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xp_logsCrossing Over: The day after Alphonso's death, Manuel finds out. Comfort turns to condemnation when she feels his reaction and he finds out just what the secret Amanda's been keeping is.
Manuel stared at his monitor in shock. He was keeping up with the news from home, as was his usual wont, and in between the scandal sheets and the sober financial news came a piece of news that had Manuel absolutely rocked.
His father was dead.
The article was brief, mercifully so, but it did say that it was strongly suspected that foul play was involved.
His father was murdered.
Manuel turned off his monitor with a very low sob. Blindly reaching, spilling a spindle of blank CDs to the ground, he grabbed a shotglass and then reached into his fridge for the bottle of alcohol that Betsy had gifted him with before she had left.
Love.
Hate.
Promises.
Right now, he could drink to that.
She hadn't even thought about it, just reacted to the wave of grief and shock coming down the link. Standing so quickly she'd knocked the books from her desk with a resounding clatter, Amanda had dashed out of the library, ignoring the bewildered looks of the other students studying there and Shan. Something was wrong, and she had to be there, that was all there was to it. She couldn't have done otherwise if she'd tried.
Taking the stairs two at a time, shoving past a couple of people moving too slow, she flung herself into Manuel's suite, throwing open the door without preamble. He'd know she'd be there.
"Manuel? What is it?"
Manuel looked over to Amanda, and poured himself another shot. Downing it quickly, he smiled at her bleakly. "You got your wish, dearest love. You got your wish." he said bitterly before reaching for the bottle to pour himself another. "I suppose that now we should dance and sing for glee? Maybe tell everyone so we can have a nice big party? We'll invite everyone, and have cake and balloons!" he said with a sneer.
She frowned, coming forward to touch his shoulder hesitantly. "You're not makin' sense, love," she said, trying to keep her voice soothing despite the confusion and worry. "What wish?"
Manuel laughed bitterly and swallowed his second shot. "You mentioned to me that the cunt, as you so suavely put it, should just bugger off and drop dead to make your life a little easier. You got your wish." he said, pulling his features into a rictus grin. "C'mon, let's celebrate! The end of four thousand years of history, yaaay!" he said as he shot to his feet and danced a little jig around Amanda. "A line that stretches back to the Romans, broken! WOOHOO!"
"He's dead?" Pete must have been ready to go when she'd seen him in Chicago. "Wait, that's why you're feelin' so...?" She waved her hand vaguely at her head to indicate the link. "What the bloody fuck? This is the man who arranged t' have yer bloody memory wiped, an' you're sad he's gone?"
Manuel grinned bleakly. "I told you, we're having a party!" he said, trying to pull her to her feet to dance with him. "He was the only living de la Rocha left since I was disinherited. And he was truly a cockroach with the ethics of a snake. But now he's gone!" he said, smiling maniacally.
She wrenched away from his grip, backing away from him a few steps. "Stop it!" she cried, frightened and angry. It was like he'd gone mad - maybe he had. "What the fuck does it matter about the family line? It's done. He can't hurt us any more!"
"And that's all that matters to you, isn't it? He was a threat, and now he's gone." Manuel said, still capering just a little bit. Laughing, he poured himself a shot and downed it. "You can't see him in any other way, can you?" he asked after the shot finished burning. Point to Elizabeth, she had given him some very good booze.
"What bloody else should matter?" she retorted. "I'm sorry, but somehow I can't find it in me t' mourn the bastard who had the fuckin' shite beaten out of me an' who threatened me an' me family just 'cause I was with you!" Sarcasm dripped from her words. "You think he was gunna stop at sendin' that DVD? He wanted me hurt, an' he was gunna do whatever it took t' keep on doin' that!" She couldn't believe what she was hearing. After a month of isolating herself, trying to keep the secret of Pete's absence, the guilt of feeling she'd brought all this on them, and he was mourning the bastard?
Manuel hoisted up his shotglass. "Here's to love!" he said, and then tossed the shot back. "That's the love a son has for his father, even when his father is a complete piece of shit." Manuel said. "Because he's the only family he has. And now this one here, here's to hate." he said, refilling and then draining his shotglass. "The hate that comes from what he has done - to me, to you, to others. Asylums, DVDs, beatings, all of it. All the hate."
"You love him? Even after all that?" He'd had quite enough, Amanda decided. She gestured, and the bottle yanked itself from his hand and flew across the room to her. "Family's more 'n blood, Manuel. He doesn't deserve you half-killin' yerself over this. An' 'm not gunna stand by an' watch, not after everythin' he's put us through."
Manuel looked longingly at the bottle of alcohol. "Family's more 'n blood - to you. To me, family is blood. The weight of tradition, of history. Which some cunt took from me!" Manuel yelled. "But you got what you wanted, and I suppose I should be happy for my good fortune."
"So I wanted him dead! Of course I did, after what he did! I've already lost enough because of him, and at least now I can't lose any more. Unless you're goin' t' let him destroy us after all." She couldn't understand why he was acting like this, not after what Alphonso had done. "I don't care 'bout all that history an' stuff, only that you an' the rest of the people I care about are safe!" She could understand why Pete had done it now - Alphonso had been poison, and eventually he'd have destroyed them all.
Manuel felt something odd in Amanda, something ... knowing. "You knew?" he said in a shocked voice. "For how long? How long have you known? And who was the assassin, Amanda? Who was it?" he demanded.
Amanda swore in the depths of her mind, knowing she'd slipped, that the link had finally given her away. And it was the link that wouldn't let her lie to him. "I..." she stammered, seeing nothing but an array of pitfalls in front of her. No matter what she said, there was going to be damage. "He had Pete's dad killed," she said at last.
Manuel blinked. "He did?" he asked in a small voice. "How very not-like him. Interesting." he said, settling back in his chair to think things through. "So that's what this is? A life for a life? He took Pete's father, so someone took mine? Wait. Is that why Pete has been gone for so long? Did Pete Wisdom kill my father? If you know, Amanda, please tell me willingly. I don't want to have to do this the hard way..." he said, voice trailing off.
Amanda went cold. "You wouldn't," she said flatly. "You wouldn't dare."
