LOG: Manuel and Galin - All About Doctor Grey

[x-empath.livejournal.com]

Take one bitter Spaniard and one angry dead Askani. Mix. Shake well before serving. The results aren't really all that pretty, but the point eventually does get made successfully.



Manuel looked at the Askani empath and sighed. "It's not fair. Everyone _else_ has mutation that they can use and be made to feel useful in the doing. Or, at the very least, allowed to blow off steam without hurting anyone. Me? I get stuck with the most useless power ever. Using it lands me in the Box, or dampened. Not using it gets me yelled at for being, what was the phrase? Ah, yes - borderline sociopathic because I didn't give enough of a shit about her poor little life. I can't win!"

Galin snorted. Loudly. "You're feeling very sorry for yourself," the old empath said bluntly, glad that Lusanya had asked him to come tonight, rather than coming herself. The last thing the boy needed was his hand held or his head patted.

"No one else will, so I might as well." he shot back. "There are times when I really hate being me. I mean, Charles thinks I have to be in love with the whole world. That's not fair!"

"I very much doubt Xavier said anything of the sort," Galin shot back, walking down Manuel's mental beach. "He may however have expected you to empathize with the people around you, whether you find it tiresome or not."

"Yeah, well, fuck 'em. I don't need to like everybody, or empathize with their so-called plights. And in her case, her crap could be fixed easily. Fear is her big problem - gank that, and let her resolve her own crap as she sees fit. The new structures she creates should be enough to support things. And if they're not, well, tough shit. I gave her the chance, what she does with it is up to her." he grumbled as he walked. "No one respects my power. This comes hand-in-hand with no one respecting _me_."

"I'm beginning to feel like you never listened to a thing Lusanya or Evaris or I ever taught you," Galin scolded. "How long precisely has this poor woman been returned to her life? One week, two? You do not intervene unless it becomes obvious that she cannot find resolution on her own, and you certainly do not intervene without her explicit permission."

"And I didn't intervene!" Manuel said from gritted teeth. "I asked her how things with Scott were going, and apparently she flipped out and ran. I could have stopped her - that's easy - but I didn't. And I'm wondering if I should have. Last time that happened, Shiro damned near killed a bunch of folks. Got patted on my head and told to mind my own business that time."

Galin rolled his eyes. "But you believed you should have intervened." He glared at the boy. "If you intend to be close-minded and not think about what is said between us here, I may as well leave. I don't have the patience these days to deal with your inability to focus."

"I could have helped her! Is that such a bad thing?" he asked. "And how am I being closed-minded? Because I don't subscribe to your religion? Because I actually am trying to think it through now, and not just go based on feel? You know how easy that is for one of us!"

"Because you're not listening. Because you tell me that you could have intervened easily, that you gave her the chance - and what does that mean, Manuel? Then, when I tell you that you by no means should have done either, you complain that you did not!" Galin stopped, glaring at him. "This is not a matter of what you did, Manuel, it is a matter of what you believed you should have done. Attempt to keep up!"

Manuel glared at the older empath. "So what was the right thing to do? Let her go, give her the chance to sort her own shit out - and potentially do some damage with her telekinesis, or intervene - either to take the fear entirely and let her build a new structure without it, or to go deeper and examine the root of her problems directly?"

Galin raised an eyebrow. "You're a fool," he said bluntly. "An arrogant fool. Two weeks, Manuel. Even if she were injuring people left and right with her telekinesis, she would deserve more time than that to attempt to find her own resolution." He raised an eyebrow, his voice turning sarcastic as he went on. "And what would have happened had you taken the fear? You still cannot make permanent changes, boy. How much worse would it have been for her, to return all at once? And you, you who has so little compassion for the people around you, you cannot seriously imagine that you could have given her the support necessary to examine the so-called root of her problems."

"It would be better than what she has now. Without the fear choking her, without the distraction it represented, she could make forward progress on her problems! Then, once the underlying structure was in place, then the fear could be dealt with and dismissed in far more efficient a fashion." he pointed out. "Tell me I'm wrong, that it doesn't work that way."

"It doesn't work that way," Galin said flatly. "Not unless the fear persists."

"Worked just fine that way for Amanda." he pointed out. "And the fear is persistant. She's been living in it, from what Charles says and from what I've seen, since she arrived."

