xp_logs | An Offer You Can Refuse

Part 1: Amanda goes to Strange's class as if nothing had happened last week. He's less than impressed, and things quickly go downhill from there. Several of Amanda's worldviews are challenged.

"Hey," Amanda said, her usual greeting. She closed the door of Strange's office behind her, working on appearing as normal as possible, despite the sunglasses she was still wearing in any kind of bright light - her vision was still acting a little oddly, extra angles and shadows attached to things sometimes. Sitting, she took a breath and looked up at him, summoning a bright, cheery smile. "So, what's on for today?"

Strange gave her a long, steady look in return, his expression impossible to read. "What do you think you're doing?" he asked at last, calmly.

Amanda blinked at him. "'S Saturday. Class day, remember? I come in, you lecture me on the history of magic an' then we do some spells an' you send me on me way. Usually with a bunch of readin' t' do," she replied with a small shrug.

"You reek of tainted power," he pointed out. "Your energy levels are incredibly unbalanced and unless the sunglasses are a new trend, I'm guessing you're having problems with your vision as well. So, I ask again, what do you think you're doing?"

"Tryin' t' learn," she retorted, bristling at the words and the tone. "You had plenty enough t' say 'bout me missin' classes this year, an' I've missed the last two weeks, so here I am. An' I'm fine, or I will be in a couple of days. 'S just a bit of overload - 'm used to it."

"Used to it…" Strange closed his eyes for a moment, and then opened them again, his gaze dark and intense and fixed entirely on the girl sitting in front of him. "You've been to Limbo again." It was a statement - he knew that power signature all too well. "Is this some sort of game to you?" he asked, frustration leaking out past his usual tight self-control. "You sit there with demonic energy leaking off you, and you talk of a bit of overload, as if it was nothing!"

"Of course it's not a bloody game! You think I like feelin' like this?" Amanda flung back, stung. "That'd I'd just jump t' Limbo for a lark? You've got no fuckin' idea!"

"No, I don't. Because that's it for you, isn't it, Amanda? You're the only one of your kind, and since no-one can possibly understand what you're going through, you don't need to listen to us." Strange's tone was cutting, almost icy. "Never mind that that's as far from the truth as you can get. That wouldn't fit into the mindset, would it?"

"Bullshit," Amanda sneered, although there was a touch of defensiveness in her tone. He made it sound so… bad, when it wasn't like that at all. "That's the whole reason I'm here, ain't it? 'Cause I'm the only one like me in the magical community. Too much t' bloody handle for most of 'em."

"There's at least two others." The words were crisp, matter of fact, as if he was giving her homework, not dropping a worldview-altering bombshell. "Of your level of potential, although not your level of power."

"Two…" Amanda said faintly, then she rallied. "Not my level of power, you said. I'm stronger, yeah?"

"Actually, no. They've both got a much better grasp of their abilities than you. Of course they've been training much longer. And listen to what they're told." Strange watched Amanda's expression fall and felt a certain sympathy for the girl. But she had to understand where she was heading. "Amanda, I'm not doing this to be cruel to you. Believe me, I'm trying to help you, and you have no idea of the danger, what you're risking if you continue to do this sort of thing!"

"I know what I was riskin'! I'm not fuckin' stupid! But you weren't there, you didn't see what was happenin'! I had t' do it!" Amanda's temper, never the most stable, was flaring. The… cheek of the man, taking her to task, sitting there and telling her she was just another magic user like any other after what she'd done…

"And there's always a reason why you have to, isn't there?" In contrast, Strange seemed to be regaining his composure. "Always an excuse, something that can't be solved any other way… A new reason to abuse the power, throw away the rules…"

"Alison was gunna die!" Amanda had surged to her feet, planting her fists on the desk and leaning forward, shouting at him. "She was gunna bleed t' death, an' there was nothin' no-one else could do! What was I s'posed t' do, let it happen?"

"Yes."

The single word shocked the anger and outrage out of her. "You can't be fuckin' serious," she almost whispered, dropping back into her seat, her face pale.

