Scott finds Jean contemplating her death and large bodies of water

[x-jeangrey.livejournal.com]

Jean had found a good vantage to stare out at the ocean, that was very far away from it. A nice safe distance from the large body of water was definitely a good thing to have, particularly today. The wind blowing off the ocean was cold but, although she was curled up on the rock with her arms wrapped round her knees, she didn't seem to notice it, lost in thought as she was. Two years to the day...

When she didn't react to him as he approached, Scott hesitated, then reached out down the link, just to catch her attention. "This seat taken?" he asked as he came up beside her.

She blinked, her thoughts coming back from almost the other side of the world. "Oh, hi... Scott. I didn't hear you. No... what? No, not taken."

He sat down beside her, stretching his legs out in front of him. His knee didn't particularly appreciate long periods of cross-legged sitting, still. "You're up early," he said, with a faint smile that acknowledged that the same could be said about him.

"Um..." she agreed. "Yes. I... Couldn't sleep." Having him there was definitely comforting, in a 'not being under several tons of water' kind of way.

"Here I thought you would have slept like a log after all that dancing last night," Scott teased gently.

Jean leaned against him, not uncurling, just taking comfort in the contact. "There's something very... apt, in it all. Symbols and everything. Weddings and new beginnings and just... everything."

"Because of what today is?" Scott asked after a moment.

"Yes." Jean was silent for a few seconds. "I never thought... I never expected... I didn't think I would survive. I didn't think any of this would happen."

Scott stared out at the ocean. "But you did," he said, "and it has. You just... didn't have to deal with what that all meant until your memories came back."

"No," Jean said, shaking her head slightly. "No, I didn't."

"But you're dealing with it now." He gave her another faint smile. "I think well, too, if that's not too presumptuous to say."

"Not too presumptuous, no." She mustered a smile for him in return. "I guess... it all just comes home today. Two years..."

"I used to count every day. I'm not sure when I stopped doing that..." Scott hesitated, surprised at his own admission.

"Now it feels as though I ought to be counting the days, and giving thanks for each one. And I do. God above, I do."

A bit tentatively, he put his arm around her shoulders. There wasn't much to be said, really. He tried to let what he was feeling be there on the link, so that she'd know. More effective than words, anyway.

She basked in the feelings from him, reaching out along the link and tentatively projecting her love for him, and her joy that they could both even just be there, together, glad that she had regained enough control to do this simple thing.

They sat there in peaceful silence for a while, until Scott finally thought of something to say. "I did mention how much I liked that dress yesterday, didn't I?" he asked a bit whimsically.

Jean chuckled. "You mentioned it, yes. Also there was the staring." With his glasses you could never be entirely certain where Scott was looking, but the Jean was familiar with the discreet tilt of his head he tended to use when checking out her legs.

"Skyscraper legs," Scott said very seriously, then laughed.

"See, I'm just glad you're firmly in the camp that says having legs up to my chin is a good thing, and you don't mind that I tower over you in heels."

He grinned at her. "See, minding would be a male ego thing, and you trained me out of that ages ago."

"And you took to your training so well. A system of rewards is the best way to teach, I honestly think." She flashed a grin back at him, although it had less than it's usual brightness.

"Woof," Scott teased, but his expression grew more serious. "It's going to be all right," he said, his arm tightening a little around her shoulders, drawing her closer. "Things will... fall back into place. They've started already, right?"

Jean nestled into him, laying her head on his shoulder. "They have, and you're right, it will be. I just... I guess I can't help wondering if they're supposed to." There really was no roundabout way of saying that maybe she was supposed to have died for real.

"Jean, no," Scott said, stiffening a bit and unable to keep the distress out of his voice. He didn't let go of her, though. "Why would you think that?"

"I'm sorry," she said, automatically. "I just... I remember. I remember the w-water, and the pain, and knowing I wouldn't wake
up. And I didn't. For so long I didn't."

"That doesn't meant that you weren't supposed to," Scott said, quietly but vehemently. "Jean, just because you were willing to sacrifice yourself that day doesn't meant that it had to happen that way."

"I have no idea what happened, Scott. I don't know how I got from the water to Vancouver, but... miracles don't happen. I don't understand it, and I'm terrified that something is going to mess it all up. Today... Today..." She was shaking slightly, staring at the ocean. "I'm so scared, Scott."

Scott shifted around so that he could hold her properly. "Don't look out there," he said quietly. "And don't look ahead, either. All that does is drive you crazy. Take it from me."

Looking at him was less scary or, at least, scary in a different, hopeful sort of way. "Sometimes I think I already am crazy."

"I think sometimes that we all are. At least a little." He smiled, a bit wryly. "But at least we're crazy together, right?"

Jean wrapped her arms around his shoulders, leaning into him. "Just... Don't be a delusion, all right?"

"Not much danger of that. You can pinch me, if you like?"

"How about I just hold on, for now?"

"That works too."

"I love you."

"I love you too."