log: Clarice and Madelyn

[x-blink.livejournal.com]

Backdated to the wedding - before the rehearsal dinner. Maddie finally has a chance to catch Clarice and talk to her about getting drunk the weekend before. They decide to rearrange her classes and finals a little so she has time to relax and Clarice promises to talk to Maddie when she has a bad day at work.



Teleporting between Westchester and Muir Island repeatedly had to be tiring, and Clarice had already been a bit stretched beforehand... Carrying a tray of food up from the huge kitchens, Madelyn tapped on the door she hoped was Clarice's. "Clarice? It's Maddie - I've got food for you, if you need refuelling."

"Food?" Clarice called back, willing the door open. Nope, telekenesis still not one of her powers. Damn. Groaning, she half rolled, half stood and went to answer the door. "You are my saviour!" she informed the doctor, taking the tray.

Who promptly took the tray back, nodding at the bed. "I figured you'd need it after all the energy you expended getting people here," she said, waiting until Clarice had half-reluctantly returned to the bed before sitting on the edge of it and handing her the tray. Lots of high-carbohydrate foods, and a large glass of apple juice - the natural sugars were better for her than the processed kind in soda. "I'm glad to see you resting, tho', kiddo - I had the tranq gun all ready, too," she added, teasingly.

Rolling her eyes, Clarice flopped back down on the bed sipping the juice carefully. "There's stupid and then there's too dumb to live. I mean, I'm not trying to be a candidate for the Darwin Awards. Sorry to take away your fun though."

"I'll find some more fun," Madelyn said with a somewhat mischievous smile, thinking of the dress she was planning to wear and the reaction it would get from a certain blue-furred doctor. "So, all set for the wedding? I hadn't heard what you were wearing yet," she asked. Clarice had been... odd on the journals, and she knew pretty much why, but didn't want to spoil her appetite by asking straight out.

Clarice blushed mid bite of her sandwich, "I'm wearing an old dress that I redid a little. Not much time to go shopping," she shrugged, hoping Maddie wouldn't see the obvious coverup. It wasn't an outright lie, she hadn't had much time, but she also loved shopping, especially for something like this and she should have found time. Shiro was still angry with her too, which hadn't helped her feel especially motivated.

"Not much time for a lot of things for you lately, is there?" Madelyn asked, noting the blush and the sudden awkwardness. "And then being asked to ferry a bunch of people to Scotland... I'm starting to think we might have to put in some safeguards for you like we have for Amanda's healing, to stop you being too worn out to have a life."

"No!" she was quick to protest, "This is a special thing, for the wedding. It's not a everyday thing or anything! I don't even use my powers at all at work, they get all upset if I do!" Perhaps 'upset' was an exaggeration, but Clarice was prone to those and it wasn't the teleporting that was making her tired, it was finals approaching combined with working, but she would make it work.

"Hey, calm down, kiddo, it was just a thought. Believe it or not, I'd like to make your life easier, not harder - I've been worried about you, these past few weeks," Madelyn hastily placated, but the comment about her powers and work not slipping past her. "It's hard, juggling work and study, I know that, but even more so when the job's a demanding one. So, maybe we should look at ways to make life easier for you in general, so you've got more energy to spend on the important stuff, hmm?"

Shopping was important, especially since she now had her own money to spend as opposed to her allowance. "Teleporting to work helps...I mean, that's like a 45 minute drive each way! And I can study or even sleep when we're not busy, so that's not so bad either." Clarice's doubt in making her life any easier was almost tangible. "But more time for other stuff would be good..."

"How about if you had more time for your finals? Spread them out over a couple of weeks instead of the one?" Madelyn suggested. "It's not usual, I know, but nothing about the school is, and I know how much you wanted the job. I'm willing to give you an extension on Anatomy, and I'm pretty sure we could convince Hank to give you one for Physics."

This had potential merit. "What about field medicine?" Clarice asked. Anatomy and field medicine were her two best academic subjects and she wasn't worried about her grades in there. Physics was more work, but it had practical applications for her powers, which made it more bearable. If those three were postponed, she might be able to get her other projects done and study for her finals too, without cutting into her fencing time any more than she already had.

