firm. She didn't say anything else, 'though - this was between the two of them, and she was here for moral support for both of them, if they needed it.

Domino sat down on the edge of the bed, her eyes locked on his face. "Do you remember GW and I being here yesterday?" she asked softly.

Nathan was silent for a long moment. "He was... here this morning? I think it was this morning... losing track." He wasn't even sure how long it had been since the accident. That should bother him more than it did. "He told me you were here, too... I don't remember you being here before, though."

"Thought you might not," Domino said, her voice deliberately light. "Your fever was way up." She took a deep breath, then laid a hand on his shoulder, in a pat that kind of lingered. He didn't jump this time. In fact, he just smiled in her general direction, a tired, pained smile that still managed to have a startling amount of warmth behind it.

"I'll live, you know," he said, raising his free hand and placing it over hers. "Don't worry so much."

"An' then what else would we do?" Amanda said with a small grin. "We'd have t' pick up another hobby, like stamp collectin' or somethin'."

"We couldn't have that," Nathan murmured. But Dom didn't jump into the banter, and after a long moment of what felt very much like an awkward silence, even with his telepathy dead, his smile turned into a puzzled frown. "Dom? What's the matter?" His hand tightened on hers just briefly, a flash of fear crossing his face.

Domino swallowed. "Suppose I'm a little upset with myself," she said a bit huskily. Major understatement there. But she wasn't sure how far she could or should take this, with him still flat on his back in a hospital bed. "For the way my last visit ended? I know that we don't know yet if you... I just am kind of unhappy that the last time you saw me, I was turning around on the other side of the security checkpoint in the airport and giving you the finger."

Amanda couldn't help a small snort at that mental image, even with the serious tone things had taken, but said nothing else, giving Dom an encouraging nod from where she was sitting.

"I just... I'm sorry for that," Domino said, her voice subdued. "For what happened with Haroun, and--"

"Dom, you don't--"

"And what happened in Volgograd, too." There was a distinct lump in her throat as Nathan abruptly fell silent, his eyes widening. She shifted on the bed, and his face turned towards the movement, as if he was trying to track her. "Not to mention how I acted afterwards."

He was having some trouble processing this, Nathan thought faintly. She was apologizing for... but why? Why now? And there was no sound at all from Amanda, who hadn't let go of his hand and was in fact holding on a little more tightly.

"'S all right," Amanda said, possibly to Nathan, probably to Dom, most likely to both. She'd promised she'd be here, and she would be, even though there wasn't anything she could contribute yet, or perhaps at all.

"I don't..." Nathan started confusedly, then trailed off, not sure what to say.

Domino took a deep, shaky breath. "You were pretty out of it," she said, almost in a whisper. "Back in Volgograd, I mean. I should never have... but I was scared, because you were scared, and I'd never seen you like that before. I didn't..." Her voice trembled a bit, but she made herself go on. "I didn't know what it meant. When you asked me not to leave you in the woods."

Nathan froze. For a moment, he was almost glad that his telepathy was offline, because he wouldn't have wanted Moira to pick up on his thoughts right at that moment. "I don't remember," he said finally, his voice cracking. He was shifting on the bed without having made a conscious decision to move, letting go of Dom's hand and pulling his out of Amanda's. "I don't... I don't know what you..." She hadn't known. She knew now? Amanda knew?

"Don't--" Domino stopped, her voice breaking and her hand hovering above him for a moment before she drew it back. "I don't want to upset you--"

"You're not. I just don't know why you--" Too quickly. He'd spoken too quickly, too loudly, and another coughing spasm hit. Not as bad as the day before, definitely getting better, but it still left him gasping for breath, the ache in his chest swelling to a crushing pain as he tried futilely to relax.

Domino drew a hand quickly across her eyes and then reached for the cup of water on the bedside table as his coughing trailed off. "Here," she said hoarsely, glad the bed was already in the partially-upright position - they must have figured it made it easier for him to breathe - as she held the cup for him, guiding his hand to the straw. He took a long sip and then slumped against the pillow, and Domino bit her lip hard at the ragged, wheezing sound of his breathing.

"Maybe this isn't a good time..." Amanda began, worriedly looking from Nathan to Domino and back again. "It can wait, can't it?"

Domino gave her an agonized look and then turned back to Nathan, waiting. She wouldn't push. Couldn't, as much as she was terrified at the idea of stopping right here and leaving it like this.

It took a long few minutes before Nathan managed to slow his breathing down enough to speak, let alone to gather his thoughts. The words that came out surprised even him. "I said--I said that?" he whispered hoarsely. "Then?"

"Yeah," Domino murmured shakily.

Think, Nathan told himself. "And you..." Did it really matter how she'd found out? She had, and now he knew what had happened too. Knew, and was starting to understand just why she felt the need to apologize to him. "That's why I didn't remember," he murmured unevenly. "I wasn't... I wasn't quite there."

Domino covered her mouth with a hand, but not before something very close to a sob slipped out.

Unsteadily Amanda got to her feet and came around to Domino's side of the bed, laying her hand on her shoulder. Wordlessly, she nodded. Go on. You've started now...

"I didn't know... I didn't understand." He had never told her, Domino thought miserably. Not once, in all these years. His few comments about his life before Mistra had been curt, guarded. She didn't even know if GW knew. "I just thought that if I... it was the only thing I could think of to do, Nate, and I guess that says some pretty shitty things about me." She swallowed, rubbing her eyes. Not going to break down here.

"I thought I'd--" Nathan stopped, trying to slow his breathing down so he wouldn't start coughing again. "Thought I'd gotten drunk, and just--" And the mental images had just--burned, for lack of a better word. Burned like acid, heavily laced with self-loathing. He'd failed her. Used her. And what he hadn't been able to remember had haunted him ever since.