"When it comes to my family, you'd be surprised at what I'd dare," he said coldly. "I don't want to do it. I really don't. You know that. But if you're not going to play ball nicely, then you're not going to leave me much choice." he continued in that same cold tone. "So decide. If you know, now's the time to say so."
She stared back at him, disbelieving. He wouldn't... would he? The worst part was she didn't know for sure, and she didn't want to find out. If Manuel used his powers on her, that would be it between them, would be it for Manuel at the school, and she refused to let Alphonso win, not now. "Pete left because he found out who killed his dad," she said haltingly, every word a betrayal. "And he wanted t' make 'em pay, t' make sure people knew not t' mess with his family. The X-Men were guardin' yer dad, but that's what Pete does, he's an assassin." She took a deep, shaky breath, a tear escaping and sliding down her face. Don't make me do this, love. "I've known what was gunna happen for about a month. Not when, just that Pete was gunna try."
Manuel took a deep breath, hanging onto his stability by a fingernail's width. "One month. You've known for a month. Possibly longer." he said slowly. "Get out. Get out of my sight. I don't want to see your face right now. I want to sit here, and remember my father. I don't want to sit here and look at the adopted daughter of his murderer. Get out."
"Manuel, don't..." Amanda pleaded. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I didn't know how. Don't do this, please, I love you." It was useless, the link was telling her that - waves of cold fury and grief and betrayal battering her. The bottle was still in her hand, she realised, before putting it down on the bedside table automatically.
"I know you do." he said coldly. "Get. Out." he gritted from between clenched teeth.
Amanda hesitated, and then turned and left, slamming the door behind her. It didn't matter what she'd done for him, what Alphonso's crimes were, why Pete had killed him. Family honour and tradition counted more than love ever would, and all she could do now was obey his wishes and leave. Before he compelled her to.
Alphonso had won after all.
***
She's Leaving Home: Amanda returns to her room with only one thing on her mind - leaving. Fortunately she lives in the house with the world's most powerful telepath who sics the perfect person onto her with a suggestion.
Get. Out. The word reverberated through Amanda's mind as she fled Manuel. She had to go, had to leave here, not later, not after she graduated, but now. Without realising it she made it back to the room she shared with Marie-Ange, glad the other girl was at her college classes so that she wouldn't see the state Amanda was in, wouldn't be able to stop her... She grabbed the faithful duffle bag from the back of her closet, and began shoving clothes into it, unseeing, mind already moving past the shock and the hurt and the towering anger into planning mode. She had money, even though most of the Istanbul cash was tied up in a trust now - there was Nate and Dom's 'emergency fund'. She'd access that, go to the airport, catch a plane, didn't matter where. She'd have to ask Angelo to release her from her oath not to leave, but he'd understand, she'd make him understand that she couldn't possibly stay here now...
"Amanda."
There was an underlying tiredness to the voice, Amanda looking up to see Alison standing in the doorway of her room, closing the door behind her. The bruises on her face were not hidden, the dark and purplish mark on her temple standing out starkly, the one at her jaw perhaps explaining why the name hadn't been said as crisply as it might have been. Alison hadn't doubted that Charles had been right in describing Amanda as 'agitated' but the flurry of packing was still not what she'd thought would be witnessed. "You're leaving." It wasn't a question.
"I have to." Amanda winced to see the proof of what Pete had done to the X-Men, but they'd been protecting that bastard. Another betrayal, although not on the scale of Manuel's reaction. Manuel. Her eyes stung and she clamped down even harder on the link. "He knows. Manuel. Knows his dad's dead, knows who did it. Told me..." She reached for the herbal that Domino and Nathan had given her, and shoved it into the bag. "He told me t' go. So I am."
There was something telling, in the things that Amanda was packing and those she was not. Somehow, Alison's expression never wavered at Amanda's words - not once. "I see." Leaning on the wall beside the door and leaving the doorway entirely clear for Amanda to use as she wished, Alison nodded slowly. "Where are you going?"
She could have lied. Easily. Told her she was going home to Rom and that would be it. But the bruises on Alison's face were a family debt, no matter the circumstances they'd inflicted in. And as Clan, she owed Alison the truth at least. "Don't know yet," she said, pressing her lips together for a moment before going on. "I can't get hold of Rom, not since Pete left. They said somethin' 'bout a retreat. An' the Pack's on a job. But I can't stay here."
Of course. Alison didn't let anything show on the surface though, simply leaning on the wall without moving, needing the support. She looked down for a bit, listening to something only she could hear - and agreed with the suggestion. "What about Margali?" The question was asked neutrally enough, somewhere along the line of pointing out the obvious and stating simple fact. "I'm sure Kurt wouldn't mind going to visit for a while too."
Amanda blinked. She hadn't even thought... She'd gotten so used to not having family beyond what she made. "Dunno if she'd have me..." she replied, but leaving the option open. If Margali would take her, then she wouldn't protest too much, even with St Kurt tagging along. At least until Romany turned up from wherever she'd gone.
"She'll have you," was the quiet reply, Alison glancing out the window rather than watch any more actual packing. "I can talk to Kurt if you like and set it up." There was, if not fatality, a quiet resignation and acceptance to Alison's voice. It wasn't as though Amanda would even think to stay, if Alison asked, after all.
"Thanks, that'd help. A lot." If she had somewhere to go, then they'd be more willing to let her, less inclined to interfere, whether from concern or duty or all the rest of it. So many ties, so many expectations - in some ways she was just as bound here as she ever had been with Rack, and she just couldn't take it any more, the pressure, the need. The secrets she had to keep. "I don't know what Manuel'll say. I had t' tell him everythin', the link..." Her mind shied away from the confrontation. "You might have t' explain, what happened, why I'm gone. Damage control an' all that." She'd have to email Remy, tell him she was sorry for not being able to keep her mouth shut... The shakes were kicking in, and she focussed on her packing, on pulling up the walls that stopped her from collapsing entirely. Holding herself in, keeping everyone else out, to protect herself from any more emotional wounds.
