Logs ~ [Alison/Kylun] [Alison/Cain] [Alison/Jean]

[x-dazzler.livejournal.com]

Way too early in the day, Alison goes to find Kylun, to ask him for a very special favor. Despite his worries, Kylun agrees.

Peeking into the library, Alison looked around slowly, trying to spot the person she was looking for. She'd returned from the engraving and the sound of lasers neatly eating away into stone still echoed in her ears, even in the usual silence of the room. She stepped in a bit further, just to make sure she hadn't missed one of the hidden angles of the library before leaving, and then saw him.

Kylun was not exactly avoiding people--at least, not more than he generally did--but he was more content than usual with the knowledge that few of the mansion's occupants actively sought his company. In a day or two, most likely, he would burn an offering and commend Forrester's soul to the Circle, wish him well when he was spun out again into life, but for now Kylun was content to let the course of his mourning for his--almost a friend, certainly a comrade-in-arms, work itself out in private.

Still, Alison's company was more than welcome, and he smiled when he saw her. "A clear dawn and a happy one to you," he greeted her quietly. "What brings you here so early?"

"Thank you," she smiled a bit at that, unable not to despite what she'd been doing earlier. "I was... out dealing with a few things for Anika. And well... it occurred to me that you might be able to help me there, as well." She walked a bit closer, and though she knew it was a small request and a detail that could easily be foregone with, there was still an air about her that let show exactly how much this might mean to her. "Anika asked me to sing something, for Tim and Mick's funeral tomorrow. And I have just the song but... would you be willing to help me on the instrumental part of things?"

Kylun raised nicked and callused hands regretfully. "I fear I have no skill with musical instruments, howsoever worthy the cause. My warrior's training left little time for other hobbies, and climbing was nearer to my heart. I am sorry."

"That's not what I mean," she answered softly, remembering hearing the sound of his wife singing only too well. Coming from him. "I have the base track of the song, without vocals already. It would just be... listening to that, and then reproducing it. I'd take care of the vocals." She bit her lip, hoping. "I can't get the right people here in time, to back me up, otherwise. And acapella... wouldn't be the same. I can do it, but it won't be the same."

Uncharacteristic nervousness bubbled up behind Kylun's widening eyes. He'd caught a few of the students, now and again, wondering if he had enhanced strength, or agility, or a healing factor, and had done nothing to discourage the speculation; the truth, after all, was so . . . disappointing. "I . . . but everyone will be there, or near enough. You are, I think, the only one I have told about . . . that. Are you certain this is what you want? That there are no better alternatives?"

A simple, small smile answered him. "I think it would be perfect." But he looked so nervous at the idea, Alison didn't have the heart to push, even if the possibilities in terms of results with his help were so much better. "I... if you'd rather not, it's okay, too. But I do think it would be wonderful. If you could."

The enhanced senses Kylun also didn't have were by no means necessary to tell how much this occasion meant to Alison. Zz'ria's words, often repeated, came back to him, almost as if his old master were whispering in his ear: there is a lesson, and a reason, and a value, in everything that you are, and even the brightest lantern, kept shuttered, can lead you astray.

He could just imagine the old man's impish smile, at being proven right once again. In a just world, Zz'ria's centuries of life would have eliminated that exasperating smug tinge. Kylun bowed his head slightly. "If you do not mind shepherding a skittish and inexperienced accompanist, I am honored by the request."

A brilliant smile greeted his agreement, relief shining clearly through. "Thank you." She sighed, a release of tension Alison hadn't realized was there. "I've got some time in the music room reserved, this evening and tomorrow morning for a last minute rehearsal. We'll do just fine."

~*~

Late morning. Realizing that Alison has been remarkably silent about his joining up the team, Cain decides to find out why.

Cain checked the journal system, then his email, then the journal system. Hmm. He'd expected SOME response from Alison to the news. By all rights, she would probably have let out a shriek of surprise that he'd be able to hear in the boathouse. Yet after a few hours... nothing.

Fine, then. She had something on her mind, obviously, then Cain was going to have to go talk to her personally. Throwing on a jacket, he headed out from the boathouse.

Taking a walk outside had been a good idea. She hoped. The fresh air at least served to do something, though she hadn't really decided what yet. But walking was good - it was a way to focus energy and to work off... something. Maybe she was just a little bit upset. Just a touch. That was all it was. Nervous energy that needed to be walked off or something.