"She has been here. For two. Weeks." Galin was rapidly losing his patience. "She has had her memories back for a grand total of total weeks. She has not had the ability or opportunity to begin dealing with it, for any longer, than two weeks." Galin regarded him with something close to real disgust. "And you think highly enough of yourself to believe that now is when you should intervene, because... what, because it inconveniences you to have someone in turmoil in your vicinity?"

"I'd be lying if I said that wasn't a consideration. Not a major one, but it's a consideration. No, what I really want is to help my friend out." Manuel said confidantly. "To ease his pain by helping another to deal with hers. Two birds, one stone, if you understand the metaphor."

"What friend?"

Manuel grinned. "Alex." he said. "I just want to make him feel better, and do some good at the same time. Unless, of course, Manuel cannot actually, as it has been theorized, do any good whatsoever with his motherfucking power. In which case I should just put the fucking dampener back on and be done with it."
Galin stopped, raising an eyebrow. "Alex... this is the brother of her linkmate?" Manuel nodded, and Galin looked bewildered. "What... possible bearing does that have on her problems?"

"She is, apparently, ripping Scott apart since her return." Manuel said. "I've already talked to Scott, felt his turmoil. Helping her to deal with hers would aid him, and in so aiding would make Alex feel better. So I'd be helping _three_ people by intervening in some fashion."

"The linkmate, possibly. The brother is immaterial," Galin scoffed. "He chooses to react as he does, hence, he can choose to resolve it."

Manuel scowled at that. "He is not immaterial. He is my _friend_." he said stubbornly. "I like to help my friends when I can."

"So you do not wish to actually help her. Merely to help a person you do give a flying flonq for."

Manuel grinned. "Finally you begin to Get It. I don't like this Jean Grey. If it were strictly up to me, she could settle out her own crap on her own. But she's affecting people I do care about, so therefore I want to get involved to ease the way."

"Then you should stay completely away from her," Galin said flatly. "Completely and totally."

"I don't have that luxury." Manuel sighed. "Am I not being clear here? Do my words not make sense?"

"Of course you have that luxury. No one is forcing you to become involved."

"When not involving myself involves four hours of that accursed Earl Grey Tea and a thorough raking-over-the-coals, I'd say that I am being forced to get involved." he growled. "What if she has a fit and kills someone? And I could have stopped it but didn't. How do I live with that?"

"Oh," Galin said, raising an eyebrow. "So Xavier took issue with what you did because you didn't get involved?"

Manuel snorted. "I took issue with what I didn't do because I _should have_ become involved." he said. "I have the power, I have the will - but apparently I don't have the right. And it is just going to be a matter of _time_ until somebody _dies_ because of it."

"I do so hope that at some point you outgrow this childish tendency to change the subject every time someone asks you a question you prefer not to answer," Galin said. "You wish my answer to your conundrum, Manuel? You do not have the right, because you have not yet earned it."

Manuel blinked. "Earned it?" he echoed. "From whom?"

"To utilize a power such as ours effectively, to do it for the benefit of the people around you, to help solve conflict, to alleviate pain and preserve life, requires experience. Requires knowledge, good judgement, not merely will and power. Requires trust, Manuel."

"And you castigate me for ducking the question. I ask again - earned it from whom?" Manuel said as his mindscape blurred, returning the two of them to the club in Manuel's mind. He left Galin standing, but Manuel sat upon his richly upholstered chair so he could look down on Galin. "We are not your Clan, to beg permission from a Chief."

"I have answered your question," Galin said, looking supremely unconcerned by the difference in their heights. "You earn that trust, that right, from the people you wish to help."

Manuel snorted. "Then I will sit back and do nothing, for no-one here trusts me one whit as far as my power is concerned. Well, that is not, strictly speaking, true. Amanda does, but even her tolerances have limits. And when they scatter the ashes of another body into the lake, I will rest well at night, knowing that despite how I could have stopped it, my interference was not wanted."

"So," Galin said, amused. "Your pride is worth more to you than the lives you believe you could save."

"Why shouldn't it be? The masses have spoken, and their will is to be obeyed." Manuel said with a grand gesture. "I know that now."

