xp_logs | Jay & Forge

A few hours after these e-mails, Jay and Forge return from their evening out, discussing the tragic fall of Anakin Skywalker. It hits a little too close to home for Jay, and when Forge backs him into a corner, he does something he shouldn't have. Scratch that. Something he really shouldn't have.

"Come on, dude. Awful actin' aside, it was a fun movie." Jay and Forge had been pleasantly discussing the pros of and cons of Revenge of the Sith since they'd left the theater. They hadn't progressed very far, even as Forge pulled into the garage and signed the car back in. "It's science fiction, man. As in, fictional science."

Jay was by no means a scifi geek, or even much of a fan, really, and the romantic scenes had left him squirming uncomfortably in his seat. ("I'm blinded by my love for you"? Who the hell writes shit like that?) But he'd wanted the evening out to be a nice one, and he didn't want Forge to associate it with a crappy movie. Hence his stubbornness at conceding the point.

"It was flashy, and I will concede that it was well-done cinematography," Forge admitted, heading down the hall. "But really - when the protagonists should have been killed off by crash impact fifteen minutes in? That's requiring more suspension of disbelief than Ms. Braddock's hair color. And don't even get me started on lightsabers..."

Reaching their suite, Forge removed the sling from around his arm, letting it dangle at his side while he peeled his shirt off. "And here's to how much I forgot how I loathe humidity in the summer. Air-conditioned movie theater, then a blazing hot parking lot? There aren't words for how much I hate to sweat," he muttered, pulling his bandaged arm back into the sling. "Stupid summer."

"Your problem is that you're takin' it all too seriously," Jay said, finding his eyes stuck on the bare sweaty skin of Forge's back. But as he turned around again, Jay snapped himself out of it. Staring at your roommate is bad, m'kay? he silently chastised himself. He tugged at his collar, suddenly feeling a little hot himself. Although it wasn't the weather, because he was used to hotter and more humid than this. "Ya do that, sometimes. Ah say thatcha gotta relax and just enjoy the pretty lights and loud noises."

Turning on the air conditioning, Forge walked across the room to stretch out across the sofa. "Yeah - but the dialogue was so bad," he moaned, covering his eyes dramatically. "And the hero's so stupid. Turning to the side of the one guy he's supposed to oppose to save the girl who doesn't even need saving in the first place? That just proves my theory. Women caused the downfall of the Republic, plain and simple."

Jay poured himself a glass of water and hopped up on the arm of the sofa to drink it. His eyes lingered on Forge's midsection before finding their way to someplace safer. Namely, his feet. Which were dangerously close to touching Forge's. "It's the whole prophecy thing, y'know? Ya think that somethin' bad is gonna happen, so ya do all ya can ta avert it. But then ya realize that it wouldn'ta happened iffn ya hadn't meddled in the first place. Ah kinda feel sorry for Ani, really. All he wanted ta do was save the woman he loved. And instead he damned the galaxy."

"Well, if you've never seen the first three - last three? - movies," Forge explained with a wave of his hand, "it never explains WHY the Sith are evil. They want their revenge on the Jedi because they've nearly been exterminated. Can't really say that's not understandable. I mean, this wacko ascetic religious order wipes out your entire culture, and YOU'RE the ones painted as evil and wrong? Goes with that whole 'certain point of view' thing." Forge smirked derisively. "I hate that. I like my answers binary: yes or no, on or off. I know everything's not like that, but it doesn't all have to be 'yes and no, from a certain point of view'. Irks me." He looked at Jay, who seemed to be a little evasive.

"Hey, something bothering you?" he asked quickly. "It's not breaking your heart that I'm not falling down and worshipping at the feet of Lucas, is it?"

"Huh? Oh no, hardly. Seriously, can ya see me of all people dressin' up as a Wookie and goin' ta geek conventions? Ah liked the movies, yeah, but Ah also think they're overly hyped. Ah'll take a good foreign film any day." Jay took another gulp of water and looked up at Forge again. "Ah reckon that seein' Ani's dilemma just got me thinkin'. He was good people, y'know? And he got screwed because he wasn't allowed ta love. It's sad."

At that, Forge sat up, nearly shoulder to shoulder with Jay. "Well, it ought to be obvious what my opinion there is. I mean, the narrow-minded authoritarian establishment regulating what their best and brightest is supposed to think, feel, and use his talents for? And I mean," he looked over at his roommate's pensive expression, "goes right with what I was saying a while back about people having the right to control how you live your life. Anakin should have given the Jedi Council the finger, been open about who he wanted to love, and just have grabbed life and taken it, instead of hiding everything in secret. That's what caused all his problems, not because they held him back, but because he let them."