Her. Explain to Manuel. Something shifted in the back of her mind, with numbing cold, reaching out to smother whatever emotions or thoughts might have leaked out that the notion and Alison winced just a touch - it would take a while to get used to that, she knew. For default of anything else to do, and because she knew at least that this was something safe to do, Alison hugged herself tightly, before focusing on Amanda again. "I'm getting good at doing that." The words were dead calm, matter of fact more than anything else. "I'll take care of things."
"Not t' Man... not him. He knows why - he told me t' go himself. I meant the others - they don't have a clue 'bout anythin', an' I don't know if Manuel'll make some announcement or not. Just figured you might want t' get in first for a change." The bag wouldn't hold anything else - she zipped it closed with a little more force than necessary. "Leave it t' the X geezer, if you want - he's the one whose secret it is in the first place." The bitterness was palpable. Maybe if Manuel had been told, if he'd known what might happen... she knew it was a faint hope. Manuel hated as he loved, with all his soul, and the family honour had been well and truly invoked this time.
"And Manuel's father was somehow miraculously kept from letting his son know of what he'd done and what was going on for all this time?" Alison asked the question with dead calm at that particular comment. Of course, it didn't matter that a host of people had known all along - finger-pointing was the national hobby of teenagers around the world. Nothing new, but it didn't mean she was inclined to go along with it, even now. "I don't think so, Amanda. And I know what you meant. I'll tell the others you left." Still calm. And tired, but that was hardly a surprise. "Your cell phone has connectivity all the way over there. Leave it off if you'd prefer, but updates now and then even if it's just the random SMS will keep the Blackbird from showing up unannounced and all that."
Amanda pressed her lips together, cutting herself off. She'd hoped the staff had been doing something about Manuel contacting Alphonso, protecting him when she couldn't, but apparently not. She wouldn't lash out at Alison, the same as Paige had lashed out at her, and the woman didn't deserve it. It didn't matter whether Manuel had been told or not, whose fault it was. All she knew it was a great bloody mess and she wanted out of it. She left the laptop deliberately on her desk - somehow she didn't think she'd be wanting to keep up with the journals. "Fine. How's once a week sound?"
Alison didn't mention what Manuel had said so casually a few weeks ago, about sending a letter to his father to get his opinion on the Mutant Radio project - as though nothing untoward has happened the last time he'd been at the Hellfire Club. If Amanda didn't know already, or hadn't figured out that yes, he most certainly would have, Alison wasn't going to break the news to her now. "That works." Amanda keeping the phone also meant she had some means of calling for help as a last resort, if need be. Unless she decided to stay in trouble out of sheer pride, or something or other of the sort. "Pick a day and time of your own preference once you get there and we'll just use that as the set time from then on."
Amanda nodded. All sorted then, well, apart from the asking of Kurt and the arranging with Angelo to release her from her promise. Awkwardly she looked at the other woman, not knowing what to say. Nothing she did or said now would make anything better. "Thank you," she said at last. At least it wasn't 'I'm sorry'. She'd had enough of that expression - more than enough.
If she was going to go away, at least it was being done in a sane, non-melodramatic 'I will go anywhere so long as it's far away' way. And somewhere where her protection could be assured, should that ever be necessary. "~Can one at least have a hug of parting, before you leave, clansib?~" She didn't use little sister, for the simple reason that the word implied things on several levels which did not apply to the situation - namely, a departure of this sort. She wasn't sure Amanda was aware of the nuances of both language and culture to understand that, but the informal version of clansib still stated things very clearly, in a way even someone in the midst of a dramatic gesture would understand.
Amanda wanted to hold onto the distance, refuse the gesture - she couldn't let go, couldn't relax, even for an instant. But the word, ~clansib~, undid her. Without realising how she got there, she found herself hugging Alison tightly, heedless of the bruises. A muffled sob escaped before she could stop it, followed by another. "I can't stop," she managed, meaning more than the English slang for staying.
A small sound greeted the sudden hug, both pain and relief - and Alison held on without a second thought, for as long as Amanda would allow it. "You will eventually." The reply was calm and certain, and without reproach. She managed to keep from telling her to check on the phone daily, least the resulting accumulation of messages from people eat her alive a week later. She could find out the hard way, as opposed to be tempted to leave it behind now.
"There's just... 's too much. I can't breathe. I don't want t' be a coward, Alison, but I have t' go." If she kept this up she was going to dissolve into yet another round of tears, and she was as tired of doing that as she was of apologising. Before she'd come here, she'd never cried. She wasn't sure if it was progression or not. Pulling back and pressing the heels of her hands over her eyes for a moment, she fought for control again. "You think he'll understand? Nate, I mean?"
"I'll try and explain." Even though she had a feeling that not much would pass muster there, Alison at least, knew about running. She hadn't done it in a while, but she knew about it. "~There will probably be an accounting, regardless, one day or another.~" Askani made it so much easier to express specific concepts sometimes. Even the harder to deal with ones. "But not until you're ready for it."
"~There's no fleeing one's shadow,~" Amanda quoted heavily. "I'll deal with it when the time comes, I s'pose." Scrubbing at her face with the sleeve of her shirt, she drew a deep breath. "I need t' talk t' Ange, get him t' release me from a promise I made. Can you sort things out with Kurt an' the X geezer while I do that?"
"I can do that." The fact that Charles was already speaking to Kurt made that easy to agree to, really. "Any objections to the travel arrangements being taken care of as well while you do that?" she asked softly. She didn't particularly want Amanda to leave, but if that was the girl's choice...
Amanda shook her head. It was weak of her, she knew, but if they were willing to do all that, then she'd let them. "That'd be... good," she said, feeling the tears perilously close again. She didn't want to hurt people by leaving, but she'd hurt more by staying. And she couldn't do this any more. "I wish it had turned out different," she said at last, picking up her bag and slinging it over her shoulder. She'd put it her study, and once she'd finished talking to Angelo, she was planning to lock herself in down there until it was time to go. The less chance there was of seeing Manuel again, the better.
Forever was a very long time. "Keep in touch, hon," Alison murmured, leaning back on the wall as Amanda left the room. First Betsy, now Amanda... sighing, Alison looked down at her toes, hugging herself. People made choices.
That was just how things were.
***
Promises Broken: One more thing left to do - Amanda asks Angelo to release her from her promise to never leave. It's not as easy as she first thinks it'll be.
