xp_logs | Nathan and Haroun, Thursday, Muir Island (Reply)

Nathan shows Haroun around the castle and offers him some advice about his relationship with Alison. He is after all very familiar with that particular type of insecurity.

"And this would be the sunroom," Nathan said with a somewhat wry smile as he and Haroun stopped and peered in the open door. "Obviously, there's not much sun at the moment." It was still sleeting enthusiastically, and he was really beginning to think that the island was not in a particularly welcoming mood this week. "Also," he went on, more dryly, "it and the hall have obviously been fully repaired since the firefight here in May."

"Well that's good." Haroun said, looking around. "Curious, thought, that you'd have a sunroom in a place not known for receiving sun. Of course, those places that do receive sun quite often usually strive to provide shade and cooling." He stuck his hands into the pockets of his new duster - a present from Alison. "It's a little drab, though."

"They get little enough sun that it's not unreasonable to have a place to worship it when you get it," Nathan said, heading down the hall and trying to suppress the little shiver as he remembered that night back in May. "As for it being drab... it's a castle, Haroun. Castles aren't particularly known for the warmth of their decor."

Haroun laughed. "You need to get back to Africa, my friend. I could show you a few "castles" that are downright lavish. All this depressing undressed stone, not a carving or a scrap of gilt to be seen..." he said, smiling. "But for what it is this is quite nice."

"I'll have to show you the family wing. Moira's--grandfather, I think it was, had some interesting things done with wood carving in some of the rooms there." Nathan paused to let Haroun catch up with him. "I will be so very glad when my peripheral vision comes back."

Haroun smiled. "I wish I could go back to Marrakesh and show you some of the treasures there. If you like architecture, it is a FINE city. One of the only things the French did correctly was to preserve it as best they could."

"Maybe someday." Nathan gave the younger man an assessing look. "You look like the time off's been agreeing with you."

Haroun grinned. "I really can't complain. I overdosed on Christianity and small children, more the latter than the former, but being with Alison has been a wonderful treasure. Normally, being a Muslim, this time of year in America is unpleasant. She makes it - fun, almost. And she has wonderful taste in jackets." he said, showing off his duster.

"Looks good on you," Nathan said with a chuckle. "Moira and I, well... I think we've actually spent most of the last several days sleeping. Funny how that works."

"Of course it does!" he said, full of very false sound and fury. "It wouldn't dare do anything else. Gotta say, the rich girlfriend thing has its advantages from time to time." he laughed. "But anyway, I'm not surprised that you're catching a lot of rack time. You push too hard, and your body makes you pay for it. I've had more passenger flight time in the last week than I had in the previous six months. And Charles is probably going to get me the new fiber-optic cabling and tools I asked for. Get off magnetics as much as we can, for obvious reasons."

Nathan winced. "Yeah. Good idea." He gave Haroun another long look, this one thoughtful. "I should be forthcoming here, I suppose, while we're on the subject of powers and so forth. My telepathy seems to be coming back a fair bit stronger than it was before my little stunt with Cain, and my shields haven't quite adapted yet. So I couldn't help but catch something a little odd when you were talking about Alison."

Haroun sighed. "I need to work more on shielding. Alison and I - we had a Talk while we were over at the Madroxes. It - well, it was informative." he said pensively. "And it's all stuff I can't do a bloody thing about."

"Like?" Nathan prompted gently as they headed down the corridor towards the family wing.

"Like what the hell we're doing with this whole relationship thing. Inequalities in biology and sensation, that sort of thing." he said. It was fairly clear even without telepathy that his mood was nosediving, judging by his pensive look and his shortened strides. "She's not happy." he concluded. "And I'm not sure there is anything I can do about it."

Oh, boy. Nathan looked around, then stopped, nudging Haroun in the direction of the nearest door. It was a little sitting room with a fireplace, barely big enough for a couple of armchairs and a small table between them. Sleet lashed against the tall, narrow window, and Nathan left Haroun to sit down while he went to fiddle with the fireplace.

"You really think she's not happy?" he asked as Haroun settled himself in one of the chairs. "Or is it just that she's less happy than you'd like to see her?"

"Probably the latter." he admitted. "I know on some levels she's perfectly happy. But on some levels, important levels, she's extremely frustrated. I know I would be, were our situations reversed." he said. "And until the tech improves or a major breakthrough happens, it's going to have to stay that way."

