angsty teenager by an angsty teenager
Nov. 9th, 2003 06:59 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
x-havok.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
xp_logsA little experiment on my part...
He sat and stared, just as he done often in the past few days. Past few weeks. Everything was happening around him, yet he felt more like an outsider then he had his entire life. He felt alone and he didn't know why. Afraid, yeah, that too. So he came here and stared.
His back was leaning against a tree, his skateboard laying upside down beside him. This was his excuse. He'd say he was going off to skate a bit, play around on the ramps he had built. No one ever came with him, so it was the perfect excuse to come here and just think and stare. He'd done alot of "skating" recently.
His left hand played idolly with the unused wheels, spinning them gently as his eys remain riveted on thier target. A simple wall, yet not so simple. One of the walls that bordered this compound, to keep them safe. But how safe? Only a few months ago, that safety had been breached by a government known for taking down whole countrys. Jono and Sarah had just returned preaching of mutant hunting robots. Was this place really safe? He had never been this worried on the outside, on his own...
He was tempted...very tempted. It wouldn't be hard to jump the wall. It's not like he felt he belonged anyway. Once an outsider, always an outsider. He doubted anyone noticed, not even Lorna. She was so used to flirting in out of people's affairs. Not him. He hadn't always been this way. Before the "accident" he had always been the outgoing one. In his foster home, he was always out with friends. Even in Hawaii, his days were spent surfing with buddies. Why here could he not fit in?
Or more, why didn't he let himself fit in? That answer was simple, he was afraid. Afraid of hurting these people. Staying an outsider would only make leaving easier. But this playing cold was starting to take an effect on him. He was doubting himself, doubting that if finally did let himself try, no one would accept him into thier social circle, because he had kept himself apart for so damn long...
They'd ask about the journals...or why he didn't say anything. What did they want him to do, whine about it, because that what it looked liked to him. It was easier to come here and just think, away from everyone and everything. It was just easier, but it didn't solve anything. not one single thing. So he just stayed on the outside...where it was really feeling like he belonged. He was a coward...
The wall looked even more tempting.
But a promise came to mind as it always did...a promise made to his brother. No matter how tempting, he knew he couldn't go. But in the back of his mind, he knew that if something didn't change soon, that temptation would over ride everything...
Sighing, he stood up, picking up his board as he went. With one last look at the wall, he turned to return to the mansion, but before wiping the tears in the corner of his eyes.
[take this as you will. I had some venting to do and it took this form...]
He sat and stared, just as he done often in the past few days. Past few weeks. Everything was happening around him, yet he felt more like an outsider then he had his entire life. He felt alone and he didn't know why. Afraid, yeah, that too. So he came here and stared.
His back was leaning against a tree, his skateboard laying upside down beside him. This was his excuse. He'd say he was going off to skate a bit, play around on the ramps he had built. No one ever came with him, so it was the perfect excuse to come here and just think and stare. He'd done alot of "skating" recently.
His left hand played idolly with the unused wheels, spinning them gently as his eys remain riveted on thier target. A simple wall, yet not so simple. One of the walls that bordered this compound, to keep them safe. But how safe? Only a few months ago, that safety had been breached by a government known for taking down whole countrys. Jono and Sarah had just returned preaching of mutant hunting robots. Was this place really safe? He had never been this worried on the outside, on his own...
He was tempted...very tempted. It wouldn't be hard to jump the wall. It's not like he felt he belonged anyway. Once an outsider, always an outsider. He doubted anyone noticed, not even Lorna. She was so used to flirting in out of people's affairs. Not him. He hadn't always been this way. Before the "accident" he had always been the outgoing one. In his foster home, he was always out with friends. Even in Hawaii, his days were spent surfing with buddies. Why here could he not fit in?
Or more, why didn't he let himself fit in? That answer was simple, he was afraid. Afraid of hurting these people. Staying an outsider would only make leaving easier. But this playing cold was starting to take an effect on him. He was doubting himself, doubting that if finally did let himself try, no one would accept him into thier social circle, because he had kept himself apart for so damn long...
They'd ask about the journals...or why he didn't say anything. What did they want him to do, whine about it, because that what it looked liked to him. It was easier to come here and just think, away from everyone and everything. It was just easier, but it didn't solve anything. not one single thing. So he just stayed on the outside...where it was really feeling like he belonged. He was a coward...
The wall looked even more tempting.
But a promise came to mind as it always did...a promise made to his brother. No matter how tempting, he knew he couldn't go. But in the back of his mind, he knew that if something didn't change soon, that temptation would over ride everything...
Sighing, he stood up, picking up his board as he went. With one last look at the wall, he turned to return to the mansion, but before wiping the tears in the corner of his eyes.
[take this as you will. I had some venting to do and it took this form...]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-11-10 09:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-11-10 09:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-11-10 10:26 pm (UTC)*refrains politely from screeching at her prelim committee's overcomitted November*