xp_logs | CHARLIE: Number 3

Remy carried Amanda into the house. It was late enough that the front lobby was deserted, and he was grateful for it. Amanda was sleeping fitfully, having cried herself into an exhausted doze on the drive back. For Remy's part, the silence had just left holes where he needed answers. What had happened to make Charlie do it? He couldn't even begin to answer that.

Only the odd student caught sight of him carrying her up the stairs, flinching back into the lounge as he looked at them. Amanda muttered slightly, protesting the shift in position. She'd be awake again soon enough, and the pain was waiting. Carefully he opened the door to her suite, surprising Marie-Ange at her desk. She was about to say something, but Remy's motion stopped her.

LeBeau went into her room and laid the girl on her bed. She whimpered slightly, still trapped in the images. He's seen it before, where the nightmeres of waking merged with the sleeping ones. There was no escape from some pain. Briefly he considered what he could do, and realised with growing weariness that there was nothing.

Nothing.

Remy pushed the thought to the back of his mind and closed the door softly.

"De lil bit asleep?" Marie-Ange nodded. "Bein. She won't understand. Get Manuel. She's going to need him." Remy started out the door before Marie-Ange grabbed his arm.

"Remy, what happened?"

"Not Remy. Not tonight." The light caught his strange red on black eyes, and the pain roiling in them. "Boy's dead and she found him. Just get Manuel. She'll need him." He repeated, and Marie-Ange put a hand to her mouth. Remy closed the door behind him, and looked around. There was more to do before he could let himself feel. One last job.

***

It was late for everybody but Forge to be down in the labs. Remy ghosted through the halls, avoiding everyone. Just one last thing to do, he considered, as he opened the lab door and stepped in. The younger man had his back to him, hunched over the workbench admist a pile of circuitry.

"Forge?"

Forge glanced up briefly from his soldering, catching Remy's reflection in a glass-fronted cabinet. "Mr. Lebeau," he deadpanned. "decided to take up electronic engineering, or did you break that nifty collapsing staff of yours? I've been meaning to take a look at that one of these days. You're not down here a lot, can I help you find something?"

"Charlie's dead." Remy said, too tired to dance around the issue. He leaned against the side of the door, stuffing his hands in the pocket of his coat. "Last night."
MightyNute: The sound of cracking silicon was punctuated by a whiff of smoke as Forge's arm twitched, punching the soldering iron through the circuit board. He remained silent for a few moments, not turning around. "I appreciate you letting me know, not sugarcoating it. How?"

"He killed himself." Remy said, equally bleak. "I found him this afternoon. I don't know why." There was something hollow in LeBeau, a space that his consciousness skated around, leaving him sounding like he was giving a distasteful report to Xavier or something.

Another long pause, broken only by a few quick deep breaths from Forge. Then a blur of motion as he swept up the cracked circuit board and soldering iron in one motion, throwing them angrily against the wall to crack and shatter. He slammed his metal hand into the countertop once, twice, a third time before feeling the surface begin to chip. Leaning heavily onto the counter, Forge's heavy breaths slowed as he buried his face in his hands. "Damn it," he whispered. "was it that fucking hard? He knew - he knew, dammit!"

He spun around, pointing a finger at Remy, wanting to throw the blame at someone, to have someone to accuse. "He knew he could have called any of us, talked to someone, damn it, he... shit."
DexTelfer: "He didn't. I don't know why he didn't." Remy said, frozen to the spot by the door. Charlie was a kid, just the same as Amanda and Forge. You looked at the magic and the cybernetics and put them in a special place that didn't really exist. They hurt in the same ways, and Charlie could have been any of them.

"That stupid bastard. Stupid, stupid..." The enormity of the news finally hit Forge and broke through the anger. Slowly, he sank to the floor, leaning against a cabinet. "He was a normal guy. We were... we were just talking about theories and patterns..." he laughed, sniffing back a sob. "As usual, every theory ended up involving Amanda needing to get naked for some reason or another. I never thought he'd... I mean..." He looked up at Remy, eyes suddenly cold. "You're sure this wasn't someone Amanda's pissed off or something? I don't know all about that stuff, but she's mentioned powerful folks, and folks who'd kidnap Meggan would... I don't know. You're sure?"

"I'm sure." Remy recognized the need. If it was Magneto, or something else, it would be easy to know what to do. Find them, hurt them as much as they hurt us. But there's wasn't an easy way out. "You, uh, you get able to tell dese things after a while."

Forge held up a hand, shaking his head. "I don't need to know. I just... it... it doesn't make any sense. It... how can anyone..."

Then realization pierced Forge's brain like a laser, and he winced visibly. He knew what it was like. He'd even made that choice, almost two years ago. Only random chance...

"Is Amanda okay?" he asked quietly. "I... I don't think he had any other friends."

"Non, she's not." Remy said quietly. "I think dat Manuel should be wit' her by now. You might want to check on her in de morning."

Remy's fingers brushed the drive in his pocket, forgotton, and his eyes flickered for a moment. He pushed back the thoughts, knowing he'd have time later. "You need anyt'ing, you know where to find Remy, oui?"

"I thought no one knew where to find you, that's your thing, right?" Forge tried to make a joke, but his voice cracked midway. "Yeah, I'll check in on her. We'll get through this."

"Bein." Remy nodded. There weren't any words for Forge, especially since he didn't have any for himself. Quietly, he slipped out of the lab and left the man to his grief.

***

The rain had cooled the night air finally, and it was still and silent for Remy as he walked down the path to the boathouse. There were things to do in the morning; revenge to take. The parts that were Gambit looked forward to the process. It dulled the pain, made it possible to move on.

The rest of him was sick and numb. His feet echoed on the wood deck, and by the time he reached the railing, it was the only thing holding him up. He felt the sick ache; the loss like a blade, and wondered if this was the price of opening up, why did people do it? Charlie had been normal, decent. But instead, he hid a knot of pain from everyone, until it it choked him.

Remy never saw it, and it galled him. Should he have? Was it something he missed, just like Amanda and Forge had asked themselves? The anger swelled again. Dammit, why hadn't he come to them? All he needed to do was to say something?

What was the point of heros if they couldn't save him?

Remy reached into his pocket and pulled out the dogtags. He didn't know why he picked them up. Maybe because it was the link to him. Or just a thought in a moment where there was no reason. he turned over the cheap metal, fingers running along the edges.

"Charlie, homme..." Remy said, the darkness around him as witness. He felt the burning in the back of the throat. "Did it make you feel better, homme? Dat was your only way out?"

His hand clenched around the tags briefly, as he screwed up his eyes and thumped the rail with it. "But you left us behind. Dammit, Charlie, didn't you know?" His voice had gone soft, and the words rasped past it. Remy opened his hand and looked at the dogtags in the dim moonlight. "I could have told you dat dere's a girl going crazy 'bout you, homme. And Remy not far behind."

Remy turned his hand, and the tags slithered out, dropping to the water and disappearing with the tiniest of splashes. A tiny ripple and it was gone. Only the memory marked it, and around it was still and empty.

Nothing.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

xp_daytripper

My turn to sniffle... Amazing log, guys.

From:

x-meggan.livejournal.com

My hat is off, guys, to everyone involved in the Charlie plotline. It was great and horrible and sad and made my brain break a bit. Also, I kept having to stop because I was getting sniffly.

You guys rock. Really.