Drumming her fingers impatiently on the wood of the bench she was sitting on, Amanda waited impatiently for Angelo. True she wasn't leaving until the morning now, but she wanted this over and done with, the goodbyes said. And then to keep out of Manuel's way until she left.
She didn't have to wait long before he appeared, heading straight for the familiar spot with his cigarettes already in his hand. "Amanda?"
She looked up at him, face settled into that mask of control she'd resorted to in order to keep from falling apart completely. The link throbbed in the back of her mind like an aching tooth, protesting about the tight hold she and Manuel were both putting on it, protecting themselves from the other. "I need a favour," she asked without preamble.
He looked at her in concern, sitting down. "Sure. What?"
"That promise I made." She didn't need to say which one. "I need you t' release me from it."
He froze, mid-lighting a cigarette. "Why?"
She sighed at the slight sharpening of his tone, the barest note of suspicion. "Because I have t' leave, Ange. I'm not sure for how long." He wasn't going to buy that, was going to demand a reason, so she went on, cutting off the inevitable question. "Alphonso had Pete's dad killed. An' now he's dead, an' Manuel knows. Do I need t' go on?"
He nodded slowly, taking that in as he got back to the business of lighting his cigarette. "Okay. I'll release you from the promise on one condition."
Amanda blinked - that had been easier than she'd expected. She'd been fully prepared for a long argument about her leaving at all, and about Manuel. But then again… "What's the condition?" she asked, perhaps a little resentfully. People and their expectations and their conditions and the promises they expected her to make... she was tired of it.
"If you have to go, you have to go. An' I understand why - I can't say I wouldn't do the same in your place. But you swear to me, right now, on your name, that you won't just disappear an' I'll never hear from you again. That you'll keep in touch, an' regularly. Or no deal."
"'M not gunna disappear." Not right away, any way. "Alison's arrangin' with Kurt for me t' go to the Sazardos family, stay with 'em for a while." She still had trouble calling them 'my family'. "An' she's asked pretty much the same thing, that I check in every so often." He wasn't doing this to make things harder, she tried to remind herself. "I can't say how often I'll be able t' be in touch, but I will, all right?"
He eyed her, and asked carefully, not wanting to make it sound like he didn't trust her, "...on your name?"
"Ange..." It slipped out as almost a plea, but then her shoulders slumped. Fine, another binding, if that was what it took. "By my name. I'll be in touch regular, like. Satisfied?"
He nodded, taking a drag on his cigarette and looking oddly unhappy still. He hadn't really wanted to do that, but he'd had to make sure... "Yeah. You're released from the other promise. Is that all it takes or is there anythin' else we have to do?"
"What, you want blood as well?" she snapped, regretting it an instant later. "Sorry, Ange. Bad day." A mirthless laugh escaped her. "Bad fuckin' month. Ever since Pete left, it feels like everythin's gone t' shit."
"I meant to break the bindin'," he clarified calmly. "For you, not for me." Sighing, he reached to offer her a hug, if she'd take it.
"Oh." A flash of guilt that only made her feel tireder. "You just have t' say I'm released from me promise," she went on. "The words're enough." She resisted the urge to accept the hug - if she went soft now, she'd never find the nerve to go, and she had to. Not just because of Manuel, but for herself. Too many secrets, too much pretending everything was fine. Too many people thinking she was just being a whinging brat. Just because Alphonso was dead didn't mean this was over, she was realising.
He dropped his arm casually. "Well. It's said."
"Yeah, it is." She wasn't making it easier for him she knew, but she couldn't help it. She didn't have anything left in her for anyone else.
"So when d'you leave?" His tone was cool, remote, falling back on old ways to deal.
Amanda winced to hear it. "Tomorrow mornin'. Scary early. The faster the better." And not just because she didn't want to run into Manuel inadvertently. The longer she stayed, the more chance there was of someone talking her out of this. "Ange, I..." she stopped, not wanting to apologise again. "I can't do this any more."
His expression softened a little, as did his voice. "I know. I know you wouldn't've asked me to let you go without a good reason. 'S just... people leave, it happens, but I never thought it'd be you. Not yet."
"I just can't stay any more, Ange. 'S not just Manuel, it's everythin'. Pete, Nate bein' hurt..." Paige. "Things haven't stopped since... fuck, I don't know when. Even when it's been quiet, there's been somethin', someone needin' me. I can't..." Her voice wobbled, and she dredged up the anger of earlier, burning away the urge to cry. No more. She had to do this.
He nodded quietly, covering a sigh with another drag on his cigarette. "You do what you have to do. Stay sane, little sister."
"I wish..." She couldn't form the words, didn't know what she wanted any more. "Look after Nate an' Moira for me? Since I won't be here?"
"Of course", he agreed without hesitation. "You talked to them, right?"
Amanda winced. "With Nate still bed ridden? An' Moira worried sick 'bout him? I can't do that t' either of 'em. I'll tell 'em before I go, don't worry. Just... not yet."
"Not much time left," he observed quietly. "Unless Nate's expected to be up an' about today... you're pretty much gonna have to tell them with him still bed ridden."
"I'll tell them, all right? Just for fuck's sake, stop pushin'! I can't deal with this, I've had it with people pushin' me an' demandin' stuff from me an' wantin' all the bloody time!" Amanda had risen to her feet, heels of her hands pressed to her temples. "Just let me do this, all right?"
He looked at her for a long moment then, very deliberately, down, concentrating on lighting another cigarette. When he spoke again, the cool distant tone was back. "Could've stopped you leavin' an' you know it. But I didn't. What more do you want?"
To be the fuck away from this bloody school already. She very nearly said it. "Yeah, well, you've got yer bloody promise. Let me do the rest how I want to, yeah?" She didn't sit down again - this had drawn out long enough. Any more and she'd say something she'd regret, do even more damage. Trouble, that was her all right. "I'll tell 'em," she went on in a softer tone. "In me own way, in me own time. An' you'll have t' trust me on that one, big brother."
He nodded without looking up. "Seems I've got no choice. I'll miss you."