"I assure you I am serious," Strange replied, dark eyes glittering coldly. "We have limits, rules, for a reason. We aren't gods, Amanda, no matter what power we have or potentially have. And sometimes we have to allow the natural order of things to occur. If we go about ignoring that, even if we begin with the best reasons… eventually it becomes about the act, the power, not the intention." This wasn't new, they'd covered this before, but he was seeing now how big the gulf was between listening and truly understanding. "You've used demonic power to heal someone - you know that power is tainted, that it twists even the most benign spells. The consequences of last time alone should have warned you…"

"Fuck the rules!" Amanda interrupted. "You think I'm gunna stand back an' lose someone, not when I can stop it…" An image of Charlie's still, white face appeared in her mind's eye, and she swallowed, hard. "I won't do that."

"Amanda…" Strange tried again, sympathy entering his voice. He knew what losing her friend had done to her, which was why he was so afraid for her. She was at a crossroads, magically speaking. "I understand why you think that way. But… people die. Every minute, there's someone in the world dying, and there are people who love them and miss them and wish they could stop that death happening. But to do so…" He leaned forward, willing her to understand. "The price, the responsibility, it's too much for any one person, regardless of their abilities. There are consequences that you can't even begin to fathom, not just for you, but for the person you save…"

"Then I'll pay the fuckin' price!" Dashing away the tears that had insisted on squeezing their way past closed lids, Amanda glared at him defiantly. "Is that what magic is? Cuttin' meself off from everyone I love, not feelin' anythin'? Maybe a cold bastard like you can sit back an' let someone you care about die, but I'm not afraid t' use my power t' stop it."

"Even when it's not your power you're using?" Strange tried again. "You talk of power, and paying the price, but you have no comprehension of what that means. Yes, you're potentially one of the most powerful magic users of your generation, but you're not the only one and you aren't there yet, not by a long shot, and you never will realise that potential if you don't learn to control it! I cannot allow this to continue!" Strange retorted, real fear for her lending the stern edge to his words. She had to understand what she was saying, the path she was taking.

"Fuck what you won't allow too!" Amanda shot back, rage propelling her to her feet again. "You've always been scared of me, of what I might be able t' do!"

"Believe me, Amanda, there are far more people in the world I'm scared of. I’m scared for you, you silly girl. You're impulsive, you're undisciplined, and you refuse to listen to those who know better!" It was difficult to keep the scathing tone from his words this time. "Who knows what you might do the next time, and what it will cost!"

"Oh, I'm gettin' the picture now…" She yanked the amulet out from under her shirt by its chain, the blue stone dark and dull even in the sunlight spilling into the room. "That'd be why I still need this, isn't it? That would've been the best bloody news for you, wouldn't it? The addiction? After a fuckin' year, I'm no closer t' bein' cured than I was at the start, an' that's your doin'! You don't want me t' have me full power!"

"Of course I don't! You aren't ready, and at the rate you're going, you never will be! And I'm not going to risk letting you have access to your full power until I know you can handle it responsibly!"

The moment froze into shocked silence. Teacher and student were both on their feet now, glaring at each other over the desk. Long seconds ticked past, and then Amanda straightened, her movements stuff and controlled. Something in her face hardened, and to Strange's perceptions it was the slamming closed of a door that had slowly been opening.

In that moment, he knew he'd lost her.

"So, that's the truth of it, then," she said flatly. Strange began to speak, and Amanda raised her hand sharply, cutting him off. "You're right, I shouldn't be here. Today or any other day." Her voice was almost formal in its tones. "We're done, you an' me."

"Amanda, your training… You still need help."

"Yeah, I do," she replied coldly, bending and picking up her bookbag. "An' it's not coming from you, is it?"

"Amanda, that's not true. I've only wanted the best for you." Her glare silenced Strange's attempts: deliberately, she took several books out of the bag and lay them on the desk before turning and leaving without speaking again. She didn't have to.

The slamming of the door behind her said it all.

Part 2: Following the scene in Strange's office, Amanda finds herself in Central Park, feeling lost. The last person in the world she'd expect offers a direction.

How dare he?

Anger blazed white-hot, propelling Amanda through the sweltering city streets, no clear destination in mind, nothing in her mind, in fact, except that admission, the confirmation of what she'd been suspecting. He hadn't wanted her to get better, hadn't wanted her to learn... he'd been holding her back all this time. And if his helping her with the addiction had been a lie, what else had been? Was anything he'd taught her true? All that time, all that work... for nothing?

