xp_logs | Angelo and Amanda, Thursday evening (Reply)

Amanda goes to the quarry to break rocks after her conversation with Remy. Angelo follows to keep an eye on her and they talk, even if nothing much is resolved.

Sleet whipped her face, numbing her skin. Numb was good, numb meant that she couldn't feel anything, and she didn't want to feel any more. But still the anger burned in her, anger at Pete for leaving without a word, anger at the unfairness of the situation, anger at Remy for dumping it all on her, anger at Alphonso, burning in her like acid. Anger at herself for caring. With a sharp gesture she flung another rock towards the side of the quarry, even through the fury feeling the heady rush of magic flowing through her again, even with the simple telekinetic spell. The rock shattered into splinters, another gesture deflecting them away from her.

She hadn't noticed him yet, but Angelo was sitting on a large rock off to the other side, ever-present cigarette in hand, watching her. He was working off the assumption that she had to either get tired or calm down eventually, and he planned to be there when she did.

Pressure was building up behind her eyes - nothing much yet, but she remembered the look of concern on Pete's face as she'd told him about Moira's test results, and the promise she'd made. 'I'm not that selfish', she'd said, and she wasn't, she didn't want to hurt herself even if it meant hurting everyone else, everyone who ever said they'd be there and then weren't, everyone she had to protect by
betraying family... Around her several rocks exploded, a wild cry escaping her throat.

Angelo shifted uneasily on his rock - none of the shards from the ones she'd just exploded had come near hitting him, but it had been a little close for comfort, and he was worried about how long she could maintain her shield as well as the telekinetic spell. So he finally spoke up. "Amanda. Might wanna stop that now, little sis."

For a moment she didn't answer, head hanging down, hair escaping the ponytail she'd tied it into and covering her face. Then low and breathless she replied, panting slightly from the effort of reining herself in, not just letting it all go and smashing everything around her into rubble: "Go 'way, Ange. I don't wanna hurt you."

"Nope", came the simple, stubborn answer. "There's not a chance in hell I'm gonna leave you here alone - 'f you hurt yourself, someone's gotta carry you back."

"Who says I'm goin' back?" she retorted, head jerking up to look at him. Her face was chalk-white, smudged with tears, and filled with utter desolation, heightened all the more by the fact she couldn't tell him why. "Pete's gone, an' he's not gunna be able t' come back." Fresh tears spilled over, and around her the shattered rock pieces trembled. "He didn't even stop t' say goodbye."

He stood up and approached her, cautiously. "Where're you gonna go, if not back to the house? Can't get Romany to pick you up unless you do."

"I don't know!" Power crackled over her hands and she lifted several rocks at once, flinging them against the wall, heedless of where the pieces went. "I don't know where I'll go an' I don't fuckin' well care! I'm just sick of it, Ange, sick of all of it." Her voice broke on the last, and she dropped to her knees, arms wrapped around herself.

Angelo nodded, dropping instantly at her side to wrap his arms around her too, in an attempt to keep her
warm. "Come back to the house, little sis, even if it's just to call Romany. It's too cold out here."

"I'm fine," she rasped, but the fight was leaking out of her. She couldn't go to Rom, not
without dragging this whole mess with her. And while she knew Romany wasn't helpless, what could she do
against de la Rocha if he decided to act against her? Hell, if she did anything unusual, she risked tipping the bastard off to the fact he'd been identified as the killer. And screw things up for Pete to the point where he'd probably be killed trying to get at the bastard. She buried her face into Angelo's shoulder at that realisation, body shaking with cold and emotion. "He's not comin' back, Ange."

He rocked her slightly, frightened by how cold she was physically. All he could do was hold her, trying to still her shaking. "Even if he doesn't, don't mean he won't be in touch. He'll find a way."

All she could do was shake her head, teeth beginning to chatter as the power and rage ebbed away. "Don't
matter, he's gone, just like everyone does," she managed. "He an' Rom... they were the first ones that
ever gave a fuck. An' Rom didn't want t' keep me, so she sent me here. Even with everythin' I did, Pete
never gave up on me, no matter what."

"He still hasn't, I'd lay money on it", Angelo answered firmly. "But a guy's gotta do what he's gotta do. I don't think it's that Rom didn't want to keep you, either."

She couldn't help a mirthless laugh at Angelo's words about guys doing what they had to do, and for a moment the whole story was on the tip of her tongue. But she knew Angelo, knew he'd want to help, and Remy's words about the cost of a war with the Hellfire Club came back to her. She couldn't risk anyone else she cared about. "Doesn't matter, there's nothin' t' be done, is there. Same as always." She slumped suddenly in his arms then, defeated. There was never anything she could do. "'M cold," she murmured flatly after a moment.

"Course you are, you've been out here in the freezin' rain for God knows how long. Time to get you inside." He shifted her in his arms and stood, lifting her with him, fully prepared to carry her back to the house if he had to.

Something in her protested at the thought of him carrying her that far. Especially since he'd realise
she'd lost weight again. "I can walk," she said, wriggling slightly until he set her feet back on the
ground. "Don't make a fuss."

He had, in fact, already noticed how light she was, and raised an eyebrow at her but chose not to say
anything. "Fair enough."

"I don't want people starin', gettin' upset, fussin' over me. Seems like all I ever do is upset people."
Her jeans were muddy from kneeling on the ground, and she was wet through - how much of a spectacle she was going to make was already a factor. Leaning against him and wrapping her arm around his waist for support, she dragged her damp sleeve across her eyes mixing tears and rain. "Never changes, does it?"

He pulled her close against his side, as much to comfort her as to hold her up. "They'd only be
gettin' upset because they worry about you", he pointed out softly. "No one cares what happens to the
rocks, Nate's smashed them up enough times to prove that."

"I know that. Didn't mean the rocks. Just hate makin' people worry. Takes it out of folks." Too much, maybe, but she didn't say it aloud, even though she couldn't help thinking that maybe that was why people kept leaving. She was too much work to be around. And she was tired. Too tired. "Just get me inside without anyone seein'?"

He nodded. "That, I can do. Your room or Manuel's?"

She hesitated - she couldn't face Manuel yet, not with the raw knowledge of what their relationship had
caused. "Mine," she said. "Angie'll be there - she'll keep an eye on me."

"Yours it is, then. You want me to bring you anythin' from the kitchen or whatever, if you don't want people to see you?"

"Ta, big brother. But I'm not hungry." There wasn't even a hint of a smile, like there usually was when
she called him that. "You ever get tired of doin' this for me?" she asked presently. "Pickin' me up an'
helpin' put me back together?"

He shook his head firmly. "Nope. What else is family for? An' you've done the same for me enough times..."

Not as much as he'd done for her. With an inward sigh, Amanda cuddled up to his nice warm side and let him direct her inside, not letting him know how much the family thing had stung. Pete had been family too.