Amanda bit back the bitter comment about how he hadn't given her one. "Same here. I'll be in touch." And with that she turned and left. She'd always sucked at goodbyes.
Manuel stared at his monitor in shock. He was keeping up with the news from home, as was his usual wont, and in between the scandal sheets and the sober financial news came a piece of news that had Manuel absolutely rocked.
His father was dead.
The article was brief, mercifully so, but it did say that it was strongly suspected that foul play was involved.
His father was murdered.
Manuel turned off his monitor with a very low sob. Blindly reaching, spilling a spindle of blank CDs to the ground, he grabbed a shotglass and then reached into his fridge for the bottle of alcohol that Betsy had gifted him with before she had left.
Love.
Hate.
Promises.
Right now, he could drink to that.
She hadn't even thought about it, just reacted to the wave of grief and shock coming down the link. Standing so quickly she'd knocked the books from her desk with a resounding clatter, Amanda had dashed out of the library, ignoring the bewildered looks of the other students studying there and Shan. Something was wrong, and she had to be there, that was all there was to it. She couldn't have done otherwise if she'd tried.
Taking the stairs two at a time, shoving past a couple of people moving too slow, she flung herself into Manuel's suite, throwing open the door without preamble. He'd know she'd be there.
"Manuel? What is it?"
Manuel looked over to Amanda, and poured himself another shot. Downing it quickly, he smiled at her bleakly. "You got your wish, dearest love. You got your wish." he said bitterly before reaching for the bottle to pour himself another. "I suppose that now we should dance and sing for glee? Maybe tell everyone so we can have a nice big party? We'll invite everyone, and have cake and balloons!" he said with a sneer.
She frowned, coming forward to touch his shoulder hesitantly. "You're not makin' sense, love," she said, trying to keep her voice soothing despite the confusion and worry. "What wish?"
Manuel laughed bitterly and swallowed his second shot. "You mentioned to me that the cunt, as you so suavely put it, should just bugger off and drop dead to make your life a little easier. You got your wish." he said, pulling his features into a rictus grin. "C'mon, let's celebrate! The end of four thousand years of history, yaaay!" he said as he shot to his feet and danced a little jig around Amanda. "A line that stretches back to the Romans, broken! WOOHOO!"
"He's dead?" Pete must have been ready to go when she'd seen him in Chicago. "Wait, that's why you're feelin' so...?" She waved her hand vaguely at her head to indicate the link. "What the bloody fuck? This is the man who arranged t' have yer bloody memory wiped, an' you're sad he's gone?"
Manuel grinned bleakly. "I told you, we're having a party!" he said, trying to pull her to her feet to dance with him. "He was the only living de la Rocha left since I was disinherited. And he was truly a cockroach with the ethics of a snake. But now he's gone!" he said, smiling maniacally.
She wrenched away from his grip, backing away from him a few steps. "Stop it!" she cried, frightened and angry. It was like he'd gone mad - maybe he had. "What the fuck does it matter about the family line? It's done. He can't hurt us any more!"
"And that's all that matters to you, isn't it? He was a threat, and now he's gone." Manuel said, still capering just a little bit. Laughing, he poured himself a shot and downed it. "You can't see him in any other way, can you?" he asked after the shot finished burning. Point to Elizabeth, she had given him some very good booze.
"What bloody else should matter?" she retorted. "I'm sorry, but somehow I can't find it in me t' mourn the bastard who had the fuckin' shite beaten out of me an' who threatened me an' me family just 'cause I was with you!" Sarcasm dripped from her words. "You think he was gunna stop at sendin' that DVD? He wanted me hurt, an' he was gunna do whatever it took t' keep on doin' that!" She couldn't believe what she was hearing. After a month of isolating herself, trying to keep the secret of Pete's absence, the guilt of feeling she'd brought all this on them, and he was mourning the bastard?
Manuel hoisted up his shotglass. "Here's to love!" he said, and then tossed the shot back. "That's the love a son has for his father, even when his father is a complete piece of shit." Manuel said. "Because he's the only family he has. And now this one here, here's to hate." he said, refilling and then draining his shotglass. "The hate that comes from what he has done - to me, to you, to others. Asylums, DVDs, beatings, all of it. All the hate."
"You love him? Even after all that?" He'd had quite enough, Amanda decided. She gestured, and the bottle yanked itself from his hand and flew across the room to her. "Family's more 'n blood, Manuel. He doesn't deserve you half-killin' yerself over this. An' 'm not gunna stand by an' watch, not after everythin' he's put us through."
Manuel looked longingly at the bottle of alcohol. "Family's more 'n blood - to you. To me, family is blood. The weight of tradition, of history. Which some cunt took from me!" Manuel yelled. "But you got what you wanted, and I suppose I should be happy for my good fortune."
"So I wanted him dead! Of course I did, after what he did! I've already lost enough because of him, and at least now I can't lose any more. Unless you're goin' t' let him destroy us after all." She couldn't understand why he was acting like this, not after what Alphonso had done. "I don't care 'bout all that history an' stuff, only that you an' the rest of the people I care about are safe!" She could understand why Pete had done it now - Alphonso had been poison, and eventually he'd have destroyed them all.
Manuel felt something odd in Amanda, something ... knowing. "You knew?" he said in a shocked voice. "For how long? How long have you known? And who was the assassin, Amanda? Who was it?" he demanded.
Amanda swore in the depths of her mind, knowing she'd slipped, that the link had finally given her away. And it was the link that wouldn't let her lie to him. "I..." she stammered, seeing nothing but an array of pitfalls in front of her. No matter what she said, there was going to be damage. "He had Pete's dad killed," she said at last.
Manuel blinked. "He did?" he asked in a small voice. "How very not-like him. Interesting." he said, settling back in his chair to think things through. "So that's what this is? A life for a life? He took Pete's father, so someone took mine? Wait. Is that why Pete has been gone for so long? Did Pete Wisdom kill my father? If you know, Amanda, please tell me willingly. I don't want to have to do this the hard way..." he said, voice trailing off.
Amanda went cold. "You wouldn't," she said flatly. "You wouldn't dare."