And if it was, where did that leave her?

The anger abruptly drained away, so suddenly her legs felt weak. She was in Central Park, she realised with a start - she'd been so caught up in the drama inside her head she hadn't been paying attention to her surroundings. There was a bench nearby, and she went and sat on it, feeling slightly sick. Realising what she'd done, what he'd done... it made her feel the bottom had dropped out of her world. Something she'd been relying on had been ripped out from under her and she had no-one to fall back on; Charlie was gone, Forge wasn't going to help any more, Romany hadn't been able to help the first time.

What was she going to do now?

A fair amount of time passed as Amanda lost herself in her thoughts, the wind rustling through the leaves above sporadically. Two if them, vibrant and green, flickered a bit more than the others now and then, until they finally detached themselves from the branches, fluttering down towards the ground...

...and then bouncing up again, twirling around each other in a mad little dance on the path, driven ahead by an unheard orchestra.

Amanda found her eye caught by the movement, idly tracking the leaves in their small ballet. Anything to get away from the way her thoughts kept returning to the scene with Strange. There was another bench, a little way down the path and on the other side, and the leaves gambolled their way down to it, coming to rest against a pair of shoes. Women's shoes, heels, black and expensive-looking. Nice looking legs, sheathed in black stockings despite the heat. Curious, Amanda tracked upwards, meeting a pair of bottomless black eyes she'd never thought she'd see again. Had never wanted to see again.

The dust from the path seemed to ignore Selene's shoes entirely, as did the fluff of pollen floating about, and even the heat of the day. Only the sunlight was acknowledged, casting light shadows across her body, as it would for anyone else. A black lacquered nail tapped idly against her chin as she watched Amanda, a slight and amused smile the only expression showing through on her features... or her eyes.

'Get up! Get the fuck out of here!' Amanda's mind screamed at her, and her muscles involuntarily jumped to do just that. Except she couldn't move, frozen in place by fear. Fear and an absurd hope. If Selene was here, if the bitch had come for her finally, surely Pete would know and show up to save her? As soon as the thought occurred to Amanda she realised the idiocy of it, and the realisation brought a surge of anger. She didn't need Pete - or anyone else - to rescue her. Hadn't she already faced this particular demon twice? Once in the flesh, once in Manuel's mind, in Berlin. So she stayed where she was, and set her jaw, meeting that amused smile with a passable imitation of Nathan's steely glare. 'Come and get me,' she almost seemed to say. 'I'll choke you before I'm done.'

Observing Amanda silently for a moment longer, Selene finally shook her head slightly and indolently made her way to the park bench, sitting down upon it gracefully, crossing one leg over the other as she leaned back to survey the park. Her pale skin practically glowed under the sunlight, black hair perfectly in place, a glimpse of gold around her neck easily guessed to be some or other expensive piece of jewelry. Finally, without ever looking at Amanda, she spoke.

"Don't you ever wonder, at what you truly might be capable of? With no one to place limits upon you, no one to tell you what you can or can't do?"

Yes. "No," Amanda replied aloud, refusing to listen to the traitor's voice inside her. Why was she even bothering to answer this creature any way? "What do you want?" she asked abruptly. "Manuel's protected from you now, an' if it's me you want, you'll have yer work cut out for you. No drugs this time, an' I'm in me own body."

"You're not even near to grasping what you could do." This time, Selene did look at Amanda, a mocking smile curving her lips. "What you could be. It's beginning to get somewhat infuriating to see all of that be wasted so. I remember..." she paused, turning to look ahead once more, the children running about in the distance never even drawing her attention. "Well, I suppose everyone goes through that. Some of us just go on to do... grander things."

Amanda blinked, confused. Where were the threats, the gloating over what Selene was going to do to her and those she cared about? That was Standard Evil Practice, wasn't it? It had to be a trick of some kind - she looked around the park, searching for goons, stretching out with her mutation just a bit to check for magical traps like the one Patches had left for her. Nothing. "'Cause suckin' the life out of people an' wipin' their minds is so much grander," she replied, but there was a hint of uncertainty there. She'd done something amazing, saved Alison's life, and all she'd gotten were the usual concerns about going too far and prices and the rest.