"Interesting," Galin said, "how you truly believe you can do all these things with your power, but when it comes to using your heart and your mind, rather than the benefits of genetic accident, you quail."

Manuel sighed. "I am _not permitted_ to aid in the saving of lives. I've been told this twice now - the first time with Shiro, the second with Dr Grey. Luckily, in both circumstances nobody was permanently injured, but you'll have to admit that the possibility was very, very high. In both circumstances, it would have been trivial to steal the desire for as time, to give them the time and space they needed to get the help they were crying out for."

"Again, you avoid the point. Do you truly not see it, or are you that deficient in your thinking?" Galin shook his head, disgusted. "You can earn their trust, Manuel. You can gain the experience and the knowledge you need to be trusted. It takes time, and it will take a great deal of work, given everything you have done. Perhaps it is not entirely fair, given that some of your actions were not under your control, but it is a simple choice. Do the work, take the risk, and be trusted... be able to put your gift to work in a beneficial fashion. Or do not, and live the rest of your life in frustration and solitary arrogance."

Manuel scowled as he thought that over. "I am trying. But there are no opportunities, no chances for one such as me. Us. How can I help when there are no opportunities, no chances?"

"You spoke to the linkmate, didn't you?"

"Yes." Manuel said, briefly confused as to whether he was referring to Scott or to Amanda. "I spoke to Scott."

"And it helped, did it not? You shared your experience with him. You listened. You comforted, as alien an experience as that must have been for you..."

Manuel scowled again. "I did." he said. "I thought it might help, to hear my viewpoint, to know what I knew."

Galin smiled very thinly. "Did you use your power?"

"Not actively." Manuel said. "I Saw, but I did not reach out. But I am _always_ using my power that way."

"Odd, then, how well it worked, no?" Galin asked. "How permanent a change you made, merely by Seeing... by approaching him on a merely human level, sharing pain and what was learned from it. Rather than forcing him to feel a certain way." He spread his hand wide. "A few well-chosen words, Manuel. A willingness to listen. And yet you set him on a path towards making the necessary changes in his mindset, one that will lead him out of his present difficulties - and allow him to do it himself."

Manuel scowled. "I cannot say if it worked or not." he admitted. "But there might be something to what you're telling me here." Another flash, and the throne room and the club were gone, to be replaced by a simple table with two chairs. Manuel was sitting in one, and he left the second open for Galin. "But Dr Grey - she would not listen. Would not hear my words."

"You rubbed her nose, is that not the phrase, in her current weakness. Did you enjoy it when your lack of shielding was pointed out so forcibly by Kwannon?"

"An unfair comparison, and inaccurate as well. If I had possessed her, then you might have a point." Manuel pointed out. "I was trying to get her to talk about it."

"You were in control of the situation. You proceeded to demonstrate that you were in control of the situation, and that she could not resist whatever you chose to do to her."

Manuel blinked. "How could you _possibly_ get that interpretation from the events? I introduced myself, we made some small talk, and then I mentioned her troubles with Scott. Then she ran away. That's all!"

Galin raised an eyebrow. "Perhaps I am misreading your memory of the event... but did she not perceive your scan?"

Manuel smirked. "Impossible." he said. "She's a telepath, not an empath."

"Oh, of course. And no telepath has ever perceived your attempts to access their emotions. Ever."

Manuel nodded. "Precisely so." he said with a grin. "Nathan would have never known had I not tripped a trigger. Charles is broad-spectrum, he can see what I do as well as I can see him - when he's using that part of his power."

"And you know this woman and the nature of her powers well enough to say that she is not like Charles, rather than Nathan?"

Hrm. A good point. "No." he said after a moment. "I was led to believe that she was a telepath and a telekinetic, much like Nathan."

"There are infinite shadings of the psionic mutation," Galin said. "Nathan is telepathic and telekinetic, but also precognitive. Xavier is telepathic, yet at such a broad spectrum that he can perceive, understand and react to what we do. You... you cannot possibly believe that you are only an empath, either. And yet you would base your opinion of this woman's powers on hearsay?" He cackled. "Sloppy, boy. Very, very sloppy."

"For some reason, Charles is just not breaking out the biographies on the new arrivals to me." he said with a sigh. "And I am an empath. That is what I am, that is my gift and my curse."