"When it comes to my family, you'd be surprised at what I'd dare," he said coldly. "I don't want to do it. I really don't. You know that. But if you're not going to play ball nicely, then you're not going to leave me much choice." he continued in that same cold tone. "So decide. If you know, now's the time to say so."
She stared back at him, disbelieving. He wouldn't... would he? The worst part was she didn't know for sure, and she didn't want to find out. If Manuel used his powers on her, that would be it between them, would be it for Manuel at the school, and she refused to let Alphonso win, not now. "Pete left because he found out who killed his dad," she said haltingly, every word a betrayal. "And he wanted t' make 'em pay, t' make sure people knew not t' mess with his family. The X-Men were guardin' yer dad, but that's what Pete does, he's an assassin." She took a deep, shaky breath, a tear escaping and sliding down her face. Don't make me do this, love. "I've known what was gunna happen for about a month. Not when, just that Pete was gunna try."
Manuel took a deep breath, hanging onto his stability by a fingernail's width. "One month. You've known for a month. Possibly longer." he said slowly. "Get out. Get out of my sight. I don't want to see your face right now. I want to sit here, and remember my father. I don't want to sit here and look at the adopted daughter of his murderer. Get out."
"Manuel, don't..." Amanda pleaded. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I didn't know how. Don't do this, please, I love you." It was useless, the link was telling her that - waves of cold fury and grief and betrayal battering her. The bottle was still in her hand, she realised, before putting it down on the bedside table automatically.
"I know you do." he said coldly. "Get. Out." he gritted from between clenched teeth.
Amanda hesitated, and then turned and left, slamming the door behind her. It didn't matter what she'd done for him, what Alphonso's crimes were, why Pete had killed him. Family honour and tradition counted more than love ever would, and all she could do now was obey his wishes and leave. Before he compelled her to.
Alphonso had won after all.
***
She's Leaving Home: Amanda returns to her room with only one thing on her mind - leaving. Fortunately she lives in the house with the world's most powerful telepath who sics the perfect person onto her with a suggestion.
Get. Out. The word reverberated through Amanda's mind as she fled Manuel. She had to go, had to leave here, not later, not after she graduated, but now. Without realising it she made it back to the room she shared with Marie-Ange, glad the other girl was at her college classes so that she wouldn't see the state Amanda was in, wouldn't be able to stop her... She grabbed the faithful duffle bag from the back of her closet, and began shoving clothes into it, unseeing, mind already moving past the shock and the hurt and the towering anger into planning mode. She had money, even though most of the Istanbul cash was tied up in a trust now - there was Nate and Dom's 'emergency fund'. She'd access that, go to the airport, catch a plane, didn't matter where. She'd have to ask Angelo to release her from her oath not to leave, but he'd understand, she'd make him understand that she couldn't possibly stay here now...
"Amanda."
There was an underlying tiredness to the voice, Amanda looking up to see Alison standing in the doorway of her room, closing the door behind her. The bruises on her face were not hidden, the dark and purplish mark on her temple standing out starkly, the one at her jaw perhaps explaining why the name hadn't been said as crisply as it might have been. Alison hadn't doubted that Charles had been right in describing Amanda as 'agitated' but the flurry of packing was still not what she'd thought would be witnessed. "You're leaving." It wasn't a question.
"I have to." Amanda winced to see the proof of what Pete had done to the X-Men, but they'd been protecting that bastard. Another betrayal, although not on the scale of Manuel's reaction. Manuel. Her eyes stung and she clamped down even harder on the link. "He knows. Manuel. Knows his dad's dead, knows who did it. Told me..." She reached for the herbal that Domino and Nathan had given her, and shoved it into the bag. "He told me t' go. So I am."
There was something telling, in the things that Amanda was packing and those she was not. Somehow, Alison's expression never wavered at Amanda's words - not once. "I see." Leaning on the wall beside the door and leaving the doorway entirely clear for Amanda to use as she wished, Alison nodded slowly. "Where are you going?"
She could have lied. Easily. Told her she was going home to Rom and that would be it. But the bruises on Alison's face were a family debt, no matter the circumstances they'd inflicted in. And as Clan, she owed Alison the truth at least. "Don't know yet," she said, pressing her lips together for a moment before going on. "I can't get hold of Rom, not since Pete left. They said somethin' 'bout a retreat. An' the Pack's on a job. But I can't stay here."
Of course. Alison didn't let anything show on the surface though, simply leaning on the wall without moving, needing the support. She looked down for a bit, listening to something only she could hear - and agreed with the suggestion. "What about Margali?" The question was asked neutrally enough, somewhere along the line of pointing out the obvious and stating simple fact. "I'm sure Kurt wouldn't mind going to visit for a while too."
Amanda blinked. She hadn't even thought... She'd gotten so used to not having family beyond what she made. "Dunno if she'd have me..." she replied, but leaving the option open. If Margali would take her, then she wouldn't protest too much, even with St Kurt tagging along. At least until Romany turned up from wherever she'd gone.
"She'll have you," was the quiet reply, Alison glancing out the window rather than watch any more actual packing. "I can talk to Kurt if you like and set it up." There was, if not fatality, a quiet resignation and acceptance to Alison's voice. It wasn't as though Amanda would even think to stay, if Alison asked, after all.
"Thanks, that'd help. A lot." If she had somewhere to go, then they'd be more willing to let her, less inclined to interfere, whether from concern or duty or all the rest of it. So many ties, so many expectations - in some ways she was just as bound here as she ever had been with Rack, and she just couldn't take it any more, the pressure, the need. The secrets she had to keep. "I don't know what Manuel'll say. I had t' tell him everythin', the link..." Her mind shied away from the confrontation. "You might have t' explain, what happened, why I'm gone. Damage control an' all that." She'd have to email Remy, tell him she was sorry for not being able to keep her mouth shut... The shakes were kicking in, and she focussed on her packing, on pulling up the walls that stopped her from collapsing entirely. Holding herself in, keeping everyone else out, to protect herself from any more emotional wounds.
Her. Explain to Manuel. Something shifted in the back of her mind, with numbing cold, reaching out to smother whatever emotions or thoughts might have leaked out that the notion and Alison winced just a touch - it would take a while to get used to that, she knew. For default of anything else to do, and because she knew at least that this was something safe to do, Alison hugged herself tightly, before focusing on Amanda again. "I'm getting good at doing that." The words were dead calm, matter of fact more than anything else. "I'll take care of things."