"Is that all you think there is to me." It wasn't a question though and the woman sounded somehow terribly amused at this. "What did you think magic was, in its most basic form, but tranfers of energy and power?" Rising to her feet, a proud tilt to her head as she glanced down at Amanda, Selene pulled at one of her gloves absently, setting it back into place. "If you ever get tired of being coddled and kept wrapped into that comfortable little net of safety and control they keep you in, well..." Selene waggled her fingers at that lightly. "There are other possibilities for you to consider."

The change in position meant Amanda had to tilt her head back to look up at Selene, and that wouldn't do at all. She rose to her feet, and was surprised to find Selene wasn't really that much taller than she was. And lightly-built enough for someone like Nathan to break her in two, easily. Not so scary after all, are you? "Possibilities as yer personal power source, you mean?" The words came out all brash and bravado - the girl was beginning to think Selene was like Tante, using people's fears and superstitions to give her more power than she actually possessed. "Been there, done that, got the ritualistic scarrin' t' prove it. You'd have t' come up with a much better offer 'n that."

"Use you as a power source?" Selene's lip curled at that, a look of contemptuous disdain showing through. "How... amateurish." Flicking away an imaginary speck of dust from her shoulder, she shook her head decisively, hair shifting with the motion not unlike a wave of black silk. "Short cuts get you nowhere." Clear distaste was still showing through. "And draining another's magical power is hardly a steady or reliable method of ensuring power for oneself. Besides." She smiled at this, a small, mysterious curve of the lips. "True power is about the choices we make. Nothing more. Nothing less."

Amanda frowned. This wasn't going according to the script at all. "What, then?" she asked, and her tone was much less challenging and more honestly confused. "What do you want from me? You're not the sort t' just stop for a friendly chat."

"You weren't ready before. Too hemmed in, not even considering what you might truly be capable of achieving. Even now, you're barely starting to consider the notion. To reach out." Taking a deliberate step back, Selene looked Amanda up and down, pensively. "It's not what I want from you, really. It's what you might want for me, if you're capable of leaving behind those who would slow you down." Her voice was almost rhythmic by now. "Those would see you remain small and controllable. Oh no, Miss Sefton. It's not at all about what I want from you..." She tilted her head towards the bench they'd been sitting upon, that small secret smile showing up once more.

Involuntarily, Amanda followed her gaze - taking her eyes off Selene was possibly suicidially stupid, but so was talking to her, wasn't it? In for a penny… On the bench was a business card - black, of course, but on it was a single rune etched in gold, glittering in the sun. Amanda could feel the faintest tug of magic, and knew it for what it was. A calling card. "And what makes you think I'd want anythin' from…" she began, and then realised she was talking to thin air. Selene had vanished, as if she'd never been there in the first place. Except…

Reaching down, fingers trembling slightly, she picked up the card. It felt absurdly ordinary, apart from that faint magical tingle, nothing more than business card. Well, one with real gold on the engraving. How very Hellfire. Her hand flexed minutely, ready to crumple it up and throw it away, but then she stopped. The light caught the amulet around her neck, flashing blue, and her jaw tightened slightly. Small and controllable.

Amanda slid the card in her pocket.

~*~

Standing a distance away, under the shadows of a tree, Selene watched the girl pick up the card with a glimmer of satisfaction in her eyes.

"All about the choices you make, girl," she murmured, without acknowledging the presence which drew by her quietly.

"Are you certain of her, milady?" The woman standing next to Selene might have been old or young - it was almost impossible to say, just as it was equally hard to even look at her. In fact, passersby failed to notice either of the women standing just off the path, at that.

"There are seven sins, or so the Bible says," Selene purred. "Pride will be this one's downfall."

The woman might have spoken, had she not learned long ago that statements such as the one she'd been about to make were not wise, unless one was favored of the Black Queen. Finally though, cautiously so, she spoke. "You're not Christian," she spoke softly, carefully weighing each word.

"No. But I have faith in humanity's flaws."

Smiling darkly, Selene laughed, the leaves scattered about her feet slowly curling up as they turned brown, soon crumbling into dust.

"And Humanity has yet to disappoint me."

Thanks to Willow for the wonderful job of socking Selene for me.