Scott and Haroun, Monday afternoon

[x-cyclops.livejournal.com]

Haroun, his vision improving, comes down to check on the Blackbird. Scott is still working, trying to sort out the problem with the autopilot. The two of them have a rambling conversation about the plane, Alison, and other subjects.


Haroun slowly walked into the Hangar bay, taking things nice and slow. He was wearing dark sunglasses - unusual for him - but he was stir-crazy and facing an intense case of the guilts for making Scott handle all the repairs. But he knew his limits - it was hard to fix delicate electronics when one could barely see one's fingers before one's face, after all. "Hey Scott." he called out. "How's the ol' girl coming along?"

There was a noise from over on his left, and Scott emerged from one of the storage rooms, blinking at him. "Test flight went fine," he said after a moment, sounding roughly as tired as he looked, which was saying something. "I'm still a little concerned about the autopilot. Some more work to do tonight, I think. How are you?"

"Eyesight's coming back slowly." he said. "Look, Scott, I should have been here to help you with these repairs. That's what I'm supposed to be doing, and I let you down." he said. "I feel like shit about it."

Scott shook his head at him. "Don't," he said, blinking a bit owlishly at him from behind his glasses. "Wasn't your fault Alison had a bit of an accident. I'm just glad this-" He waved a hand at Haroun's glasses. "-is temporary."

"Yeah, you and me both." he said. "So what's wrong with the autopilot? I had put a lot of work into getting it up and running the first time around. Guess I didn't ground it enough. I've been meaning to cut a lot of that over to optical systems, but it was pretty far down the priority chain."

"Sluggish," Scott said vaguely, looking at the jet. "Stable, but sluggish. Tried it out while I had her up before dawn today and it was not performing up to specs. I'm wondering if I missed a burnt-out circuit somewhere." Which was entirely possible.

Haroun scowled. "Yeah, sounds like you missed one. It's sluggish because it's waiting for imput from a dead circuit, and the timeout is causing the delay. At least it's well-engineered and keeps going regardless." he said with a grin of pride.

"Yeah," Scott said distractedly, starting back towards the jet. "There was less damage than there might have been, I think. More than I expected, but less than the worse-case scenario. I'm a bit worried by the landing gear, but I figured I'd deal with that last."

Haroun groaned. "Man, if we need to get Nathan to lift the plane again he's going to get all pissy. I can just hear it now."

"He did it fairly easily the last time," Scott pointed out. "Should be even simpler with his psimitar. But I'm not seeing any noticeable damage. I'm just... being paranoid, I guess." He shrugged, mustering a faint smile for Haroun. "We can't afford to have her grounded for too long. Not with how much we've been needing her lately."

Haroun nodded. "Two types of paranoia - total and insufficient. And when it comes to the landing gear, the LAST thing we want is for them to fail when we need to come in hot." he pointed out. "Eyes are still not good enough for detail work, so I won't be of much use to you." he muttered.

"Stop fretting about it. You've got bigger things to worry about right now. How is she, by the way?" Scott asked, looking back over his shoulder.

"Not good." he confessed. "She's not taking my little infirmity very well." he sighed. "But comparitively she's a trooper. I've seen strong people break from what she endured. She'll get through it." he said, trying to sound confident.

"And how are you doing?" Scott asked a bit wryly. "I've been wondering if people have been asking you that question as often as they should."

"I'm fine." he said, obviously lying through his teeth. "It's not about me. It's about her. She needs me to be strong, to understand her. So I do that."

Scott stopped and looked at him. "Bullshit," he said flatly. "When it's about her, it's about her. There are times it's about you, and if you shut that off, you won't be able to be there for her." He paused. "And that made more sense in my head."

"I don't think you get it, Chief." he said stiffly. "I am perfectly capable of putting my own shit on a back burner to help her with hers. She doesn't need for me to be so pissed-off I can't see straight - pun intended! - or to be angry. She needs for me to be serene, to be understanding. To hold her when she cries, to be there when she wakes up in the middle of the fucking night with screaming nightmares."

Scott turned back towards him. "And you should go on putting your shit on the back burner anytime you're with her," he said flatly. "Anytime she needs you. But if you try and keep up the facade twenty-four seven, as if it's real, instead of a facade, and pretend you're not angry rather than that you're just not letting yourself feel it, it's going to blow up in your face at some point." Scott shook his head. "Just tell me you've got someone to go to when it gets to be too much," he said more tiredly, turning back towards the plane. "It doesn't have to be me."