"Field medicine as well - and I think, given the job you're doing, there might be some extra credit in the works, once your first set of evaluations come through." Madelyn didn't doubt they'd be fine, though - she knew Clarice worked hard, and she had a good head on her shoulders, under the flightiness and the unwise coping mechanisms. "Think that'll give you some breathing space?"

"Yeah...Thanks. I mean, I didn't even think of asking for more time. I've just been hauling my laptop and textbooks to work with me. Everyone thinks all I do is study when we're not on calls." Clarice finished her food, feeling much better. It was amazing how much a simple sandwich and juice could help.

Good, she'd finished eating, and given her the perfect opening, too... "Do you remember the talk we had months ago?" Madelyn asked, carefully casually. "About talking to people when you need help?" At Clarice's blush, she continues, voice still gentle. "Any reason you thought you had to do it all on your own, kiddo?"

"...But I'm sleeping and not working myself into hypermanic mania," Clarice replied, genuinely confused. "And I don't think I'm even close to it." Yet.

Madelyn repressed a small sigh. Sometimes subtle didn't work on Clarice at all. "I was talking about what happened the weekend after the job," she said plainly. "The getting drunk? You haven't done that for so long, it seems to me you must have had a good reason for feeling it was the only way to make things feel better, kiddo."

Oh. Yeah. THAT. "Anvil, meet Coyote," Clarice laughed humourlessly before sighing. Where to begin on that one? "It's...I..I mean, I hadn't intended it. The guys were talking about going drinking after the shift and of course, I couldn't go, but the shift had been hell and I thought that maybe a little would help me relax before my date with Shiro," she sighed again, not looking at Maddie. "I fucked that up good. He's barely talking to me. I didn't mean to get drunk like that."

"It's a slippery slope," Madelyn said, tone still as supportive and friendly as it had been throughout the conversation. "Especially in jobs like ours." She said it deliberately, so Clarice would understand, hopefully, that she was talking to her from a more equal footing than just as a teacher to a student. "We deal with huge amounts of stress, and situations that few other people have to, and we're expected throughout to behave in a professional and caring manner. It can get to you, sometimes, the pressure. But you have to pick the ways you relieve that pressure carefully." She paused, letting that sink in. "Drinking is one method, yes - like you said, the older members of the team suggested a few drinks to unwind. Sometimes it's not so much about the actual drinking as the fact you're relaxing with the team, talking things over, debriefing in an informal way. Getting stuff off your chest and out of your head and sharing it with people who understand. But sometimes it's not, and if you use alcohol to cope with things... well, there's a lot of danger there. Sometimes only a little is never enough, and before you know it, you're drinking large amounts just to even let you sleep at night. I saw it with a couple of my colleagues at mine during residency. It ruined their careers."

"I don't want..." Clarice sighed and rubbed her forehead. "I won't do it again, Maddie, I swear. It's not worth it. I know that. Shiro is so mad at me...and I don't want to fuck this up, you know? Everyone's waiting for me to make a mistake, so I can't."

"Not everyone, hon." Madelyn's voice was sympathetic - it was like seeing herself as a med student all over again. "That's why I emailed you - I wasn't going to be angry or disappointed in you, I just know what it's like. And sometimes it helps, talking to someone who does know. You don't have to talk to me, but I'd hope you'd consider me before a bottle, next time."

"Yeah...I didn't mean to get drunk though. I know it doesn't mean much now, but I didn't mean to. Just a couple sips to relax, I just didn't stop," Clarice shrugged, helpless, she couldn't change the past even if she wanted to, "Road to hell and all, but thanks, Maddie."

"That's the problem with drinking, a couple of sips is never enough." Madelyn patted Clarice's knee. "Enough preaching from me, I promise. And we'll work on your schedule, yes? Make sure you've got time to actually have a life sometimes?"

"Yeah. Okay," she yawned widely, covering her mouth with a hand, "Mind if I take a nap now? Else I'll fall asleep in the middle of the rehearsal dinner!"

"Not at all." Madelyn took the tray back and waited until Clarice had snuggled down before heading to the door. "Sleep well, pixie. Someone will come and make sure you're awake before the dinner."