"Not t' Man... not him. He knows why - he told me t' go himself. I meant the others - they don't have a clue 'bout anythin', an' I don't know if Manuel'll make some announcement or not. Just figured you might want t' get in first for a change." The bag wouldn't hold anything else - she zipped it closed with a little more force than necessary. "Leave it t' the X geezer, if you want - he's the one whose secret it is in the first place." The bitterness was palpable. Maybe if Manuel had been told, if he'd known what might happen... she knew it was a faint hope. Manuel hated as he loved, with all his soul, and the family honour had been well and truly invoked this time.
"And Manuel's father was somehow miraculously kept from letting his son know of what he'd done and what was going on for all this time?" Alison asked the question with dead calm at that particular comment. Of course, it didn't matter that a host of people had known all along - finger-pointing was the national hobby of teenagers around the world. Nothing new, but it didn't mean she was inclined to go along with it, even now. "I don't think so, Amanda. And I know what you meant. I'll tell the others you left." Still calm. And tired, but that was hardly a surprise. "Your cell phone has connectivity all the way over there. Leave it off if you'd prefer, but updates now and then even if it's just the random SMS will keep the Blackbird from showing up unannounced and all that."
Amanda pressed her lips together, cutting herself off. She'd hoped the staff had been doing something about Manuel contacting Alphonso, protecting him when she couldn't, but apparently not. She wouldn't lash out at Alison, the same as Paige had lashed out at her, and the woman didn't deserve it. It didn't matter whether Manuel had been told or not, whose fault it was. All she knew it was a great bloody mess and she wanted out of it. She left the laptop deliberately on her desk - somehow she didn't think she'd be wanting to keep up with the journals. "Fine. How's once a week sound?"
Alison didn't mention what Manuel had said so casually a few weeks ago, about sending a letter to his father to get his opinion on the Mutant Radio project - as though nothing untoward has happened the last time he'd been at the Hellfire Club. If Amanda didn't know already, or hadn't figured out that yes, he most certainly would have, Alison wasn't going to break the news to her now. "That works." Amanda keeping the phone also meant she had some means of calling for help as a last resort, if need be. Unless she decided to stay in trouble out of sheer pride, or something or other of the sort. "Pick a day and time of your own preference once you get there and we'll just use that as the set time from then on."
Amanda nodded. All sorted then, well, apart from the asking of Kurt and the arranging with Angelo to release her from her promise. Awkwardly she looked at the other woman, not knowing what to say. Nothing she did or said now would make anything better. "Thank you," she said at last. At least it wasn't 'I'm sorry'. She'd had enough of that expression - more than enough.
If she was going to go away, at least it was being done in a sane, non-melodramatic 'I will go anywhere so long as it's far away' way. And somewhere where her protection could be assured, should that ever be necessary. "~Can one at least have a hug of parting, before you leave, clansib?~" She didn't use little sister, for the simple reason that the word implied things on several levels which did not apply to the situation - namely, a departure of this sort. She wasn't sure Amanda was aware of the nuances of both language and culture to understand that, but the informal version of clansib still stated things very clearly, in a way even someone in the midst of a dramatic gesture would understand.
Amanda wanted to hold onto the distance, refuse the gesture - she couldn't let go, couldn't relax, even for an instant. But the word, ~clansib~, undid her. Without realising how she got there, she found herself hugging Alison tightly, heedless of the bruises. A muffled sob escaped before she could stop it, followed by another. "I can't stop," she managed, meaning more than the English slang for staying.
A small sound greeted the sudden hug, both pain and relief - and Alison held on without a second thought, for as long as Amanda would allow it. "You will eventually." The reply was calm and certain, and without reproach. She managed to keep from telling her to check on the phone daily, least the resulting accumulation of messages from people eat her alive a week later. She could find out the hard way, as opposed to be tempted to leave it behind now.
"There's just... 's too much. I can't breathe. I don't want t' be a coward, Alison, but I have t' go." If she kept this up she was going to dissolve into yet another round of tears, and she was as tired of doing that as she was of apologising. Before she'd come here, she'd never cried. She wasn't sure if it was progression or not. Pulling back and pressing the heels of her hands over her eyes for a moment, she fought for control again. "You think he'll understand? Nate, I mean?"
"I'll try and explain." Even though she had a feeling that not much would pass muster there, Alison at least, knew about running. She hadn't done it in a while, but she knew about it. "~There will probably be an accounting, regardless, one day or another.~" Askani made it so much easier to express specific concepts sometimes. Even the harder to deal with ones. "But not until you're ready for it."
"~There's no fleeing one's shadow,~" Amanda quoted heavily. "I'll deal with it when the time comes, I s'pose." Scrubbing at her face with the sleeve of her shirt, she drew a deep breath. "I need t' talk t' Ange, get him t' release me from a promise I made. Can you sort things out with Kurt an' the X geezer while I do that?"
"I can do that." The fact that Charles was already speaking to Kurt made that easy to agree to, really. "Any objections to the travel arrangements being taken care of as well while you do that?" she asked softly. She didn't particularly want Amanda to leave, but if that was the girl's choice...
Amanda shook her head. It was weak of her, she knew, but if they were willing to do all that, then she'd let them. "That'd be... good," she said, feeling the tears perilously close again. She didn't want to hurt people by leaving, but she'd hurt more by staying. And she couldn't do this any more. "I wish it had turned out different," she said at last, picking up her bag and slinging it over her shoulder. She'd put it her study, and once she'd finished talking to Angelo, she was planning to lock herself in down there until it was time to go. The less chance there was of seeing Manuel again, the better.
Forever was a very long time. "Keep in touch, hon," Alison murmured, leaning back on the wall as Amanda left the room. First Betsy, now Amanda... sighing, Alison looked down at her toes, hugging herself. People made choices.
That was just how things were.
***
Promises Broken: One more thing left to do - Amanda asks Angelo to release her from her promise to never leave. It's not as easy as she first thinks it'll be.