"No," Domino said almost vehemently, and reached out tentatively for his hand. He didn't pull away, didn't even stiffen as she took it. Just squeezed back, almost desperately. "No," she repeated more softly. "You didn't. I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry that I let you think you did." There were tears spilling down her cheeks, but her voice stayed almost steady as she went on. "That was so cruel of me, Nathan. Something else I didn't understand."

"That's exactly it," Amanda said, breaking in softly. "Neither of you understood." She looked longingly at the chair, all the way on the other side of the bed now, but stayed where she was, although her grip on Domino's shoulder was a little more of a clutch than a comforting thing. "You didn't want t' hurt anyone, neither of you. 'S just a big fucked-up misunderstandin'."

"Amanda--" Domino sighed. "Sit down, before you fall over." She didn't go on until Amanda had perched beside her on the side of the bed. Didn't let go of Nathan's hand, either. "I don't know what else to say," she murmured faintly. "How to make up for any of this--"

"Dom--stop," Nathan said, almost in a plea. "Don't--" She wasn't supposed to sound that defeated. That wasn't Dom. "It's okay," he managed, his voice still ragged. "Don't--beat yourself up about it, please?"

Domino swallowed, taking a deep breath. "Do I get to tell you the same thing, then?" He actually twitched, as if her question had come as a surprise, and she laughed hoarsely. "You've been beating yourself up over what you thought happened, and I've been doing my idiotic best to rub your face in it for the last few years... are you going to be able to stop?"

Nathan breathed in a little too deeply and felt the tell-tale tickle at the back of his throat. He held his breath for a moment, then answered. "I want to," he said, and it came out wistful, almost longing. To be able to go back to something approaching the way things had been before, with her, not to feel like he'd done something unforgiveable - it would be so good. "Might backslide, you know... that's me, with the constant backsliding..."

"Well, how 'bout I get t' kick both yer arses if either of you backslides?" Amanda suggested with a small grin and in a tone that was possibly a little too perky, but she couldn't help it. Things could be all right here, she could feel it, and it buoyed her up more than the biggest source of mystic energy could. Dom and Nate weren't supposed to be like this - it was an unwritten law.

Nathan made a noise that would have been a laugh if there'd been any real force behind it. But laughing would be bad, as it would almost certainly lead to more coughing. "And how'd you get involved in this, trouble...?"

"I went and fell apart on her last night," Domino confessed very softly. "After I got back from Jack Leary's."

Nathan blinked. "You--went to see Jack?"

Domino nodded, then nearly smacked herself upside the head for not responding aloud. "I told him about this," she said, her voice still very low. "And he... well, I'm going to go back and see him in a couple of days, since I'm guessing I'll still be here."

Something more was or had been going on here, Nathan thought dimly, trying to comprehend precisely what would have gotten Dom to Jack's, or brought up any of this in the first place.

"Wasn't like I had anythin' better t' do," Amanda joked, but she smiled at Domino. Any time, big sis. "An' I sort of understood where Dom was comin' from, why she... used that t' comfort you," she added in a much more serious tone. "Havin' been in the same sort of frame of mind meself."

Nathan didn't say anything for a moment, thinking about that. "I never really believed that the road to hell is paved with good intentions," he said, his voice crackling only a little. Which was good, because they needed to hear he meant this. "Because the good intentions are important. Whatever else gets in the way to mess things up later..."

"An' there's enough damage people do on purpose, eh?" Amanda glanced at Domino, to make sure she was taking this in. "T' themselves as well as others."

The sheer relief she was feeling at Nathan's reaction gave Domino the impetus needed to make the appropriate response to that. She stuck her tongue out at Amanda, then followed it up with a grateful smile.

Nathan had a strong suspicion that there was some non-verbal communication going on here that he was missing. He let out a sigh that turned into another coughing spasm. "Fuck," he wheezed when it let up and he heard Domino pouring some more water into the cup. "Sound like a TB case..."

"Yeah," Domino murmured, holding the cup so that he could take a sip through the straw. "You do." He made a face at her as she set the cup aside, and she leaned over, before she could lose her nerve, and brushed her lips against his temple, just briefly. "I love you, old man. You know that, right?" she asked hoarsely.

"Love you too, tiger," he whispered back, managing a smile despite the pain in his chest.

"An' that'd be my cue t' make meself scarce," Amanda said, looking a little wistful and feeling very much in the way now. "So you can tell each other all those war stories I ain't s'posed t' hear an' all." She slid off the bed, slowly - the last thing she wanted to do was fall flat on her face. "I'll come by an' see you later, Nate, yeah?"

Nathan held out a hand, smiling as he felt her take it, squeezing firmly. "Promise? And promise you'll go right back to bed? Might need a seeing-eye witch, you know..." Domino laughed, an almost normal-sounding laugh that she blinked at, as if she'd surprised herself. "Gras'laya, mi'caehla," he murmured to Amanda, part of him knowing she'd understand what he was thanking her for.

Domino got up too, hugging her firmly. "If I come out and find you collapsed halfway up the stairs," she murmured in Amanda's ear, "I'm going to have to carry you the rest of the way up and fuss over you for the rest of the day, you know. I may just do the latter anyway."

"If I have trouble, you'll know. An' yeah, 's back t' bed for me - yer not the only one gettin' the attack naps, Nate. But I'll be back down later, promise." Amanda pressed a kiss to Domino's cheek, adding in a whisper. "You did good, sis," before letting go. "No Army songs," she added, grinning. "Nate's a horrible singer."

"You're just saying that because I tormented you with '99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall' for half of Arizona."