"I wish I had some solution for you," Nathan said, meaning it. He made a mental note to drop a word in Moira's ear about this, get her to take Alison aside at some point over the next couple of days. Part of the fun of being a couple was double-teaming your friends when the need arose. "What about you? Are you as frustrated?"

"Me? I'm fine. I resigned myself to my fate a long time ago, Nathan. Railing against it now would be counterproductive. My major problem, and this has to stay just between the two of us, is that I have no goddamned idea what I'm doing here. Not a clue. She's the first, man. Everything I know I'm basing on what I've seen, read, or heard about. And I don't want to screw it up." he said. "She can be a little intimidating that way."

Nathan leaned forward, blowing on the tiny flicker of flame as it started amid the kindling. It hadn't struck him that this would be the case for Haroun, and it should have. "Just because you haven't had the experience doesn't mean you're going to screw this up, you know," he said, leaning back and giving Haroun a steady look. "I married my first. And everything else aside, Haroun, we were pretty much deliriously happy for ten years."

Haroun nodded. "I'm not saying that I can't do it, but for crying out loud, man, she was a ROCK STAR. She's had her fair share and then some. I know what the lifestyle can be like." Of course, his observations of "the lifestyle" came from VH-1, but hey, nobody was perfect. "And there's still a bit of "Why me?" going on, even though I've mostly just accepted it as my good fortune from Heaven."

The fire was getting going quite nicely, so Nathan rose, coming over to the other armchair and sitting down. "In terms of the latter, work on that acceptance. From personal experience, I can say that women find the doubt cute for a very limited amount of time." He offered a smile. "But as for the former... why dwell so much on what she was? Her life has changed to the point where the two of you have a lot more in common than you seem to be recognizing."

Haroun exhaled heavily. "Because now that the sniper's gone, what's to stop her from retaking her old life? She's got her studio thing going on again, so theoretically it's possible." he said. "Because in a choice between me and her music, I'd lose, man. And while it may never come down to that, it still might. She never wanted to be an X-Man - she's made that pretty clear. She fell into this life, and she can fall right back out of it."

"It's possible," Nathan said steadily. "The only thing we can rely on is change." He gave Haroun a very level look. "But to me, this is sounding like a lot of insecurity on your part... and I don't mean that in a derogatory way, so don't get huffy with me. It's there, it may even be justified, but you have to decide what you're going to do with it."

"Well, yeah. Like I said, no real idea what I'm doing over here." he laughed nervously. "And I know what I want, but I'm not sure I have any right to have it." he said after a long pause spent studying the fire. "I never thought I'd be spending my life with anyone other than comrades-in-arms. Now I've had a taste of what life can be in its fullness, and I like it. A lot. I want more. But the real question is - how?"

"Time," Nathan said promptly. "Patience. Taking what you have for what it's worth and being happy in it." He smiled crookedly. "This is going to sound terribly stereotypical, Haroun, but it's a journey. It's not an all-at-once, all-or-nothing thing. You're both still fairly young, you're both living pretty dangerous lifestyles... you need to find out how to live with yourselves and each other in the midst of that, and if that's going to be a successful process it has to be a gradual one."

"Good advice." he said with a grin and a nod. "Thanks." He stared into the fire again, and then smiled. "I've never been very patient." he admitted. "When I set myself to a task, I do everything I can to accomplish it with every tool at my disposal. That approach, I think, will not work with Alison. I need to give her - US - time. Let things settle in and develop at their own pace."

"You engineering types," Nathan teased gently. "It doesn't hurt to sit back and contemplate - in most cases, it helps. Now, there are times to push, too," he amended. "Don't get me wrong. Three... well, four years ago, I suppose, I was here for Christmas and New Year's. If I had pushed just a little and kissed Moira when we got stuck beneath a bunch of mistletoe down at the pub, I probably would never have left that January."

"It's a complex system that defies rational analysis, as my father once told me." he laughed. "And I suppose, given your gift, that you'd be keenly aware of paths-not-taken and all of that?"

Nathan blinked, a bit startled by the question. "You know, I suppose I am. That's funny." He grinned ruefully. "Here I always thought it was just a bad habit of second-guessing myself."

"Maybe the two are related? Go ask your wife-to-be, she'd be able to puzzle that one out." he laughed again. "And there's mistletoe down at the pub? Good to know. Alison'd be thrilled."

"Now, don't you two go monopolizing it," Nathan mock-scolded. "Moira and I have a certain amount of catching up to do."