xp_logs | Hank, Dani, Sunday evening

Having let the supply of expressed milk run down, Dani has to feed Billy the old-fashioned way. She doesn't like it, and she and Hank come to a decision as to when formula can be introduced, and she can let her last responsibility to the baby go.

Breastfeeding sucked, Dani thought as she looked down sourly at the baby hungrily attatched to her chest. And it hurt. They didn't tell you that in lamaze class. Actually, now that she thought about it, there were a lot of things they didn't tell you. "Hurry up," she muttered wishing she had just used the damn breastpump.

Hank was holding one of Billy's tiny hands gently, to keep it from flailing against Dani's sternum. "How long do you want to keep this up?" he asked, smiling a little as Billy made a contented noise. "Before he goes onto formula, I mean. The longer the better, for him, but I imagine you don't want to keep this up indefinitely."

Wearily Dani thought about it. Not having to use the breast pump a every few hours would be nice. Not having to breastfeed at all would be even better. "Formula's expensive," she began, unsure. She'd do it if she had to.

"I can certainly afford it." Hank stroked Billy's small fingers with his thumb. "And while I know you don't really approve of formula, it would certainly be easier on you." He smiled ruefully. "I'm not sure if you were told, but most experts don't recommend weaning before the baby is at least a year old. I really don't think you want to keep it up THAT long."

"A YEAR?" Dani squeaked, sitting upright and grabbing at Billy awkwardly as he shifted. "That's..." insane wasn't quite the right word but it would do. "so long," she finished lamely.

Hank nodded. "Babies shouldn't be put onto solids, really, until they start teething," he explained. "And even then, it's a slow process. I probably won't even try to wean him completely off the formula until he's two, although he'll be eating solids well before then." He considered. "If you can stand to keep this up until he's at least, say, two months old, that would be good... his immune system isn't strong, right now, and he's still getting antibodies and so on from you."

"I can, that is," somewhere a coherant thought emereged, "Breastpump?"

Hank nodded. "That's fine. As long as you keep up the supply of bottles, you really don't have to do this, if you don't want to." It was a little sad, but she'd insisted all along that she wasn't ready to be a parent - and, far from changing her mind, the reality of a small, adorable, constantly needy baby seemed to only have made her more sure. "I imagine it's quite uncomfortable." He grinned a little. "At least he doesn't have teeth yet."

"No teeth," she replied vehemently. Now she understood why so many of her classmates who had kids never seemed to do anything else, just in the few weeks since Billy had been born she'd been exhausted and she wasn't doing as much work as Dr. McCoy, "Ain't gonna do it. That whole mother-thing being wonderful? It's bullshit."

"It's supposed to be a lot better if you're ready for it, and want it." Hank smiled. "I'm very much enjoying being a father. I don't even mind the two-hourly feeds. Maybe a few years down the line, when you're ready for it, you'd enjoy it more."

"It ain't about being ready or not," she replied slowly voicing thoughts she'd been having for a couple months, "It's about options. On the rez, there weren't any. It didn't matter if I had a kid or not, I'd be working the same job and married just like everyone else. Can't get divorced without a lawyer and if you can't afford one and you ain't gonna just leave then you're stuck. But here, I got options ain't ever had. I got divorced, you got Billy, I'm gonna take a college class. Now things matter."

Hank nodded. "And I'm very glad I have him," he said, smiling down at the baby - who was definitely slowing down. Newborns couldn't drink much at a time. "Even if he does limit my options somewhat - like the option of sleeping all night, for example. But then, I've already explored mine. You... I'm glad you feel like you have options, now. And that you didn't let yourself feel as if you *had* to keep him and care for him when you weren't ready to do so."

Dani shrugged, "Sheldon would've said I was crazy and then it wouldn't matter what I wanted. This way I got a choice."

"Well, Sheldon is a self-absorbed jackass. But if you'd really desperately wanted to keep him, we could have managed something." Hank touched his son's wiggling bare foot lightly. "Thank you for choosing me, though. I don't think anyone could possibly love him more than I do."

Nodding slightly Dani pulled Billy away as he yawned sleepily and carefully handed him back to Dr. McCoy, "I got to go."

Hank accepted the baby, tucking him into the crook of one arm, where Billy promptly nuzzled his face into Hank's fur and went to sleep. "Of course. Thank you." He smiled at her. "And take heart... it won't be for long. We'll start weaning him off your milk in a few weeks. It won't be instant - that would be uncomfortable for both of you - but you won't have to keep doing this, or using the pump, for too much longer."

Nodding her thanks, Dani quickly left his suite. Breastfeeding sucked.