And maybe that was a pig swooping through the trees over there. Nice fluffy wings on it too. With a sigh, Alison came to a halt on the path, none too surprised that it was one in sight of the boathouse, no less.

Ah, there she was. Cain sped up his pace, waving to Alison. "Hey there, kiddo," he called out to get her attention. A few quick almost-bounds and he was close enough to not have to shout. "Been wondering where you got off to," he quipped, leaning against a nearby tree. "Was wondering if you were buried nose-deep in mission reports again and were going to forget what the outside looked like. Real shame, that."

He was being all... casual. Alison scowled involuntarily, hands jammed in her coat pockets. She'd spent a good part of the day outside with Haroun, at the hospital for the volunteer work. And read the journals on her return. And found out about Cain joining the team. And then taken a walk with Scott that evening. Outside! Without talking about Cain though. Not that. Nooo, now that.

The scowl deepened.

Uh-oh. Frowny face. He knew what that meant. "You're upset," Cain deduced out loud. "And I'm gonna guess that you're not gonna tell me why unless I drag it out of you, right? Fine." He turned his head away, gazing through the trees into the forest. "If I had to guess, I'd say someone's feeling left out of the loop on certain events."

Well, that hit the nail on the head. The frown vanished near instantly and Alison ducked her head down, staring at the gravel on the road. He was not going to see the lower lip tremble, not a chance in a lifetime. Stupid lip. "I..." Taking a deep breath, she looked up - not hiding anything. "Yes." It didn't get any more honest than that, really.

Cain sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair, still not looking directly at Alison. "I went to Chuck, then I went to Summers. Wanted to keep it professional, you know? Keep the personal stuff out of it. Sorry I didn't tell you straightaway. Didn't really think I had any right to," he said quietly, "with all the shit I gave you a ways back, saying you were making a mistake, that you didn't know what you were risking."

Finally, he turned to look down at Alison. "So what do you want to hear? You proved me wrong. There, I was wrong. How's that?"

Alison realized quite clearly that she was staring at him, with an utterly stunned expression - blinking at him was in her range of possible reactions and she supposed that was a start. "No right to tell me? Proved you wrong?" That was a good thing to focus on, she decided, as intangible hurt turned to something far more defined. "You... BLOCKHEAD! I don't care about all of that! This was something important and it would have been nice to hear it from YOU! Not second hand like some-" Something inarticulate followed, which was probably an entirely good thing.

"What was I supposed to say?" Cain shouted back, "What, that I still think you're risking your neck every time you go out there, but you keep doing it? That maybe if I'm out there too, someone'll take a swing that'll bounce off me that would've put you in the hospital? That you reminded me I got this second chance and I don't want to waste it hiding from the world out in the damn boathouse? You want a consideration, fine!" he yelled, "If I do this, that's one less threat aimed at you. I suit up, that's one more weight to the scales that say you come home alive. That what you want to hear?"

He folded his arms, turning back around and facing the trees. "Fine. There. I said it. Happy now?"

Well, it would have been a nice start. At least, that was what Alison tried to say, instead a small sound coming out that was probably due to the fact that he'd tricked into crying after all. The rat. The evil horrible... "Silly man." And then, another sound very similar to the first one escaped her and Alison decided there was a reason waterproof mascara had been invented. Namely because of people who said things that made you cry when they weren't supposed to be saying things that would make you cry.

The first sniffle made Cain turn around, eyebrow arched. "Wait... are you crying? There's no crying in the X-Men!" he wailed sarcastically before stepping over and pulling her into a one-armed hug. "She yells at you, then she cries at you. Ain't it just like a woman," he joked, crouching to Alison's eye level.

"Look," he added, "I ain't got a lot goin' for me but this place. And you know that in a perfect world, mine at least, it'd be just me here and the quiet. Way I've always wanted it to be. But it ain't a perfect world, so I gotta use what I got, right? May as well do the right thing with it. All those reasons you gave me back in September? Yeah. You were right."

