Log [Alison, Dani] - About tempests and teapots...

[x-dazzler.livejournal.com]

Early Wednesday morning. Alison makes up missing a previous session of Tai Chi tutoring for Dani, and in the process answers a few questions - and finds a few of her own answered at the same time. Learning is a two street, after all.



She was tired. And it had nothing to do with the morning jog, Paige's cheerfulness having even helped keep the mental exhaustion at bay for a while. It was the main, pervading feeling going through her though just at that moment, and Alison, sitting cross legged in the middle of the gym, was making a point of trying to carefully wipe even that from her mind. Going through the meditation exercises beforehand had helped to some extent - she'd taken refuge in a numb sort of mindset, taking into consideration that the person she would be spending time with had a power that was empathic in nature, after all. Considering what she'd been feeling of late, there was no way she was inflicting that upon Danielle, if she could help it.

"Hey Ms. Blaire," Dani said, padding over softly in her flat tai chi shoes. She enjoyed tai chi a lot, it helped her maintain her center and focus on who she was so she didn't get lost in the emotional cacophony that the school could be. Her classmates in town were pretty nice too, which helped remind her that there was a world outside the school. Like the reservation, it was easy to forget that there was more to the world than just Xavier's.

"Hello Danielle," was the steady reply. It struck her, just then, that she'd in fact been going through the same exercises she'd favored when helping Manuel train his power. A slight shift of her legs and Alison rose to stand up, without ever helping herself along with her hands. She'd already been through the Form twice, before meditating to calm down from the evident way she'd kept slipping out of sequence. "How are you feeling, this morning?"

"Alright," and she was actually. Not great after the emotions of the weekend, but not bad. Between focusing on homework and meditation, she'd been able to go without the inhibitor all day, despite everything, "I didn't turn the inhibitor on yesterday except when I slept."

Alison nodded at that - the blankness of the meditation was still well in place, not quite right but soothing after everything else, even with the maelstrom still present if buried deep under the surface. She took one slow breath - still focused, the meditation's effect checked and found still in place. "You sound pleased about that. It's progress then, I take it?"

Danielle nodded, sitting down to stretch on the floor, "Everything was so...much. Everyone was different and it kept shifting as people moved...It's hard to keep it all separate. But I tried and I think I did. I mean, I didn't really shield it, but it didn't control me. And that's good."

"Progress always is. And now you know it's possible, too. Biggest step." The basic warm up exercises she'd been taught for Tai Chi were specific enough - and running them a pace before Danielle got to them wasn't a bad way to show them to her. "Eventually you'll get to learning to differentiate levels of emotions, and then there'll be the whole emotions and motivations aren't the same thing deal, I expect." It was almost absently said, Alison reflecting on what would have come with Manuel in the training, if it had been given the chance to get that far. "Nuance is hard."

"Well, the stronger the emotion the more it affects me, one person with really strong emotions or a group with less emotion individually. Does that make sense?" she leaned over to hold her foot and stretch, "There ain't words to describe it sometimes."

"Mmm." That sounded pretty much similar to some things Manuel had said, or hinted at. "Yes. And feelings aren't about words - especially when you don't know the why of them but just get bombarded with them." Alison wished she could root herself in serenity for Danielle to get a sense of that, but really, the best she could manage now that wasn't negative was... blankness.

"Are you okay?" Dani asked, "I mean...you were bombarded more than everyone else," she could feel the friendship between Ms. Blaire and Dr. McCoy usually and with everything that had happened, it wasn't surprising if she was upset, even if she also knew how to control her emotions, "Is everyone always so...anti-teacher?"

Something surged almost to the surface at that, though Alison had been expecting something of the sort when Danielle asked her if she was all right - even though she wasn't sure what, not until that particular question was asked. "I could answer that and be very bitter, Danielle. I'll try not to - let me know if you think I am." She sat down again, deciding that a meditating pose was safer in terms of keeping her emotions in check, and it wasn't as though she hadn't already been in the gym for a while anyway.

"The way some decided to jump to the worse possible conclusion about Hank's post makes me... angry still." It didn't show however, though it lurked deep within still. "I know Hank. To even think he'd mean something of the sort - it shows how little they actually do know him, you could say. Or stopped to look beyond to who was actually talking to them to just acting on feeling oppressed by whatever Authority was there to point the finger at. I suppose some would explain it away as teenagers just being teenagers, but I see it as an inherent lack of trust, really. It makes me sad. I used to want to do something about it, but it's a lot harder to want to drain myself doing that, these days, when there's already so much that requires my energy... and being viewed as the enemy by those you're caring for makes it very tiring, when things like these happen." She hated admitting to that, though she did offer Danielle a wan, tired smile. "It seems to come and go, mind. And those that ask, those that seem to want though... I do. Whatever I can, there, I do. No reserves." I just can't help them all, she didn't say out loud. None of us can, if we're not allowed to in the first place.

Nodding slowly, it explained a lot about a lot. "But a lot of kids here, they ain't from families that did right for them, ain't it? I've been readin' the journals, it seems a lot of the kids here were hurt badly by people before coming, or have been hurt here. Ain't saying they're right to not trust you, but maybe some skepticism ain't all bad?" she tried to defend her classmates at least a little, "but how can they live here and everything and not see how much everyone does? The least we can do is give you the benefit of the doubt. Elders never explain everything, part of growing up is learning to understand what they don't say and why."

Alison breathed in slowly at that - and a touch of genuine calm pierced through the practiced nothingness, settling around her softly. "Thank you, Danielle." She smiled, just a touch - it almost hurt to hear those words, but it was good too. And it reminded her of those who did trust, who didn't assume the worse or start a siege from within. Without realizing what they were doing, she added mentally to her train of thoughts, hoping she was right. She looked at the other girl for a moment, earnestly looking back at her. "You know, I tried to help Manuel for a little while. I don't know if he's remembered that or not, but... maybe some of that could be applied to a training format for you. If you'd like that." She had said she'd try, for anyone who seemed willing. It's not as though she'd have been able not to, really.

Smiling Dani nodded, "I'd like that. I'm willing to try just about anything once," she finished stretching, and stood up, ready to begin her forms.