xp_logs | Nathan and Jubilee, Sunday evening (Reply)

Jubilee stops by to see Nathan, angry over the incident with the shared dream in light of the forced link with Alison weeks ago. Nathan isn't up for much of an argument.

Jubilee placed her hand on the door, knowing she wouldn't have to knock for Nathan to know she was there. She needed to talk to him about things, namely the dream. Although, she supposed need was too soft a word for it, she was 'determined' to talk to him about the dream, there was no choice for him on that part. If he was very lucky, she wouldn't let the seething anger she was currently feeling over his little stunt with Alison way back when affect the conversation. How he could have done that to her, when he knew what it felt like to have people rip your mind apart...She was still using the little green pills to stop any dreams of the white room.

Lying on the couch, drifting in a restless doze, Nathan stirred as he heard something. Footsteps in the hall outside? He opened his eyes, staring into the blackness and listening, trying to concentrate past the throbbing ache inside his skull. Definitely time for some more painkillers... Whoever it was was still out there, he thought, hearing something that sounded very much like an aggravated sigh.

Jubilee knocked on the door, fed up with waiting. "Nate, you in there, Dude?" she called, keeping her tone level.

Jubilee? Nathan sighed. "Come in," he called, still not able to put much in the way of volume behind it. He heard the door open, and a rustle from the direction of Bella's cage. "Jubilee?" he asked, trying to track her by the sound of her movements and not doing so well. The lack of noise was kind of unsettling. "Telepathy's out... I can't hear you or see you."

She stood in the middle of the room, staring at him silently. She hadn't realised how good she'd gotten at moving without noise. It would be petty of her to stay silent, now that she knew his telepathy was out. But then, people were always accusing her of being immature. The last few days, she'd felt...she'd wanted to prove them right. She knew she should talk to Samson about the anger she was feeling but she just couldn't seem to care right now.

"Jubilee?" He couldn't quite keep the anxious note out of his voice. She was there in the room somewhere, he knew that. Why wasn't she making any noise? He shifted on the couch, trying to push himself up a bit higher on the pillows, into more of a sitting position. "Jubilee, are you still there?"

"When did you become just like them, Nate? When did you decide that the end justified the means? When did I become collateral damage?"

She hadn't meant to upset him. She hadn't come here wanting to upset him. But as she looked at him, all the hurt and the pain, it wouldn't let her leave it alone.

"What...?" Nathan tried to focus on where her voice was coming from, totally bewildered by the accusation. "Jubilee, what are you talking about?"

"The white room. What they did to you, I got to experience it. They came after me, Nate. They saw me, because you saw me. Least, that's what Mads said. I got dragged into your dreams a couple of nights ago, guess Mads never told you that. I'd only wanted to make sure you were okay. Stupid of me, to care." Jubilee replied before she paced over to Bella's cage, holding up a short bread biscuit she'd taken from the kitchen, trying to calm the shaking in her hands. "I felt horrible for you at first, you know? I felt bad for complaining about my dreams when yours were so much worse. And then, then I remembered what you did to me. I remembered how you made me feel Alison's pain because you wanted to punish me. So, Nate, how was that any different then them? Tell me, because I'd really like to fucking know."

It was too much to process all at once. She'd gotten caught in one of his dreams? While he'd been in the medlab? No one had said anything about that to him, and he certainly didn't remember... but what did that have to do with... "What makes you think I was doing it to punish you?" he asked dully, one hand rubbing at his temple. Fuck, his head was pounding all of a sudden. Was he picking something up from her after all? "You said Alison wasn't in any pain. I showed you that you were wrong."

"They wanted to show me I was wrong. They wanted to show me that emotions weren't what I needed. That I was perfectly fine, just as I was. That I could be of use, that I could help. And didn't I want that? Wasn't that the best feeling in the world, being of use." Jubilee replied, her tone dull again.

She stroked Bella's feathers through the cage, trying to hold off the horror of the dream, trying to remember it wasn't real. That they hadn't been real. They hadn't really been talking to her, and she wasn't supposed to be doing this. She was upsetting him, and she knew without a shadow of a doubt that she'd pay for it if she hurt him. "It doesn't matter. I'm sorry I came. I just...I'm sorry."

He wasn't following. Really wasn't following. "Jubilee..." He breathed in a little too deeply and coughed, fighting not to do it again. His voice was more hoarse as he went on. "I'm sorry you were upset, but I'm not taking the blame for this. Maybe I shouldn't have done what I did with you and Alison, but you were so... so out of line that night. As for the dream..." He lost his battle with the coughing spasm, and it took him a long few moments before he could catch his breath and go on. "Do you have any idea how high my temperature was at some points this week? I don't remember you being there, let alone the dream..."