The sarcasm earned him a firm whap on the arm, along with a watery laugh as Alison leaned in. "Those reasons... they were right for me at the time. Still are." And she had a few more, as well, which had snuck up on her since. "But if they work for you too, I'm the last person who can give you grief on that." Silly man indeed. Her lips quirked, slightly, and she gave him an innocent look. "Guess we'll be seeing you in a few days to get your trainee leathers fitted then, huh?"

Cain returned the smile, but with a small bit of fear in his eyes. "Hey, only if you're bringing the measuring tape. Long as it don't make your sweetie jealous," he added with a wink.

Biting her lip at that, Alison didn't bother stating she could think of a few ways to make sure Haroun wouldn't in the least feel jealous - instead, she grinned a bit, and poked him in the shoulder lightly. "Hey, it's not so bad. Now, when Lorna gets better and we drag you off shopping in town? That'll get interesting."

"Ooh," Cain crooned happily, "two gorgeous women and a day on the town? Sold. Now, I'm thinking this leather thing might work for me after all..."

~*~

In the afternoon, the inevitable finally happens. Jean and Alison meet in the hallway, and talk. Two years does indeed make a difference, whether you were frozen in time or not.

Walking down the hallway with a boy too small for his age was still something of a challenge, Alison thought, when he was determined to hang on as best as possible. A soft chuckle escaped her as she maneuvered around him, finally settling for an uneven hop drag as Miles clung to her leg, giggling cheerfully. The laughter was contagious and despite the sorrow still lingering, she gave in, smiling down at him before lifting her leg to relocate him in her arms, forehead resting against his. She had come back home, and kept all of her promises, as hard as some had been to keep. A mixture of sorrow and joy, and love welled within and she blinked rapidly even as she smiled at Miles, who was smiling back at her, holding on as tightly as she was.

It was moments like these, Alison thought, that made everything worthwhile. Moments where the light surrounding her had nothing to do with her power, or anything else than the human ability to create small miracles in everyday life. It was something which she'd come to seek out purposefully of late. The waking up in the morning with Haroun beside her in bed, and the look in his eyes when he woke up to see her there. The way Miles would pop out of nowhere of late for a hug and a smile before running back off to class again. A myriad other tiny gestures or words from people in the school, adults and students alike. Being alive, and determined to do every single moment of it justice as well.

A squirm warned her it was time to let go and she did, setting Miles down although not before tickling him gently, earning her a joyful shriek in return as the boy ran off so as to not be late for his afternoon class. And while the smile faded a bit as he rounded the corner and some of the shadows in her eyes returned, it wasn't a fall into darkness, either. There was a balance to all things, after all. Taking a small breath, Alison smiled at the hallway just a bit, even if Miles was already gone, and then turned to open the door to her office.

The shriek of joy Jean had heard brought an answering smile to her face - she did love the kids, would give her all for them. Had done so. She saw the little green blur streak off with the boundless energy of the young and blinked, puzzle pieces matching in her head. That must be the Miles Hank had spoken of - he certainly seemed the sort of wonderful little boy that Hank would so easily adopt into his heart. And if that was Miles, then... Jean looked up.

"Hello," she said before Alison had a chance to open her office door, "Alison. It's good to see you." Not entirely untrue. "You're looking well." And that was true - the woman was still as beautiful as ever, and the smile on her face held the joy she must feel from Miles' love, as well as the sadness and wisdom of maturity.

The light was framing Jean just so, almost giving her the aura one might attribute to an angel walking among the living, and Alison smiled just a bit at her own fanciful imaginings. The way she'd been spoken about since her death certainly would have lent that expression credence now that she'd returned - it set up the woman to a high and hard standard, in her opinion. She was glad it wasn't one she had to live up to.

"Thank you. Welcome back," she continued, even as she opened the door to her office - and then gesture towards the now accessible room, head cocked to the side in a silent question. "I hadn't had the chance to tell you that in person yet, had I?" She was still tired, though the nightmare Haroun had woken her from thankfully was no longer lingering within.

...hard standard...wasn't... to live up to...nightmare... Alison's own shields were very good, but it was almost impossible for anyone to shield completely from a telepath of Jean's level. She wondered if the other woman realized what a high standard she had set herself - her self assurance in regards to Jean indicated she might very well, at least subconsciously. "No," she said, accepting the offer to enter Alison's office. "I don't think I've seen you for more than a few seconds at the other end of the hall. You must have been very busy this last week with planning for the attack." She squashed the bitterness out of her voice, but some of it remained in her posture and leaked into the air around her.