Drumming her fingers impatiently on the wood of the bench she was sitting on, Amanda waited impatiently for Angelo. True she wasn't leaving until the morning now, but she wanted this over and done with, the goodbyes said. And then to keep out of Manuel's way until she left.
She didn't have to wait long before he appeared, heading straight for the familiar spot with his cigarettes already in his hand. "Amanda?"
She looked up at him, face settled into that mask of control she'd resorted to in order to keep from falling apart completely. The link throbbed in the back of her mind like an aching tooth, protesting about the tight hold she and Manuel were both putting on it, protecting themselves from the other. "I need a favour," she asked without preamble.
He looked at her in concern, sitting down. "Sure. What?"
"That promise I made." She didn't need to say which one. "I need you t' release me from it."
He froze, mid-lighting a cigarette. "Why?"
She sighed at the slight sharpening of his tone, the barest note of suspicion. "Because I have t' leave, Ange. I'm not sure for how long." He wasn't going to buy that, was going to demand a reason, so she went on, cutting off the inevitable question. "Alphonso had Pete's dad killed. An' now he's dead, an' Manuel knows. Do I need t' go on?"
He nodded slowly, taking that in as he got back to the business of lighting his cigarette. "Okay. I'll release you from the promise on one condition."
Amanda blinked - that had been easier than she'd expected. She'd been fully prepared for a long argument about her leaving at all, and about Manuel. But then again… "What's the condition?" she asked, perhaps a little resentfully. People and their expectations and their conditions and the promises they expected her to make... she was tired of it.
"If you have to go, you have to go. An' I understand why - I can't say I wouldn't do the same in your place. But you swear to me, right now, on your name, that you won't just disappear an' I'll never hear from you again. That you'll keep in touch, an' regularly. Or no deal."
"'M not gunna disappear." Not right away, any way. "Alison's arrangin' with Kurt for me t' go to the Sazardos family, stay with 'em for a while." She still had trouble calling them 'my family'. "An' she's asked pretty much the same thing, that I check in every so often." He wasn't doing this to make things harder, she tried to remind herself. "I can't say how often I'll be able t' be in touch, but I will, all right?"
He eyed her, and asked carefully, not wanting to make it sound like he didn't trust her, "...on your name?"
"Ange..." It slipped out as almost a plea, but then her shoulders slumped. Fine, another binding, if that was what it took. "By my name. I'll be in touch regular, like. Satisfied?"
He nodded, taking a drag on his cigarette and looking oddly unhappy still. He hadn't really wanted to do that, but he'd had to make sure... "Yeah. You're released from the other promise. Is that all it takes or is there anythin' else we have to do?"
"What, you want blood as well?" she snapped, regretting it an instant later. "Sorry, Ange. Bad day." A mirthless laugh escaped her. "Bad fuckin' month. Ever since Pete left, it feels like everythin's gone t' shit."
"I meant to break the bindin'," he clarified calmly. "For you, not for me." Sighing, he reached to offer her a hug, if she'd take it.
"Oh." A flash of guilt that only made her feel tireder. "You just have t' say I'm released from me promise," she went on. "The words're enough." She resisted the urge to accept the hug - if she went soft now, she'd never find the nerve to go, and she had to. Not just because of Manuel, but for herself. Too many secrets, too much pretending everything was fine. Too many people thinking she was just being a whinging brat. Just because Alphonso was dead didn't mean this was over, she was realising.
He dropped his arm casually. "Well. It's said."
"Yeah, it is." She wasn't making it easier for him she knew, but she couldn't help it. She didn't have anything left in her for anyone else.
"So when d'you leave?" His tone was cool, remote, falling back on old ways to deal.
Amanda winced to hear it. "Tomorrow mornin'. Scary early. The faster the better." And not just because she didn't want to run into Manuel inadvertently. The longer she stayed, the more chance there was of someone talking her out of this. "Ange, I..." she stopped, not wanting to apologise again. "I can't do this any more."
His expression softened a little, as did his voice. "I know. I know you wouldn't've asked me to let you go without a good reason. 'S just... people leave, it happens, but I never thought it'd be you. Not yet."
"I just can't stay any more, Ange. 'S not just Manuel, it's everythin'. Pete, Nate bein' hurt..." Paige. "Things haven't stopped since... fuck, I don't know when. Even when it's been quiet, there's been somethin', someone needin' me. I can't..." Her voice wobbled, and she dredged up the anger of earlier, burning away the urge to cry. No more. She had to do this.
He nodded quietly, covering a sigh with another drag on his cigarette. "You do what you have to do. Stay sane, little sister."
"I wish..." She couldn't form the words, didn't know what she wanted any more. "Look after Nate an' Moira for me? Since I won't be here?"
"Of course", he agreed without hesitation. "You talked to them, right?"
Amanda winced. "With Nate still bed ridden? An' Moira worried sick 'bout him? I can't do that t' either of 'em. I'll tell 'em before I go, don't worry. Just... not yet."
"Not much time left," he observed quietly. "Unless Nate's expected to be up an' about today... you're pretty much gonna have to tell them with him still bed ridden."
"I'll tell them, all right? Just for fuck's sake, stop pushin'! I can't deal with this, I've had it with people pushin' me an' demandin' stuff from me an' wantin' all the bloody time!" Amanda had risen to her feet, heels of her hands pressed to her temples. "Just let me do this, all right?"
He looked at her for a long moment then, very deliberately, down, concentrating on lighting another cigarette. When he spoke again, the cool distant tone was back. "Could've stopped you leavin' an' you know it. But I didn't. What more do you want?"
To be the fuck away from this bloody school already. She very nearly said it. "Yeah, well, you've got yer bloody promise. Let me do the rest how I want to, yeah?" She didn't sit down again - this had drawn out long enough. Any more and she'd say something she'd regret, do even more damage. Trouble, that was her all right. "I'll tell 'em," she went on in a softer tone. "In me own way, in me own time. An' you'll have t' trust me on that one, big brother."
He nodded without looking up. "Seems I've got no choice. I'll miss you."
Amanda bit back the bitter comment about how he hadn't given her one. "Same here. I'll be in touch." And with that she turned and left. She'd always sucked at goodbyes.