"Hmmph," was Galin's response. "But if she did perceive your scan... this woman whose shields are compromised, who is suffering from the lack of privacy... do you perhaps begin to see how that conversation went so disastrously wrong?"

Manuel shook his head. "I am giving her the same consideration people gave me when I was in a shieldless state." he said. "I was not broadcasting and I certainly was not manipulating. All I did was button my own mind up tight and look into hers."

"You fool! You hopeless little fool," Galin snapped, nettled. "You gave her the same consideration? You were in a position to give her more consideration! Why would you not choose to do so?"

"Why would I give her more than what I received to begin with? I closed myself off and gauged her own mood and emotions, so as to better figure out how to help her heal." he replied calmly. "Far better than what I received."

"Arrogant. Arrogant child," Galin said witheringly. "I retract what I said about you fearing to use your heart. You have none."

"Truthful!" Manuel said sharply. "Point to me _one thing_ that I have said that was not true!"

"It is true that you could have given her more than you received," Galin said stonily. "And true that you did not. That you chose not to, because you saw no point in it. And that is your failure, Manuel - that is your weakness, that is why you are not trusted."
Manuel blinked. "I do not understand what you are trying to tell me here." he said with a sigh. "There was not much else I could have done to protect Dr Grey any more than what I had already done."

"Let me phrase it in small, easily understandable words." Galin stopped, blinking. "No... instead, let us imagine you were in her place," he said, more confidently than angrily. "It should not be that much of a stretch. Imagine yourself without shields again, Manuel. Imaging yourself approached by someone who walked into your mind, trod on your emotions, and you sensed that. You have no control, and this person has demonstrated that to you yet again. You are violated, casually, and then this person decides that he is fit to examine your emotions on the most difficult and painful of subjects - your linkmate. He expects you to answer him, to bare your heart before him so that he may 'fix' you. Because, after all, you are without control, you are broken, and thus your pride is as nothing."

"If I could have had that take place when I was in such a state, I would have wept hot tears of joy and begged for it to happen." Manuel said. "Her reaction was her own, however. I was more worried about her telekinetic eruption that happened later. Come to think of it, it did, and I did. Sad that it took a Norse God and a vampire to fully realize it."

"What you would have done," Galin said coldly, "is utterly and completely immaterial. It is what she felt, how she reacted, that matters. You created that situation, Manuel. You were in a position of strength, she was in a position of vulnerability. If you do not take responsibility for all of the consequences, you are a coward."

"Then, from what you are saying, I need to take a more firm hand in circumstances like these. But to do so is to invite disaster and being depowered again. So, unless I am mistaken, the only way to win is to not play the game."

Galin shook his head slowly. "Have I slipped into the battle language? Is that the problem? What do you think I would have liked you to do when you saw her that day?"

"To take full command of the situation, to accept the consequences and the benefits as my own would require more power than Charles is comfortable with me using." he said slowly. "So to take command is to be punished. To not take command is, again, to be punished. The only way to win is to not play."

"No. Absolutely not," Galin snapped. "You have not listened to a single thing I have said, have you?" So pointless. All of this. Why had he ever agreed to take on the boy's tutelage? There was no foundation there, and he steadfastly refused to build one. "I would have liked to see you introduce yourself, Manuel. I would have liked to see you exhibit kindness to her. Perhaps tell her about your own struggles with your shields. To let her know that she is not alone in her difficulties, that there have been others who have fought and won the same battle. Nathan did precisely that, and she was comforted by it. If she is comforted, if she sees herself as safe, supported, her battle will be easier."

"I never had the chance!" he exclaimed. "She ended the conversation before we could do much of anything past the preliminaries!"

"I will not reiterate, yet again, that you began badly. As you made no attempt to empathize with her, no attempt to take her fears and insecurities into account, the conversation was doomed from the beginning. I only regret she did not actually lash out at you. Perhaps physical pain would teach you what words cannot."

"I did introduce myself. Quite charmingly, if I do say so myself. I didn't get much past that before she _ran away from me_." he said with another sigh. "Now you are saying that you would prefer that she injure me? Some tutor you are, if that's your idea of effective instruction. I accept that from the Lord of Mischief, I do _not_ accept that from the Askani!"