"If I hadn't hurt Amanda, would you have agreed to help me when I asked?" she asked, walking over to take hold of the glass of water beside him and pressed it into his hand.

She was bouncing from subject to subject and he really couldn't follow her. He took a sip of the water, concentrating on breathing for a moment before he went on. "Would you have asked me, if you hadn't hurt Amanda?" Maybe it wasn't fair to answer a question with a question, but damn her, why the hell was she doing this to him now? The thought had a definite edge of petulance to it.

"No, and no one would have ever known I needed help if I hadn't hurt Amanda. I've been thinking about that, you know. How easy it is to fool the people around here. I started to wonder whether it was because I was so damn good at appearing normal, or whether it was that I just didn't matter unless I was destroying the furniture. An I try to tell myself that I'm bein' melodramatic but it feels so much like I'm whistlin' in the dark." Jubilee replied, agitated in the extreme.

Nathan took another sip of the water. "You're getting help now," he said hoarsely. "You going to throw that away by dwelling on how long it took? That's cutting off your nose to spite your face."

Jubilee's shoulders slumped, anger completely spent. "No. I don't want to throw it away."

She couldn't think of anything else to say. Once her anger had gone, she was at a loss. It all seemed so much simpler when she was angry. Words came easily and there was no worry about what those words would bring.

He ought to be saying something to reassure her, he knew. Words of wisdom, or comfort, or something. But the headache was just getting worse, his chest was aching from the coughing, and he was too tired to be patient. Maybe he ought to put his own feelings aside and do the mentorly thing here, but it was asking too much. She was asking too much.

"You okay?" she asked, finally noticing the pained look on his face.

She felt a stab of guilt, she'd been yelling at the man when he was blind and in pain. Not her finest hour, to be sure.

Nathan sighed raggedly. "No, Jubilee. I'm not." He forced himself to relax against the pillows, taking another sip of water. "I'm sorry you're upset," he muttered, rubbing at his temple again with his free hand. "But I don't know what you want me to do. I won't say I'm sorry for linking you with Alison, and the fact that you think that's at all comparable with what--" He stopped, his jaw clenching. "You don't know what you're talking about."

She noticed the gesture, and looked around for the pain killers. He had to have them near him somewhere. "Where are the pain killers?" she asked, ignoring the rest of what he'd said.

There'd be time later for them to talk about the dream, now obviously wasn't a good day.

"I don't know," he said dully. "Never mind." He heard Bella start to make anxious noises, ruffling her wings again. He tried to reach out to set the glass of water back on the table and missed, hearing it hit the rug below. "Damn it..."

"Shhh, Bella. It's okay." she soothed the bird absently.

It really wasn't okay though, and she'd probably made it worse. For once, Jubilee had a thought for someone other then herself, it was surprising considering how angry she'd been at him only moments before. She grabbed a cloth from the kitchen and quickly walked back to the couch, bending over to clean up the spilled water. She noticed a bottle of pills lying against the leg of the table the glass had been on. Maybe they'd been knocked down somehow. She grabbed them, reading the label careful.

"Here." she said, grabbing his hand and placing two pills into his open palm before pouring some more water and pushing the glass into his other hand.

He flinched violently at the sudden touch, but managed not to drop either the glass or the pills. The painkillers? He felt the shape of the pills tentatively, just to make sure, and then swallowed them with a gulp of water, trying to ignore the way his hands were shaking. "We'll talk, okay?" he murmured hoarsely. "But later... please?" It came out as more of a plea than he'd intended.

Jubilee nodded, realised he wouldn't be able to see it and then spoke. "Okay, but I'm gonna stay till Moira or Amanda get back, okay? I'm sure they'll be back soon though, an I'll be quiet so you can sleep, but I...I don't feel right leavin' ya by yourself."

He'd be in his rights to tell her to get out, but she wanted to offer anyhow, she thought it was the right thing to do. She smiled wryly as she realised it was a thought, rather then a feeling. Would she never be able to feel anything for anyone, even those she hurt? It wasn't the time for self pity though, she'd done enough of that already.

She took the glass from his hand, placing it on the table and stepped back. If he didn't kick her out, she'd sit in the chair by Bella's cage, that should be far enough away not to disturb his sleep.

"Okay," Nathan murmured, shifting into a more comfortable position on the couch and closing his eyes. He really did just want to sleep. Too much, it was just too much all at once...

Jubilee moved to the chair, sitting and listening to Bella move in her cage as she watched him sleep.