Haroun grinned. "I go bury Nathan's bony ass into the mat when I need to blow off steam. And I do it behind Alison's back." he said firmly. "I'm reminded - once I'm five-by-five I need to take Charles to meet my imam."

"Your imam?" Scott climbed the stairs up to the hatch, letting Haroun follow or not, as he chose. "Why?"

"Because he's out of the loop, and having my priest to talk about this stuff with would help?" he said patiently. "I know about operational security."

"Well, Charles cleared Nathan's therapist," Scott pointed out. Inside, the cockpit felt almost... claustrophobic, something he wasn't used to feeling when inside his plane. Maybe he'd spent a little too much time in here this weekend.

"And I think he talked to Kurt's priest as well." he said. "I don't anticipate any problems, I just haven't gotten around to making that introduction yet. And I can't do it now." he said, nodding his head. "Just - it'd be nice to talk to him about it. He's a good man. Better than me, but that's not difficult."

Scott gave Haroun a quizzical look, then sank down in front of the console, where half of the control panels were still missing, ready to be replaced. "I don't really get the religion thing, I have to admit..."

A shrug greeted that pronouncement. "Don't have to. Suffice it to say that for those of us who _do_ believe - me, Kurt, Samuel - we take a great deal of comfort from our faith in God. It can be a great strength."

"Yeah, well, I just envy those of you who do sometimes, I suppose." Check the circuits, one by one... "Just because I can't make the mental leap doesn't mean that I don't see how much it does help."

"You should come with me sometime." he offered impulsively. "Maybe Christianity's not your thing. You might like Islam." he grinned. "Got a lot to offer men of the sword like us."

"There's a thought." Oddly, it did appeal - to his curiosity, if nothing else. He liked to understand the people he worked with, and maybe accompanying Haroun at some point would help.

"It's a pretty good mosque - for a bunch of Americans." smirked the African. "Once things clear up a little we'll go."

"Deal," Scott said, and then swore softly under his breath. "There it is," he said, shaking his head as he peered down into the innards of the console. "I knew I'd missing something."

Haroun laughed. "All right then. Easy fix, or do you have to rip the console apart to get to it?"

"Easy fix. Shit," Scott muttered, turning his attention to the burned-out circuit. "How did I miss that?"

"I may be a little fuzzy right now, but if I had to guess I'd say you've been down here too long on your own. Go get some rest, Chief. Mark it, and make the fix tomorrow when you're fresh. Then you bench-check the whole thing, and if it passes you power back up and go to town." he insisted.

"Probably not a bad idea." Scott straightened, wincing. "Shit, I feel like an old man." The muscles in his back were not at all happy with him. "I need to give Ororo more of a hard time about letting our poor girl get hit by lightning."

"And we so need to install a better class of breaker." he groaned. "Stuff we've got in saved the core avionics, but too much other stuff went. At least the computers stayed up - their shielding held."

"She's an ongoing project," Scott said, resting a hand lightly on the console for a minute. "Yours, of course," he said with a slight, self-deprecating smile. "Sorry. Just... felt a little like the old days, this weekend."

Haroun snorted. "Hey, while I may be primary you're always welcome to come putter around. She was yours before she was mine, and I'm not so cruel as to deny you visitation." he laughed. "There's a lot to do yet before she's perfect."

"Was good to take her up this morning," Scott mused. "Nice flight, problem with the autopilot or not." He had liked being out there in the predawn quiet, alone in the plane.

"Dawn flights are always good. It's peaceful." he said with a grin. "I'm overdue for one - if I can get Alison to sleep for a few hours, I'll take one."

"Or you could take her for one," was Scott's suggestion.

Haroun shook his head. "Bad idea. Too much stimulus." he said. "Maybe when she's better."

"Something else that's peaceful, maybe," Scott suggested, pushing himself up out of the chair with a wince. "You two could do worse than to take Miles and get away for a weekend."

"Who's got time? I'm still an X-Man, and she's still my CO. We need to get her put back together." he said stubbornly. "I got no time or patience for frivolous trips."

"And if a few days away helped her put herself together faster, rather than her sitting here stewing herself to death over everything she can't yet should be doing in the wake of all of this?"

"Then we take that trip. But it's not a vacation, and it's not to "have a good time"." he said stubbornly.

"Did I imply that fun needed to be had?" Weird man. Very weird. Scott turned his attention to getting back down the stairs without falling on his face. "I'd never be that foolish, believe me..."

Haroun scowled. "You're being sarcastic." he accused.

"Am I? At this point I can't tell."