Forge's lips were chapped, Jay noticed. And the red on his face seemed to extend down to his neck and upper chest. Boy must've been really hot if he was so flushed. "And what would they've done ta him?" Jay asked, eyes snapping up. "He breaks the rules, he ain't a Jedi. He ain't a Jedi, then he must be an enemy. So he's bound to be seen as Sith regardless of whether he actually is one or not, know what Ah mean? Love is power, Forge, power that can accomplish anything. And they wouldn't let Ani use it for good, so he didn't have no choice."

"Then they're the problem," Forge insisted. "You can't define someone else's morality for them, which is exactly what caused Anakin to go to the Sith. All that can come of holding that stuff in, is pain and more problems." He smiled slightly. "Believe me," he joked, "I know."

Jay grinned wryly. "Ah'm the fag, remember? Ah'm painfully familiar with the concept of holdin' stuff in because people think that Ah'm an immoral fuck. And Ah guess that's why Ah'm sympathizin' with Ani. Poor kid. Because of who he was, his leaders said he couldn't love. But ya can't help where the heart leads ya. You've gotta follow it, even if everyone and everything seems intent on keepin' ya apart."

Forge reached behind him to grab a pillow and whip it around, lightly smacking Jay in the back of the head. "Hello, dumbass? I thought we agreed you were over the whole 'ah'm jest gettin' in trouble followin' mah heart' poor-me schtick? Level with me here - this isn't about the movie, is it? You're still convinced that you can't go after what you want because either, what? You don't deserve it? They tell you it's wrong?" Forge scowled, shaking his head. "Screw them, man. Get out of that mindset. You've got as much right as anyone to go after what you want."

"Naw, Ah'm gettin' past the thinkin' Ah ain't worthwhile for any guy," Jay admitted with a shy grin, lightly rubbing the spot that Forge had smacked with the pillow. "Homophobia . . . well, Ah've been dealin'. And in the safety and comfort of this place, it ain't a problem. No, the problem now is just the generic 'tellin' him Ah like him' thing. Because this place ain't enough like a crappy teen romance movie already."

Shrugging, Forge leaned back into the couch. "Romances make me want to light something on fire, and not in the sappy poetic way. I can't figure it out, myself. All the running around people do trying to avoid saying what they really want to. It's stupid. How much crap would people avoid if they just came out and said what they felt about people, good or bad?" Turning to Jay, he smiled. "Am I right?"

That opening was way too easy. Almost scripted, Jay mused. But despite that, Jay found himself sitting down on the sofa next to Forge, pressing his lips against Forge's. They were chapped all right, he noted absently. He put a hand on the back of Forge's neck while the other found its way to rest on Forge's side.

Oh, Forge thought in the back part of his brain. Jay's kissing me.

JAY is kissing me.

Awkwardly moving his head back, Forge blinked, mouth trying to form words. "Hey, and... whoa. Whoa, hey, um... That's... you just... okay, back up a moment here. What I meant..." He stood up abruptly, barely keeping his balance. "I don't, I mean... whoa. You just... and then... okay. I'm confused. I'm a little weirded out. And oh boy this is awkward." Glancing around quickly, Forge took a quick step across the room to grab a t-shirt. "Awkward, yeah. I just, I mean it's just that... ah shit." He threw the shirt over his head, not bothering to try and adjust the sling. "I'm gonna take a walk. Lake or something. Right. I just... yeah, walk."

"Wait, Forge, ya don't . . ." Fuuuuuuuuuck. Fuck fuck fuck FUCK. "Ah'm sorry, Ah didn't mean ta . . ." To what? Lock lips and trade saliva with him? Because that's what he was damn well intending. "To weird ya out. Ah'm sorry. Let's just . . . ya don't haveta . . . Damn it, don't go on accounta me, Forge. Please. Ah'm sorry."

"No, it's not you, it's--" It's not you, it's me? Oh, THAT'LL help. "Look, I just want to get my head together before I say something stupid or ... more stupid. I'm not..." Not what? Not mad? Not gay? Not going to tell anyone? "I just have to... I mean...
I'll be back."

Forcing his uncooperative arm through the sleeve of the t-shirt, Forge opened the door to the suite awkwardly and staggered into the hall. Pausing briefly, he thumped his forehead into the wall repeatedly. "Well, shit," he muttered to himself.

Jay collapsed on the couch, suddenly feeling drained, and buried his face in a pillow. "Well, shit," he swore, the curse muffled by the pillow. He mentally scored his luck with men in his head and sighed, starting to feel sick. "Universe: Two. Jay? Zero."