"You accept nothing from us, Manuel," Galin said disgustedly. "That is the difficulty. You have failed, time after time after time, to learn the fundamental lesson that power is nothing. Power is a tool. People are what matter. If you cannot choose to navigate your relationships with compassion, you will never be anything more than a crippled child with a gift he can never put to use."

"I have no relationship with Dr Grey." he pointed out. "And where is the compassion for me? Ah, but that does not matter! I know you will tell me this next, because I have heard it before. I am expected to give, and give, and give, until I have nothing left, and then give some more. And there is to be nothing for me, for I cannot expect or rely on people doing the same for me as you would have me do for them,"

Galin stared at him for a long moment... and then smiled, very faintly. "Now you begin to see."

Manuel boggled at Galin. "You _honestly_ expect me to live my life that way?" he asked incredulously.

"Not really." Galin allowed himself to relax, just a little. "But I do expect you to recognize the two extremes and find the middle ground. You cannot live denying your own needs, because that is in the end destructive." He met Manuel's eyes seriously. "But you must give more than you are now, Manuel. There must be times when you think of something beyond the balance sheet, when you do sacrifice, do give more than you receive."

Manuel frowned as he pondered that idea. "Fair enough." he said grudgingly. "I can try that."

"You get the most entertaining expression whenever you're pondering a concept that's currently beyond you," Galin murmured sardonically. "Consider it fortunate that my daughter and other impressionable young women find it as endearing as they do."

Manuel growled at Galin. "That's enough." he warned the older man. "I have limits, and I am in no mood to be teased right now."

"There is a point behind the teasing," Galin said more seriously. "You made my daughter weep, Manuel de la Rocha. Why do you think I arrived tonight, instead of her?"

Manuel shrugged. "I figured that you had something to say - which you did - and she was just planning on being social. Why would she weep?"

"Because you made her hope for you, but then made her fear for you again."

"Fear for me, or fear me?" he asked cynically. "It was not my intention to distress her."

"Do you truly doubt that she cares for you?" Galin asked, suddenly looking and sounding his age. "Because if you are unable to see that, Manuel... then either your Sight is not as clear as you believe it to be, or your judgement is in error, occluding it."

"I don't doubt it for a moment." he said casually. "But given how you seem to swing between me being salvagable and the second coming of Franco, I am never sure how much of that rubs off on her. And Nathan is far from my largest booster."

"My daughter knew her own mind from an appallingly early age," Galin said more wryly. "And Nathan... well, Nathan has much to concern himself with now, none of which involves you."

"I would hope so! If Nathan is squandering his energies on me when so much else in his life is going on I would personally have to kick his ass." he said with a grin. "And here I thought that independent thought was frowned on by your kind." he said with a joking laugh.

"You do not know us well," Galin said mildly. "Not really. But it would be a waste of your energies to try and understand our patterns, even if you wished it. You have patterns of your own to master in the here and now."

"That's OK. Besides maybe some of your music, I really don't care much." he admitted. "I like Lucy, she's a wonderful person. But she's not exactly real. And, as you say, I have my hands full in the here-and-now. I sometimes wonder, though, what it would be like if she had flesh now, or if I could have existed in her time."

"You would have had a much easier time, born two thousand years from now," Galin said. "At least when it came to your power. You would have been raised to be comfortable with it, to master it, surrounded by other empaths. As I have told you before, it was too precious a gift for those that bore it to be treated with anything but great care."

"I got that impression, yes, and believe me when I tell you that there are many, many days when that sort of thing is seductive as all hell." he admitted. "It's the rest of it I am not too keen on."

"You likely would have died in battle, almost certainly in some painful and lingering way," Galin agreed.

"There is that." he said with a shudder. "I've death-scanned enough other people, I have no desire to see what it feels like with my full power from the inside."

Galin felt a tug, and sighed. "I am being summoned to return," he said dryly. "We cannot risk draining Nathan's energy."

Manuel nodded. "Stop by again sometime. Believe it or not, these talks are valuable to me."

Galin raised an eyebrow as he faded. "Then perhaps the circular dance will be worth it in the end," he said cryptically, and vanished.

Manuel shrugged at Galin's vanished form. "It's not like I have so many people to talk to..." he sighed, then vanished himself.