The smile faded at that, emotions bleeding away from Alison until her features remained disturbingly blank. The memory of a final breath echoing out, leaving nothing afterwards echoed in her mind, images wreathed in shades of life blood's red. "We were." Blinking hard at the sharp stab of grief, she took a small breath and worked on regaining her composure, following Jean inside, the door left a touch open. "It's good to have a little down time, now." No vacation for Tim, either, a small voice reminded her softly. No Istanbul, no Paris, no Honk Kong. He was at Westchester forever now. Both of them were.

Alison looked out the window and into the bright sunlight as she headed for her desk, letting the brightness wash over her soothingly before sitting down. She nudged the chair to the side, so her desk wouldn't stand between them, and took a deep breath. "And... well. We've time now."

Jean caught the sense of bitterness and loss, but was unsure where they were focused. Connected to the mission, of course, which had not been without casualties.

Settling into the other chair, Jean nodded. "Yes, that's true." She didn't know how to talk to this Alison - she was, most decidedly, not the woman Jean remembered anymore.

There was something about Jean's posture and movement which confused Alison, but she didn't pry. "Mmm. Start at the beginning then? How're you settling back into things? I'm sure everyone's been doing their best to make things as smooth as possible for you..." She was well aware of the fact that Jean was already back into the medical side of things, which must have been a steadying event for the other woman, or so she thought.

It was, Jean felt, unfair when other people used her habit of asking questions to get the other person talking against her. Made it much less easy to keep control of the conversation. "I guess I've settled in fairly well, yes," she said. "Still trying to catch up on everything, of course, and there are a number of... loose ends that need tying up, somehow. And you? How have things been with you since... since I left? I heard about your son - was that him in the hallway?"

A soft chuckle answered that, Alison smiling in spite of herself - the mere mention of Miles did that. "Two whole years - so much has happened. If you'd told me I'd be doing half of what I'm doing now, I'd have laughed you out of the room." Including being a mother, at that. "That was Miles, yes. He's been," she paused, then continued smoothly, "making sure things are still real a lot, this week. But it was a pretty big upheaval this weekend for him, so it's normal. He should settle down in a few more days."

The mental glow of joy that mention of Miles brought to Alison washed over Jean with bright images of the little boy and she couldn't help but smile in return. "The children are all so resilient," she said. "It's incredible, and reassuring."

"Yes," was the quiet, almost serene reply. They were already adapting to Jean's return, as large an upheaval it had been - good as it was, it was still a rather drastic event for them. And for Scott. But he would be all right, Alison knew. She was determined to see it happen so and she knew he'd spoken to Jean, a few times at the very least, since her return. "It must have been hard for you - bring confronted to two year's worth of changes like that." It was simple fact, hardly something to tip toe around, and something Jean would adapt to and then move along with from everything she'd heard about the woman. "I hope it's started to settled down at least a little bit where the kids are concerned?"

Jean nodded slowly. "Yes, it is a lot to process, but... I would say things have calmed down significantly. The new students mostly seem to accept that I'm just another staff, and all the staff have strange stories about them. The older students... are recovering, I think."

"Mmm," Jean said, nodding. "I'm not entirely sure they're not correct, at least some of the time. But then, teenagers always think it's the end of the world as they know it. We just give them added impetus here."

Strains of 'It's the end of the world as we know it' drifted across Alison's mind, drawing a faint smile from her, though it faded soon. "They do fine with finding impetus on their own, really. Mick thought the school was... like something out of a dream." Changing the subject, she decided, would be a good idea. "I notice you're not wearing the inhibitors anymore. How is that going?"

The sound of music echoed faintly in Jean's mind and she couldn't help but smile in return. "It's... a process, really. The only way to build up my shields is through exposure, but... Well, exposure means exposure to everything. And there are a lot of people in the school these days."

"Yeah, the numbers vary sometimes but it seems to have stabilized lately." There was a decided lack of concern about whether Jean had full control over her power or not, it seemed, Alison's calm never wavering. "In numbers at least," she added with definite wryness. She looked around the office, and shook her head a bit. "I like it here. I never thought I'd be staying, you know. It was just another place to stop by, and then I'd be trying to get my career back, by any means possible. I never thought I'd end up doing... all of this."

The calm floating off of Alison was far less reassuring than it would have been coming from Hank. Jean could deal with Hank taking care of her, but from Alison it just emphasized how little of her own control remained. "Yes," she said slowly, "I must admit I was... surprised to hear you were still here when I woke up. And an X-man team leader... wow." There was a definite tenseness to her posture and voice.

"It was a team vote," Alison said with a bit of a helpless smile, still amazed at any of it having happened at all. "And I still think Scott set me up. He knew..." She ducked her head at that, soft laughter escaping her. There would be no tip toeing around anything - Jean deserved better than that, though looking up, Alison noticed the hard to miss tension, and the smile faded a touch. "It's been two years," she said, simply. "Things happen. And people change."

There were moments that snuck up on you, building on events until even you couldn't hide from the undeniable anymore, and such was one for Alison, at that very moment in time. I've changed. A knowing which had been waiting there patiently, for her to notice it. Oh. "This is who I am now." A hint of wonder perhaps, to the words, along with a surety which sank through rock deep.

The joy in Alison's mind, the little inside joke about Scott, and everyone had wanted her to take this position. It was all like a sucker punch to the gut. As Alison's confidence grew and her understanding of herself, Jean's plummeted. "I'm... I'm happy for you," she managed, pain and confusion radiating off of her in waves. People weren't supposed to change, not when she hadn't. Everything she remembered was different and she couldn't cope, and the flighty, un-connected woman she remembered had put down roots in Jean's home while she wasn't even looking. While she hadn't even been aware that there was anything to look at. Jean felt as though she had lost everything, and here, smiling and confident, was the woman who had grown up into her place.

Alison had been exposed to enough telepaths to know what emotional leakage felt like, and the fact that what was brushing her mind was the exact opposite of what she was feeling made it even that easier to spot. She frowned just a bit, straightening up and leaned towards Jean ever so slightly. "Jean?"

Jean mentally cursed her lack of control, the inability to hide what she was feeling shaking her composure even farther. "I'm sorry," she said, biting at the inside of her lip. "I... I can't keep from... I don't have any control." That was both not the problem and exactly the problem, but she couldn't, wouldn't explain it better.

"And touch makes it worse," Alison murmured, remembering well enough how that went - not trying to puzzle out what she'd felt projected earlier, setting that aside for later. "You'll get it back." She'd done it once, after all - and with Charles to help her, and Nathan as well she suspected, though perhaps more no the telekinetic side of things... and there she went, planning again, as though Jean were a trainee. Charles knew what he was doing. Jean would indeed, be just fine.

"Many things make it worse," Jean admitted, feeling a flush rising in her cheeks. She could feel thoughts and plans flitting through Alison's mind, although the other woman's shields were strong enough to keep much of it out of Jean's mind. But she still caught flashes ... just a trainee... be just fine... The embarrassment turned quickly to anger and Jean balled her fist, letting her nails bite into her palm to distract herself.

Not being a telepath, Alison knew she couldn't even begin to guess what was going on in Jean's mind. But there were enough vocal and physical clues to tell her something was going on, whatever that might be. "Is there anything that makes it easier for you?" Offering to help her, be it with meditation or anything of the sort would likely be a bit touchy, considering this was someone who had previously controlled her power just fine - well, almost. Either way, pride had to be at work at one point or another and Alison didn't want to trample all over it. If possible.

Rational. How could Alison be so rational? The entire world had been turned on its head and everyone acted as if it were perfectly normal. It did not quite manage to occur to Jean that, in fact, it was not that Alison was being rational but that she was being irrational that was upsetting her. "I just... I just need some space." She had to get away from all the noise, away from Alison, away from her own head. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go for a walk." Jean stood abruptly.

"Okay," was the softly spoken reply, Alison rising to her feet to open the door for her, making sure to not touch her or push her further. Going without the inhibitor already was lot for Jean to deal with, obviously. She tried not to think, to keep her thoughts pleasantly blank until the red head had left the office. And once that was done, she wandered back to her desk to sit down... and draft out an email.

Once she was out the door, Jean headed outside to let the still cool weather and the physical distance from all the mental noise of the school calm her down.